More in love with the idea of a relationship than an actual one?

[CAS]

I mean, as much as the idea of a relationship appeals to me, I sometimes think I'm more in love with the thought of a relationship than the 'inconvenience' that comes with having to maintain a real one.

I'm so used to my life as it is, doing the stuff I want to do, spending hours alone, playing my music full blast that I sometimes think a relationship would compromise that for me. It doesn't help that I am an exceedingly selfish person used to getting my own way in almost everything.

I sometimes wonder if, as much as it hurts, I am in fact better off alone, living with my parents.

Anyone want to contribute?

 

[Parabolani]

Being in a relationship takes effort.
When your are single you can do what you want but you don't have anyone to share it with.
When you have a partner you have someone to share life with but you also have to make an effort by doing things tat they want to do.

 

[Phaedron]

wow Cas, those are my sentiments exactly. Seriously, we could switch places and every word would be true. I had a relationship for about a year or so, and yeah the grass is always greener. It is human to desire what we can't have and ignore what we have already. At least you can still dream of having one, I don't even do that much anymore. I can only appreciate romance for a split second or so.

 

[blackdot]

I worry that is how I will be if I were to end up in a relationship. Since I've been alone for so long, it would be strange.

A friend from college took the route that he was better off living with his parents and avoiding relationships/friends. He has stayed that way ever since. He is now 41 and still at home. He leaves the house for work which I think is a family business.

 

[SophiaGrace]

A friend from college took the route that he was better off living with his parents and avoiding relationships/friends. He has stayed that way ever since. He is now 41 and still at home. He leaves the house for work which I think is a family business.

What'll happen to him when his family dies? It is not a nice thought to contemplate.

 

[Okiedokes]

Yeah haha.. I have thought this before.. awhile ago.. it's like... a fantasy relationship is always "perfect" in your mind, as a real perfect relationship does not exist. Neither do perfect people including ourselves. That's why it's important to want the same things out of life when your with someone. Makes it a tiny bit easier..but still then not perfect. There will always be some conflict at times no matter who the person.

 

[LoneKiller]

Lots of people feel the way you do. Life is short. Do what makes you happy.

 

[Ashariel]

Oh boy... I could write a novel on this topic, but I will try to keep my answer short here!

I too wonder how much of our longing for a relationship is simply due to cultural upbringing. It's glamorized in movies, and books, and set forth as the ideal life story: to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after.

So I'm really questioning whether we truly innately desire that, or if 'cultural brainwashing' enters the equation. (I suspect it's a combination of both.)

Personally, in the aftermath of my failed marriage, I am choosing to embrace a different approach to 'finding love'. Instead of hoping to find one person who loves me 100%, I'm learning to be content with 5 people loving me 20%. (Or 20 people loving me 5%.) I'm still receiving all the love I need, it's just spread out among several people.

My own statistical chances of finding 'true love' are very small (for reasons I won't go into here!) so this approach feels comforting to me. And if I never find my 'soulmate' (if there is such a thing?) - at least I will live a happy life, and enjoy meaningful friendships, and be content with what I have, rather than pining for what I don't have.

I only just recently adopted this philosophy, and in my own case, I've come a long way in feeling happy with a lifestyle and approach to relationships that is different from the one society tries to impose on us.

(And, I failed at keeping this short... Gah! Sorry!)

 

[sth]

A friend from college took the route that he was better off living with his parents and avoiding relationships/friends. He has stayed that way ever since. He is now 41 and still at home. He leaves the house for work which I think is a family business.

Yes, but is he happy?
I used to think that single people are happy. And I never imagined myself being married or having kids or anything like that. Plus, I was perfectly ok being alone. But in the recent years, I have realized that all older single people aren't happy at all. And it's terrifying me.

 

[blackdot]

A friend from college took the route that he was better off living with his parents and avoiding relationships/friends. He has stayed that way ever since. He is now 41 and still at home. He leaves the house for work which I think is a family business.

Yes, but is he happy?
I used to think that single people are happy. And I never imagined myself being married or having kids or anything like that. Plus, I was perfectly ok being alone. But in the recent years, I have realized that all older single people aren't happy at all. And it's terrifying me.

I would have to say "no". But it is his life and it's what he has resolved that his life she be. He doesn't want to get hurt again and so he does what he feels safe and comfortable doing.