more lonely with every day

[lividone]

In a relationship with a man and we share two children together. Some days though they are in few are good even fewer wonderful. Most of the time he is horrible.
I find myself lonesome and deoressed. I never imagined I could be surrounded by people or be in a relationship and feel this lonely.
Hes hateful to me and I dont feel appreciated or loved.
Its very sad. I just wanted to talk to someone and share how I feel. Its silly but I dont feel like theres anyone I can talk too.

 

[jaguarundi]

Well it is a sad fact that being in a relationship can feel just as lonely as not having anyone. Just having someone around does the heart no good if that person is unpleasant, judgemental, or even 'just' neglectful.

Does he know how you are feeling? I mean, you may think it is obvious that you are unhappy, but he maybe hasn't even noticed? OK, you could say that he should have noticed, but sometimes people just assume everything is OK unless they are told otherwise. I may be a bit of a female chauvinist here if I venture to say that men are probably a bit more prone to this than women. Women tend to be brought up to notice and take care of other people's feelings more than men are, and feel pissed-off and upset when their loved one doesn't notice.. .

Men often don't mean to be uncaring, they just expect someone to be a bit more direct about telling them what you want. (Beating it into their fat heads with a heated curling iron often seems like the only way, but is very unlikely to lead to the results you want).

So I would advise that you sit him down and tell him how you are feeling, that his behaviour sometimes hurts you, and makes you sad. He might just surprise you with his response. If he really doesn't care and dismisses what you say then you do have a problem. I don't know what culture you come from so what happens next is an imponderable at the moment.

Of course, if there is violence involved in your relationship then all of the above is off the menu. If there is violence then get professional help and/or get out.

 

[Tiina63]

I second the above.

 

[ladyforsaken]

lividone, you can always talk to us about your issues here.

Men often don't mean to be uncaring, they just expect someone to be a bit more direct about telling them what you want. (Beating it into their fat heads with a heated curling iron often seems like the only way, but is very unlikely to lead to the results you want).

Is this cos men are wired this way? I wonder why so at times.

 

[jaguarundi]

To answer ladyforsaken, could be nature, could be nurture..... I know a few mothers of sons who have run around after them for years and now wonder why they have an arrogant unfeeling little twot on their hands who never gives a thought to anyone else... Well duh! That said the teenage years of both genders practically guarantee membership of The 'what happened to my lovely baby, where did I go wrong?' club.

Just adding a further thought - what can we expect of men who are taught by society that the only acceptable feelings to show relate to sports? Can anyone so emotionally stunted that they can't recognise their own feelings ever notice the feelings of his wife/girlfriend? And if they do, belittle them?

After a while in a relationship like that the woman is likely to either lose hope and stay in it for the kids/paycheck/religion/intertia; have an affair just because some other bloke has paid her a scrap of attention - or start thinking in much more medieval terms about the heated curling wand I mentioned in my previous post. WARNING Employing this latter technique will not only likely result in unwelcome attention from law enforcement and possibly the media, it will undoubtedly mean that you can never use the curling wand again...

 

[9006]

Welcome to the site.

Sorry you're unfortunate to be in this situation, and the first thing that comes to mind is that it's clear this isn't the guy for you. Change isn't something that happens over night or in some instances at all. Though all this really depends on how you feel.