Don't mean to offend with this one, but it's one of my favorite Homer Simpson quotes
"You know me Marge, I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming."
"Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman. "
"Oh, so they have internet on computers now."
"To start press any key. Where's the any key?"
"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around."
"Oh Mother Sea, giver of fish, taker of boats, toilet to the world. The Greeks call you Poseidon! The Romans…Aquaman!"
"I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman."
"When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!"
And one of my all time favorites
From the monorail episode, Homer is the conductor of Springfield's first monorail, when everything goes horribly wrong and the monorail goes out of control. Marge finds a man who might be able to help him.
Marge: "Homer, I’ve got someone down here who can help you."
Homer: "Is it Batman?"
Marge: "No it’s a scientist."
Homer: "Batman’s a scientist."
Marge: "It’s NOT Batman!"