Narrow-minded Parenting

[Chair]

When you have a kid, you have no clue how they'll turn out. If they turn out to be "****-ups" who can't embed themselves into society, parents think yelling at them will "straighten them out", which hardly works. Screaming at someone who can't fit into society won't alter their genes; if it could, it would help, but it's not possible.

Most people in North America hold a linear view when it comes to stuff like this and will label their kid as being "lazy" without looking at the full picture. If their child is too frightened to embed themselves into society to get a job, they often have to suffer further by getting kicked out and being forced to find one. They can benefit from this, but not all the time. Some may find it unbearable and will turn to suicide.

Yes - it sucks for a parent to have to support someone for longer then they initially thought, but when you have a kid, you must realize they won't always turn out the way you want to. If they aren't willing to get a job after at least a few months, the thing to do is tell them to apply for disability/social assistance and hope they don't get overly dependant on it. Every now and then, talk to them about what job they'd enjoy doing. If they have no hope or ambition and if their views don't change much over the next few months, they may be on disability/social assistance for a long time - there's no much to stop this. I've spoken to people who have social phobia to the point where there's no way they can attain a job. What can you do for them? Contrary to what lots of people think, yelling and being harsh with them likely won't do much.

Parents can't come to terms with the fact that their offspring turned out to not be the "perfect" children they hoped to have. Is this their kid's fault? Definitely not. Humans seem to think that things should go the way they want them to go, and if they don't, there's always a way to solve the problem. Social anxiety generally has genetic cause , so, sadly, there's not much you can do. Meds can help, but they should only be a temporary solution since they're bad to use in the long-term.

 

[Steel]

When you have a kid, you have no clue how they'll turn out. If they turn out to be "****-ups" who can't embed themselves into society, parents think yelling at them will "straighten them out", which hardly works. Screaming at someone who can't fit into society won't alter their genes; if it could, it would help, but it's not possible.

Most people in North America hold a linear view when it comes to stuff like this and will label their kid as being "lazy" without looking at the full picture. If their child is too frightened to embed themselves into society to get a job, they often have to suffer further by getting kicked out and being forced to find one. They can benefit from this, but not all the time. Some may find it unbearable and will turn to suicide.

Yes - it sucks for a parent to have to support someone for longer then they initially thought, but when you have a kid, you must realize they won't always turn out the way you want to. If they aren't willing to get a job after at least a few months, the thing to do is tell them to apply for disability/social assistance and hope they don't get overly dependant on it. Every now and then, talk to them about what job they'd enjoy doing. If they have no hope or ambition and if their views don't change much over the next few months, they may be on disability/social assistance for a long time - there's no much to stop this. I've spoken to people who have social phobia to the point where there's no way they can attain a job. What can you do for them? Contrary to what lots of people think, yelling and being harsh with them likely won't do much.

Parents can't come to terms with the fact that their offspring turned out to not be the "perfect" children they hoped to have. Is this their kid's fault? Definitely not. Humans seem to think that things should go the way they want them to go, and if they don't, there's always a way to solve the problem. Social anxiety generally has genetic cause , so, sadly, there's not much you can do. Meds can help, but they should only be a temporary solution since they're bad to use in the long-term.

I am presuming you are writing this from the point of view of a child rather than a parent.

From a parent's point of view, while most of us would do our utmost to support a child while they are in full time education (for instance) or if unemployed and actively looking for work, or suffering from an illness that precludes work or similar, to take the attitude that offspring should be allowed to mooch with no desire to change their situation is completely unfair on the parents. In a case like this the child has become a parasite - it is only the unconditional love that a parent knows for their offspring that prevents them from being ejected onto the street.

Problems don't go away unless they are dealt with - if you have severe social anxiety then you should be undergoing treatment with an aim to making your own way in the world, not just expecting your parents to bail you out. There are plenty of people who don't have the luxury of parents to sponge off of, how do you think THEY survive?

 

[EveWasFramed]

I agree with Steel. The issues would need to be dealt with, not ignored. Parents will eventually DIE - then what happens to an adult child who can't support themselves?

 

[nerdygirl]

The parent's duty is to raise a child with the best possible intentions and efforts. Once the child is an adult, it is that child's responsibility to do what is needed in order to function in this world.
Waiting for Mom and Dad to say, "Maybe you should get on assistance," is not a sign of social anxiety. It's a sign of being lazy and inconsiderate. If an adult knows he or she absolutely cannot work, then it is that person's responsibility to do what is needed in order to contribute, or better- to move out and be as self-sufficient as possible.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I can agree, some parents flat out refuse to accept certain things. That is bad, but a parent may actually see the whole picture as well. Which leaves them with a loaded choice. Try and help or just leave it be. The helping choice is a hard le because the child may not accept the help. Which will further drive a wall between the two. What is a parent to do then? Let the child be a burden or keep trying?

 

[Coverage]

I think it works both ways. Sometimes it is the parents who are too narrow minded in their viewpoint, but other times it's the child who can't come to terms with the fact that they have to go out into the world and make a life and a living for themselves. Is some sort of physical or mental disability is holding them back then its the childs responsability to seek out help and assistance, and the parents should aid them in that respect.

The parents are doing no favors for anyone by sheltering their children and never teaching them how to be an adult.

 

[Hijacc]

The biggest annoyance I have faced with ignorant parent's is the whole "Because I said so" excuse. I understand not wanting me to do something, but PLEASE give a logical reason. It just leads to aggitation and worsens the problem. I will always give my child a reason, but all the while explain to them that as my role as a parent I'm not obligated to have a reason but I choose to because I respect them enough to.

 

[Minus]

I could see giving a reason if it was accepted as 'the reason' and that would be preferable, however all to often it just creates a debate centered on the child's perception of the validity of the reason. For some, no reason is good enough and "because I said so" become the answer.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I could see giving a reason if it was accepted as 'the reason' and that would be preferable, however all to often it just creates a debate centered on the child's perception of the validity of the reason. For some, no reason is good enough and "because I said so" become the answer.

Exactly. lol

 

[Badjedidude]

For me, "because I said so," was always backed up by 'ol Woody, that bar of hickory sitting in the corner of dad's closet. So that was a good enough reason for me, at least until I got big enough that spanking didn't work anymore. XD

----Steve

 

[mintymint]

...until I got big enough that spanking didn't work anymore.

That will never happen to me. Oh baby!