Hello, I used to be a member here back in 2010. I met my boyfriend on this forum 8 years ago. For 8 years he has been my only companion and I was grateful that the stars had aligned that that our lonely souls had connected and met from here and that we were together.
But we were going to get married soon, everything was hopeful, I was finally going to escape from my abusive family, I was finally going to escape from my abusive household, I was finally going to escape 28 years of toxic life and leave my old life behind and start a new happy life full of love with my "soon to be husband". I was finally going to marry the person I wanted to dedicate all my heart and soul and love to, finally we were going to get married and live together happily with love in a peaceful and clean and safe environment but now it seems he doesn't want to marry me after all, he's not able to love me anymore despite me giving him all of my energy, all of my soul, all of my heart, all my love, all my body (8 years in a relationship and he finally "took" my virginity just weeks ago) I gave him my heart, my soul, my virginity, my body, my devotion, my dedication, my energy, my spirituality, my whole existence, my whole being, my entire life is centered around him yet it's not "enough".
I have a universe of love to give, I have so much infinite love to give but it's not enough is it? So many lonely guys on here wanting a girlfriend, wanting a girl, well he was one of those guys but after 8 years of me being his companion and preventing him from being "one of those guys on Lonely Life Forum who is lonely" for 8 years I've been his loving companion and for what....I feel unloved, uncared about, unappreciated for 8 years of love and devotion I've given this guy who was lonely. That's how we met, on this forum, but it seems that after 8 years, he actually *prefers* to be lonely than to be with me. How worthless must my love be if a lonely guy from The Lonely Life forum who had excruciating loneliness actually *prefers* to be alone now and to discard me? I'm not worthless, I have so much beautiful love and devotion to give, I guess he changed his mind about loneliness and maybe he prefers loneliness than to have a woman's infinite love and devotion and I offer him everything, so much love, so much devotion, so much friendship, mindblowing orgasms to give him (without getting any pleasure myself in return even), so much deep companionship but it's still not good enough is it? No matter how much I give, it's never enough is it? He's like a soulmate to me, despite us meeting on this forum, we have so many things in common that it's unreal how much in common we have, as if we are "twin flames" or whatever, he is so indescribably special to me but I guess I'm just a worthless piece of garbage that nobody loves. How we met on this forum was nothing short of a miracle, it can only be described as "the stars aligning".....literally soulmates, I dreamt about him before we met, I KNEW his name before he told me what his name was, we are as close to soulmates as you can get but it's STILL NOT ENOUGH IS IT? But it's still not good enough is it? My soulmate-type of love and devotion is still not "enough love" is it? Despite meeting my soulmate on this forum, despite me giving him my entire existence, my life force, he is the center of my universe, the center of my life, I've given him my life and my soul and all my being but it's still not good enough is it? It's not enough? So many lonely guys on here would kill for even a scrap of the love and devotion and companionship I've given him? Is he not grateful anymore? Did he forget that he was a member on this forum, that he had excruciating painful loneliness and that I cured his excruciating loneliness and that for 8 years I've been his constant devoted loving companion who wants to be his wife and to love him and take care of him and give him all my heart and soul? I guess after 8 years, he forgot how it's like to be lonely so now he just takes me for granted and is not interested in my love or companionship anymore.
Nobody on this planet loves me. I have no friends, I have no family, I have no job, I have no money, I have no home, I'm currently staying at a hotel that my boyfriend had paid for (before he decided that he doesn't want to love me anymore) so after the hotel days are over, I will be homeless in less than 2 months and I don't know what is going to happen to me. The plan was for us to get married soon so I would have the appropriate visa (since he's in another country) so I can live with him (and obviously because NOTHING in my life matters more to me than him and he is my life and I wanted to marry him to LOVE him for the rest of my life) but it seems like he is dumping our relationship plans in the garbage. So now I'm extremely scared of my life, because I have nobody. I have no friends, I have no family, I have lived my entire life with emotional abuse and toxic environments. I have no home, I have nowhere to belong, I will be homeless. He promised me that we would marry soon, we had just gotten engaged, the plan was for us to get married SOON and for us to live together before I end up homeless on the street but now he's dropping me like I'm meant for the garbage dumpster. He is literally throwing me into the garbage dumpster at this point. So I'm just going to be homeless and alone too with nobody to love or be loved.
I have excruciating loneliness inside me. I am alone on this planet. I have nobody who loves me or who thinks I'm special. I have so much love to give, so much romantic love and devotion, I have so much devotion but nobody wants my love? How ironic when there are lonely guys wanting someone's love but then when I have so much love to give, nobody wants my love? I am made to believe that my love is worthless or that my love has very little value.
He is the only reason why I have kept myself alive, for him, for him, for him, to give him the love and devotion and companionship and to be his loving wife and devoted lover, that was why I have kept myself alive for these 8 years. But now what? Now what? That he no longer wants me around? Now what? He was my entire universe, my entire center of my life, I only kept myself alive for him to DEDICATE myself to LOVING HIM because that is all I want to do is to love and love and love someone. Some people dream of being entrepaneurs and be successful business owners, some people dream to have children and raise them, my dream is to love someone deeply and intensely and take care of someone's heart and for them to take care of my heart and to find deep loving connections that come from the heart, deep genuine true connections but I guess my love has little value to my boyfriend (or whatever he is at this point) or to anyone. All I ever wanted was to make deep genuine connections, to connect with someone deeply with love, to have genuine love in my life. But sadly I was falsely made to believe that I had a chance at it. I don't have anyone in my life. I don't have anything in my life.
The problem that I have is that I'm a deeply spiritual person, metaphysical person, someone who thinks deeply about the universe and reality and the unseen and I always want deep meaning in my life, deep meaning in relationships, have a deep connection that connects to the heart and to have true genuine love in my life. So just focusing on basic survival like money and food is not good enough for me. I have no desire to live if there is no meaning in my life, if I'm only keeping myself alive just to keep my organs running, just shoving food in my mouth just to keep my organs functioning. I don't want to exist just for basic survival. I will be homeless soon, I have no idea where I'm going to live, I have no idea where I'm going to be in less than 2 months.
I thought that after 28 years of living in an abusive household with abusive toxic family, that I was FINALLY GOING TO BE FREE, that I was finally going to escape....but I guess that was a false hope.....I guess I have to go back to that toxic environment again.....I'm completely stuck in my life.....I have no positive options in my life......I'm scared of dying and killing myself and what would happen after I kill myself, if I might end up in a hellish afterlife or reincarnate in another miserable lonely life? So I feel very stuck with my existence and my life.
Anyone is welcomed to send me a message about anything. I'm a completely lonely person, I have nobody to talk to, the only person I would talk to was my boyfriend of 8 years (who was only my fiance for less than a month before he decided he doesn't want me in his life after all, unless it's to be "just friends"). He was the only person I ever talked to and communicated for 8 years since we met on this forum, before that I have NOBODY. So he has been my only friend/boyfriend/partner/companion for all this time but now I have nobody again? Now I'm alone again? And I know there is a lot of talk of dependency in my message. I struggle with independence and depression and loneliness and ****. I know that I need to improve myself further, I know that I need to take care of myself and seek self-improvement because it's not healthy to be stagnant all my life.
So I guess I'm a returning member because I'm lonely on this planet, I have nobody to talk with or even pass time with so if anyone wants to send me a message, you can, anyone at all.
But we were going to get married soon, everything was hopeful, I was finally going to escape from my abusive family, I was finally going to escape from my abusive household, I was finally going to escape 28 years of toxic life and leave my old life behind and start a new happy life full of love with my "soon to be husband". I was finally going to marry the person I wanted to dedicate all my heart and soul and love to, finally we were going to get married and live together happily with love in a peaceful and clean and safe environment but now it seems he doesn't want to marry me after all, he's not able to love me anymore despite me giving him all of my energy, all of my soul, all of my heart, all my love, all my body (8 years in a relationship and he finally "took" my virginity just weeks ago) I gave him my heart, my soul, my virginity, my body, my devotion, my dedication, my energy, my spirituality, my whole existence, my whole being, my entire life is centered around him yet it's not "enough".
I have a universe of love to give, I have so much infinite love to give but it's not enough is it? So many lonely guys on here wanting a girlfriend, wanting a girl, well he was one of those guys but after 8 years of me being his companion and preventing him from being "one of those guys on Lonely Life Forum who is lonely" for 8 years I've been his loving companion and for what....I feel unloved, uncared about, unappreciated for 8 years of love and devotion I've given this guy who was lonely. That's how we met, on this forum, but it seems that after 8 years, he actually *prefers* to be lonely than to be with me. How worthless must my love be if a lonely guy from The Lonely Life forum who had excruciating loneliness actually *prefers* to be alone now and to discard me? I'm not worthless, I have so much beautiful love and devotion to give, I guess he changed his mind about loneliness and maybe he prefers loneliness than to have a woman's infinite love and devotion and I offer him everything, so much love, so much devotion, so much friendship, mindblowing orgasms to give him (without getting any pleasure myself in return even), so much deep companionship but it's still not good enough is it? No matter how much I give, it's never enough is it? He's like a soulmate to me, despite us meeting on this forum, we have so many things in common that it's unreal how much in common we have, as if we are "twin flames" or whatever, he is so indescribably special to me but I guess I'm just a worthless piece of garbage that nobody loves. How we met on this forum was nothing short of a miracle, it can only be described as "the stars aligning".....literally soulmates, I dreamt about him before we met, I KNEW his name before he told me what his name was, we are as close to soulmates as you can get but it's STILL NOT ENOUGH IS IT? But it's still not good enough is it? My soulmate-type of love and devotion is still not "enough love" is it? Despite meeting my soulmate on this forum, despite me giving him my entire existence, my life force, he is the center of my universe, the center of my life, I've given him my life and my soul and all my being but it's still not good enough is it? It's not enough? So many lonely guys on here would kill for even a scrap of the love and devotion and companionship I've given him? Is he not grateful anymore? Did he forget that he was a member on this forum, that he had excruciating painful loneliness and that I cured his excruciating loneliness and that for 8 years I've been his constant devoted loving companion who wants to be his wife and to love him and take care of him and give him all my heart and soul? I guess after 8 years, he forgot how it's like to be lonely so now he just takes me for granted and is not interested in my love or companionship anymore.
Nobody on this planet loves me. I have no friends, I have no family, I have no job, I have no money, I have no home, I'm currently staying at a hotel that my boyfriend had paid for (before he decided that he doesn't want to love me anymore) so after the hotel days are over, I will be homeless in less than 2 months and I don't know what is going to happen to me. The plan was for us to get married soon so I would have the appropriate visa (since he's in another country) so I can live with him (and obviously because NOTHING in my life matters more to me than him and he is my life and I wanted to marry him to LOVE him for the rest of my life) but it seems like he is dumping our relationship plans in the garbage. So now I'm extremely scared of my life, because I have nobody. I have no friends, I have no family, I have lived my entire life with emotional abuse and toxic environments. I have no home, I have nowhere to belong, I will be homeless. He promised me that we would marry soon, we had just gotten engaged, the plan was for us to get married SOON and for us to live together before I end up homeless on the street but now he's dropping me like I'm meant for the garbage dumpster. He is literally throwing me into the garbage dumpster at this point. So I'm just going to be homeless and alone too with nobody to love or be loved.
I have excruciating loneliness inside me. I am alone on this planet. I have nobody who loves me or who thinks I'm special. I have so much love to give, so much romantic love and devotion, I have so much devotion but nobody wants my love? How ironic when there are lonely guys wanting someone's love but then when I have so much love to give, nobody wants my love? I am made to believe that my love is worthless or that my love has very little value.
He is the only reason why I have kept myself alive, for him, for him, for him, to give him the love and devotion and companionship and to be his loving wife and devoted lover, that was why I have kept myself alive for these 8 years. But now what? Now what? That he no longer wants me around? Now what? He was my entire universe, my entire center of my life, I only kept myself alive for him to DEDICATE myself to LOVING HIM because that is all I want to do is to love and love and love someone. Some people dream of being entrepaneurs and be successful business owners, some people dream to have children and raise them, my dream is to love someone deeply and intensely and take care of someone's heart and for them to take care of my heart and to find deep loving connections that come from the heart, deep genuine true connections but I guess my love has little value to my boyfriend (or whatever he is at this point) or to anyone. All I ever wanted was to make deep genuine connections, to connect with someone deeply with love, to have genuine love in my life. But sadly I was falsely made to believe that I had a chance at it. I don't have anyone in my life. I don't have anything in my life.
The problem that I have is that I'm a deeply spiritual person, metaphysical person, someone who thinks deeply about the universe and reality and the unseen and I always want deep meaning in my life, deep meaning in relationships, have a deep connection that connects to the heart and to have true genuine love in my life. So just focusing on basic survival like money and food is not good enough for me. I have no desire to live if there is no meaning in my life, if I'm only keeping myself alive just to keep my organs running, just shoving food in my mouth just to keep my organs functioning. I don't want to exist just for basic survival. I will be homeless soon, I have no idea where I'm going to live, I have no idea where I'm going to be in less than 2 months.
I thought that after 28 years of living in an abusive household with abusive toxic family, that I was FINALLY GOING TO BE FREE, that I was finally going to escape....but I guess that was a false hope.....I guess I have to go back to that toxic environment again.....I'm completely stuck in my life.....I have no positive options in my life......I'm scared of dying and killing myself and what would happen after I kill myself, if I might end up in a hellish afterlife or reincarnate in another miserable lonely life? So I feel very stuck with my existence and my life.
Anyone is welcomed to send me a message about anything. I'm a completely lonely person, I have nobody to talk to, the only person I would talk to was my boyfriend of 8 years (who was only my fiance for less than a month before he decided he doesn't want me in his life after all, unless it's to be "just friends"). He was the only person I ever talked to and communicated for 8 years since we met on this forum, before that I have NOBODY. So he has been my only friend/boyfriend/partner/companion for all this time but now I have nobody again? Now I'm alone again? And I know there is a lot of talk of dependency in my message. I struggle with independence and depression and loneliness and ****. I know that I need to improve myself further, I know that I need to take care of myself and seek self-improvement because it's not healthy to be stagnant all my life.
So I guess I'm a returning member because I'm lonely on this planet, I have nobody to talk with or even pass time with so if anyone wants to send me a message, you can, anyone at all.
