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Veruca
Guest
Thank you sk66c. There are a lot of really wonderful people here, and one must return the compliment by saying one of them is you 
Need serious girlfriend help.
- Thread starter River Lion
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Going to rewrite my original comment:
No offense to the OP but it seems as if he is trying to "engineer" a longterm relationship with a particular woman, who may or may not be interested in him. IMHO it just doesn't work like that... you have to get out in the field and gain some experience first. (Not that I've done much of this, or any of this.) But that's my impression of how it works. Seems like you might be heading in that direction, with a journal and all.
Why not put the journal up on the forum, like others have done?
No offense to the OP but it seems as if he is trying to "engineer" a longterm relationship with a particular woman, who may or may not be interested in him. IMHO it just doesn't work like that... you have to get out in the field and gain some experience first. (Not that I've done much of this, or any of this.) But that's my impression of how it works. Seems like you might be heading in that direction, with a journal and all.
Why not put the journal up on the forum, like others have done?
sk66rc
Well-known member
Nightwing said:LOL @ "Engineering" a longterm relationship. Women are not an enigma to be solved guys.
Ummm... Many men, including myself, would argue that point..,
Batman55 said:
Aren't just about everything we do a part of us trying to "engineer" them? We try to guide things in a direction we want things to be... Money isn't everything but it sure helps our lives... So we work... In order for us to work, we sacrifice things in our lives... We arrange or re-arrange our lives to accommodate our work schedule... Sure, there are few who are lucky enough not have to work... I'm talking about majority... We are creating a situation to help us achieve our goals to make our lives easier... How's that any different than what he's doing? He feels as though his life will improve with a partner... Weather we agree with that assumption or not, that's not the point... Sure, what he's trying to do might sound a bit "mechanical" but so does everything we do in our lives... And it's like catch 22... How do you gain an experience without trying first... And if there's a girl he really likes, why not make that a first try... If it works out, that's great... If not, moving on... From what I see, he's nuts about her... If he goes on to "hitting on" other girls just for an experience sake, that can also backfire... He might end up with a reputation that may ruin his chance with her... He might hook up with a girl & at the end, how does he explain that she was just an experiment for the real thing? I don't know... These are the things that popped in my head...
The Replicated Man
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I agree about not fixating yourself on one girl. Generally, I keep lots of crushes and interests in my back pocket. Like, a lot. In times where I've gone against that philosophy and focused on one girl and out her "***** on a pedestal" (as bad Jedi originally said, I'm too lazy to click "quote" and go through a loading screen but credit where it's due here), it's always resulted in devastation. Utter devastation. Don't do that.
I can't stress it enough. You're surrounded by strange women, do not get so fixated on just one.
I can't stress it enough. You're surrounded by strange women, do not get so fixated on just one.
sk66rc
Well-known member
Veruca said:Thank you sk66c. There are a lot of really wonderful people here, and one must return the compliment by saying one of them is you
Oh, by the way... Thank you... If you were here, I'd hug you... And by here, I mean next to me...
Case
Well-known member
I realize the OP is "closing this case," but I wanted to mention one thing.
I immediately saw warning lights when I read this:
Trust me on this one. Ditch the stoicism before you do anything with a girl. To be stoic is to be detached from your own emotions, and that is a relationship-killer. I know this from personal experience. When you lower your defenses, you allow yourself to be loved. Stoics have a hard time showing love because they are too focused on keeping up their emotional shield. So, drop the armor first.
That's all.
EDIT: Typo.
I immediately saw warning lights when I read this:
River Lion said:
Trust me on this one. Ditch the stoicism before you do anything with a girl. To be stoic is to be detached from your own emotions, and that is a relationship-killer. I know this from personal experience. When you lower your defenses, you allow yourself to be loved. Stoics have a hard time showing love because they are too focused on keeping up their emotional shield. So, drop the armor first.
That's all.
EDIT: Typo.
nerdygirl
Well-known member
Nicolelt said:
Batman55 said:
I'd just like to chime in to speak from personal experience: you can form and maintain relationships by looking at them like math or science.
Yes. Humans are complex. We are all more than our elemental ingredients; we're more than hormones and neurotransmitters. That said, all of life is experimentation and many interactions require strategy. The difficult thing is that the same strategies do not work for all individuals due to variables, like emotions and personality quirks.
I don't have advice regarding this specific girl. My advice is regarding interaction, in general. Know your social strengths and weaknesses. Know exactly what you have to offer, and what it is that you need from others. Know the character flaws that you can (and are willing to) change, and better yourself. If forging friendships is hard for you, try making acquaintances. This is helpful, at the very least, because it provides practice for more committed relationships.
I respectfully disagree and stand by my original point, that he is doing this in a highly theoretical way as if he is trying to solve an equation. Which is understandable esp. for someone who's the opposite of extroverted. But when it gets to the real world, some of this "mathematical thinking" may work at times, but you can't really expect it to hold up the way you hoped.
I understand your point about getting a reputation for being an awkward guy hitting on girls, or something like that. It's something I myself have even considered, and one part of the reason that about 100% of the time I won't approach any women or even say "hi." But look at what that's accomplished for me... I've got NO confidence when talking to women basically.
So I think he should take a cue from "bender" and practice talking to girls, he doesn't even have to flirt. Getting the words out without getting tongue-tied is important, finding a way to converse is important. He'll need all that and more if he wants a realistic chance at getting this girl he likes.
I understand your point about getting a reputation for being an awkward guy hitting on girls, or something like that. It's something I myself have even considered, and one part of the reason that about 100% of the time I won't approach any women or even say "hi." But look at what that's accomplished for me... I've got NO confidence when talking to women basically.
So I think he should take a cue from "bender" and practice talking to girls, he doesn't even have to flirt. Getting the words out without getting tongue-tied is important, finding a way to converse is important. He'll need all that and more if he wants a realistic chance at getting this girl he likes.
