jim108 said:
thank you all for your responses.
okay so here's what happened: i told her.
it was all awkward, we had been watching lord of the rings for 13 hours straight and then she went to bed but shortly after that i knocked on her door. i was so affraid, i have been wanting to tell her for so long, but finally (at midnight) i knocked on her door.
boy my heart never beat so hard! so i sat down on her bed, next to her, and said "on your birthday, your friend asked me if i was in love with you. i said no, but that was a lie. i fell in love with you. "
silence. she smiles.
me: "im not awaiting a big response now, but maybe you wanna take a walk on the beach with me or something soon?"
her: "we can do that. but i need to tell you that nothing is going to happen. im still in love with mark and thats not going to chance anytime soon. we can take that walk and talk about your feelings tho"
oh boy, now i feel stupid! we talked a little about how we're going to go from here, i asked her not to be considerable of my feelings so nothing gets weird and we still can do stuff together. then i asked her to not tell our other roommate. i also told her that its not like ive been in love with her for months (which was a lie). she said it'll stay between us and that she's sorry but she cannot give me any hope but that's that. then i said that she still is the best and left.
tomorrow will show how weird its going to be.
im crying, but thats okay. after several months of loving her, some weeks of REALLY loving her and building up things in my head because she randomly touched me and 5 days of me literally doing nothing but trying to find confidence to tell her (really, i did nothing else when i was home but walking up and down in my room convincing myself to knock on that door), the story is over. i do not know how to move on yet but i guess i'll have to. it was all in my head.
she'll always have a special place in my heart.
Hey, it's all okay. Don't feel stupid
Well done for talking to her like that, you made a very bold step there.
You know what I think? I think if you'd "made a move" back when she was with you on that bed, you probably would have ended up sleeping together.
However, thank goodness you didn't! There would have been nothing long term there, as she explained to you when you asked her, and your feelings right now would have been heightened a great deal further.
So you've truly followed the best route of advance all along
The only thing I would advise changing in future next time you have a chat to a girl like this is not to mention the "L word" when asking a girl out/talking to her about an early relationship.
Use "like" in place of "love", or "really like". That doesn't immediately scare or worry her about a serious long-term relationship, it helps to ease her into perhaps being more communicative about her feelings.
Other than that, good on you mate! It took courage to do that, more courage than I've ever had anyway
No, it wasn't. Girls don't stroke the hands of guys they're not interested in, they don't dance with them consistently and they don't sit on a bed and remove clothing next to them!
She would probably have got very physical, as I said above, and found you attractive in that way. However, since her heart wasn't in it for the long term, this has actually gone well for you. You've avoided the pain of feeling sexually used while getting a straight answer, which is great
Again, well done and I'm sure you'll find a girl who won't have that emotional hangup on someone else in the near future ^^
