Never really been able to relax in public.

[ippi]

Is it normal? I've never actually been able to relax and NOT focus on how I look all the time. When people walk behind me I can't stop wondering if I'm walking strangely, or if my posture looks odd. I hate looking strangers into the eyes, I get really uncomfortable. I also usually look down on the ground, to avoid eye-contact, and keep music on to avoid being talked to by some random person(also so I can "accidently" walk right by someone who tries to get my attention).

Is there anyone who can actually relax and public and manages to fully not give a f*** about the other people around you, and what they think of you?

 

[Rosebolt]

I can. Most of my life i've been what you described though. Couple of days ago i went to the center of town and sat on a bench for 30 minutes or so, actually sat there to relax. The key lies in you not giving a **** about how you look/walk/sit/behave.

 

[ippi]

I can. Most of my life i've been what you described though. Couple of days ago i went to the center of town and sat on a bench for 30 minutes or so, actually sat there to relax. The key lies in you not giving a **** about how you look/walk/sit/behave.

Yeah and that's also how I want to be, but I have to admit I have low self-esteem and have trouble not caring. Any tips?

 

[Rosebolt]

Yeah, was trying to think of tips, but the only thing i could come up with was that "the key lies in ..." part. I know that saying "just don't care" isn't going to help at all.

I always wear headphones in public though, listening to music just like you do. Helps me get in my own world, and i guess also helps me to not care.

I'll let you know when i remember some useful suggestions.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I can but I think it's only because I don't think about stuff like that. I could really care less. When I'm out, I'm out for a purpose, and it's either grocery shopping or going out to have a nice time.

 

[9006]

Haha, this made me laugh; not because it's stupid or anything like that, but I used to be like this.

Nowadays I don't really give a s**t, but I'm still quite aware of their presents. I wouldn't say I fully relax, but that's more because of slight paranoia that I could get mugged or stabbed, I don't really live in a bad place like that (I sure hope they don't find my body with more holes than a tea bag now that I've said that) I just know there's people around like that, an I don't wanna be one of those guys who say 'You never think it's gonna happen to you'.

Wow, I went round the world to explain that, eh?

Is it normal? I've never actually been able to relax and NOT focus on how I look all the time. When people walk behind me I can't stop wondering if I'm walking strangely, or if my posture looks odd. I hate looking strangers into the eyes, I get really uncomfortable. I also usually look down on the ground, to avoid eye-contact, and keep music on to avoid being talked to by some random person(also so I can "accidently" walk right by someone who tries to get my attention).

Is there anyone who can actually relax and public and manages to fully not give a f*** about the other people around you, and what they think of you?

 

[Naleena]

I would say the more you begin to accept yourself, the less you will care what other people think. Besides, those same people might be worried about what you think of them It's a two way street sometimes.

 

[Huld]

I used to do the same thing, but found focusing on a higher point does help. The top of a tree, a sign ahead. I look beyond people ahead of me, through them. It also makes you look more confident to the people around you. Eventually I was able to smile at people as I passed and compliment a person on clothing that I liked. People often smile to advert threat. I still feel uncomfortable around groups and don't like traveling alone, but can manage it. I am also the type to trip over air, so I have to laugh it off and get up. I rarely take anyone else down with me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I was like this too. But how do I overcome it? Well - distraction. Either drown your thoughts in music or in my case sometimes I like to daydream when I'm outside. Or observe other people instead - I like studying people's body language or reactions or what they could be thinking. Basically just think of everything else but you.

 

[randomdude]

You described me, i never really get rid of that uncomfortable bad feeling but now i am able to ignore it and enjoy myself. Answer to this problem is right medication, therapist and friend or two. That feeling is probably the hardest thing i ever faced along with depression and it's weird that actually going out everyday which i hated the most WAS actually more beneficial to me than any med and talks with therapists.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

I try hard to not relax too much in public, so I keep those buns tight. It's so embarrassing after I let one rip and it makes a grand ol trumpet sound and then I have to look shocked and startled by the poor sap walking by. But sometimes if a truck is going by and I think the coast is clear, I feel like I can safely release my tension. I think some things are best left in the privacy in one's own home.

And sunglasses tend to help me with public space anxiety.

 

[lonelyfairy]

This is like story of me, lol. I always think how people think about me even that I know that there isn't nothing wrong with me, how I walk, look or speak. It's all about insecurity, have to work with that... :/

 

[Naleena]

Bump

 

[rayeo]

I am like that too. The best way I cope with it is looking at people in their faces instead of staring at the ground. When I don't look at them I think they're staring at me and I get so paranoid. But sometimes I can't help it and don't look at people...but the best way I deal with that is to pretend no one is there but me. I think everyone feels that way but you don't seem to notice it unless you actually know the person.

 

[Ignis]

Thankfully, I've never had a problem when it comes to going out in public. Going to social scenes and events if a little different, but I've never had a problem just going out.

I think the key is to keep your mind occupied, the minute you let it wander is the minute it starts to think exactly what you don't want it to.
Listen to music, think about some other stuff that's on your mind. Try your best not to focus on the people around you. Even if it means you getting caught up in your own world, at least you won't be focusing on what everyone thinks about you.
The longer you do that, the more it starts to become natural and you won't be thinking about what people think in public... Should make it easier to relax in a public place.

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

I have the same problem and it is one of the important ones that I have at this point in my life.

As a human to his fellow human, I can only give you one advice...

I used to do the same thing, but found focusing on a higher point does help. The top of a tree, a sign ahead. I look beyond people ahead of me, through them. It also makes you look more confident to the people around you. Eventually I was able to smile at people as I passed and compliment a person on clothing that I liked. People often smile to advert threat. I still feel uncomfortable around groups and don't like traveling alone, but can manage it. I am also the type to trip over air, so I have to laugh it off and get up. I rarely take anyone else down with me.

I was like this too. But how do I overcome it? Well - distraction. Either drown your thoughts in music or in my case sometimes I like to daydream when I'm outside. Or observe other people instead - I like studying people's body language or reactions or what they could be thinking. Basically just think of everything else but you.

Do ANYTHING but these! I started doing it out of social anxiety (mostly subconsciously) and I cannot stop doing it now. When I go out, I start tunneling, i.e. I can only see in a straight line in front of me when I go out and when I try to look at things, I can only see inanimate objects like blank spots on the wall, the street, doors, windows, cars, etc. When I try to look elsewhere (at people), I either start looking down or my neck snaps back into a position that lets me see only in a straight line.

I'm trying really hard to get rid of this, mostly because of a sense of personal safety. If I can't look at people, how can I judge if someone can pose a threat? Moreover, crossing streets is a real problem.

So take any possible advice that you can from this thread but don't do this (nothing personal against the posters , I'm just speaking from personal experience).

 

[ladyforsaken]

You've got a point there, SS.

I guess different people will react to different solutions and suggestions. OP can only try it out and see if it works. We each can only speak from experience and what works for us.. doesn't really mean it'll work for the others. It's always good to learn many different ways at tackling an issue.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Sounds like classic social anxiety.

I feel the same way most of the time, too.

 

[*Sammy*]

Huh same, i'm always paranoid people are staring at me and thinking/laughing 'look at that fat cow'... much like the OP and what others have said my key to walking through town not caring is my headphones and blasting music... i mean most of the people are strangers you'll properly never see again right?... its a slow process.

 

[SLHorizons]

I know I'm about to state something that's probably already obvious, and it's a little late, but I don't think I saw anyone else say it. I'm going to state two things.

1) you don't look bad unless you act like you do. This usually applies to something new that people don't see often, but it also applies to whether something, "goes well on you," or not. If you act like it looks good, people will usually believe you, unless you're showing off the vomit on your shoes.

2) you can look as ridiculous as you want, and no one will really care. It may make it harder to make friends, but I've observed a rather goofy looking individual become friends with someone before. Even if there's junk on your shoes, you can still pass by people without them trying to kill you.

TL;DR - vomit on your shoes is not a good fashion accessory.