No university social life

[IgnoredOne]

I joined the anime club and kendo club. Yes, I am oriental.

The anime club is very sociable (except when we're watching anime) but it's very difficult for me to join in a conversation so I just listen from the sides. I did approach one other girl who was just as shy as me, but we just basically kept each other from being alone.

Does your club do food nights? If not, try to talk to the leader and try to attempt something, or attempt to setup an event. It'll be interesting to learn the logistics, and doing so will also to a greater or lesser extent force yourself to get in touch with others.

Its definitely a 'safe place' to experiment and deal with your shyness, and I definitely recommend pushing yourself as much as possible there. Be nice to yourself, but always always keep seeing where your boundaries can lay.

In the kendo club, I've only been instructed so far but I will be attending the real club events soon. I will try to be sociable, but again it doesn't come naturally to me at all so I think I might end up on the sidelines again. >__>;

It might happen, but if so, don't give up or be mad at yourself - just be glad that you've tried and learned something from it. The baisc is to look for common interests in people, and of course, you can't go wrong with just asking the very basic questions: where are you from, what's your major, and why did he/she join the club? It sounds cliche to run off a list, but it can work and its a worthwhile experiment.

 

[meekthoughts]

Does your club do food nights? If not, try to talk to the leader and try to attempt something, or attempt to setup an event. It'll be interesting to learn the logistics, and doing so will also to a greater or lesser extent force yourself to get in touch with others.

Occasionally, yes. I had originally planned to go, but I chickened out at the end with a lame excuse like I need to study. I think you stated exactly what I need: to be in a situation where I'm forced to socialize without choice. My only problem in this situation is that I've been behind in recent anime so I don't get a lot of those references and that strategy may backfire.

you can't go wrong with just asking the very basic questions: where are you from, what's your major, and why did he/she join the club? It sounds cliche to run off a list, but it can work and its a worthwhile experiment.

Those cliche lines have been the story of my social life. ^_^" I can actually do that kind of socializing when somebody says hi. But then it ends there and we go our separate ways. Maybe I'm just not a very interesting person. Honestly, I cannot talk in-depth about too many topics except things about myself (like right now in this thread..) but if I only talk about myself, then of course that's a failed conversation right there.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Haha, I doubt anyone can criticize you for not keeping up with anime. If anything, get them to recommend what's worth your time.

The truth is that for most people, the most interesting thing about them is themselves - so that form of socialization is perfectly fine, you just need to learn how to ask leading questions and encourage people to talk more about themselves.

I remember when I was in college, I went to basically redneck country(my ability to speak West Texas redneck is not feigned in the least) - and sometimes the people living in College Station would go, "Which country are you from?" "USA." "Oh..." and then follow with something stereotypical and potentially offensive like, "Asians always seem so smart." But even so, those observations force me to have a reaction and continue to answer, and often that by itself builds rapport.

 

[meekthoughts]

Haha, I doubt anyone can criticize you for not keeping up with anime. If anything, get them to recommend what's worth your time.

Ah, you are right. How silly of me to think that. >__<;; That's probably a very good suggestion and one that I should use next time.. I think I really might try! I can feel the motivation and curiosity building up within me. I just hope it doesn't drain out the moment it matters most.

When I talk about myself I am very conscious about it and feel as if I'm being too self-centered, even though I know that is not true, so I often trail off and try to think up of a question to ask them. The same holds on forums. By the way how are you? (Ignore my lame attempt at humour.) However, because I physically tense up, the conversation ends up being rather awkward.

sometimes the people living in College Station would go, "Which country are you from?" "USA." "Oh..." and then follow with something stereotypical and potentially offensive like, "Asians always seem so smart." But even so, those observations force me to have a reaction and continue to answer, and often that by itself builds rapport.

I've gotten up to the stereotypical/equivalent remark in several conversations, but the "reaction and continue to answer" part seems to get skipped. Probably because my reaction is usually a nervous laugh or an "i see". I shall work on that.... Thanks for sharing.

I really appreciate your replies, but please don't feel any obligation to respond. You've already helped me build up a better idea of how to change my social attitude, and I have a feeling if I keep replying selfishly you might feel like you have to keep replying in response.. And I realize that's a stupid and mildly offending thing to say, and I really don't know where I'm going with this...

^ Proof of failed conversational skills....

 

[IgnoredOne]

Ultimately, its important to realize that a large part of the strugggle is with yourself, and just learning to have victories over your own hesitation. A lot of development is just learning to be courageous, even in seemingly small things such as social awkwardness.

I really appreciate your replies, but please don't feel any obligation to respond. You've already helped me build up a better idea of how to change my social attitude, and I have a feeling if I keep replying selfishly you might feel like you have to keep replying in response.. And I realize that's a stupid and mildly offending thing to say, and I really don't know where I'm going with this...

No worries.

Mundo goes where he pleases; I reply where I please