Not feeling worthy to love

[Night89]

I'm asexual on a pragmatic basis. This is because i do believe to my core that im unlovable. People gets close and they disappears. I've covered this in my previous threads. Maybe this is because im to personal or...gah! I don't know, maybe its my autism or the fact that im totally unlovable. Due to my abstinence from ***, relations my body has been at war with me. My body is sexual but not my soul. I don't know maybe I'm just unlovable. I have a female friend that for some reason sees something in me, i don't know what to be honest. I've developed an addiction to **** due to this. maybe people think im a sexual predator. people around me has more or less said it to me. It hurts me tremendously, because im not, im just sick due to my addiction.

The thing is to go back to the topic is that i see myself as a horrible boyfriend. I'm very shy and introverted, mabybe im destined to live alone. In a way that's something that i have to live with, acceptance is the word. Maybe i have to accept the fact that i'm unlovable.

 

[user 135067]

Depression can drive most of what you've mentioned, most especially the sexual needs. I don't recommend pharmaceuticals, but there are a lot of things one can practice to help stay above it.

Depression is a disease. It is a brain chemical imbalance. It's a shame the world sees it as a characteristic. For anyone to fix anything of themselves they must first fix their depression.

 

[constant stranger]

You and I probably have a few things in common, Night89. I've given up aspiring to have a significant other. I'll never be the boyfriend in an adult man/woman relationship. I wouldn't know how to responsibly form or maintain a relationship. I can do the friendship zone however.......and do that in a mutually caring, affectionate and emotionally involved way. But being part of a couple is intrusive and overly demanding to me. I've been told that attitude can be quite annoying by several ladies.

So it's single and alone I go along on my journey. Something must have gone wrong with my early character formation.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

You can't be asexual. Humans don't self-reproduce. You can abstain from physical intimacy if you like; but, it sounds like you desire such things.
You may be interested in Dr. Donna Marks

 

[ardour]

You can't be asexual. Humans don't self-reproduce. You can abstain from physical intimacy if you like; but, it sounds like you desire such things.
You may be interested in Dr. Donna Marks

Asexuality (lack of sexual attraction) is apparently thing, albeit in a small % Many who describe themselves as asexual aren't.

 

[Night89]

Asexuality as i mentioned before is something im adapting to due to my intense fear of rejection. I cannot handle the prospect of being found out and being hurt in the process.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Honestly I’ve felt similar to this, its so sad to read it in someone else's words instead of an addiction to **** I was addicted to married men and attention… I hated their wives for being something I longed to be. I felt completely unlovable still do to a certain extent. I am sure for you, its probably the addiction and depression talking. I hope you find your way out of this rabbit hole

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Love isn't a matter of rather I'm worthy of it or not to me.
Instead it's more like an existential postulation.
I question its authentic existence beyond that of the limitations of the human perception in regards to trying to define what love is in the first place.

 

[ardour]

Sort out the **** addiction and you will start to feel better about yourself and probably more comfortable around others. What are you saying/doing to make people think that? Maybe that's your inner voice speaking. As for not being worthy, welcome to the club. Large numbers of men "aren't worthy" either. https://www.joe.ie/life-style/amount-men-30-not-***-nearly-tripled-past-decade-663846

 

[sparkyn98]

Honestly I’ve felt similar to this, its so sad to read it in someone else's words instead of an addiction to **** I was addicted to married men and attention… I hated their wives for being something I longed to be. I felt completely unlovable still do to a certain extent. I am sure for you, its probably the addiction and depression talking. I hope you find your way out of this rabbit hole

So... I was going to mention to the OP and you, that you may not realize you have what is called an anxious attachment style. You, @CenotaphGirl, go after men who AREN'T available to love you, therefore, creating a self-full-filling prophecy that they WON'T love you and they WILL leave. If that tracks. I did the same thing, sort of... I would seek out FWB because I didn't want an emotionally available man. The second they caught feelings, I would start sabotaging our friendship...

Anyway, I read quite a few books on it and have at least began to notice when I am doing it. You see I'm not saying that we can STOP it. We can just identify it and try to do better or communicate with someone we're forming a bond with that we have this issue and if it happens... and they want to stay, we will have to talk/work through it.

Self-love isn't as easy as some people think!! But, we have to try because sometimes, we are ALL we have!!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

So... I was going to mention to the OP and you, that you may not realize you have what is called an anxious attachment style. You, @CenotaphGirl, go after men who AREN'T available to love you, therefore, creating a self-full-filling prophecy that they WON'T love you and they WILL leave. If that tracks. I did the same thing, sort of... I would seek out FWB because I didn't want an emotionally available man. The second they caught feelings, I would start sabotaging our friendship...

Anyway, I read quite a few books on it and have at least began to notice when I am doing it. You see I'm not saying that we can STOP it. We can just identify it and try to do better or communicate with someone we're forming a bond with that we have this issue and if it happens... and they want to stay, we will have to talk/work through it.

Self-love isn't as easy as some people think!! But, we have to try because sometimes, we are ALL we have!!

I used to be stuck in a loop of it, I also had this weird notion that it was my destiny to be a “mistress” someone that no one would ever love, and thus kept playing dangerous games, its not something i am proud of but I deffo did do it, honestly I truly regret my actions.

 

[user 135671]

Self-love isn't as easy as some people think!!

This is good advice lads, a box of tissues and an old sock ain't going to cut it nowadays, get creative!

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

This is good advice lads, a box of tissues and an old sock ain't going to cut it nowadays, get creative!

I don't know, tissues and an old sock isn't going to make my junk rot off.
On the other hand, if I accidentally walk into the wrong local "massage parlor"....

 

[sparkyn98]

I don't know, tissues and an old sock isn't going to make my junk rot off.
On the other hand, if I accidentally walk into the wrong local "massage parlor"....

"Accidentally walk into" lmbo... As a mother of 3 boys I had to laugh at this!!
Thank you for that!!

 

[AceFace]

Hey guys and girls, I have read this thread found it fascinating, all that self loathing, I understand mental health trust me you all great people and have so much to bring to a relationship even if your not aware of it Yet! Here is a challenge go to the high street, mall what ever you call it, find someone you like the look of and ask them for a date, they can only say no, married, they will be flattered, then move on to the next it's a numbers game, I guarantee you'll get yourself a date, do you want me to do it for you this will be good for your self esteem and confidence, no more socks

 

[Finished]

Hey guys and girls, I have read this thread found it fascinating, all that self loathing, I understand mental health trust me you all great people and have so much to bring to a relationship even if your not aware of it Yet! Here is a challenge go to the high street, mall what ever you call it, find someone you like the look of and ask them for a date, they can only say no, married, they will be flattered, then move on to the next it's a numbers game, I guarantee you'll get yourself a date, do you want me to do it for you this will be good for your self esteem and confidence, no more socks

I asked something like 200 people for dates over several years. I never received a yes just many excuses. I really thought some of them were a great match too. It killed my remaining confidence. Someone at worked more or less asked a woman out for me. I felt so pathetic. But, it worked and I dated her for about 10 months. In the general public I'm a zero. But, at the job site I had respect points which were attractive to women. So, it would push me into the dateable rhelm just barely.