Not 'obsessive' enough about interests/hobbies

[meekthoughts]

I use the word 'obsessive' because I can't think of a better word to describe what I mean. I shall elaborate.

ABSTRACT: I'm not knowledgeable or obsessed enough about my interests to go into in-depth, enthusiastic conversations. I end up watching from the sidelines as like-minded people talk/type for hours on end about something they are interested in. I'm interested in it too, but not to the same level. I think I am not driven enough to put my whole into anything, and I want to change this, but how would I go about doing so? <-- This abstract is pretty much all you need to know to reply. The following blobs of text are me elaborating further and ranting. If you don't want to read it, I understand.

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I find that most people have at least one thing that they love a lot, in terms of interests/hobbies. They can talk for hours about it in in-depth detail, and they might even be able to write a book about it if they had the will to.

I do have interests and hobbies, but they are not substantial and only surface-level. For instance, I've played the piano for 14 years but I'm not dedicated enough to spend months learning very difficult pieces and neither do I find particular interest in discussing all things piano related. I could tell someone "I play the piano" and cannot elaborate further or go into a deep conversation about it.

I love anime a lot but I haven't kept up with many of the recent stuff, so when I joined the anime club at my university, the level of "obsession" is beyond me. I don't get half the things people talk about, and I just feel out of the loop. They don't isolate me but I end up isolating myself.

Similarly, I like playing games but the number that I've played are limited. I'd love to join in conversations about games if I could, but I can't contribute nearly as much as I'd like to. This is to the extent that I wished I spent less time studying and more time playing!

This applies with books, cooking, science-related subjects, music, politics, technology, etc.

I feel that I am a very boring person with no /real/ interests. I can't have long, enthusiastic conversations with anyone. I know it's easy to fix - do more of each thing, research, etc. But I don't want to engage myself in something just for the social aspect.

I came upon this conclusion: perhaps my problem is that I'm unmotivated. I have no drive, even to do the things I'm supposedly interested in. Do you think this is my problem? How can I get myself to be interested enough in something that I can even write a book on it?

 

[Badjedidude]

I'm not sure if motivation is your problem...

...or if it's just that you're unused to expressing your interests. You probably know a LOT more about the things you like than you think you do.

Until we actually DO get up in front of someone and start talking about our interests, we never really understand quite how much we've actually learned about whatever we're talking about. It's like... you have to teach to learn. The more that you talk about your interests, the more you LEARN about your interests and the more you learn how to express yourself to others.

So... just get out and try talking about some things you like.

 

[annik]

I tried to reply to this but failed! I obsess way to much about stuff. Though actually there will always be someone more obsessive than you. I remember trying to do a fan quiz about someone I adore and I was thinking "how the hell would you even know that"?!

It's nice to feel people really identify with your interests though. I say indulge in them and you'll find the love...hmm hippy

 

[meekthoughts]

I'm not sure if motivation is your problem...

...or if it's just that you're unused to expressing your interests. You probably know a LOT more about the things you like than you think you do.

That's the thing. I used to think I was knowledgeable enough of my interests, but when I actually go into conversation with people about them I learn that I don't know as much as I thought. This is embarrassing since I end up having to say things like, "I don't know what you're talking about" or "I actually don't know much about this stuff..." Or if there are more than one person, I just stop talking and listen to the conversation instead, feeling crappy about myself. :\ But you are right that I learn more stuff while talking about it (or at least listening).

I tried to reply to this but failed! I obsess way to much about stuff. Though actually there will always be someone more obsessive than you. I remember trying to do a fan quiz about someone I adore and I was thinking "how the hell would you even know that"?!

It's nice to feel people really identify with your interests though. I say indulge in them and you'll find the love...hmm hippy

I hate when there is an error after writing a reply. :\ That's why I often highlight & copy it before trying to post.

I'm guessing the question on the fan quiz had something to do with underwear... (wary) But yeah, I tend to actually admire people who love something so much that they obsess over it. What do you obsess about, if you don't mind me asking?

I sort of feel like I'm cheating if I indulge in something for social reasons. I begin to doubt whether it is actually an interest or not if I can't indulge with personal pleasure as the only incentive. Does that make sense?

 

[annik]

I hate when there is an error after writing a reply. :\ That's why I often highlight & copy it before trying to post.

I'm guessing the question on the fan quiz had something to do with underwear... (wary) But yeah, I tend to actually admire people who love something so much that they obsess over it. What do you obsess about, if you don't mind me asking?

I sort of feel like I'm cheating if I indulge in something for social reasons. I begin to doubt whether it is actually an interest or not if I can't indulge with personal pleasure as the only incentive. Does that make sense?

It wasn't even an error! I just kept trying to word replies but I'm so far the other way I almost couldn't get my head around it.

Giggle, no it was about hospitals and hotel room numbers. I'm thinking should I know this? Its actually pretty creepy because that would be an obsession over the disappearance of a man I've never met rather than an obsession with a band which is just about allowable! Well I'm quite obsessional by nature so lots of things. In this instance I was talking about my favourite band Manic Street Preachers. The quiz was about their guitarists Richey who went missing over 16 years ago and has not been seen since. It is fun being obsessive though! I miss the days I'd buy 3 copies of a magazine they were in and tape every tv show they were on. I still have all the tapes, it would take me days to watch them! My room was plastered with pictures.

Personally I've never enjoyed sharing my passions to much. I mean you can get into a sort of competition of who loves something more and thats just crappy. Plus Manics fans are a pain in the arse! and we have no rhythm.

I can see what you are saying though. I guess if something is on your mind a lot its an interest. If you feel sad without it. If there's a need or you feel incomplete.

For me my ex said the other day "yeah it was weirding me out the thought you weren't obsessed with the Manics anymore" That made me so strangely happy. I guess thats how you know...

 

[floffyschneeman]

I feel the same way as you, Meek. And what's worse about it is that it makes me feel like I am so mediocre and uninteresting. Sometimes I think that it's about projecting yourself too. Like people saying I know this and I know that, but then again they also know only surface-level of the things they claim to know. But then again, maybe I am just being bitter (hehe)

I've also tried to motivate myself like, ''I shall do this with all the might I have and feel inspired''.. and then after a few minutes. ''nah, I'll just go on xat to chat'' lol

I know that I am very lazy and that I should do more, but isn't the point of doing hobbies is cos you love doing them, and not do them for the sake of being known as a hobbyist of that certain hobby.

After everything, I just settle with the hope that I am just going with my own pace. that I will wake up one day oozing with inspiration and make something super awesome. Yet, I am still waiting (no)

 

[Lawrens]

Focus on one thing at a time, if you like something then just focus on that, say you like an anime, then read more about it if you like it that much, it doesn't need to be forced, in a conversation, I don't think it really matters how much you know and say, asking questions and listening to people could be great too, and some people just enjoys talking about their obsession all day, you also learn more that way and it still keeps the conversation going.

If you like video games, browse a video game forum for enthusiasts, etc.

but then this is coming from a boring person with no social skills, so maybe I shouldn't be giving advices =P

I guess what I mean to say is to just do it, don't worry about it too much, if you burn yourself out from trying to keep up with other people just for the sake of keeping up, you might lose interest in your hobby.

 

[kamya]

My problem is that I easily get obsessed with one thing for a certain period of time and then just kind of forget about it and barely keep up with it for the rest of my life. So I have a lot of obscure things that I know way too much about but am not really interested in anymore.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I could easily write a book on my hobbies, I just talk about them much because I don't have many around me to talk to them about.

Motivation might be a tiny part of your problem but it also seems like you doubt your understanding and knowledge of your hobbies. You always learn something new, just because you didn't know something people were discussing doesn't mean you don't have knowledge they don't.

 

[Peter Lorre]

Well, there are two ways to look at this:

1) Basically what BJD said, you know more about the subject than you think you do, but you're not quite good at expressing it. You can get better at this, it just takes some practice

2) You really aren't as obsessed/passionate as they are but you are more versatile. I for one have many interests and passions, but because I'm interested in so many things I don't always have the time to study the subject as indepth or keep myself as up-to-date as some other people. If you are like this aswell, then I don't think this is a bad thing, it just shows you have a broad field of interests and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[Thomas]]

I feel that I am a very boring person with no /real/ interests. I can't have long, enthusiastic conversations with anyone. I know it's easy to fix - do more of each thing, research, etc. But I don't want to engage myself in something just for the social aspect.

I came upon this conclusion: perhaps my problem is that I'm unmotivated. I have no drive, even to do the things I'm supposedly interested in. Do you think this is my problem? How can I get myself to be interested enough in something that I can even write a book on it?

You don't need to be able to write a book on anything! That doesn't define whether or not you're interesting or whether or not you can uphold a conversation about it :club:

I don't think you're boring at all; quite the opposite. We usually go off on tangents and off-topic in threads sometimes cos we get sidetracked on some other stuff xD. To me, it seems that you just lack self confidence in yourself, and it's holding you back! I'm sure you can contribute just as well, if not better, than anyone with your experiences in any of those subjects; or even things you barely know anything about. But you must believe in yourself! :shy:

Personally, I think about everything wayyyyyyyy too much. I question so much inside my head and try to draw conclusions. I mainly get confused about how people work and why they act like they do on many occasions . For me, I feel I could write a big book just on my thoughts and feelings and questions over the space of few months.

My point from this is, you seem to be a big thinker too! I don't think the ability to talk about loads on one particular thing defines whether or not you're interesting; I think your ability to question it and try to figure out why makes you loads more interesting (to me at least) than someone who could ramble on about Zelda with me ( <3 zelda ).

So I think my final answer to your question is not to change anything really :shy: If anything, you should believe in yourself and your knowledge more and let out some of those 'meek thoughts' in conversation to make really interesting points about any subject (whether you know a lot about it or not). Just like you do here on the forum :shy:

 

[meekthoughts]

Sorry for the late reply guys. Midterm season.

[...] I can see what you are saying though. I guess if something is on your mind a lot its an interest. If you feel sad without it. If there's a need or you feel incomplete. [...]

I don't think I've ever felt this way about an interest (except romantic interest). I mean when I'm excited about doing it, it's on my mind a lot and I feel sad if I have to wait, but I don't necessarily feel incomplete without it. The feelings I get just don't touch me as deeply as I'd like.

I've also tried to motivate myself like, ''I shall do this with all the might I have and feel inspired''.. and then after a few minutes. ''nah, I'll just go on xat to chat'' lol [...]

After everything, I just settle with the hope that I am just going with my own pace. that I will wake up one day oozing with inspiration and make something super awesome. Yet, I am still waiting (no)

That's exactly how I feel when I try to motivate myself, except it wasn't always xat. It makes me feel better that others can identify with me in this aspect, so thanks.

The waiting will be worth it, I hope.

Focus on one thing at a time, if you like something then just focus on that, say you like an anime, then read more about it if you like it that much, it doesn't need to be forced, in a conversation, I don't think it really matters how much you know and say, asking questions and listening to people could be great too, [...]

You probably actually pointed out my biggest problem - I have so many things I want to learn/do more that I end up not really doing anything progressive. :shy: I'll put the conversational advice to practice...as soon as I can get myself to talk to people. Thanks. xP

My problem is that I easily get obsessed with one thing for a certain period of time and then just kind of forget about it and barely keep up with it for the rest of my life. So I have a lot of obscure things that I know way too much about but am not really interested in anymore.

At least you know a lot. =D Obscure knowledge can be helpful in conversing with all sorts of people, and also when playing Jeopardy. :3

2) You really aren't as obsessed/passionate as they are but you are more versatile. I for one have many interests and passions, but because I'm interested in so many things I don't always have the time to study the subject as indepth or keep myself as up-to-date as some other people. If you are like this aswell, then I don't think this is a bad thing, it just shows you have a broad field of interests and there's nothing wrong with that.

This is probably more likely the case, and like you say it is cool to have many interests. I just wish there was /one/ thing I could really say I'm super obsessed about.

I don't think you're boring at all; quite the opposite. We usually go off on tangents and off-topic in threads sometimes cos we get sidetracked on some other stuff xD. To me, it seems that you just lack self confidence in yourself, and it's holding you back! I'm sure you can contribute just as well, if not better, than anyone with your experiences in any of those subjects; or even things you barely know anything about. But you must believe in yourself! :shy:

Personally, I think about everything wayyyyyyyy too much. I question so much inside my head and try to draw conclusions. I mainly get confused about how people work and why they act like they do on many occasions . For me, I feel I could write a big book just on my thoughts and feelings and questions over the space of few months. [...]

Aww, thanks Thomas! :shy: Yeah, I noticed we seem to do that, but it's a lot of fun. I do think I have a rather low self-esteem and you are probably right that it's 'holding me back' in conversations. I tend to not say anything at all to avoid seeming/being stupid.

It's awesome how you think so much about everything. It means you think about things critically and it makes you all the more interesting. I'd love to read the book your thoughts would make. ^ ^

 

[xpozed]

how do i move on with my life, all i do is play video games every day. School is somewhat trouble some, i go to class i sit down i learn many things, but i am ashamed to get to class late becuase i do not want to hear shyt from the teacher.... to be honest i am a guy that doesnt like any conflicts, yet i like to learn to fight or take a liking to fighting. maybe this is something that my concience is telling me... that i need to fight my way through life... instead of not doing anything and let everyone ridicule me. i dont know why im typing this... maybe i am just not a patient man... i am 22 years old... and i feel like i am wasting my life away... could it be becuase i play video games all the time, or is it my wieght problem>? or is it other factors such as no job, no reliable friends, no money, and just sheer judgement of patheticness in my life...the more i keep typing the more feelings come out of me.. such as remorse in my life... during my years of my schooling such as k-12... ive had many problems in my life with school, could it be that i am not the schooling type of guy? or is it i choose not to listen and be stubborn. em i just to hard headed to fix myself or my behavior? idk what to do... i am in swirl of thoughtness and i just realize that most of my time is in video games.... why becuase it makes me feel good when i beat my opponent. it tells me that i have outsmart my opponent at the art of quick thinking and rationality.... those fighting games i play help me satisfy my needs of anxiety... remorse, or any type of feeling at all for that matter...
my biggest fear... in my life would be the death of my parents.... that is probably the biggest fear i have...other than being incapicated to live normally... i wouldnt be able to live with that...I fear my peers, my elders, look down upon me and say.... you gotta move on...dont look at the past... that is why it called the past... look forward to the future... look to what keeps you moving, what keeps me moving is my parents...but what can i do for myself... that is my question... shud i train myself into a machine?? shud i learn many things so i dont end up lost while my parents are gone from this world... i think my biggest question to myself would be... How can move forward without any conflicts...? conflicts is what i hate... i hate deciding, i hate choosing from right to wrong, what is right.... and what is wrong..... will i be right..., can i not make a mistake...will i do the wrong things? em i misleading myself...? i need to think more rationally, critical thinking is what im good at.. i should be able to get over... maybe i need more time to think everything through... but time itself is very valueable... as for 5 years of my life have been thrown away out the window since my high school grad, college is not helping at all... and since i have a 2nd chance again at a new CC i do not want to lose the opportunity again... i have to set myself straight.. i gotta take responsibility for my actions... i have to be NOT LAZY!!, my laziness have been in many factors... such as sleeping late like right now and typing this nonsense...i need to get a routine down... i need to change myself into a proffesional... i need to grow up and accept myself as an adult an not a little kid anymore. I got to get my act together and look forward to my future... and hopefully live a good life like my parents want for me!! first step... a month without video games... 2nd.... physical fitness..... 3rd.... no late sleeping.....4th...routine and plans for my future...
What are your guys ideas on self improving myself...?

 

[IgnoredOne]

a month without video games... 2nd.... physical fitness..... 3rd.... no late sleeping.....4th...routine and plans for my future...
What are your guys ideas on self improving myself...?

Don't get ahead of yourself. First try one day without gaming, then one week. Let us know how that works out.

You may also want to start a new thread.