Not sure why

kenpachi · Sep 25, 2010

Hey so I found this forum because Im at my wits end with life. In my life Ive always tried to do the right thing and be caring and giving to others. And in return Ive received rejection and complete ****(side note, if anyone finds swearing offensive I will refrain, sorry I swear like a sailor). First off is friends? So I am to socially awkward I guess to make friends easily and Im not truly sure why cause Id say Im pretty normal. So I sit and hate myself and come up with reasons why Im crap. Some maybe true, more often not. And in crowds I freeze up and can not do anything. Then the few friends I do have ignore you if your not funny and entertaining. So all in all, I spend days recent so depressed that I can barely get out of bed. Second, the nightmare of girls. I can not seem for the life of me be able to find a girl. The only time I ever have attempted a relationship is with the ones that approach me, but after too long I get drilled with your not my type but I love spending time with you and really want to stay friends. :/ And where the social anxiety kicks in, I can not approach women for even basic conversation. Somehow I developed the complex that if I approach a woman she will be disgusted because I'm too ugly for her and a boring inferior person. Like how dare someone like me think I was worth her time. When I used to work fastfood a year back, I wouldnt even smile at women that came through the drive through for fear of disgusting them and making them feel uncomfortable.

So between the friends and girl situation, I dont know what the hell to do anymore :/

VanillaCreme · Sep 25, 2010

You wouldn't believe how effective a simple smile can be. Between looking like a miserable grump, and a somewhat pleasant guy, I'd pick the guy who looked pleasant.

EveWasFramed · Sep 25, 2010

Agreed, Vanilla. A smile can be a wonderous thing.
lol

Not suggesting you should use a maniacal grin on every person you see, mind you - that would just come off as creeper-like.

But, a slight smile or the occasional nod of the head in simple greeting does seem to go a long way in putting people at ease.
You seem to have a bit of self-loathing going on as well. I think that sometimes, when we're feeling kind of down on ourselves, it's easy to heap enormous amounts of that negativity and self-loathing upon our own heads. It's kind of a vicious cycle and it becomes harder and harder to remove ourselves from that ugly loop. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Good luck and welcome to the forum by the way.

Brian · Sep 25, 2010

kenpachi said:
And where the social anxiety kicks in, I can not approach women for even basic conversation. Somehow I developed the complex that if I approach a woman she will be disgusted because I'm too ugly for her and a boring inferior person. Like how dare someone like me think I was worth her time.

Oh gods, I relate to this so much.

I think it's a defense mechanism. Mine has evolved a bit to the point that now I'm sometimes rude or 'short' with women I find attractive in an attempt to one-up them and prevent them from taking the same position.

Totally ludicrious, but what the ****, you know?

echo · Sep 25, 2010

It seems like you have really low self esteem/self image, there are a lot of people who can relate to how you're feeling right now so you're definitely not alone! I personally don't see how someone might find you disgusting or anything, you're far from ugly and if anyone thinks you're inferior or boring then it's their problem and you honestly need to try to forget them and focus on yourself. Focus on just being yourself, try not to worry about what other people might be thinking or what people might say. Maybe if you want to approach someone or you try to do something and bad thoughts start appearing in your mind, give those thoughts a big "SCREW YOU!" and just take action, if you get rejected or something..then it's okay! Just tell yourself that everything is going to be okay and just keep trying next time.

There are always going to be people who will understand you and who can relate to you, just be yourself and keep moving forward, I'm sure you will meet people that you can really feel comfortable with!

downbythebay · Sep 25, 2010

I don't understand why attractive people like you call themselves ugly, drives me nuts. I think you need to stop thinking so much about these girls... I mean, why not smile as you normally would, who gives a **** if it makes that girl at the window "uncomfortable". If that creeps her out then she is the weirdo, not you. Also, obviously whatever girl you get with will see you smile and she should love it, and if not, **** her too. For crowds, don't worry, there isn't anything wrong with you- some people hate crowds, including me. It's whatever- crowds / groups of people are overwhelming sometime and you feel like people are staring at you... a lot of people feel like that. You're right about being funny/ entertaining- that applies to all situations, even here to an extent, if you aren't funny or entertaining, you aren't someone people seem attracted to be around. It's almost like a competition of sorts, it seems sometimes, and again it seems to be human nature and not something wrong with you. So all in all, I think you're worried about things that are normal except for the part about worrying about creeping the girls out- act like you and who gives a **** what most girls think. I'm sure there's one out there who's thinking like you are but you'll probably never know because people tend to keep these thoughts inside