I'm seeing that there is a major issue in my life.
If you have ever played video games, you will know that while most games have a actual ending, some games do not. For example, RPG games have multiple quests you can complete and a main quest but even completing those does not finish the game. You can just keep on playing. There is no ending. For me those games are fun to play until I finish the quests. Unlike most people, I can't continue to play after I have finished all the "goals".
Well life for me is the same way. That's why up until my 20's, things were simple. There was always a goal. In school, it was to get to the next grade. After college it was to get a car, get a job, get a house...etc. After that though things got more blurry. The only goals after that was to get a date, get married, have kids, and later retire. Well I've hit the point in my life where I'm realizing the only goal I have left that I'll probably accomplish is retire. I could do that now. But if I retire, then there is nothing left to do but just end the game cause there will be nothing left to do.
It's crappy getting to that point in my life.