One positive thing you accomplished today...

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Uhm, quite all right, I've been seeing a therapist previously (professionally of course) about my sexual preference doubts and other issues like low self-esteem.
She told me to explore more the possibilities of being attracted to men, like, watching gay porn, and see if it arouses me.
I was practically talking non-stop, I really don't have a problem to talk about these things with women, it's more an issue of solving the issues, and taking the appropriate actions.
I think I'll continue going there.
A bit later I was at the dentist's.
The slight pain and discomfort was compensated by this very young dentist who treated my teeth.
I can't stop looking into those eyes, there is something erotic about someone continuously looking at your mouth, touching you gently, getting very close to you, while at the same time you have to keep still, and all you can look at is those gentle eyes.
She wore a mouth mask, so this only puts more emphasis on the eyes.
She also called another colleague twice, a female blonde young dentist, to make sure she had done everything correctly, so then there was a second pair of eyes looking at me.
It's at times like these I find it hard to believe I would be gay.
Then I start to wonder: where do these doubts even come from?
 
Uhm, quite all right, I've been seeing a therapist previously (professionally of course) about my sexual preference doubts and other issues like low self-esteem.
She told me to explore more the possibilities of being attracted to men, like, watching gay porn, and see if it arouses me.
I was practically talking non-stop, I really don't have a problem to talk about these things with women, it's more an issue of solving the issues, and taking the appropriate actions.
I think I'll continue going there.
A bit later I was at the dentist's.
The slight pain and discomfort was compensated by this very young dentist who treated my teeth.
I can't stop looking into those eyes, there is something erotic about someone continuously looking at your mouth, touching you gently, getting very close to you, while at the same time you have to keep still, and all you can look at is those gentle eyes.
She wore a mouth mask, so this only puts more emphasis on the eyes.
She also called another colleague twice, a female blonde young dentist, to make sure she had done everything correctly, so then there was a second pair of eyes looking at me.
It's at times like these I find it hard to believe I would be gay.
Then I start to wonder: where do these doubts even come from?
Ive kind of always thought it was natural to want to experience sex with someone of the same sex. It may not even be that you are gay but just bisexual or maybe just the idea of another man turns you on.
As far as the dentist goes. I recently had someone tell me basically the same thing about sitting in the dentist chair and having sexual feelings and even fantasies. He said he felt like he was under her power. All I could think about when he was telling me this was Jennifer Anniston in Horrible Bosses.
 
Ive kind of always thought it was natural to want to experience sex with someone of the same sex. It may not even be that you are gay but just bisexual or maybe just the idea of another man turns you on.
As far as the dentist goes. I recently had someone tell me basically the same thing about sitting in the dentist chair and having sexual feelings and even fantasies. He said he felt like he was under her power. All I could think about when he was telling me this was Jennifer Anniston in Horrible Bosses.
Haven't seen that film (yet).
I guess it gives me an alibi to enjoy the sexual tension (which only exists in my head and not in hers, I'm sure) without really feeling guilty.
She's the one coming closer, leaning forward, what can I do?
I can't run away.
I'm sure if a woman looked at me in a normal situation, I'd feel uncomfortable because of my insecurities.
Also, it has been extremely long since I have had any kind of relation, I guess I miss being touched, so if this young girl touches me and it is all in a professional way, even wearing rubber gloves, it feels erotic to me.
 
Did all kinds of various things and errands today. But, all that I got accomplished was paying my water bill even though I had about 8 things I was trying to get accomplished.
 
Nothing but negativity today, i’ll try to be better tomorrow ✨

It's cool. I think sometimes it's healthy to acknowledge this, instead of sweeping it under the rug and pretending it isn't there. I feel like that just kicks the can down the road to blow up even bigger some other day.

Of course I can see how it's not healthy or good to stay there, and how others will lose patience with us if we do - and I have a hard time putting this into practice myself - but I think it is natural to expect that we're not going to be strong all the time. We are after all real people, not idealized or cartoonish fictional characters.
 
For mine - something was said to me yesterday that I interpreted as deeply negative, though may have only been a joke.

But instead of screaming, swearing, punching things, or making something out of what was probably nothing and making the situation worse, I just calmly went for an up-tempo walk to cool off. I might have vented and sworn a bit to myself, but I didn't upset anyone else, and preserved the peace.
 
For mine - something was said to me yesterday that I interpreted as deeply negative, though may have only been a joke.

But instead of screaming, swearing, punching things, or making an issue out of it at all, I just calmly went for an up-tempo walk to cool off.
For the record, I am sure it was Ska Fishyyy!! No one would dare be mean to you!

It's cool. I think sometimes it's healthy to acknowledge this, instead of sweeping it under the rug and pretending it isn't there. I feel like that just kicks the can down the road to blow up even bigger some other day.

Of course I can see how it's not healthy or good to stay there, and how others will lose patience with us if we do - and I have a hard time putting this into practice myself - but I think it is natural to expect that we're not going to be strong all the time. We are after all real people, not idealized or cartoonish fictional characters.
Yeah I want to be more positive, but I am just stuck at the moment, stuck in negativity, I am working through it, but I am trying my best ✨
 
This beer I just opened is well deserved. I have been in a cleaning frenzy since 8am. While I know why I was in deep clean mode on my hands and knees scrubbing floors and washing walls and organizing food and cleaning cabinets and holy honeysuckle this kitchen is immaculate...it needed to be done and it kept my mind and body busy. Score 1 for me. I'm going to have a few more celebratory beers.
 
ALL THE CHORES!!!
No seriously, all the chores.

Washed clothes, bedding, curtains, dusted, reorganized a whole room for space, threw out a bunch of stuff that I never use that was taking up space, found a bunch of tiny things I'd accidentally double bought that'll help me save 3 or 4 dollars here or there, mostly toiletries and first aid supplies. Tried to vacuum, but the vacuum is broken. :( Otherwise though, 😁(y)

I am tired.
Laundry included, the whole shebang took me, about 8 hours.

Totally worth it though.
 

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