Online dating - connected with a girl-all of a sudden on date day morning-"I'm sick"

[GrayAndLonesome]

Lol, most of life is a **** test, yes.

Because, people are fickle nowadays. These online dating sites and apps are a hotbed of superficiality. People learn to +1 or -1 people for smallest things. You need to read the stats on these sites/apps because it will make you feel better. Often, more than 90% of the people on them are male and/or married and/or not truly interested and/or looking for an ego boost and/or trying to arrange an affair and/or just immaturely playing around. Yes, this is what society has come to. It's not your fault. You need to have a very thick skin and a bit of narcissism to catch the attention of basic ******* nowadays. Those types of girls aren't my style anyway. However, that's 99.9% of what you are going to find in that setting. Godspeed.

Yes, life is always going to be a ***** test. However, online dating is the only outlet for me to meet people in my area since I have moved here about nine months ago, and don't really have a huge friend network here. I have asked a bakery lady to pair me up with a girl, and she did, only to have that girl rudely tell me she was not interested.

Yes, I do know the downside to online dating. I'm at a bigger disadvantage because I'm a minority male, and I prefer women from my own ethnic or racial background.

Nevertheless, I did not give up on this girl who flaked out.

Many of you guys here said to forget about her because she didn't respond back as to when we should meet up.

I thought otherwise.

Yesterday, I went ahead and sent her a text, asking her what her availability was this week, since she was sick last week Thursday.

She responded to my text message! She said that she's busy packing up, cleaning her apartment, have been tired, etc.

So all in all, as an update to this girl I've met via online dating, I am going to be having dinner with her tomorrow night!

Will let you know what happens (I hope she doesn't cop out again, otherwise, it's the end).

---

Gray if your feeling worried about your phone number could you try using another one for a time? My guess is youll get similar results anyway. I don't do internet dating but it looks like a numbers game and you must learn not to take it personally. 

The positive side to this is you met someone who could be bothered to reply to your messages. Keep it going and try to be relaxed?

Hi Celt. No no, I'm not worried about my cell phone number. I hate to sound paranoid, but it seems like somebody already has access to my cell phone (i.e. NSA) and are able to read all my text messages to potential girls, and telling them outside of my scope, to not date me, etc.

But anyhow, I'm being more happy and positive today, as I took the courage to send this girl another set of text messages yesterday.

She responded to my text messages, and we chatted about what we did over the New year's weekend, etc.

I then asked when she was available to meet up this week for our "first date." She gave me couple of days she was available this week, and one of the days happen to be my day-off days.

I will be having dinner with her tomorrow evening! Cross my fingers, break a leg! LOL!

 

[EveWasFramed]

Lol, most of life is a **** test, yes.

Because, people are fickle nowadays. These online dating sites and apps are a hotbed of superficiality. People learn to +1 or -1 people for smallest things. You need to read the stats on these sites/apps because it will make you feel better. Often, more than 90% of the people on them are male and/or married and/or not truly interested and/or looking for an ego boost and/or trying to arrange an affair and/or just immaturely playing around. Yes, this is what society has come to. It's not your fault. You need to have a very thick skin and a bit of narcissism to catch the attention of basic ******* nowadays. Those types of girls aren't my style anyway. However, that's 99.9% of what you are going to find in that setting. Godspeed.

Yes, life is always going to be a ***** test. However, online dating is the only outlet for me to meet people in my area since I have moved here about nine months ago, and don't really have a huge friend network here. I have asked a bakery lady to pair me up with a girl, and she did, only to have that girl rudely tell me she was not interested.

Yes, I do know the downside to online dating. I'm at a bigger disadvantage because I'm a minority male, and I prefer women from my own ethnic or racial background.

Nevertheless, I did not give up on this girl who flaked out.

Many of you guys here said to forget about her because she didn't respond back as to when we should meet up.

I thought otherwise.

Yesterday, I went ahead and sent her a text, asking her what her availability was this week, since she was sick last week Thursday.

She responded to my text message! She said that she's busy packing up, cleaning her apartment, have been tired, etc.

So all in all, as an update to this girl I've met via online dating, I am going to be having dinner with her tomorrow night!

Will let you know what happens (I hope she doesn't cop out again, otherwise, it's the end).

---

Gray if your feeling worried about your phone number could you try using another one for a time? My guess is youll get similar results anyway. I don't do internet dating but it looks like a numbers game and you must learn not to take it personally. 

The positive side to this is you met someone who could be bothered to reply to your messages. Keep it going and try to be relaxed?

Hi Celt. No no, I'm not worried about my cell phone number. I hate to sound paranoid, but it seems like somebody already has access to my cell phone (i.e. NSA) and are able to read all my text messages to potential girls, and telling them outside of my scope, to not date me, etc.

But anyhow, I'm being more happy and positive today, as I took the courage to send this girl another set of text messages yesterday.

She responded to my text messages, and we chatted about what we did over the New year's weekend, etc.

I then asked when she was available to meet up this week for our "first date." She gave me couple of days she was available this week, and one of the days happen to be my day-off days.

I will be having dinner with her tomorrow evening! Cross my fingers, break a leg! LOL!

---

Please don't break a leg - it might hinder a second date.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

No no, I'm not worried about my cell phone number. I hate to sound paranoid, but it seems like somebody already has access to my cell phone (i.e. NSA) and are able to read all my text messages to potential girls, and telling them outside of my scope, to not date me, etc.

You suspect that the NSA is reading your text messages to girls and then telling those girls not to date you?

 

[TheRealCallie]

No no, I'm not worried about my cell phone number. I hate to sound paranoid, but it seems like somebody already has access to my cell phone (i.e. NSA) and are able to read all my text messages to potential girls, and telling them outside of my scope, to not date me, etc.

But anyhow, I'm being more happy and positive today, as I took the courage to send this girl another set of text messages yesterday.

She responded to my text messages, and we chatted about what we did over the New year's weekend, etc.

I then asked when she was available to meet up this week for our "first date." She gave me couple of days she was available this week, and one of the days happen to be my day-off days.

I will be having dinner with her tomorrow evening! Cross my fingers, break a leg! LOL!

Are you a potential terrorist only going after the daughters of high level government employees or something?  If you aren't (and I seriously doubt you are), I would wager that the NSA has better things to do. 

So, you gave her time to get better and tried again and she responded?  Wow, maybe you shouldn't jump to only the negative comments that agree with you next time and give people a chance to be....oh, I don't know...HUMAN?

 

[Northern Lights]

I'm surprised at how most people assume disinterest or would back away upon hearing their date was sick.

I've cancelled dates out of sickness as well! Who wants to go to a date and make a horrible first impression feeling ill, looking unattractive and ragged? 

Gray, I hope your date went well! 

For everyone else, if your date cancels out of sickness don't assume the worst. If they don't reschedule or respond, then move on. There's no point in overthinking about flakes. I agree that dating sucks but it is what it is.

 

[morrowrd]

I'm surprised at how most people assume disinterest or would back away upon hearing their date was sick.

I've cancelled dates out of sickness as well! Who wants to go to a date and make a horrible first impression feeling ill, looking unattractive and ragged? 

Gray, I hope your date went well! 

For everyone else, if your date cancels out of sickness don't assume the worst. If they don't reschedule or respond, then move on. There's no point in overthinking about flakes. I agree that dating sucks but it is what it is.

Reject ye first, lest ye be rejected.

The fear of rejection is a powerful frame of mind.  Especially if there's been a pattern.  "I'm sick" is one of many common polite ways people who have changed their mind, get out of a commitment, such as a date. While what you say has a ring of truth, in the pattern's of online dating, it's hard to allow for that.  Especially when the norm isn't honesty - "I don't think we're a good match, sorry."  If people would be upfront, as stinging as it is, it eliminates wondering.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

I'm surprised at how most people assume disinterest or would back away upon hearing their date was sick.

I've cancelled dates out of sickness as well! Who wants to go to a date and make a horrible first impression feeling ill, looking unattractive and ragged? 

Gray, I hope your date went well! 

For everyone else, if your date cancels out of sickness don't assume the worst. If they don't reschedule or respond, then move on. There's no point in overthinking about flakes. I agree that dating sucks but it is what it is.

^^ Hi Northern Lights,

Yes, I finally got to meet up with that girl whom I have met online through a dating website.

I guess it helps to be pro-active and to keep sending her text messages to show that I'm still interested.

We talked a lot about each of our cultural background, our future goals in life, our jobs, our family, etc.

It's funny because she wanted to pay for our dinner, but I beat her to it and was the responsible male who paid for both of our dinner.

 The downside though, and I kind of got a hint through our conversation, is that she may not be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with me.

So the good part was that I had dinner with her, and was able to chat with her.

Now the downside, which makes me break my heart, and I now am feeling depressed.

After our dinner last night, I drove back home, and sent her a text message, thanking for showing up to have dinner with me, and I wished her a good evening.

Oh, and I forgot to state this guys. So I have sent her a text message yesterday morning reminding her of our dinner date. Six hours later, she texted me back, asking to bump our meet time an hour earlier. I was fine with that.

Then she sent me a text message an hour later stating that she was in another part of town, and that she preferred to meet me there at the mall. I was quite confused because originally, we were suppose to meet up for dinner at another restaurant in another part of town. However, the new location worked well with me, because it was closer to where I lived.

She told me that she wanted to meet earlier because she had a music/song rehearsal yesterday evening at 7:30PM. So I agreed to meet her at the new location, new restaurant and new time. Thank God I didn't make reservation at the other restaurant (or basically, that other restaurant didn't take reservations).

So anyhow, getting back to last night, I sent her a text message thanking for meeting up and that I had a good time.

Guess what guys? No text message response from her.

I then sent her a message about an hour ago, asking how her musical/song rehearsal went?

Same **** (pardon my language, but I'm feeling down and upset now). No response from her.

So yes, most of you guys were right, in that she probably was not interested in meeting up with me last week, which is why she made the cop-out excuse of being sick.

But LOL! Since I kept pestering her three days ago via text (or in my opinion, being pro-active!) about meeting up this week, she probably gave in and decided to have dinner with me, and then break our relationship by not responding to my subsequent date text messages.

*sigh*

---

Reject ye first, lest ye be rejected.

The fear of rejection is a powerful frame of mind.  Especially if there's been a pattern.  "I'm sick" is one of many common polite ways people who have changed their mind, get out of a commitment, such as a date. While what you say has a ring of truth, in the pattern's of online dating, it's hard to allow for that.  Especially when the norm isn't honesty - "I don't think we're a good match, sorry."  If people would be upfront, as stinging as it is, it eliminates wondering.

@ Morrowrd, no no, you and many others who gave me advice about this girl and last weeks' "I'm sick" excuse were right on the ball.

She was not interested in following through. But I find that weird, because I haven't even met her yet, and she told me she's sick?

Anyhow, last night, she really did mention that she had the stomach flu, so eh....maybe she was sick last week.

I thought we had a great dinner date last night. She complimented me on how I wrote my messages to her, and that I seemed like a polite guy.

However, the heart-breaker was no response from her, regarding my text message. When I got home, I did the typical "thank you for coming out to dinner, I had a great time with you, have a good evening and I hope to see you again" text message which I sent her.

I NEVER got one single response from her. I was heart broken.

About an hour ago, I had sent her another text message asking how her musical/song rehearsal went last night because she bumped our meet-up time an hour earlier because she had to travel to another part of town for her rehearsal.

Same like last night. So far, no text message response from her.

So wump wump, back at square one.

This is the 3rd girl I've met face-to-face for a first-time date from the online dating website.

Yes, I consider face-to-face dates, even for first time, a "partial" success. However, I have been having bad luck when it comes to girls continuing to want to consider dating me or meeting up with me for subsequent dates (usually after the first or second get-together date).

 

[bleed_the_freak]

When you thank her for letting you buy her dinner, she doesn't respond, and then you send other conversation-prompting messages, that is going to seem needy and desperate.

Your response to her silence should have been silence, instead it was more effort on your part to answer her lack of effort.

Not setting a good precedent.

She got a free dinner. You got friend zoned.

 

[BeyondShy]

Hi Celt. No no, I'm not worried about my cell phone number. I hate to sound paranoid, but it seems like somebody already has access to my cell phone (i.e. NSA) and are able to read all my text messages to potential girls, and telling them outside of my scope, to not date me, etc.

You hate to sound paranoid? You are. With all the **** going on right now about Russian hacking with the elections and in the state of Vermont you think the NSA is going to ignore that to access your phone and send messages to them not to go on a date with you? What the hell???

You know, it could happen. You might be right. It could go something like this.

NSA Employee: Sir, we have just discovered more evidence of Russia's hacking in the United States!

NSA Supervisor: I want you to ignore the small stuff from now on. We just intercepted another text from GrayAndLonesome's phone and in this latest text he asked someone out. I need ten of our agents who have accounts on that website he's on to begin messaging that girl and letting her know that they know this guy and to tell her in no uncertain terms to go out with him or even respond back to him. I need hourly reports on this!

NSA Employee: But sir, what about what the Russians have been doing?

NSA Supervisor: Oh who cares? Leave Russia alone. Monitoring this guy's phone is much more important. This is a matter of National Security! Let's go!



It sounds crazy when you think about, right? Because it is. Just concentrate on the date. One time you are going to get someone who is not going to play games with you because it seemed to me she was just stringing you along. You deserve better. We all do.

 

[Xpendable]

Yeah, it's crazy, Russia isn't hacking anything.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Yeah, it's crazy, Russia isn't hacking anything.

+ 1

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

When you thank her for letting you buy her dinner, she doesn't respond, and then you send other conversation-prompting messages, that is going to seem needy and desperate.

Your response to her silence should have been silence, instead it was more effort on your part to answer her lack of effort.

Not setting a good precedent.

She got a free dinner. You got friend zoned.

Aw, bummer. Yeah, I guess you're right in that silence or no response from her meant a "no thank you" clue to our relationship.

But man, I'm still feeling depressed and down. I thought we clicked together and the chemistry was there. She was a girl of the same racial group and shared good common beliefs, and I actually plan on moving up north to the area where she currently lives (after my job contract expires).

I guess I will seek some counseling for my depression after this "no go" instance.

---

You hate to sound paranoid? You are. With all the **** going on right now about Russian hacking with the elections and in the state of Vermont you think the NSA is going to ignore that to access your phone and send messages to them not to go on a date with you? What the hell???

You know, it could happen. You might be right. It could go something like this.


It sounds crazy when you think about, right? Because it is. Just concentrate on the date. One time you are going to get someone who is not going to play games with you because it seemed to me she was just stringing you along. You deserve better. We all do.

I knew one of you would criticize me for thinking negatively and/or paranoid about my potential dates turning their backs to me after a first meet-up or prior to any meet up dates.

But the trend seems too true. Perhaps it is not NSA or whatnot who is doing this to me. But it seems like somebody is discouraging my potential girlfriends to not continue dating with me, to break up with me or to not meet me at all!!

I'm started to get worried and anxious about dating, living with a girlfriend under the same roof....etc.

 

[BeyondShy]

I knew one of you would criticize me for thinking negatively and/or paranoid about my potential dates turning their backs to me after a first meet-up or prior to any meet up dates.

But the trend seems too true. Perhaps it is not NSA or whatnot who is doing this to me. But it seems like somebody is discouraging my potential girlfriends to not continue dating with me, to break up with me or to not meet me at all!!

I'm started to get worried and anxious about dating, living with a girlfriend under the same roof....etc.

Good God! What did you expect? It's understandable to think negatively about a date and wonder what could go wrong, etc,etc, etc. You don't have the monopoly on that. But to blame the NSA for it? I don't know how to put it to you except to say that it is plain and simple nonsense.

Have you told any of these girls this when you were out on your dates, that you thought the NSA was messing with you? Because if you did I would not blame the girl for excusing herself to go to the restroom and never coming back. I have come to realize that most of my problems start with the reflection in my mirror and it has nothing to do with the NSA.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I'm sure the NSA has a hotline. You could always call and ask.

 

[BeyondShy]

I'm sure the NSA has a hotline. You could always call and ask.

I just did and I'm on hold. It seems that they are too busy dealing with this guy to answer my questions.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm sure the NSA has a hotline. You could always call and ask.

I just did and I'm on hold. It seems that they are too busy dealing with this guy to answer my questions.

I think you already made your point and drove the nail through the coffin, no need to be condescending and smug about it....

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

When you thank her for letting you buy her dinner, she doesn't respond, and then you send other conversation-prompting messages, that is going to seem needy and desperate.

Your response to her silence should have been silence, instead it was more effort on your part to answer her lack of effort.

Not setting a good precedent.

She got a free dinner. You got friend zoned.

Well, she actually responded to my text message but at a later time. I think though, that yeah, unfortunately, she doesn't really care for me.

I will be honest and not lie, that we still send text messages to one another. For example, she had a song performance two days ago, and I wished her luck, and told her to let me know how that event went. She responded yesterday afternoon that her performance went well and her friends were there at her song performance. However, I could not make it because I had to work Wednesday night.

I do hope to get to meet up with her for future events, such as going hiking together, rather than just sending text messages back and forth.

---

You hate to sound paranoid? You are. With all the **** going on right now about Russian hacking with the elections and in the state of Vermont you think the NSA is going to ignore that to access your phone and send messages to them not to go on a date with you? What the hell???

You know, it could happen. You might be right. It could go something like this.

NSA Employee: Sir, we have just discovered more evidence of Russia's hacking in the United States!

NSA Supervisor: I want you to ignore the small stuff from now on. We just intercepted another text from GrayAndLonesome's phone and in this latest text he asked someone out. I need ten of our agents who have accounts on that website he's on to begin messaging that girl and letting her know that they know this guy and to tell her in no uncertain terms to go out with him or even respond back to him. I need hourly reports on this!

NSA Employee: But sir, what about what the Russians have been doing?

NSA Supervisor: Oh who cares? Leave Russia alone. Monitoring this guy's phone is much more important. This is a matter of National Security! Let's go!



It sounds crazy when you think about, right? Because it is. Just concentrate on the date. One time you are going to get someone who is not going to play games with you because it seemed to me she was just stringing you along. You deserve better. We all do.

^^ Hey look wise man. Quit calling me paranoid. It seems true that someone is telling all of my potential dates to either skimp out on me, telling my potential dates negative things about me. Otherwise, I don't know why I cannot get past first dates with these girls I'm either paired up with, via church friend or people I know, or girls I have met on online dating websites.

All in all, dating for me sucks balls in the US.

I hope to gain my job experience and leave this country. America may be good for job, economic and academic opportunities. However, at least for me, this country sucks sooooo bad when it comes to dating. I mainly blame the media for its racist agenda and which makes me still a single guy in my 30s.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

 

[Northern Lights]

Sorry to hear it didn't go the way you had hoped, but good on you for trying. There's the saying "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

Dating really sucks and I suffered through the first date curse for a long time so I know the feeling. It's a blow to the ego. I empathize with your comments about blaming the media. I don't fall into the media's standards of beauty (or pretty much most men's ideals) so it really hurt to put myself out there. However, I lucked out 3 years ago (still pinching myself) and if it could happen to me it could happen to you. I just hope that you continue reaching out and find a great partner.

Keep us posted!

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

Sorry to hear it didn't go the way you had hoped, but good on you for trying. There's the saying "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

Dating really sucks and I suffered through the first date curse for a long time so I know the feeling. It's a blow to the ego. I empathize with your comments about blaming the media. I don't fall into the media's standards of beauty (or pretty much most men's ideals) so it really hurt to put myself out there. However, I lucked out 3 years ago (still pinching myself) and if it could happen to me it could happen to you. I just hope that you continue reaching out and find a great partner.

Keep us posted!

Hey NorthernLights, thank you for your understanding and kind word of advice.

Yeah, I am very bummed out right now about online dating. I mean the good news is that I have received responses from some people, and have gone out one 3 dates so far. Like I've said in other threads or postings, the first two girls were not my type because they were a little too thick for me and didn't have that sexy vibe to them.

However, the most-recent girl was very nice, pretty, and although she copped out on me three weeks ago, I was able to not give up and finally we had a dinner date. When we talked, it sounded like we had a good connection with each other.

However, subsequent to our dinner date, it seemed like she didn't want to initiate text messages. My last message with her was last week Friday.

I keep telling her that I have time for a date on the weekend, but she keeps telling me she's busy working for her real estate company on the weekends, etc.

I just will give up on her.

I have received other message responses on match.com. However, I don't think that i will meet a pretty girl like her, especially with online dating. =(