panic attacks in class

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Exactly. You're making progress and so glad to hear it. Keep it up!

 

[aspalas]

Christmas was nice. I haven't been thinking about my problems so I mostly had good days, a few bad ones during the christmas break. I'm a bit scared of going back to school next week although we'll be working individually mostly. I'll keep you posted on everything. I do feel better now so I'm gonna try to keep it up.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Glad to hear that the good days outnumbered the bad one's and your feeling more together.....keep us posted

 

[aspalas]

Thanks for the support!

 

[madera23]

I'm sorry for writing such a long story, but I'd appreciate it if you read it.

Hi there. Haven't posted here for a while because I've actually been doing pretty well overall, until now. This year I started with a new small-scale media art/music bachelor, we're with a small group and discuss/talk a lot in groups of around 20 persons during, most courses are attended by people from all years including the master. There's no "fixed" groups usually. So far for the background info.

2 weeks ago a small workshop started, and it started off just sitting at a table, introducing ourselves. At that point I had the most terrifying experience I've ever had, I think I had a serious panic attack, I literally felt like I was about to die and walked out of the classroom, eventually using "I don't feel well" as an excuse. The whole week I was kind of shocked by this experience, but everything else went well, tho I hadn't been in the same sort of "setting" (around the table with full attention of everyone) anymore. I knew there was something wrong because for the past few months I've had some similair but way less intrusive experiences too, more about this later.

Well, today it happened again. A new course started, we had to do some research in small groups, and tell the group about it on 2 occasions that day. Both times I also was so extremely anxious that I just blacked out and walked away. My heart was racing, there was some strange pressure on my chest, I could barely hear or see anymore, I just was on a total meltdown. As you can understand, this was extremely awkward and I'm literally exhausted because of it, I can't stop thinking about it and I'm scared to death that it will happen again, it's making me extremely restless.

Additionally to all this, I've been having trouble in more casual social situations too. I sometimes get really shaky hands and moderate anxiety, once when I went out for dinner for instance with a friend and some of his friends and family because he graduated. I had a hard time lifting a glass of wine and not making it spill. Same thing happened this weekend at my grandma's birthday, resulting in me not drinking or eating anything in front of my own family. I just felt so uncomfortable that I couldn't do it. This was still fresh in my memory today, and also the first "panic attack" I told you about. I've been constantly thinking about it and I can't help but to think that being scared of this kind of stuff happening, actually makes it happen.

Anyway, I'm calling my general practitioner tomorrow first thing in the morning to send me to a psychologist or psychiatrist and mailed my university's "shrink". I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'll go wednesday again because the courses I have are just listening that day, I don't have to say anything. I guess I just wanted to write this off, and maybe get some support or tips. I also wonder if it's possible that this goes away or if there's any solution that makes it possible for me to participate in my studies and not being terrified every single day... So if anyone has (had) the same issues or has anything to say. I'd be incredibly grateful if you posted here.


By the way, I've never had these issues before. I've always had very little trouble with this, I've even spoken to large groups of people (100 or more) without being very nervous. That's what is making it so incomprehendable for me.

Can you pinpoint anything that happened to start this?

 

[aspalas]

I'm sorry for writing such a long story, but I'd appreciate it if you read it.

Hi there. Haven't posted here for a while because I've actually been doing pretty well overall, until now. This year I started with a new small-scale media art/music bachelor, we're with a small group and discuss/talk a lot in groups of around 20 persons during, most courses are attended by people from all years including the master. There's no "fixed" groups usually. So far for the background info.

2 weeks ago a small workshop started, and it started off just sitting at a table, introducing ourselves. At that point I had the most terrifying experience I've ever had, I think I had a serious panic attack, I literally felt like I was about to die and walked out of the classroom, eventually using "I don't feel well" as an excuse. The whole week I was kind of shocked by this experience, but everything else went well, tho I hadn't been in the same sort of "setting" (around the table with full attention of everyone) anymore. I knew there was something wrong because for the past few months I've had some similair but way less intrusive experiences too, more about this later.

Well, today it happened again. A new course started, we had to do some research in small groups, and tell the group about it on 2 occasions that day. Both times I also was so extremely anxious that I just blacked out and walked away. My heart was racing, there was some strange pressure on my chest, I could barely hear or see anymore, I just was on a total meltdown. As you can understand, this was extremely awkward and I'm literally exhausted because of it, I can't stop thinking about it and I'm scared to death that it will happen again, it's making me extremely restless.

Additionally to all this, I've been having trouble in more casual social situations too. I sometimes get really shaky hands and moderate anxiety, once when I went out for dinner for instance with a friend and some of his friends and family because he graduated. I had a hard time lifting a glass of wine and not making it spill. Same thing happened this weekend at my grandma's birthday, resulting in me not drinking or eating anything in front of my own family. I just felt so uncomfortable that I couldn't do it. This was still fresh in my memory today, and also the first "panic attack" I told you about. I've been constantly thinking about it and I can't help but to think that being scared of this kind of stuff happening, actually makes it happen.

Anyway, I'm calling my general practitioner tomorrow first thing in the morning to send me to a psychologist or psychiatrist and mailed my university's "shrink". I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'll go wednesday again because the courses I have are just listening that day, I don't have to say anything. I guess I just wanted to write this off, and maybe get some support or tips. I also wonder if it's possible that this goes away or if there's any solution that makes it possible for me to participate in my studies and not being terrified every single day... So if anyone has (had) the same issues or has anything to say. I'd be incredibly grateful if you posted here.


By the way, I've never had these issues before. I've always had very little trouble with this, I've even spoken to large groups of people (100 or more) without being very nervous. That's what is making it so incomprehendable for me.

Can you pinpoint anything that happened to start this?

The attacks or just the whole "problem" I have now? About the attacks, I don't know exactly what it is but I just feel much more aware of myself lately and I don't like that at all. Somehow it just scares me to have everybodies attention on me. I never had these problems before, I've been in a lot of similair situations. That was usually around people I either didn't know at all, or knew quite well (and felt comfortable around). I never really cared what people thought of me until now, and having had an attack once made me scared to have another anyway.

I've also spoke about this with my therapist, I realized I'm just not comfortable at all around the people in my department, I don't feel part of the group and I feel like their judgment is important to me (I'm not sure why), so that's why I'm more scared. I'm also just very scared to have another attack, that's also a major trigger.

About the whole "problem", I think for the past months I just haven't really been myself. I don't feel confident, I'm worrying about all kinds of things, I just feel kind of useless, I suspect this change to being not confident at all from being quite confident in all kinds of social situations, might be the direct cause of having these attacks.

A little update, I made an appointment for this friday with a physical therapist (who works together with my therapist), to get my mind and my body more synchronised and hopefully will help me to cope with the attacks in a better way.

 

[aspalas]

Time for a little update. Spoken with the therapist again and I think it's getting somewhere, I won't go to deep into it because that will basically mean I'll have to tell you my life story. Also the physical therapist gave me some exercises and tips, they really help a lot to at least calm myself down at home and have a bit more physical self confidence so to speak. I feel like I'm more in touch with my body which is nice. I haven't been in a situation in which I had a panic attack anymore since it happened last time, but in the rest of my daily life and situations in which I could get quite anxious I'm able to handle it a lot better.

Next week I'll have a presentation, I hope it goes well. It's only for my class and some teachers, I've done this before and it usually went fine, so I'll just focus on that and hope for the best. In 2 weeks I'll leave for Poland to do a project with school, I'm actually pretty terrified about that. During the meetings about the project in december, I had a couple of panic attacks. I don't feel comfortable with those people at all, so it's going to be a big challenge for me. I'm pretty sure some situations will occur in which I've had a panic attack, although we'll mostly work in smaller groups (I'm in a group with 2 guys that I am comfortable with). We had to book our own flights and accommodations, and in Poland we'll have to work mostly with those groups, so I won't be with the other people that much. It's all still quite vague, but I'm sure about 2 things; We'll have to introduce ourselves again because we'll work together with students from a school in the city we are, in this situation I've had a panic attack, and we'll have to present the project we've did there at some point.

My therapist told me it was probably for the best to tell the 2 guys in my group about my problems. I don't want to, but I'm thinking about it, even though it might not be the most fun thing to do, it might be good to have some support. Also next time we'll meet (in a week) we'll talk about what I can do if it does go wrong, to keep it as comfortable as possible. I'm also going to talk with the head of my department, who's joining us on the trip. I haven't spoken to him about this issue since I've sent him an e-mail about it, so I think it's very important to have a good conversation about this before we'll leave, I hope he can kind of act as my personal support during the trip.

So basically, I think I'm doing better, It's not influencing my daily life that much anymore, and if it does I can cope with it quite well. I do am very scared about how it will be in school and during that 2 week trip, but yeah... I'll just see it as a test and hope it will go well.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Hey! Glad to hear the therapist's helping!
I understand your feelings about Poland. I've felt the same way before. I'd see it like a test. Y'know, like you have the strategies you've learned and try to use them in a bigger situation like this. If things go wrong, well, you tried, and you can always try again! Glad to hear you're sort of preparing yourself in case things go south. That's always a good idea

Keep up the good work! Still cheering for you on this end.

 

[aspalas]

I had the presentation today. Actually 5 teachers and a lot of students (also from different years) were there (my department is fairly small, my year only has 9 students), about 25 persons in total. After preparing my work yesterday in the presentation space, I was extremely stressed out. This morning I thought I wouldn't be able to do it... I called the head of my department that I wouldn't come, and told those 2 guys that are also in my excursion group about it (sent them a message on whatsapp). Eventually they and myself kind of persuaded me to go anyway. I was the first one to present my work. I must say I've probably never been so scared before in my life, but it actually went well. I got a lot of support from the teachers and those 2 friends, got a good grade, and I'm extremely happy I still did it anyway. I thought it would be too big of a step but I managed to pull it off. Once I started talking and answering questions from everyone who was there, I felt quite good, like I always used to feel in these situations, only a "healthy" ammount of stress and fear.

Anyway, this is such a big step for me. I'm so glad I did it .

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Hey you've come a long way

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

I had the presentation today. Actually 5 teachers and a lot of students (also from different years) were there (my department is fairly small, my year only has 9 students), about 25 persons in total. After preparing my work yesterday in the presentation space, I was extremely stressed out. This morning I thought I wouldn't be able to do it... I called the head of my department that I wouldn't come, and told those 2 guys that are also in my excursion group about it (sent them a message on whatsapp). Eventually they and myself kind of persuaded me to go anyway. I was the first one to present my work. I must say I've probably never been so scared before in my life, but it actually went well. I got a lot of support from the teachers and those 2 friends, got a good grade, and I'm extremely happy I still did it anyway. I thought it would be too big of a step but I managed to pull it off. Once I started talking and answering questions from everyone who was there, I felt quite good, like I always used to feel in these situations, only a "healthy" ammount of stress and fear.

Anyway, this is such a big step for me. I'm so glad I did it .

Hey! Congrats! I agree with Sothatwasmylife, you've come quite a long way in a pretty short time. I'm so happy for you. Keep it up!

 

[madera23]

I had the presentation today. Actually 5 teachers and a lot of students (also from different years) were there (my department is fairly small, my year only has 9 students), about 25 persons in total. After preparing my work yesterday in the presentation space, I was extremely stressed out. This morning I thought I wouldn't be able to do it... I called the head of my department that I wouldn't come, and told those 2 guys that are also in my excursion group about it (sent them a message on whatsapp). Eventually they and myself kind of persuaded me to go anyway. I was the first one to present my work. I must say I've probably never been so scared before in my life, but it actually went well. I got a lot of support from the teachers and those 2 friends, got a good grade, and I'm extremely happy I still did it anyway. I thought it would be too big of a step but I managed to pull it off. Once I started talking and answering questions from everyone who was there, I felt quite good, like I always used to feel in these situations, only a "healthy" ammount of stress and fear.

Anyway, this is such a big step for me. I'm so glad I did it .

Your problem is that you dont like people but have a need to please them, putting stress on yourself.
STop worrying about what people think. Just be yourself and if you make a mistake, don't
judge yourself, just learn from them.
Someone in your life caused you to doubt yourself .
Dont try to be perfect, dont judge others for when you judge, you shall be judged.
realize people are not perfect, forgive those who have hurt you..

 

[aspalas]

Thanks for the support. I'm going to Poland tomorrow, I'm kinda nervous, but if I want to my teachers and those 2 classmates can support me, and I guess it's better to just go and see what it brings than worry about it all the time. Thanks again people .

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Thanks for the support. I'm going to Poland tomorrow, I'm kinda nervous, but if I want to my teachers and those 2 classmates can support me, and I guess it's better to just go and see what it brings than worry about it all the time. Thanks again people .

Best of luck. Have a good time!

 

[aspalas]

Thanks for the support. I'm going to Poland tomorrow, I'm kinda nervous, but if I want to my teachers and those 2 classmates can support me, and I guess it's better to just go and see what it brings than worry about it all the time. Thanks again people .

Best of luck. Have a good time!

Thank you! I'll probably post some updates while I'm there. I hope everything goes well.

 

[aspalas]

So I've been here for 5 days now, and everything is going well. I like the city and haven't really experienced any anxiety. On one moment it was there, but i spoke to my teachers straight away and it was all allright.

Actually I have some interesting news to share, last night I went out and I met this girl, not anything serious but it gave me a load of confidence that this whole anxiety problem is not really of any influence on my seduction skills so to say (which I was very afraid of).

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

So I've been here for 5 days now, and everything is going well. I like the city and haven't really experienced any anxiety. On one moment it was there, but i spoke to my teachers straight away and it was all allright.

Actually I have some interesting news to share, last night I went out and I met this girl, not anything serious but it gave me a load of confidence that this whole anxiety problem is not really of any influence on my seduction skills so to say (which I was very afraid of).

Haha. You're really blasting through this problem aren't you?
Anyway, glad it's going good so far. Hope the rest of the trip's good too!

 

[aspalas]

Just had another "panic attack". Well it wasn't that intense (which I think is quite positive), but it was a bad moment. We came together with all students, from both our department and the department we collaborate with. We came together in the exhibition space where we'll present our work, got a chance to check out the space and select our spot. Everything was fine with me, but then we had to sit in this huge circle of people and tell about our work. Before we actually started I spoke to a teacher of us and told him I didn't feel so comfortable. I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave, but eventually we were sitting there, and I said to my group mates (who both know about this, not everything of course, but they know about the problem) I didn't feel good and I wanted to take off. So then I left. Bought some food and now I'm at the hostel.

I feel quite bad about it. I think I could have managed it, but I just felt very exposed. I'm trying to not let this moment ruin the rest for me. My shrink said I shouldn't walk away from it but still I did. I just thought, let's take this one step at a time. It isn't important to be there for me, since I've seen the space, contributed what I wanted, and my group mates will tell about our project. Also the fact that I knew this was coming and was quite relaxed about it, is new for me and I like it a lot. I'm not stressing for this moment anymore for days, it seems like the stress and fear only limits itself to the actual moment itself, which I think is great.

I hope this whole thing will not bring me down so much, of course I don't feel very good right now, a bit disappointed, but at least there's no fear or anxiety right now, so I definitely think I'm miles ahead of where I was a couple of weeks ago...

E: Oh and by the way, I really hope this thread might be useful for other people aswell. I kind of feel bad that I'm only posting here need-based right now. The only and best tip I can give anyone with these problems, is just to see your doctor. I know that that's also scary (I've been there), but the progress I've made so far is quite amazing, I feel so much better. I can't imagine how it must be to feel like this and have nobody to help you. Getting help is the best thing I've ever done.

 

[aspalas]

Might be time for a little update.

I'm doing very good now. In the past month I've made huge steps; I can basically do everything in my daily life again without being anxious. I took it step by step and it worked. My studies have suffered a bit but I think choosing for my health over attending all classes was a good choice.

I'm not completely free yet, but I'm so happy that I'm progressing so well, because I thought it would never end.

Thanks for the support