Past experiences

[TooMuchAnxiety]

As I deal with my latest bout with anxiety regarding dating, I find myself dwelling more and more on past negative experiences I've had (recent and way back). Does anyone else do this? Why is it that I never recall the positive experiences and successes I've had with dating?

More so, why do I even focus on the past to begin with? I can't change it, so why dwell? I've found I've reduced my anxiety quite a bit tonight by focusing on the next opportunity abs going over what positive things I can do next time I go out on a date.

I guess I find it frustrating that I'm wired to recall the bad and not the good as my initial reaction. I wonder if, with practice, I could somehow change that and boost my self esteem a bit. I think always remembering the negative is why my self esteem with women is kinda low.

 

[LifeCoachWithL]

Have you dealt with the past? maybe there are things you need to do or say in order to move on. you can learn from your past and not repeat it. As soon as you start to think of the past, stop yourself, and think of something that makes you happy.

As I deal with my latest bout with anxiety regarding dating, I find myself dwelling more and more on past negative experiences I've had (recent and way back). Does anyone else do this? Why is it that I never recall the positive experiences and successes I've had with dating?

More so, why do I even focus on the past to begin with? I can't change it, so why dwell? I've found I've reduced my anxiety quite a bit tonight by focusing on the next opportunity abs going over what positive things I can do next time I go out on a date.

I guess I find it frustrating that I'm wired to recall the bad and not the good as my initial reaction. I wonder if, with practice, I could somehow change that and boost my self esteem a bit. I think always remembering the negative is why my self esteem with women is kinda low.

 

[TooMuchAnxiety]

Yeah, that's what I am trying to do now. There's no traumatic event that brought about my anxiety...I just tend to only remember the disaster moments and not the times where dates have gone off without a hitch. I tend to worry about, "What if I get another panic attack?" And then the anxiety that leads up to that can ruin a date before it even begins! I need to try to break that cycle...if an attack comes, it comes. But I can't worry about if it may come, because there's a good chance it won't!

 

[9006]

Everybody is wired to remember bad things rather than good, this is used to protect us. Yes anything is possible like this with practice.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I do this a lot too, I'm always focusing on my past and wondering what I could do to change it. Right now I'm working on my self esteem and trying to do more positive things for myself. It seems like things may have happened in you're past that's still continuing to bother you. Try writing them out in a journal, jog down all you're fears and worries and try to get past them the best you can. =)

 

[Grackle]

I think just the fact you are dating is a positive thing. That should be encouraging.
Try and look at each person as a mystery, not just someone else who will disappoint you. The next date you have, see them as a gift that you can't wait to unwrap, some people are THAT interesting and they can become an actual gift if you both get along.

 

[Indifferent]

As I deal with my latest bout with anxiety regarding dating, I find myself dwelling more and more on past negative experiences I've had (recent and way back). Does anyone else do this? Why is it that I never recall the positive experiences and successes I've had with dating?

I'm currently trying to get back into dating too and opening up to the idea of romantic or physical interactions again. I think remembering negative experiences with the opposite sex links into the idea of the exception. Like when you meet someone, click, have a wonderful time, and things flow or are easier they're put into an exceptions category. You feel lucky and relieved because those dates don't happen often. There's a lot of rejection and disappointment and embarrassment while meeting new people. So when we go in I think that's what we expect. Doesn't mean it's right, because you can't lump people together like that, and every person and experience is different. But like 9006 said we're wired this way to help protect us.

 

[sk66rc]

How's that old saying go? "People who forget the past are doomed to repeat it", or something like that... I think it's a good idea to keep the past in mind when trying new, or not so new, things... It's called learning from experiences... Sure, you don't wanna dwell & live in the past but somewhere in the back of the mind, it might be a good idea to remember the bad things so we don't repeat them... It's only when we fear the bad things that keeps us from moving forward... You're absolutely right... Past can't be changed... I try to keep that in mind when I venture out to do things... I always try to think that instead of focusing on things I can change, I try to focus on things I can change, like my attitude among other things...