peak self-consciousness

[t0t35]

i'm a 17 yr old male in high school and over the last few years i have been overwhelmed with self-consciousness. i feel like i'm being judged and defined before even sparking a conversation with another person.
not that i feel like i'm ugly, but i completely realize and blow small issues out of proportion in my mind. while i'm sure few people actually see my flaws and dwell on them, i'm worrying over what people think of me. a barely(or not even) noticeable crooked nose, large bags under my eyes, and general blandness are just a few of the things i constantly worry over, for almost no reason.
i am completely comfortable with friends, but as soon as i get around people i don't really know or girls, i become quiet and near completely isolated at the thought of being judged by these people around me. unless someone else breaks the ice, i generally just keep to myself, maintaining the awkwardness. i feel like people are generally put off by me; not only by my looks, but by my awkward and self-conscious persona caused by my borderline ocd over-analysis of myself and situations.
the knowledge that superficiality is a constant in society, especially in kids my age, adds to the overall nervousness i feel in situations, especially involving girls.
i feel like i could conquer this lack of self-confidence if i had a girlfriend, but womenz don't tend to flock toward pasty, bland people with self image issues. i know that something that simple won't fix my own issues with myself, but i cannot think of any other way to over come this.
with this strange over thinking of every thing, i'm plagued by random spouts of depression over a situation that probably isn't even remembered by the other people.
thank you so very much to anyone who takes the time to read this

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i could have dragged this post out forever, but i realized i was over-analyzing my own over-analysis problem. sigh

 

[AFrozenSoul]

You sound like me when I was in high school. I did not overcome my fears thought, I still haven't, but I am trying. What I did to help myself, was I put myself in highly social situations. When I was in high school, during the fall and winter I was always doing something. I was in marching band, and I was the manager of the basketball team. If anything this helped me to force my fears back into my mind so I could be an active member of the groups I was a part of. Kind of like if you have a 3 week project but start the day before it is due. You tend to push past the small things and focus on the big picture. I have used that skill to gain a professional reputation in college and in my career. I won't lie, my fear comes flooding back out when I am alone. It overwhelms me and makes it impossible for me to function in casual situations. But I can push past it. That is what matters the most to me. Now I just need to apply it.

As for girls, I have noticed that they tend to go for cookie cutter guys of one kind or another. But about girls, they like guys who excel at what they are doing. A small display of confidence can show a girl you might be someone she would like. Most women are plagued by the fact that men are hideous apes, so they have to look for other qualities to be attracted too. You just need to find that thing about you.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site, t0t35.

----Steve

 

[RebeccaSarah33]

aww I'm sorry. I would never want to live the teenage years ever again they are the worst! I found it alot easier to be normally social once I got out of high school because most of high school just felt so fake and like a timewaste to me. School is like a way to entertain teenagers until they are of legal age to work and do other things haha, it sucks. You being 17 at least real life is right around the corner being an adult is so much better and has more purpose loool

 

[AndrewM]

I have to agree with AFrozenSoul. If you become too self-conscious in certain social situations, then one thing you can do to try and overcome shyness is to get involved in activities where you don't have time to focus on yourself - sports, games, bands, etc. The worst thing you can do, I've found from personal experience, is to lock yourself away and avoid social situations. Confidence is the key, and the opposite sex finds self-confidence very attractive (even more than looks).

Another way to develop confidence is to become proficient at something. Even if it's in an area that's purely academic, it will allow you to take charge of a situation whenever you're the expert in the room. Be careful though, too much study on your own can be a trap obviously.

You'll also be a lot more comfortable around girls if you stop thinking of them as this unattainable thing and try to relate to them simply as "guys". Don't spend your time thinking about getting laid. That's easier said than done, I know. Staying away from the porn is a good start.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There's nothing wrong with you. It's a part of being a 17 year old and being human.

It's just simple exposure. You simply inneract with your friends more than you had with women.
The more inneractions you have with women the more comfortiable you will become.
You'll go through a learning curve, make mistakes, adjust like just anything else in life.

mmmm...I was scared shitless the first time I got on a motorcycle. I didn't know anything about
bikes other then they haul ass. I did rerserch on motor cycles...the do and don't.
Then I simple drove or explose myself to riding my motorcycle. A little bit at a time. I pushed myself
or took calculated risk or chances. I simply drove over the same stretch of road over and over again.
I exposed myself to the bumps and cracks on the road. I also exposed myself to the handling of the bike
It's like nothing to me to haul ass on a motorcycle on that same stetch of road. Sometimes I even find it boring.
If I on a different road or route that's new to me...I slow way the **** down and don't take chances becuase I'm afriad
of eating ****.lol. The more I ride of that route...the more comfortiable I become...I go a little faster.

Boring...mmmm sometimes women or relationships bores the **** out of me too no matter how hawt, smexy I might think a woman is.
That's why there has to be other things in my life. ( I guess being a bad ass guitar player helps...something I excel in )
These other aspects in my life actaully enhance a relationship with a woman...Too much of anything is not good for ya...even love.
It keeps things in balance....

Just think of it like this...women are kind of like the newest or lastest gadgets, vedio games.
You get so feaken pumped up or hypes up becuase you havn't had it..but after you actaully play a vedio game after a while it's like boring as ****.
The trick is to find or choose a woman the has great replay abilites. And everyone has different flavor of thier favorite vedio games or a woman.

Everybody have fears...don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.
This principle still applies...the more you expose yourself to your fears..the more you'll adjust and be able
to function through your feelings of fears. (face your feelings of fears...feel them, process them)
You are not your feelings or your thoughts...you have feelings and thoughts.
Fears are just feelings. It's not sometype of morbid charector flaw.
Fears comes in many forms. Fears bascailly keeps you in a safe and comfortiable enviorment. (this works for you)
However fears can work against you...if you prevent yourself from moving forward or going through them.
Knowing fears are just feelings. Knowing you are not your feelings...takes the overwheling power out of fears.

Self acceptence. Know yourself.
You're a male. A 17 year old. There's hormone and pharamone. These chemicles effects your brain, body, thoughts and feelings.
So...if you have the knowlege and forsite of these things...Don't freak out, it's normal. There's nothing wrong with you.

Well...if you intuitively know there's nothing wrong with you...How dose that pretains to your self-confidence.
You already have self confidence...It's just being aware or consicous of it.
If there's nothing wrong with you...you'll simply feel more at ease around women...then they'll feel more at ease
and comfortiable inneracting with you. Then it's just a simple chioce of you developing or building a relationship
with a woman.

So when it comes to your focus...or the term you use is selfconsious. You're bascailly in a sort of tunnel vision riddle with fears...
Fears of not being good enough...etc . This is what is ment by making a mountian out of a mole hill...becuase that's all you see in front of you.
You're in too deep or too close to your fears. You can't see beyound HS and whatever peer presure HS kids come up with.
Most 17 year old are like that...You're about as normal as they come. Don't worry the same principles will apply as being an adult...whatever the **** peer presure adults come up with.lol
Why is that????...becuase everyone have fears no matter what age, sex, creed, religion, race, or what expeince a person have or gone through in life. Life changes. We all fear changes at some level.
Step back and get a bigger picture ( greater awarness/coniousness) You are not your fears. You are greater than your fears.
As you develope as a person..you'll also develope heathier mind set or habits of living through your fears...