People with spouses/partners who come here

[Naleena]

I was reading over some of the introductions and I thought how sad it is for some of them who actually have someone and still feel lonely.
I guess when I think of having a partner, I see them as my closest friend and someone I could share most anything with. I guess what I want is a very intimate, supportive and loving relationship. I haven't met anyone who quite meets that and I really wonder if thats why I'm alone. Is it unrealistic to think someone could give that to me? I'm not so sure about my life right now as things happen that make me look at it. It would have been nice to have had a partner this past week to share with and be loved by. While I have a lot of love in my life, there are some things only a partner can provide. Ok, Im waffling on now.....

 

[9006]

I guess what I want is a very intimate, supportive and loving relationship.

I don't think this is unrealistic at all, I think you should stick to your guns on this one, it's nice to see that people don't pick partners just to have a relationship, where I'm from I see it all the time, I think you need standards for it to be a decent and successful relationship.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I've had it, I miss having it, and want it again. It's kind of tough right now though- strange work schedule and the rest of my time is pretty much all about Kid. Add in lack of opportunity....

You're right, there are some things only a partner can add to your life, things I miss.

One day...

 

[Lady X]

I'm married, but although I'm on here, there is nothing lacking in my relationship with my husband. He is my soulmate and my best friend.

That fact that I'm "lonely" is due to having nobody other than my husband that I can call a friend. I did have some people who I thought were friends, but I just got continually used and screwed over before finally realising that actually, outside of my marriage (and a family who have their own lives they worry about) I have absolutely nobody else at all. The only time anyone else ever bothers with me is when they want something from me, as I work in a trade most people need from time to time.

So, even though I'm happily married, and yes that relationship enriches my life greatly, there is also a need in peoples' lives for friends too, and my lack of that leaves me feeling quite lonely and isolated indeed.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I'm married, but although I'm on here, there is nothing lacking in my relationship with my husband. He is my soulmate and my best friend.

That fact that I'm "lonely" is due to having nobody other than my husband that I can call a friend. I did have some people who I thought were friends, but I just got continually used and screwed over before finally realising that actually, outside of my marriage (and a family who have their own lives they worry about) I have absolutely nobody else at all. The only time anyone else ever bothers with me is when they want something from me, as I work in a trade most people need from time to time.

So, even though I'm happily married, and yes that relationship enriches my life greatly, there is also a need in peoples' lives for friends too, and my lack of that leaves me feeling quite lonely and isolated indeed.

Which trade X?

 

[EveWasFramed]

I've had it, I miss having it, and want it again. It's kind of tough right now though- strange work schedule and the rest of my time is pretty much all about Kid. Add in lack of opportunity....

You're right, there are some things only a partner can add to your life, things I miss.

One day...

^^ This. Only my word schedule isn't odd - I just work a lot.

 

[Lady X]

Which trade X?

I'm an IT tech - and as such I've had fairly few people I know recently strike up a conversation with me for reasons other than their technical issues.

I don't mind helping people out, and I've helped numerous people out on here and will continue to do so whenever anyone needs me, but it takes the piss when someone claims to be your friend/acquaintance or you've known them for years and they contact you once in a blue moon, ask how you are etc and then within 5 mins they give their true intentions away by asking for technical assistance. Then they disappear again until next time.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Which trade X?

I'm an IT tech - and as such I've had fairly few people I know recently strike up a conversation with me for reasons other than their technical issues.

I don't mind helping people out, and I've helped numerous people out on here and will continue to do so whenever anyone needs me, but it takes the piss when someone claims to be your friend/acquaintance or you've known them for years and they contact you once in a blue moon, ask how you are etc and then within 5 mins they give their true intentions away by asking for technical assistance. Then they disappear again until next time.

Funny about that- whenever people I haven't talked to for months, even years have a project like a deck, fence, renovation, etc., its very much the same way.

 

[Lady X]

Which trade X?

I'm an IT tech - and as such I've had fairly few people I know recently strike up a conversation with me for reasons other than their technical issues.

I don't mind helping people out, and I've helped numerous people out on here and will continue to do so whenever anyone needs me, but it takes the piss when someone claims to be your friend/acquaintance or you've known them for years and they contact you once in a blue moon, ask how you are etc and then within 5 mins they give their true intentions away by asking for technical assistance. Then they disappear again until next time.

Funny about that- whenever people I haven't talked to for months, even years have a project like a deck, fence, renovation, etc., its very much the same way.

And funny how those same people would never call you to ask if you wanna hang out or even just have a brew.

It kinda compounds the feelings of loneliness I find, as it makes it that little bit more obvious that they have no interest in me as "me" at all.

 

[perfanoff]

Which trade X?

I'm an IT tech - and as such I've had fairly few people I know recently strike up a conversation with me for reasons other than their technical issues.

I don't mind helping people out, and I've helped numerous people out on here and will continue to do so whenever anyone needs me, but it takes the piss when someone claims to be your friend/acquaintance or you've known them for years and they contact you once in a blue moon, ask how you are etc and then within 5 mins they give their true intentions away by asking for technical assistance. Then they disappear again until next time.

Haha. I used to get that a lot back when I was up-to-date with hardware and software.

I kind of resented that some people would just contact me for help and I would let myself get used. But then it dawned on me I don't owe anything to anyone. A schoolgirl who never really talks to me recently asked me to proofread something she wrote in English for her schoolwork.. no can do

 

[Gutted]

I see what you're saying and I don't think what you would like is unrealistic. I just think that what people seem to want in the world today, is superficial. People who have money, reputation, looks. These things can only get you so far in a relationship.

 

[Masque]

A relationship can't be your whole world. What if you had none of the love you currently have, perhaps no family, friends, social acceptance, self-esteem, or even capacity to socialize normally, but had a spouse?

 

[VanillaCreme]

I guess when I think of having a partner, I see them as my closest friend and someone I could share most anything with.

Unfortunately, relationships and having someone in your life doesn't always mean that. I always thought the same, but I know now, for me, that it's not.

 

[perfanoff]

A relationship can't be your whole world. What if you had none of the love you currently have, perhaps no family, friends, social acceptance, self-esteem, or even capacity to socialize normally, but had a spouse?

The thing is that many times over on this site, people say that those are needed to get in a relationship. And since such people who don't have some of these traits exist.. this is a contradiction.

 

[Masque]

A relationship can't be your whole world. What if you had none of the love you currently have, perhaps no family, friends, social acceptance, self-esteem, or even capacity to socialize normally, but had a spouse?

The thing is that many times over on this site, people say that those are needed to get in a relationship. And since such people who don't have some of these traits exist.. this is a contradiction.

I don't see how it's a contradiction since I the speaker have never said that all of these things are required for a relationship. I think they pretty clearly aren't, though social presence is an obvious point in someone's favor.

 

[xaero]

I guess when I think of having a partner, I see them as my closest friend and someone I could share most anything with. I guess what I want is a very intimate, supportive and loving relationship. I haven't met anyone who quite meets that and I really wonder if thats why I'm alone. Is it unrealistic to think someone could give that to me? I'm not so sure about my life right now as things happen that make me look at it. It would have been nice to have had a partner this past week to share with and be loved by. While I have a lot of love in my life, there are some things only a partner can provide. Ok, Im waffling on now.....

I feel the same way. I think a lot of people want this, but I also think a lot of people get together for the wrong reasons.

It would have been nice to have had a partner this past week to share with and be loved by.

I can relate to this all too well. At my current job, everyone in my department has to go on-call for a week every month. For me, it's very stressful and is a major source of anxiety in my life, even when I'm not on-call because I know I'll have to do it again after a few weeks. It would be nice if I had a 'partner' to 'hold my hand' (figuratively of course) while I'm on-call.

 

[ladyforsaken]

A relationship can't be your whole world. What if you had none of the love you currently have, perhaps no family, friends, social acceptance, self-esteem, or even capacity to socialize normally, but had a spouse?

The thing is that many times over on this site, people say that those are needed to get in a relationship. And since such people who don't have some of these traits exist.. this is a contradiction.

I don't see how it's a contradiction since I the speaker have never said that all of these things are required for a relationship. I think they pretty clearly aren't, though social presence is an obvious point in someone's favor.

Well I don't think perfanoff meant you saying that - just that a lot of people feel this is the way it should be in relationships when it usually can't be. the bolded above, I agree - your partner can't always be that person who gets everything about you or can fit for every single need you have - if there is a possibility, then good on that couple... I sure think it's rare though.

 

[Edward W]

I'm married, but although I'm on here, there is nothing lacking in my relationship with my husband. He is my soulmate and my best friend.

That fact that I'm "lonely" is due to having nobody other than my husband that I can call a friend.

So, even though I'm happily married, and yes that relationship enriches my life greatly, there is also a need in peoples' lives for friends too, and my lack of that leaves me feeling quite lonely and isolated indeed.

....your partner can't always be that person who gets everything about you or can fit for every single need you have - if there is a possibility, then good on that couple... I sure think it's rare though.

I guess I agree with the posts above.

For some time I was very self-reliant, I have friends and people I know, but no-one other than my wife who were really close, who I really felt I could confide in. I'm not sure if I ever truly had that before, and I did not seek out these friendships.

However things change, I changed significantly, and I found myself missing it - although looking back I don't think I fully realised exactly what it was I lacked, just that I needed something, some connection to other people.

It's what has brought me to ALL, and as I continue my journey and continue discovering more about myself, I have made some connections, people I can open up to apart from just my wife.

At times I feel more vulnerable now, but I can say it has enriched my life and I am grateful.

 

[Naleena]

A relationship can't be your whole world. What if you had none of the love you currently have, perhaps no family, friends, social acceptance, self-esteem, or even capacity to socialize normally, but had a spouse?

Thank you for your response. I know a relationship can't be my whole world. I don't know what I said in my post to imply that.

 

[Bones]

This is a comment in general ... I have known several people who feel the same way, but the missing component was actually the need to bond on a metaphysical level as well ... without it, it chipped away at intimacy, supportiveness, etc ... however, I guess it comes down too if a person believes in metaphysics or not.

... I guess what I want is a very intimate, supportive and loving relationship. I haven't met anyone who quite meets that and I really wonder if thats why I'm alone. Is it unrealistic to think someone could give that to me? ...