personal problem of mine

[Guest]

Hi guys. This post is a bit long but I would really appreciated if you read through it and see if you can relate to the way I feel about people.

I love people and love to socialize but when I meet people, I feel really socially inadequate when talking to them. I feel awkward and a lot of time the conversation doesn't flow smoothly. Also I feel that the person I'm talking to isn't into talking to me. In fact I feel that they have an aversion to me and that makes me feel rejected. Rarely do I meet somebody that warm up to me, and because of it I have a fear of meeting new people. I don't chat people up because I'm afraid that they might be disinterested in me and thus make me feel rejected and unwanted. Feeling unwanted and rejected are horrible feelings for me!

Is the feeling of being rejected by people all in my head or people are really rejecting me?

I've come up with 2 possible scenarios to for feelings about people.

1. People reject me because I'm unattractive, weird and uncool.
2. It is all in my head. People are not really rejecting me.

I've read that people with social problems have a twisted point of view. Because of this, I really don't trust how I feel about myself. I can't conclude that people don't like me because I'm weird, awkward and uncool. I can't conclude that people aren't really rejecting me and that it is all in my head. It is possible but I just I don't know. It is a situation similar to skinny people seeing themselves fat. I just don't trust my opinion about myself. I feel so confused about myself.

Does anyone feel this way?

 

[Robin]

I felt just like You during most of my teen-age, until i started not caring about my reputation and how anyone saw me. Every person i've ever heard of and talked to who had this problem were so used to it that they, unconsciously, seem like people who don't want to sociolize with anyone. They feel so uncool and unwanted that they think they are just that, turn their faces down and seem generally childish and self-centered. I know it isn't funny to hear or read about, but trying to see Yourself as someone just like everybody else, just as cool and interesting, is what these people should try to do to see that, when they finally do get to talk to someone, it wasn't as bad as they thought after all. That really does work; pretending, i mean. This doesn't mean that You'll be able to talk to everyone all of a sudden; some might know You as that rather shy and uncool person mostly becuase You've been that spitting image for some time.

This has much, much less to do with how You look than how You act. If You would be the friendly person You seem to be in, my eyes, while convincing Yourself that "uncool" and all those status-bound statements are only in Your head; not out here in the real world, You could be as popular as anyone!

You decide how cool You are, not the one's around You.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Guest,

I used to do this a lot, and to some degree still do it today. I would replay social situations and conversations in my head time and again, rewinding to think, "How did I come across to that person...how did I appear to that person?" And I would always think people were rejecting me and disliking me. It was just my own insecurity and self-loathing. I've outgrown a lot of my insecurity, starting around age 25.

Guest, are you male or female? I would love to help you with this.

I would say that it's possible that it's a little bit of both: that you are acting insecure, so that it makes people slightly rejecting of you. Or it's possible that you are not anywhere as socially awkward to others as you feel, which is more likely.

 

[Guest]

**** being cool!!!!!, being weird is way better!!!!, you are unique, don't let them make you feel inadecuate. Find weird people if you are weird!!. I used to think i had to change too, but now i know i like being a freak... is interesting sometimes.
Listen to the song "Creep" by Radiohead... the Korn cover if you can, available in Korn MTV Unplugged, it always makes me cry...