Physical Contact

[Lone Apothecary]

I feel that biggest weight holding my self-esteem down is the lack of physical contact. I'm 36, and can't even remember what a hug feels like, let alone a cuddle. Haven't had my first kiss. It makes me feel as though I'm always kept at a distance. And of course, I've been called ugly, disgusting, and repulsive many times, even when I was young, and thin and fit. I come from a family that doesn't like to show affection, especially for males. Men are supposed to be strong, and not need any emotional support or physical affection. I've even had therapists tell me that physical contact is quite important to self-esteem, but, unless I pay for it, I won't get it. Yet paying for it just makes me feel even more rejected.

Hmm, although I am younger, I can commiserate to an extent. It doesn't weigh heavily on my conscience, as I'm usually not aware of it, but whenever I do become aware of it I tend to feel bad. I didn't really have any people react negatively towards me; I just sort of blended into the wallpaper--unnoticed. I wasn't aware of how out-of-touch I'd become until one of my cousins hugged me when she was visiting her parents for a while. I was dumbstruck when she hugged me. It had been years since anyone had and I'd completely forgotten what it was like. That was a while ago and I feel as if I've forgotten what it's like all over again.

I've always been told that I have more .. feminine interests. History and historical movies and TV shows (such as Downton Abbey), art, writing and poetry .. used to write short stories and poetry, crafts. I've always been told that I'm too emotional for a male, and that sticks out even more coming from a family where males aren't supposed to 'do' emotions. I probably fit in even less with males than I do with women. I just don't belong anywhere ....

I feel much the same. I've been told many a time that my interests and mannerisms are more than a tad feminine and/or eccentric. After the less-than-ideal reaction I got from being open about my interests and acting naturally, I stopped showing that side of me. I've a small group of "friends" that I hang around with on campus, but there's nobody outside of the campus and there are many times when I don't really feel like I belong with that group (or any group for that matter). 'Tis a rather unpleasant feeling.

 

[nerdygirl]

I don't really understand the problem with paying for physical contact. I'm a massage therapist. I also provide holistic hugging (basically, a session of just cuddling). If you can pay a therapist to listen to you talk, why can't you pay one to hug you?

 

[duff]

I don't really understand the problem with paying for physical contact. I'm a massage therapist. I also provide holistic hugging (basically, a session of just cuddling). If you can pay a therapist to listen to you talk, why can't you pay one to hug you?

i think the hugging sounds like a great idea !

Some people don't have any physical comfort in their lives. If you have the money why not ??

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I also provide holistic hugging (basically, a session of just cuddling).

This sounds awesome, heh

If I ever have a girl in my life, I am now certainly going to preclude affectionate snuggling with: "Babe, I'm in the mood for some holistic therapy this afternoon."

 

[Unix]

I would go with a hooker. Well, actually i did it xD it wont make you feel that much better but its nice to touch someone. It definetly made me feel better. But not for the sex, just touching someone is nice

 

[ahsatan]

I feel that biggest weight holding my self-esteem down is the lack of physical contact. I'm 36, and can't even remember what a hug feels like, let alone a cuddle. Haven't had my first kiss. It makes me feel as though I'm always kept at a distance. And of course, I've been called ugly, disgusting, and repulsive many times, even when I was young, and thin and fit. I come from a family that doesn't like to show affection, especially for males. Men are supposed to be strong, and not need any emotional support or physical affection. I've even had therapists tell me that physical contact is quite important to self-esteem, but, unless I pay for it, I won't get it. Yet paying for it just makes me feel even more rejected.

I really don't know what to do anymore. It feels like I'm expected to just give up, and accept that I'll never experience touch. But that's not a life to me ....

Aww this post is sad. I can relate . I got like a hug once. My fam  doesn't really hug. I never been kissed and i'm 37. I recently found someone so far it's long distance but eventually i'm gonna move in with my boyfriend.
I think holding on to a least hope that things can change helps.
Maybe one day you will find someone. I sure hope u do.. I think everyone needs hugs, cuddles and affection. I know it's difficult to deal with no physical contact. It can be very depressing and it's hard not to feel hopeless but things might change. U never know who u will meet one day.

 

[Cucuboth]

I feel that biggest weight holding my self-esteem down is the lack of physical contact. I'm 36, and can't even remember what a hug feels like, let alone a cuddle. Haven't had my first kiss. It makes me feel as though I'm always kept at a distance. And of course, I've been called ugly, disgusting, and repulsive many times, even when I was young, and thin and fit. I come from a family that doesn't like to show affection, especially for males. Men are supposed to be strong, and not need any emotional support or physical affection. I've even had therapists tell me that physical contact is quite important to self-esteem, but, unless I pay for it, I won't get it. Yet paying for it just makes me feel even more rejected.

I really don't know what to do anymore. It feels like I'm expected to just give up, and accept that I'll never experience touch. But that's not a life to me ....

Aww this post is sad. I can relate . I got like a hug once. My fam  doesn't really hug. I never been kissed and i'm 37. I recently found someone so far it's long distance but eventually i'm gonna move in with my boyfriend.
I think holding on to a least hope that things can change helps.
Maybe one day you will find someone. I sure hope u do.. I think everyone needs hugs, cuddles and affection. I know it's difficult to deal with no physical contact. It can be very depressing and it's hard not to feel hopeless but things might change. U never know who u will meet one day.

Yeah. Well, 44 now and still nothing has happened. Still don’t know a hug, or a hand to hold. Right now not even anyone to talk with. 

Hope doesn’t mean much when that’s all there is. Hope alone is not enough, when all that’s needed is for someone to try.

 

[ardour]

In parts of Europe it's common for acquaintances to embrace. Definitely not here though, and I can't say I miss something I'm not all that used to outside of the occasional hug from family members in the past. Being able to put my arms around a girlfriend would be great, but I don't have much for desire for it outside of that context. I don't see the appeal of hugging random strangers or friends. Feels a bit awkward. Shouldn't the focus be on having more friends and maybe finding a girlfriend (or boyfriend) from whom you can get this validation?

 

[MissBehave]

Norway is pretty much a no touchy feely kind of place too. I saw this American chick compare us to cats. Usually Norwegians need to warm up to people before there are any emotions, friendly or romantically. We are however very polite and respectful. I think but yeah, it has a chilly feel to it when you aren't considered a friend. 

My father rarely hugged me and the few times he did it was awkward as hell. My mom wasn't the loving kind either. I turned out different though. I love giving hugs or cuddle up with a good movie. The boundaries my parents had was something I chose to get rid of. I think most that are standoffish regarding getting physical with a friend just needs someone to initiate it and to make it ok. At least that's my experience.

 

[Cucuboth]

In parts of Europe it's common for acquaintances to embrace.  Definitely not here though, and I can't say I miss something I'm not all that used to outside of the occasional hug from family members in the past.  Being able to put my arms around  a girlfriend would be great, but  I don't have much for desire for it outside of that context.  I don't see the appeal of hugging random strangers or  friends. Feels a bit awkward.   Shouldn't the focus be on having more friends and maybe finding a girlfriend (or boyfriend) from whom you can get this validation?

From a total stranger, it would feel very awkward yes. Not that that has ever happened. Sometimes, people have suggested hug groups, or cuddle groups. They apparently don’t force you to hug or cuddle until you are comfortable, but there are none in my area, or anywhere near me, so that is out. 

Tbh the physical and emotional deprivation has been very, very bad lately. But, also know that nobody cares, so ... anyway ...