Prepared to be single. It's so hard to find someone who feels just right.

[user 139760]

turned into a cynical old barnacle.

yes, he did! It's a better defense against dishonest *******, anyways...

(I can hear his voice saying "but you're a *****")

Hehe, Kamya being buried... ;-)
I'm sure you're still sweeter than a barnacle.

 

[Sun35]

I like the feeling of not having to answer to someone else. I treasure the freedom to do what I want.

I am someone who does not just pick anyone randomly just because I feel lonely.

But of course, as a human, there are times when I wish for someone whom I could truly connect with deeply and cuddle together. These are the times when I wonder if I am being too "choosy". Should I just settle for someone "passable"? Doubts start to creep in to test my values.

I would later recall this from somewhere: Stay single, if no one makes you feel that being attached is better than being single.

How true.

This quote sums up that contradiction within me well:
"I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don't know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness."
—Anaïs Nin

I have always been single and I wish to remain single for life. I wish you good luck.

 

[Tranquil]

People we feel okay with generally don't challenge us to become better than we are.
Ultimately we end up with others just like ourself. Self with self, is another form of being alone.

Perhaps forget about finding someone to 'feel just right'.
Perhaps try someone who challenges you to be honest and true, and at the same time they don't mind being challenged to do the same by you.
In that way the relationship can only get stronger.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Being single has it's perks but there are some amazing things that can only be experienced when you are in a relationship. For me, I'd rather experience those things.

No matter how great my life is or how fortunate or fulfilled I feel, there will always be a bit of a grey filter preventing me from feeling how I know I could potentially be feeling if I were sharing my life with a partner.

Totally agree. The "bit of grey" part was spot-on. That's one reason why I have a hard time finding things to get into - because I figure, if it's not going to do anything to make me less single, then how good is it really going to be? It's "just OK". And if something is "just OK", doing it is more trouble than it's worth.

Like, that's why I'm not motivated to travel. I'm just going to spend a lot of money going to a place, seeing some ****, shrugging and thinking "well, that's that", going home, and no one will care. I'll be just as single when I get back as I was when I left, with no end in sight and not even a clue as to where to even start working on something that might get me out of singledom. Might as well just sit at home and surf the net, for all the difference it will make.

Or extreme sports. There's a learning curve, it's expensive, it depends on being in the right place or in the right season. It's a lot of trouble to go to, just to be bad at something AND for women to keep either seeing me as lame or being totally indifferent to me. There's no incentive to beat myself up for the same damn thing.

Even just learning about stuff, like reading books and watching documentaries on YouTube. Every now and then I'll see something and I'll feel like, "oh, that's cool, I guess". But it's hard for me to feel more than that, because I feel like it doesn't matter what I try to learn or how hard I try to be interesting or thought-provoking, because it's me, and I've already been branded a boring loser, and anything I say doesn't get to matter regardless of what it is because it comes from me, and anything that comes from me is predetermined to be worthless cause I've been labeled one of the "low" people, the "not good enoughs", "not cool", "awkward"/needy/clingy/desperate/"low value"/some ********, just because I didn't know how to create the right image for myself out of not knowing any better. It's very hard for me to shake this feeling.

Or I don't know. It MIGHT be. No one has ever really told me this. Maybe what I think is enough effort, isn't. Maybe I just don't have enough high-quality material because I haven't worked at cultivating it long enough. Like I just have a surface knowledge and interest in things. It's just that I almost always get treated coldly and indifferently by women, no matter what I try to do.

The only people I will ever want is everyone I will never get which has been proven time and time again...People are so high on their boxes nowadays.

Definitely this. You have to be impressive and say and do everything perfectly, otherwise you're labeled "awkward"/"boring"/"needy"/"clingy"/"no chemistry". Which is really hard for me cause I don't smooth talk and I don't tease/banter. I don't like these things but I don't even know how to do them even if I wanted to, just to give the people what they want.

I also don't have that touch of cockiness that people seem to like, cause I know I have nothing to brag about or lord over others. I can't really go around with a ****-eating smirk like I think everyone is an ***** and I'm better than them, because I'm not actually better than them at anything and even if I was I wouldn't act that way unless I was angry. I'd just quietly live my life.

^^ and you really think an attitude like that is going to get you what you want?

You just start to feel like it doesn't matter what your attitude is - negative, positive, either way, you just weren't born with enough of whatever it is, to be special enough to be good enough for someone.

I've tried both things - my gloomy self, and I've also tried to act like "the cool crowd" where I just have a high opinion of myself just because I say so. Neither way made any difference.

 

[TheRealCallie]

^^ and you really think an attitude like that is going to get you what you want?

You just start to feel like it doesn't matter what your attitude is - negative, positive, either way, you just weren't born with enough of whatever it is, to be special enough to be good enough for someone.

I've tried both things - my gloomy self, and I've also tried to act like "the cool crowd" where I just have a high opinion of myself just because I say so.  Neither way made any difference.

The problem may have been the "act" part of that.  Was it convincing or could everyone see through it?  Fake it til you make it only takes you so far. You actually have to start genuinely believing that you are worth it. 

Maybe you do now, but before, I really don't believe you did, so it probably showed through.

 

[TheSkaFish]

The problem may have been the "act" part of that.  Was it convincing or could everyone see through it?  Fake it til you make it only takes you so far. You actually have to start genuinely believing that you are worth it. 

Maybe you do now, but before, I really don't believe you did, so it probably showed through.

It was convincing enough for more people to start opening up to me, and for me to feel like a welcome member of the community I was in at the time. But still not enough for them to see me as attractive.

 

[TheRealCallie]

The problem may have been the "act" part of that.  Was it convincing or could everyone see through it?  Fake it til you make it only takes you so far. You actually have to start genuinely believing that you are worth it. 

Maybe you do now, but before, I really don't believe you did, so it probably showed through.

It was convincing enough for more people to start opening up to me, and for me to feel like a welcome member of the community I was in at the time.  But still not enough for them to see me as attractive.

Once you were part of the community, did you back off on the "act"?  I'm not saying you did this, but sometimes, people get to the point where they think they aren't worthy and sabotage it without even realizing it. 

As for the attractive part, you, like a few others here that I have seen are actually pretty good looking.

 

[priscella]

I posted this posting to Skafish on the wrong thread meant the other thread and I will try to put it on that thread...priscella...

 

[closcrew]

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