question for the other lonely 30/40 somethings

[monkeysox]

Being in your 40s with no kids doesn't seem to help in my case.

If its any consolation being in your 40's 'with Kids' doesn't help either because some people won't take on others children.

By experience It seems to come down to this, if someone cares about you enough they don't care what your age or your circumstances.

Yes younger people have less history, have less chance of post divorce problems, but there are as many older people who are single.

I think perhaps some people just give up on relationships when they are older if they have had a bad run.

So really its just an age where you know where you stand with people. You are what you are and where you are- people either accept it or don't.

Better to have lesser opportunity with greater chance of success.

 

[theraab]

Yes younger people have less history, have less chance of post divorce problems, but there are as many older people who are single.

Older people are more likely to know what they want out of relationships, and hopefully, out of life. Going through hard times help you figure out who you are as a person and where you want to be in a way that people who haven't been through hard times don't really understand.

 

[monkeysox]

Yes younger people have less history, have less chance of post divorce problems, but there are as many older people who are single.

Older people are more likely to know what they want out of relationships, and hopefully, out of life. Going through hard times help you figure out who you are as a person and where you want to be in a way that people who haven't been through hard times don't really understand.

Too right Therrab, wouldn't turn the clock back for what I know now for all the vanity in the world.

Did any of us really know what we wanted when we were young, I think you have to experience some life to find what you really want and understand it all.

 

[Lost Drifter]

I think part of the problem is that during our childhood and school years we’re forced into making friends with other children, be they other kids in the neighbourhood, kids we had to sit next to in class or other relatives our own age. How many times were we told to place nice with others or to learn to share? We almost form a dependency on our peers at a young age, in particular when belonging to part of a social group to help establish our own identities.

Once adulthood hits all that gets thrown out the window. We don’t have to speak to our neighbours, we don’t always have to interact with our colleagues unless the job requires it and we’re certainly not forced to hang out with our relatives when a brief “I’m too busy to attend” excuse will suffice. A lot of adults, myself included, learn to become completely independent to the point where they don’t really need others to carry out a vast majority of functions within their lives. You’re no longer forced into relationships and as bad as it sounds we’re too lazy to try otherwise. Why bother to invest time in making new friends when you have the old ones still around?

The problem then is that when you get to adulthood without those childhood friends to fall back on you’re either stuck within a likeminded “I don’t need to make friends anymore” demography or those who have gone the opposite end to create their own family unit which they rarely have the time or desire to look beyond. At my age I’m in no hurry to date or romance but would love likeminded friends to hang out with, watch a movie with or just chat to about this and that. Alas as I said, most people my age already have older friends to do that with and can’t be bothered (or have even forgotten how) to start playing nice with others again.

 

[Peaches]

On another note. I was hoping to move around soon to see if it helps me out and it kind of sucks that it doesn't seem to help.

well, traveling can also bring friends, probably it is all in the attitude and how much time you are willing to give to making friends. Especially if you travel with other people, that can create lifelong friendships, I am sure. And sometimes, when one is stuck for many years in a place that is just wrong for them (too conventional, or narrow minded) moving somewhere else can save a life

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi Peaches, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Do let us know how you're doing.

I'm 41 & single. I love my age but being single sucks sometimes. It's the little things, like another poster said about getting a huge raise at work but then going home and having no one to share the news with or celebrate with you. Those are the kinds of moments that I feel the loneliest.
I think having a kid spares me from some loneliness. If I didn't have a kid, I would be a foster parent. Before she was born I did a lot of volunteer work.
There's a lot to be said for exercise too for staving off depression & sadness.

Teresa