Question on how much girls like affection?

[Kenny]

- Every morning I walk him to his bike, and I watch him leave till I cant see him again
- Cook whatever he wants, so my diet has dramatically changed since he is a vegetarian and I basically used to eat only meat before him
- I hate to iron, but he likes everything of his ironed even his underwear, I do this
- Umm...thinking... oh I write in a book every time he does something that I like/appreciate.. the book is called 'What I love about you'

Hmm that's all I can think of.

- I make him breakfast and dinner and clean etc.. but I would have to do that even if we weren't together so yea..

So you show love by cooking, ironing, and cleaning?

And you feel loved by the things that he "does" for you, so much so, that you write them in a book called "What I love about you"? What you love about your husband is what he DOES for you, and how you show love is in what you DO for him. Your version of affection sounds very ... task-oriented ... lol. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I guess I just don't see kissing, hugging, rubbing as a chore. To me, it just comes natural. You aren't the first person I've known that claims to be the way you are though, so I don't think you are being disingenuous or dishonest.

 

[jales]

I agree with the first three of the statements..

The last one... Susie may simply not be aware of the fact that Billy does not feel loved.

It depends on the situation. Your parents did not exactly define what is normal for you, but to me... how my parents were as a couple has been what I consider(ed) to be 'normal'.

You said:
if my woman KNOWS what it takes to make me happy and it unable or unwilling to provide it, well, then I check out

But what if she is really unable to provide it? Would you check out then? Cause I know that I would not.
Some people are unable to express themselves well in physical ways...
Just as your women may be happy to get a house on a beach in Barbados and you may be unable to buy that for her.... yet who would leave someone for this reason?
Or maybe having a child may make some guy's woman happy, but he may be infertile?

To me, no relationship would last if people left as soon as their partner was unable to provide something that would make them happy.

I agree though.. if a woman is trying to show you less love than you show her.. then she is not being real and I would not want to be with someone who can not show me who they really are. That is just to complicated and doesnt seem like it can create a good relationship.

You have to be able to figure out the difference. You may very well be her priority but if she is bad at showing that.. she just is. And in that case I think the best you can do it talk to her about it and help her get over whatever it is that stops her from being expressive in the ways that are important to you.


edit: But I can still see that to you it may be different.. if the most important thing for you to feel loved is physical affection.. then a girl who has problems showing that would not be ideal for you. I guess it just would not work. Unless she changes you.

 

[Kenny]

Jales,

I can't stress this enough. This post is not AIMED at you (just so you know). This is just for the sake of the discussion.

OK. You misinterpreted the overall meaning in my post. It's not that you missed a couple of details, you have completely misunderstood the underlying theme of what I was expressing.

You have transplanted:
* "attempt" with "success"
* "feeling loved" with "happiness"

I did NOT say: If she is UNSUCCESSFUL in making him FEEL HAPPY, he should leave.

I did say: If she does not ATTEMPT to make him FEEL LOVED, he should leave.

^ These are two entirely different statements and concepts. ^

The difference between these two statements and the underlying concepts is huge, monumental, gigantic, can not be stressed enough. We are running parallel conversations here and have diverged somewhere along the way, lol.

Also, you either misread or misunderstood the concept in Point #4. These points listed 1-4 follow a logical train of thought. If points 1-3 are accepted by the reader, then point 4 is a logical given. Let's revisit it. Pay attention to the capitalized words as they emphasize the core themes in each statement...

Point #1 (summarized): If you love someone, you should WANT that person to FEEL LOVED.

Point #2 (summarized): If you WANT that person to feel loved, you will SHOW that person he or she is loved.

Point #3: (summarized): If you SHOW that person that they are loved, you will be able to SAY WHAT YOU DO. (to attempt to make that person feel loved)

Again, point #4 logically follows these:

1. GIVEN. You want the person to feel loved.
2. GIVEN. If you "want", you will show the person they are loved.
3. GIVEN. If you "show", you can say what you do to show them.

Point #4 (summarized): If despite claiming that you #1: want a person to feel loved, #2: should show a person they are loved, #3: are conscious of the things you do or don't do to show love, IF DESPITE THOSE GIVENS, you still do not ACTIVELY ATTEMPT to make that person FEEL LOVED, then you DO NOT LOVE THAT PERSON.

Again, notice I didn't say: If you don't succeed in making that person happy or in fulfilling all of their needs. I said: If you don't attempt to make that person feel loved...

HUGE, MONUMENTAL, GIGANTIC, ENORMOUS ... difference.

Here is the beauty in the situation: If a woman genuinely "attempts to make me feel loved" then she will be "successful at making me happy".

ALSO, HUGE THING: Don't misinterpret "attempt to make him feel loved" with "displays of physical affection".

 

[jales]

Okay I see what you are saying with point four.. so let's say she attempts but she is unsuccessful...

or there is some sort of miscommunication going on about what makes the guy happy. It could just be that the girl does not understand that the guy would be happy to get physical attention.. or that she knows and she tries.. but she often fails.

I think that it quite possible.

Lol... and I know we are not arguing or so.. only discussing.

 

[Kenny]

Mars / Venus

Denotation / Connotation

Thoughts / Feelings

Yin / Yang

LMAO

To answer your question...

1. Attempt to make a man feel loved (ESSENTIAL to a relationship)
2. Success at fulfilling all a man's needs (NOT ESSENTIAL to a relationship, but still important)

Yes, a relationship needs both "love" and "fulfillment" to exist. I'll let you decide if they are the same thing and which one is more essential.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Just because a woman doesn't give you physical affection doesn't mean she doesn't love you. I think requiring a woman to give you physical affection in order for you to feel loved, when she feels she's unable to do so, might be disrespecting who she is as a person.

Now, if a woman used to give you physical affection and then stopped, maybe there's an issue there, but that's for you and her to figure out.

 

[Peter Lorre]

Just because a woman doesn't give you physical affection doesn't mean she doesn't love you. I think requiring a woman to give you physical affection in order for you to feel loved, when she feels she's unable to do so, might be disrespecting who she is as a person.

I completely agree, but then... would you feel completely loved in a relationship with a man who doesn't give you physical affection?

Whether we like it or not, the basis of any (ok, there might be exceptions, so lets say 'most') good (sexual) relationship(s) is physical attraction and affection. There's only so much you can say with words when they're never followed by actions. This doesn't mean that it needs to be there continuously, but I think that there's a limited amount of time you can go without your gf/bf showing any physical interest/affection.

Because, if it's not there... then what exactly makes you any different from two really close friends (that may or may not happen to have sex from time to time)? I still can't help but believe that if you really love someone, you'll feel the need to show physical affection.

PS: Ofcourse, everyone has their own way of expressing/their own definition of 'physical affection', but that's a completely different discussion.

 

[Kenny]

I think requiring a woman to give you physical affection in order for you to feel loved, when she feels she's unable to do so, might be disrespecting who she is as a person.

Yeah, it would be. Did anybody say anything about that though in this thread? I certainly don't want my posts to be perceived or construed in that manner, because that is NOT what I said in any way.

I'm just curious where you took that "require" to show "physical affection" from? Jales and I are discussing the important of making your significant other "feel loved". Not the importance of "forcing a woman to be physically affectionate toward a man".

Not every topic is a feminist call to arms.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Just because a woman doesn't give you physical affection doesn't mean she doesn't love you. I think requiring a woman to give you physical affection in order for you to feel loved, when she feels she's unable to do so, might be disrespecting who she is as a person.

I completely agree, but then... would you feel completely loved in a relationship with a man who doesn't give you physical affection?

Whether we like it or not, the basis of any (ok, there might be exceptions, so lets say 'most') good (sexual) relationship(s) is physical attraction and affection. There's only so much you can say with words when they're never followed by actions. This doesn't mean that it needs to be there continuously, but I think that there's a limited amount of time you can go without your gf/bf showing any physical interest/affection.

Because, if it's not there... then what exactly makes you any different from two really close friends (that may or may not happen to have sex from time to time)? I still can't help but believe that if you really love someone, you'll feel the need to show physical affection.

Yes, I could feel completely loved with a man that didn't give me physical affection.

What would make us different than two close friends? Two close friends don't live together, or sleep in the same bed together, they don't tell each other they love each other, they aren't there by each other's bedside if they are sick, or take care of the laundry if the other doesn't have the time, they don't merge bank accounts, or sign a marriage license.

I could go without physical affection if I knew I was emotionally loved and committed to by someone.

Maybe I am strange in this regard.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I could go without it either. I actually don't like all the touchy-touchy in relationships. I'd prefer to not be smothered.

 

[Enchanted Girl]

Kenny . . . . you just need to stop dating girls who are like that and start dating girls who are compatible to you. Not everyone is the same. My boyfriend reminds me of you or at least how he talks. He clings to me sometimes at night terrified that I'll leave him because all the other girls he's ever dated left him because they felt smoothered. He said I'm the only girl who acts as affectionate and complimentary as he does. He said none of the other girls he dated participated in his hobbies and a lot of them bossed him around and things, which I can believe because he's very apologetic and humble. I'm not the type of person who yells, but he still apologizes to me all the time.

You just have to stop thinking that everyone around you needs to fit in a cookie cutter and have a relationship just like your ideal or it doesn't make sense. Yea, sometimes like you, I'm scared that all my relationships are doomed. After all, I can relate to my current boyfriend, since my ex said, when he dumped me that I was a perfect and loving girlfriend, but he just wanted to be young and sleep around and stuff. (LOL. He got nowhere with that.) But it doesn't matter if all girls are affectionate or not. A lot of guys feel suffocated by girls like me (trust me) and get really turned off and disrespectful of girls like me, so there has to be non-affectionate girls out there. It just matters that you find one that fits with you and there are ones like that out there. So don't put women or older women (who are supposedly bitter or whatever) into stereotypical categories. Because stereotypically, because you are a guy, you shouldn't actually be affectionate at all. It doesn't fit the male stereotype.

 

[Kenny]

Kenny . . . . you just need to stop dating girls who are like that and start dating girls who are compatible to you. Not everyone is the same. My boyfriend reminds me of you or at least how he talks. He clings to me sometimes at night terrified that I'll leave him because all the other girls he's ever dated left him because they felt smoothered. He said I'm the only girl who acts as affectionate and complimentary as he does. He said none of the other girls he dated participated in his hobbies and a lot of them bossed him around and things, which I can believe because he's very apologetic and humble. I'm not the type of person who yells, but he still apologizes to me all the time.

You just have to stop thinking that everyone around you needs to fit in a cookie cutter and have a relationship just like your ideal or it doesn't make sense. Yea, sometimes like you, I'm scared that all my relationships are doomed. After all, I can relate to my current boyfriend, since my ex said, when he dumped me that I was a perfect and loving girlfriend, but he just wanted to be young and sleep around and stuff. (LOL. He got nowhere with that.) But it doesn't matter if all girls are affectionate or not. A lot of guys feel suffocated by girls like me (trust me) and get really turned off and disrespectful of girls like me, so there has to be non-affectionate girls out there. It just matters that you find one that fits with you and there are ones like that out there. So don't put women or older women (who are supposedly bitter or whatever) into stereotypical categories. Because stereotypically, because you are a guy, you shouldn't actually be affectionate at all. It doesn't fit the male stereotype.

It wouldn't smother me, lol. I'm the kind of guy who makes breakfast, and turns on the shower and puts a towel up for her, and likes to have breakfast together, a nice hug, a peck on the cheek, a few words of encouragement for her day, occasionally bring a special lunch to work for her on my day off, like to spend time wrapped up together on the couch, watching movies, playing board games, laughing. I like to laugh all the time, it's my medicine. That doesn't mean that I follow her around the house CONSTANTLY kissing, hugging, touching, but there is no way I would ever seriously date a girl who was turned off by physical affection. That's insane. I just can't understand who wouldn't want to be kissed, hugged, touched, and told "I love you" (from time to time). That floors me. Seems almost inhuman, like dating a zombie or something.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

My woman loves effection, love making N lots of sex.
We cant keep our hands off of each other.
We're very much in love @ the moment.
My challenge is to keep the fire burning as time goses on (both romantically N sexually).

As far as the other serious issues we had between us. Were both working other through it.
Lots of understanding N unconditional love.

 

[alonewanderer]

Some girls love cuddling and hugging some don't, some don't like being texted right away some do. It just depends on the girl really.

 

[Dessa]

I like cuddling. I like kissing. I like touching... and stuff. (wary) But I usually don't initiate it because of this damn shyness. So it takes a while for me to "attack" a guy. Lol *wink. Not that I'm experienced or anything. But I like affection a lot.

 

[ShybutHi]

I like cuddling. I like kissing. I like touching... and stuff. (wary) But I usually don't initiate it because of this damn shyness. So it takes a while for me to "attack" a guy. Lol *wink. Not that I'm experienced or anything. But I like affection a lot.

Lol sounds like me apart from the attacking guys part.