Questions for the Women

[EveWasFramed]

Wait what? You have a special pan for making grilled cheese?

Of course I do - I'm Wonder Woman.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wonder Woman

 

[EveWasFramed]

LOL!

 

[Dr. Strangelove]

Why do women who are in a relationship they don't want to be in start to distance, ignore, show less affection, cancel plans etc with their partner instead of just breaking up with them? Also, why do these same women claim nothing is wrong and claim that they are still interested in the relationship when directly asked about it?

 

[EveWasFramed]

Why do women who are in a relationship they don't want to be in start to distance, ignore, show less affection, cancel plans etc with their partner instead of just breaking up with them? Also, why do these same women claim nothing is wrong and claim that they are still interested in the relationship when directly asked about it?

The same reason men do it? I think it's a precursor to a breakup.
I think that someone who behaves this way is having thoughts of ending things, but still hasn't completely made up their mind yet.

 

[Dr. Strangelove]

Why do women who are in a relationship they don't want to be in start to distance, ignore, show less affection, cancel plans etc with their partner instead of just breaking up with them? Also, why do these same women claim nothing is wrong and claim that they are still interested in the relationship when directly asked about it?

The same reason men do it? I think it's a precursor to a breakup.
I think that someone who behaves this way is having thoughts of ending things, but still hasn't completely made up their mind yet.

But why the hesitation? Clearly their mind has already been made up which is evident by their change in attitude in the relationship. I would imagine that the hesitation could come from not actually having the confidence to outright end it but when presented with an opportunity to talk about it seriously they still don't actually do it. This has happened to me three times and it is incredibly frustrating.

 

[ardour]

But why the hesitation? Clearly their mind has already been made up which is evident by their change in attitude in the relationship. I would imagine that the hesitation could come from not actually having the confidence to outright end it but when presented with an opportunity to talk about it seriously they still don't actually do it. This has happened to me three times and it is incredibly frustrating.

They still want the warmth and security of being in a relationship while coming to terms with it being over (for them.) I'm sure men do it to women too, maybe not as much, being that we aren't as good at concealing our true emotions.

 

[mintymint]

Why do women who are in a relationship they don't want to be in start to distance, ignore, show less affection, cancel plans etc with their partner instead of just breaking up with them? Also, why do these same women claim nothing is wrong and claim that they are still interested in the relationship when directly asked about it?

But why the hesitation? Clearly their mind has already been made up which is evident by their change in attitude in the relationship. I would imagine that the hesitation could come from not actually having the confidence to outright end it but when presented with an opportunity to talk about it seriously they still don't actually do it. This has happened to me three times and it is incredibly frustrating.

People usually aren't in a happy relationship one moment and then suddenly want to break it off the next. Oftentimes it's a slow realization for that person too, perhaps even based on the same cues you observe. They might think "I seem to feel less affectionate towards this person lately, what does this mean? Does this mean I'm not interested, or does it mean I'm just feeling down?" Stuff like that. Breaking up isn't usually an easy thing. It's very confrontational, creates an decent amount of drama and discomfort, and on a basic level is simply a disruption to the status quo. It's often unreasonably hard to throw things off the track when they are nicely set in a groove - in any situation. So the decision is not often a sudden, clear cut flick of the switch. It can take some rumination and wherewithal. But of course, I would say that an excessive degree of indecision and mixed messages is very unfair to the other party. They owe it to themselves and the other person to have a certain degree of emotional awareness, capacity for self-reflection and the integrity to ultimately do the responsible thing and not keep some dysfunctional mess on life support. For whatever reason.

The same reason men do it? I think it's a precursor to a breakup.
I think that someone who behaves this way is having thoughts of ending things, but still hasn't completely made up their mind yet.

I'd agree, but like I said, even they themselves might not be acutely aware from the onset that that's the direction things are heading. It could be a gradual realization for them too. So some confusion, inconsistency or vacillation might be understandable.

They still want the warmth and security of being in a relationship while coming to terms with it being over (for them.) I'm sure men do it to women too, maybe not as much, being that we aren't as good at concealing our true emotions.

I think that that can be a factor in some cases, but I wouldn't attribute all cases to that one reason. My personal experience and observations don't agree with drawing a line between genders like that. I think that both things are inaccurate oversimplifications.

 

[ardour]

People usually aren't in a happy relationship one moment and then suddenly want to break it off the next. Oftentimes it's a slow realization for that person too, perhaps even based on the same cues you observe. They might think "I seem to feel less affectionate towards this person lately, what does this mean? Does this mean I'm not interested, or does it mean I'm just feeling down?" Stuff like that. Breaking up isn't usually an easy thing. It's very confrontational, creates an decent amount of drama and discomfort, and on a basic level is simply a disruption to the status quo. It's often unreasonably hard to throw things off the track when they are nicely set in a groove - in any situation. So the decision is not often a sudden, clear cut flick of the switch. It can take some rumination and wherewithal. But of course, I would say that an excessive degree of indecision and mixed messages is very unfair to the other party. They owe it to themselves and the other person to have a certain degree of emotional awareness, capacity for self-reflection and the integrity to ultimately do the responsible thing and not keep some dysfunctional mess on life support. For whatever reason.

The confrontational/hurtful aspect of the breakup is in the knowledge that someone who has come to know you very well no longer wants you in their lives. It would be better if people would get acquainted first as friends before taking up to that level, but unfortunately people seem to prefer the mystery and 'chemistry' and knowing someone well before dating them doesn't fit in with that.

 

[ShybutHi]

The confrontational/hurtful aspect of the breakup is in the knowledge that someone who has come to know you very well no longer wants you in their lives. It would be better if people would get acquainted first as friends before taking up to that level, but unfortunately people seem to prefer the mystery and 'chemistry' and knowing someone well before dating them doesn't fit in with that.

Yeah I think there is some truth to what you say there. I never really understood in the past why someone would get into a relationship without really knowing the person first. It boils down to taking a chance anyway though which is fair enough... If a person wants to take a chance on someone then it is up to them in the end.
People take chances with relationships and a lot of the time they don't work out because they find out they are not really compatible.
The majority of people will always be seeking out someone for a relationship and most have multiple relationships in their lives. It seems that it is trial and error for most until they meet that person who they really click with.


I feel sorry for those who meet someone that they click with, but the person is already taken. Also those that find someone whom they really like but only to find the person does not feel the same in return.
I know what the first one is like unfortunately.

 

[Nightwing]

So I came across an article in my random web browsings here: http://celebrity.uk.msn.com/news/young-women-cant-get-boyfriends

It made me think of this place. Do you ladies agree with this article? I always thought that there's a lack of available women. Or perhaps they all tell me they're taken so it'll get me to go away XD

From my perspective... a woman who is posting a huge number of photos on facebook about her nights out is a massive turnoff for me. (I've always felt, people with masses of photos have got just that. Photos. - they weren't experiencing anything because they were too busy taking photos. I call them "tourists of life." Catchy eh?)

 

[GirlwithCuriousHair]

Hmm... no disrespect to the lady in the interview but I'm not sure what she's basing that on. Most of my friends are fine in terms of their love lives - there's no boyfriend struggles I'm aware of.

Interesting comment about Facebook though. There's definitely some sort of arms race regarding who can appear to behaving the best life. It's kinda odd.

 

[TheRealCallie]

So I came across an article in my random web browsings here: http://celebrity.uk.msn.com/news/young-women-cant-get-boyfriends

It made me think of this place. Do you ladies agree with this article? I always thought that there's a lack of available women. Or perhaps they all tell me they're taken so it'll get me to go away XD

From my perspective... a woman who is posting a huge number of photos on facebook about her nights out is a massive turnoff for me. (I've always felt, people with masses of photos have got just that. Photos. - they weren't experiencing anything because they were too busy taking photos. I call them "tourists of life." Catchy eh?)

Perhaps it's not women that are the problem. Or at least not entirely. If, as the article says, women can't get boyfriends, it may have something to do with the guys too.

As for telling you they are taken, I have used the fact that I'm technically married when it serves my purposes. That does include when I want a guy to **** off. I suppose it is an easy excuse to use, if a girl isn't interested, but I can't say what other girls do.

When you say taking pictures, do you mean selfies? There is a chance they aren't the ones taking the pictures, but rather a friend. They likely are taking the pics, but there's a chance that it's not them. So, you shouldn't judge a person on how many photos they have...at least not immediately.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Question for the Women - have you ever changed your mind about a guy?

-Have you ever gotten to know a guy and decided he was not relationship material, only to change your mind later?

-What would it take for you to change your mind about a guy in this way? Would you consider a guy you had turned down before, if the next time you ran into him, he had completely transformed into someone else, someone with desirable traits? Once you think you know a guy is that impression set in stone, or are they usually set because people don't usually change in any significant way?

I'm curious for a number of reasons. A lot of people say that a girl's impression of a guy is indeed set in stone. But I wonder if that is only because like I said, very rarely does anyone really change and he keeps on proving her right to have rejected him with his ongoing bad traits. Usually the unattractive habits and mannerisms have been going on for years and years and have become ingrained, subconscious habits. If a guy were to lose them and replace them with something new, he would truly become a new person. I personally believe more is possible than impossible, but I am not a girl, so I leave you my questions.

 

[user 108508]

-Have you ever gotten to know a guy and decided he was not relationship material, only to change your mind later?

Absolutely - on a few occasions.

Would you consider a guy you had turned down before, if the next time you ran into him, he had completely transformed into someone else, someone with desirable traits?

For me, it wasn't about him 'transforming into someone else' - it was about me recognizing something in him that I didn't see before.

 

[Veruca]

Question for the Women - have you ever changed your mind about a guy?

-Have you ever gotten to know a guy and decided he was not relationship material, only to change your mind later?

Yes, I have.

-What would it take for you to change your mind about a guy in this way? Would you consider a guy you had turned down before, if the next time you ran into him, he had completely transformed into someone else, someone with desirable traits? Once you think you know a guy is that impression set in stone, or are they usually set because people don't usually change in any significant way?

If he seems to have changed, then I would give it a shot. I wouldn't say my impression of people are set in stone, I'd give them the benefit of my doubt. That said, I think I might be too embarrassed to make the first move

 

[GirlwithCuriousHair]

I don't think I've ever done it, but I see no reason why not. I suppose it would depend on the guy and why I'd previously said no.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think I've ever done it, but I see no reason why not. I suppose it would depend on the guy and why I'd previously said no.

This. I wouldn't be opposed to offering a second chance, but it would definitely depend on why I said no.

 

[Revengineer]

In your experience, is "women's intuition" a real thing? Like you can tell instantly if a guy is into you, even if ostensibly the two of you are just friends?

 

[painter's radio]

No, neither gender is psychic.