Questions for the Women

[Cavey]

Doesn't bother me. Shaven or just going bald is fine by me. Though, I must admit, I admire a guy that just goes ahead and saves his time and shaves it off once the balding gets really bad. To me, a guy holding onto a flake of hair is just... Well, let it go, bro.

LOVE LOVE LOVE a bald/shaven head...it's sexy

Some women love bald guys, so it's not unattractive to these women.

Hmm, I see there are differents opinions about this. The problem is that almost all women like normal-haired guys, and some also like bald guys, but we'll rarely see a women that prefer a bald man over the other one. it seems like that being bald just closes our range of options.

Well, deal with it, I guess . Thanks for the responses, girls.

I'm not female, but I am a shaven headed man and I've met plenty of women who prefer it... I've also met plenty of women that can't stand it. Surely, it's just a personal preference as it is with all things?

I'm pretty hairy. If there's one thing I've learned it's that this is a Marmite situation. It's either being jumped on like I'm a wild animal and much fun ensues or it's "on second thoughts, let's just be friends!". Personal preference

 

[Minty]

I'd like to ask the women in here what do you think about Bald guys?
Is it always unattractive or it's not that bad?

I think I'm losing hair and I'm really scary of becoming bold (life's too hard already)

I don't think being bald is an unattractive feature, providing you embrace it and go with the flow. Trying to pretend it's not happening, like having a comb over, that's not a good look.

But, whether a man has hair or not is not really something I am bothered about. It's the person that counts.

 

[Case]

Question for the women of ALL: When is a compliment made by a man (or a woman, if you are so oriented,) welcomed and appreciated.

I refer (partially) to the recent video of the woman in NYC who endured sustained harassment and cat-calling as she walked through the city. It was hard to watch, but it made me wonder how a decent guy could give a woman a compliment without it being taken as an unwanted advance. I realize that in some cases, women just want to go about their business. But given that men are trained to be the pursuers in our society, it places us men in the precarious position of risking being seen as predatory.

I never thought that a simple "Hello" and a smile could be seen as a threat. So, help me understand what is going through a woman's mind if, for example, I pass her in the grocery store, smile, and say "Hello" without any intent beyond being nice.

I don't ever want to be perceived as being one of the men in that video. Thanks.

 

[PurpleMist]

Well Case, if you smiled and said hello to me, I would be flattered, then I would wonder why on earth a cutie like you would smile and even look at me??

I had my long answer to this post written in my head in my own language, then I try to put it down here in English, and I fail...

I haven't seen the video you talked about. Personally I will react to most compliments like I described above.
But if the compliment is said with sexual undertones, or is degrading in any way, I will not like it and probably become upset.
To me, a compliment is a great booster of confidence, if it's tasteful and heartfelt.

(I'm sorry if I'm rambling an not making any sense, everything I want to say sounds great in my head. This is why I rarely reply on the serious posts/threads.)

 

[TheRealCallie]

I agree with PurpleMist.

While I have not seen the video either, I would say that the men were objectifying her, treating her, basically, like a sex toy. Now, if the compliment is genuine and not based on having sex with her, I would say it's okay. Complimenting her appearance or attire or her hair or her eyes, but never if you are saying it in a lusty way.

 

[ringwood]

Question for the women of ALL: When is a compliment made by a man (or a woman, if you are so oriented,) welcomed and appreciated.

I refer (partially) to the recent video of the woman in NYC who endured sustained harassment and cat-calling as she walked through the city. It was hard to watch, but it made me wonder how a decent guy could give a woman a compliment without it being taken as an unwanted advance. I realize that in some cases, women just want to go about their business. But given that men are trained to be the pursuers in our society, it places us men in the precarious position of risking being seen as predatory.

I never thought that a simple "Hello" and a smile could be seen as a threat. So, help me understand what is going through a woman's mind if, for example, I pass her in the grocery store, smile, and say "Hello" without any intent beyond being nice.

I don't ever want to be perceived as being one of the men in that video. Thanks.

Now I have seen that video and honestly, I found that some of those men labelled as 'harassing' her, were merely being friendly...at least that's how I would've taken it if I were the same woman. Granted, some were obviously being harassing, no doubt about that, but certainly not all of them. Maybe it's a difference in location - I don't live in a huge city like New York, I live in a relatively small town of 20,000 people or so where people generally greet each other in passing. I think in a large city, people have a tendency to not interact with the people around them at all, so what's taken as 'friendly' to one person would be harassment to someone else. Shrug...that's my take on it.

 

[EveWasFramed]

...what is going through a woman's mind if, for example, I pass her in the grocery store, smile, and say "Hello" without any intent beyond being nice.

I think...

"what a very nice person."

 

[user 108508]

Question for the women of ALL: When is a compliment made by a man (or a woman, if you are so oriented,) welcomed and appreciated.

I did see snippets of that video earlier in the week on a "news" site.

Personally, I think it really comes down the to individuals. For me, as long as a guy is not overtly 'aggressive' with his admiration, I am good with it. I have always appreciated attention from the fellas, whether a simple smile while passing down a grocery aisle, a whistle from a car in traffic, sending a drink to my table, whatever. I've met some really great guys that way.

Hope that helps.

 

[ardour]

Question for the women of ALL: When is a compliment made by a man (or a woman, if you are so oriented,) welcomed and appreciated.

I refer (partially) to the recent video of the woman in NYC who endured sustained harassment and cat-calling as she walked through the city. It was hard to watch, but it made me wonder how a decent guy could give a woman a compliment without it being taken as an unwanted advance. I realize that in some cases, women just want to go about their business.

They chose routes that crossed into lower socioeconomic areas. There's a race/class dimension to it.

A major newspaper did a similar experiment here in Auckland with very different results: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11352633

But given that men are trained to be the pursuers in our society, it places us men in the precarious position of risking being seen as predatory.

I never thought that a simple "Hello" and a smile could be seen as a threat. So, help me understand what is going through a woman's mind if, for example, I pass her in the grocery store, smile, and say "Hello" without any intent beyond being nice.

It would depend entirely on the individual, her past experiences and political views. Even a smile can be considered creepy - but then not smiling if your eyes happen to meet can also be. A cruel dichotomy. Since there's no way you can know how they're going to react, is it really that good an idea to talk to women on the street or in a store? Best to keep it to social events or group activities where you have some frame of reference to start a conversation (just an opinion, I'm leaving now...)

 

[Case]

Well Case, if you smiled and said hello to me, I would be flattered, then I would wonder why on earth a cutie like you would smile and even look at me??

Thanks, PurpleMist. (Great name, btw.) Well, if I was that "cutie" who smiled at you, then maybe you could "accidentally" drop something so I'd be inclined to turn around to help you. But to me, flattery is the intended message. A smile should make people feel good, right? Earlier today, an employee at a grocery store was leaving since her shift was over, and she saw me and smiled. I smiled back, we passed each other, and that was that. Pleasant exchange, non-verbal, no cat-calls, no awkwardness, just a couple of friendly smiles, and hopefully she felt good for that moment in time. I know I felt good for having done that.

(I'm sorry if I'm rambling an not making any sense, everything I want to say sounds great in my head. This is why I rarely reply on the serious posts/threads.)

Not at all. You didn't ramble. You told me exactly what I wanted to know. I appreciate it.

While I have not seen the video either, I would say that the men were objectifying her, treating her, basically, like a sex toy. Now, if the compliment is genuine and not based on having sex with her, I would say it's okay. Complimenting her appearance or attire or her hair or her eyes, but never if you are saying it in a lusty way.

Thanks, Callie. And yes, the woman in the video was objectified by the men. I felt that every comment was sexualized either by the manner in which they made the comment (usually by a lot of ogling and a suggestive phrasing,) or by the content of the statements themselves. There were many instances of "How you doing, beautiful?" in an effort to get her to respond. When she didn't respond, some men tried to shame her for being silent when the men complimented her, as if these men were somehow owed a response from the woman. Amazing.

Now I have seen that video and honestly, I found that some of those men labelled as 'harassing' her, were merely being friendly...at least that's how I would've taken it if I were the same woman.

Thanks, Ringwood. - Well, it's not up to me to determine what is harassing to a woman and what is not. I have common sense, so I know what is generally unacceptable. But that's part of the reason for my question. If you don't think some of the comments made to the woman in the video are harrassing, that is valid. There are enough women who feel differently, though, which is why that video went viral.

I think in a large city, people have a tendency to not interact with the people around them at all, so what's taken as 'friendly' to one person would be harassment to someone else. Shrug...that's my take on it.

This is very true about many big cities. Oftentimes, city-dwellers won't even bother to meet their neighbors in a bigger city. In a city like New York, the general phrase that permeates everyone's minds is, "Stay away from me!" Far too many people are out to harm others and people have to be ready if someone tries something. If people don't adopt a "Stay away from me" mentality, one can become vulnerable, and vulnerability is not a strength while walking the streets of NYC.

Personally, I think it really comes down the to individuals. For me, as long as a guy is not overtly 'aggressive' with his admiration, I am good with it. I have always appreciated attention from the fellas, whether a simple smile while passing down a grocery aisle, a whistle from a car in traffic, sending a drink to my table, whatever. I've met some really great guys that way.

Thanks, MG. Very interesting. You seem to have a very relaxed outlook. Would that be an accurate statement?

A major newspaper did similar experiment here in Auckland with very different results: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11352633

This is almost a tourism advert for Auckland. "Ladies... Come to Auckland and you won't be harassed. At least, when it's day time, and there aren't any rugby matches going on." lol - It shows quite clearly that it is nothing like New York City. NYC is like no other city in the world. For good or bad.

 

[Solivagant]

Frankly, I would wonder what else you wanted. No strange man has ever said "Hi" to me just for the sake of it. And in most cases "Hi" has been followed by some kind of harassment, so it might make me wary. I certainly wouldn't take a simple "Hello" as harassment, but I would tend to think there was more intent behind it than just "being nice". I don't like conversing with strangers in any case, so honestly I would rather be left alone to go about my business. But that's just me.

I do understand that men are trained to be the pursuers, but if you want to be on the safe side then I think pursuing should generally be left either to people you are already acquainted with or social settings where that kind of behavior might be expected, and not random women walking down the street who probably just want to get wherever they're going without incident.

Just my opinion.

#DudesGreetingDudes

Question for the women of ALL: When is a compliment made by a man (or a woman, if you are so oriented,) welcomed and appreciated.

I refer (partially) to the recent video of the woman in NYC who endured sustained harassment and cat-calling as she walked through the city. It was hard to watch, but it made me wonder how a decent guy could give a woman a compliment without it being taken as an unwanted advance. I realize that in some cases, women just want to go about their business. But given that men are trained to be the pursuers in our society, it places us men in the precarious position of risking being seen as predatory.

I never thought that a simple "Hello" and a smile could be seen as a threat. So, help me understand what is going through a woman's mind if, for example, I pass her in the grocery store, smile, and say "Hello" without any intent beyond being nice.

I don't ever want to be perceived as being one of the men in that video. Thanks.

 

[ardour]

I do understand that men are trained to be the pursuers, but if you want to be on the safe side then I think pursuing should generally be left either to people you are already acquainted with or social settings where that kind of behavior is expected, and not random women walking down the street who probably just want to get wherever they're going without incident.

Just my opinion.

Concur with that. It's easy to imagine it getting annoying fast.

 

[Case]

Frankly, I would wonder what else you wanted. No strange man has ever said "Hi" to me just for the sake of it. And in most cases "Hi" has been followed by some kind of harassment, so it might make me wary. I certainly wouldn't take a simple "Hello" as harassment, but I would tend to think there was more intent behind it than just "being nice". I don't like conversing with strangers in any case, so honestly I would rather be left alone to go about my business. But that's just me.

Thanks, Solivagant. There are definitely times where I just want to get my stuff from the store and not get into any real social interaction. So, I understand where you're coming from. But I live in an area where it's not uncommon to pass a stranger (male, female, young or old,) on a public sidewalk while greeting each other with a "Hello" or a "Good morning" as a matter of simple, common courtesy. I wouldn't do this in most parts of NYC since everyone is so guarded, but here, it's different.

I guess it bothered me to imagine the times I've said "Hello" to people just to be friendly knowing that a percentage of these people (however small) thought I had some ulterior motive behind the "Hello." Since I have no motive beyond wishing a stranger well, I guess I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing as long as I keep in mind that some people will not appreciate the greeting.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Question for the women - how do you like to be approached? In what context? Are common interests and being able to share conversation, laughter, and jokes with a guy enough, provided the guy has the basics covered (job/income, is groomed and in at least decent shape, is friendly and trustworthy, etc.)? Or does a guy just have to have some coolness and cockyness about him to cause any feelings of excitement?

A lot of the time, I can talk to women about things, either common interests, things I overhear but mention in a friendly way, things I notice like a band or character shirt we both enjoy, stuff like that. But the personality I've built up over the years is just a happy, friendly one. Aside from when things frustrate me, I'm mostly pretty un-aggressive. I don't have any "game" or "swagger" and I don't do any kind of braggadocio. I don't feel comfortable acting that way, one, I don't like it, and two, I would feel really weird acting like that. I also show my emotions as well, I smile and laugh a lot and I don't try to act like I am too cool for this and that. I'm starting to wonder if maybe that is causing me to come off to women as a man-child and therefore unattractive, like, you need to be cocky to get the primal reaction of sexual excitement and I just don't do it.

Not trying to start any trouble here because I realize that this is a touchy subject, I'm being serious. I just want to know if the majority of women truly do feel sexual stimulation from being around a cool and cocky guy and it's just me who doesn't get the way things are supposed to be, naturally.

 

[Solivagant]

Or does a guy just have to have some coolness and cockyness about him to cause any feelings of excitement?

Are you going to believe it if women tell you "no", or are we just shouting to the wind?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Or does a guy just have to have some coolness and cockyness about him to cause any feelings of excitement?

Are you going to believe it if women tell you "no", or are we just shouting to the wind?

I'll just say it anyway - no, guys do not have to be cool or cocky to cause any feelings of excitement.

 

[hazel_flagg]

Or does a guy just have to have some coolness and cockyness about him to cause any feelings of excitement?

Are you going to believe it if women tell you "no", or are we just shouting to the wind?

I'll just say it anyway - no, guys do not have to be cool or cocky to cause any feelings of excitement.

Agreed. And I find the whole concept of 'swagger' really goddamned irritating. Maybe there are women who like that sort of thing, but not all of us do.

 

[Arachne]

Or does a guy just have to have some coolness and cockyness about him to cause any feelings of excitement?

Are you going to believe it if women tell you "no", or are we just shouting to the wind?

I'll just say it anyway - no, guys do not have to be cool or cocky to cause any feelings of excitement.

Agreed. And I find the whole concept of 'swagger' really goddamned irritating. Maybe there are women who like that sort of thing, but not all of us do.

The most attractive feature in a man to me is his honesty everything else is window dressings. There are women like myself who hold this true to their hearts out there. I also agree with what the others have said. I hope I made some sense having a bad day..

 

[Minty]

Question for the women of ALL: When is a compliment made by a man (or a woman, if you are so oriented,) welcomed and appreciated.

I refer (partially) to the recent video of the woman in NYC who endured sustained harassment and cat-calling as she walked through the city. It was hard to watch, but it made me wonder how a decent guy could give a woman a compliment without it being taken as an unwanted advance. I realize that in some cases, women just want to go about their business. But given that men are trained to be the pursuers in our society, it places us men in the precarious position of risking being seen as predatory.

I never thought that a simple "Hello" and a smile could be seen as a threat. So, help me understand what is going through a woman's mind if, for example, I pass her in the grocery store, smile, and say "Hello" without any intent beyond being nice.

I don't ever want to be perceived as being one of the men in that video. Thanks.

Firstly, I would say that ALL women just want to go about their business

That video in NYC was discussed on BBC radio recently and what surprised me was the amount of men then called into the radio show to say that they didn't think it was unacceptable behaviour - in fact, there was only one man that did see the problem with it.

Personally, if I am having a conversation with a man that I have met a couple of times and we're getting on, have a good time/laugh/conversation and then he compliments me, I love it. It's nice, it's flattering, I consider it a genuine compliment. If it's a man I know, I would be equally flattered.

When it comes to strangers though, I get quite the opposite feelings. I don't think the compliments are genuine when they come from strangers. If it's a guy I have been talking to in a bar for instance, the alarm bell would ring and I would think that he's only interested in one thing, so I would wind up the convo and probably lose him.

On the street, as with this video in NYC, I find it incredibly creepy. Ok, a pleasant smile is one thing but why are they saying hi to her? In case she stops and invites them back to hers for sexy time? Honestly, that is the only reason why I can imagine that a man would say hi to a female perfect stranger in the street. You want her to stop and talk about climate change? It's happened to me countless times and it makes me so unconformable and I feel like screaming 'LEAVE ME ALONE YOU EFFING PERVERT'.

I had a guy once, when I was stood at the bus stop on the way to work at 7am, turn to me, look me up and down and tell me I was beautiful and could he have my number. It made me feel sick.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that men are visual creatures and I don't mind a wolf-whistle from a group of builders (not that it happens that much these days), in fact I find it funny and take is a just a laugh but more than that and the creepy line has been crossed in my opinion.

This is just my opinion and how it makes me feel. I think the types of guys that do cat-call etc, are usually not decent guys anyway.

---

Or does a guy just have to have some coolness and cockyness about him to cause any feelings of excitement?

That actually puts me off a guy. Just nice, friendly and a good laugh, that does it for me.

Coolness is also quite subjective. I find Physicists cool but many people would disagree with me!

 

[VanillaCreme]

Question for the women - how do you like to be approached? In what context?

I liked to be slapped with a latex glove and be told to get back in the kitchen. That always seems to work, right ladies? I can't possibly be alone with this one...

Or does a guy just have to have some coolness and cockyness about him to cause any feelings of excitement?

Are you going to believe it if women tell you "no", or are we just shouting to the wind?

I'll just say it anyway - no, guys do not have to be cool or cocky to cause any feelings of excitement.

What these two lovely ladies have said. Just for the record, my dude is not cool or cocky. He's a greasy redneck that doesn't care to clean under his nails after working on ****. Not every woman wants Fabio-like men. But he fixes things and eats my cooking, and that's excitement enough for me.