Rant - I need some time.

[CenotaphGirl]

I confess that I'm not 100% equip to deal with overly negative things right now, I am still recovering from the section and I need some time to get back to myself.
I feel like the second I came out everyone just dumped on me. I am only human. I know they cant imagine what its like but I haven't been able to eat properly since I got home due to "anxiety?"
It's like everyone in my life became over-demanding overnight "you're out, you're fine now here's all my **** I want you to deal with". It just doesn't work that way, I wish it did but I just need a little compassion, a little empathy. People treat me like I am literally subhuman, I honestly dont know what they want from me any more.

Straight away from every direction I just felt pulled and pushed and even taken advantage of, like im a human, im just not ready, maybe I didnt articulate that properly, am I at fault there?
I am currently calm, clutching a bucket and feeling like I just dont know if I should cut the power lock the doors and section myself at home in the dark for a week or 2 till im better because this is overwhelming.

It's like im expected to get out of hospital and just be exactly where everyone last saw me, and if im not, im the bad guy... WHAT!?!?! it's just so unfair, and okay maybe I lied about the "calmly" clutching the bucket, but I am sitting with the dreaded bucket nevertheless. How can everyone expect that? They cant genuinely think thats how it works, do they think this whole thing is a game? I have my stupid ex complaining, people jumping to conclusions, my brother wanting my support... it's just too much. I am about to just say f it... and I swear, I will be the bad guy at that point because I am not going to be nice about this anymore.

Why wont they just let me heal... these things take time.

 

[okidoke]

Most people are just totally ignorant about such things, and sometimes through their ignorance and a willingness to still be some sort of support for you just say and do dumb things. Like people who support mental health awareness etc etc, they say all this great stuff of support online in posts on FB, but have no idea whatsoever of how to interact with people that have a mental health issue. Some people even think they suffer with mental health themselves and try to empathise with you in all the wrong ways, because all they are really suffering is some general stress of pressures at work or school, which I'm not trying to downplay, but that's just everyday stress that almost all people suffer, and need to suffer as it builds character etc, But I digress. You need a break from those people who can't understand. You need some time for sure. Don't totally close off from everyone, but let people seep into your life as you feel ready. Nobody can tell you how long you need to heal, or grieve, or anything that you feel. We're all different. Good luck Ceno.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Most people are just totally ignorant about such things, and sometimes through their ignorance and a willingness to still be some sort of support for you just say and do dumb things. Like people who support mental health awareness etc etc, they say all this great stuff of support online in posts on FB, but have no idea whatsoever of how to interact with people that have a mental health issue. Some people even think they suffer with mental health themselves and try to empathise with you in all the wrong ways, because all they are really suffering is some general stress of pressures at work or school, which I'm not trying to downplay, but that's just everyday stress that almost all people suffer, and need to suffer as it builds character etc, But I digress. You need a break from those people who can't understand. You need some time for sure. Don't totally close off from everyone, but let people seep into your life as you feel ready. Nobody can tell you how long you need to heal, or grieve, or anything that you feel. We're all different. Good luck Ceno.

Thanks Okidoke, I agree with everything you said, I just feel like people expect too much from me, they act like I've been on vacation, I should be well rested and adjusted enough to carry everything and I am not. I am just not, if anything I need more support, I need a softer approach. If they cant give me that, then they should just leave me alone until I am well again... it's just not fair.

 

[okidoke]

true. life can be so unfair, or at least feel unfair. I'm starting to accept that "fair" isn't even a concept we should entertain.

maybe a different circle of support/friend/s?

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Take as much time as you need to heal.
The body doesn't just snap back together over night.
Don't stress yourself too much, that'll make the recovery time harder.
I wish you had someone to help take care of you while you recover.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

true. life can be so unfair, or at least feel unfair. I'm starting to accept that "fair" isn't even a concept we should entertain.

maybe a different circle of support/friend/s?

I wish I had one Okidoke its stressful

Take as much time as you need to heal.
The body doesn't just snap back together over night.
Don't stress yourself too much, that'll make the recovery time harder.
I wish you had someone to help take care of you while you recover.

Thanks Apexiee I just wanted people to understand im fragile at the moment, vulnerable like in my real life than on here but its like omg I am actually a person, I genuinely believe people want me to just be who they want me to be in every given situation than who I am, and where I'm at. Sooooo much pressure.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Thanks Apexiee I just wanted people to understand im fragile at the moment, vulnerable like in my real life than on here but its like omg I am actually a person, I genuinely believe people want me to just be who they want me to be in every given situation than who I am, and where I'm at. Sooooo much pressure.

Just be yourself, and the world will polarize itself around you accordingly. It takes the work and stress out of it.

 

[okidoke]

I wish I had one Okidoke its stressful

Go find a local dog park and watch the dogs frolic. Maybe you'll meet someone nice there. Talk about dogs and call me Oki

 

[collins johnathan]

Just be yourself, and the world will polarize itself around you accordingly. It takes the work and stress out of it.

Tried being myself for a while now but two things, trying to be oneself out of being told to be so is complicated cause a times it feels like acting a way you think you'd like to be perceived which may not necessarily be you. Then I think just being yourself alone ain't enough to ensure one can be alright, one needs the good favor of the gods/God. I just find it hard to believe one can do almost everything right and get insignificant reward for it with more pain than smiles without the influence of a puppet master

 

[Kar]

From another thread about 2023, I mentioned one of my goals was to protect my best interests more. I think it's also important to state what you need if you find people aren't respecting your best interests or needs.

Recognizing that we are each one of us weak, mad and mistaken should inspire compassion for ourselves – and generosity towards others. It's important to know how to reveal our vulnerability and brokenness to friends and family or anyone (bosses). Share our fears and dreams using verbs such as “I feel”, “I need”, “I want” and do it unapologetically then see how it goes. For example, try saying "I need more space right now" instead of explaining why or preemptively apologizing for saying what you need. You don't need to explain you are feeling anxious or vulnerable. You have a right to say what you want or need if you don't feel you are getting it. Additionally, it is unreasonable to expect others to read your mind and know what it is you need automatically. I know I've been guilty of this with others having no idea they were struggling and that same was absolutely done to me. Most people are just generally self absorbed.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

From another thread about 2023, I mentioned one of my goals was to protect my best interests more. I think it's also important to state what you need if you find people aren't respecting your best interests or needs.

Recognizing that we are each one of us weak, mad and mistaken should inspire compassion for ourselves – and generosity towards others. It's important to know how to reveal our vulnerability and brokenness to friends and family or anyone (bosses). Share our fears and dreams using verbs such as “I feel”, “I need”, “I want” and do it unapologetically then see how it goes. For example, try saying "I need more space right now" instead of explaining why or preemptively apologizing for saying what you need. You don't need to explain you are feeling anxious or vulnerable. You have a right to say what you want or need if you don't feel you are getting it. Additionally, it is unreasonable to expect others to read your mind and know what it is you need automatically. I know I've been guilty of this with others having no idea they were struggling and that same was absolutely done to me. Most people are just generally self absorbed.

I like this, you’re right I am going to try and do this more I have assertiveness issues and sometimes it just blows up in my face.

 

[collins johnathan]

From another thread about 2023, I mentioned one of my goals was to protect my best interests more. I think it's also important to state what you need if you find people aren't respecting your best interests or needs.

Recognizing that we are each one of us weak, mad and mistaken should inspire compassion for ourselves – and generosity towards others. It's important to know how to reveal our vulnerability and brokenness to friends and family or anyone (bosses). Share our fears and dreams using verbs such as “I feel”, “I need”, “I want” and do it unapologetically then see how it goes. For example, try saying "I need more space right now" instead of explaining why or preemptively apologizing for saying what you need. You don't need to explain you are feeling anxious or vulnerable. You have a right to say what you want or need if you don't feel you are getting it. Additionally, it is unreasonable to expect others to read your mind and know what it is you need automatically. I know I've been guilty of this with others having no idea they were struggling and that same was absolutely done to me. Most people are just generally self absorbed.

Thanks for this

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Go find a local dog park and watch the dogs frolic. Maybe you'll meet someone nice there. Talk about dogs and call me Oki

Wish I wasnt so terrified of dogs lol im deffo a cat girl.

Tried being myself for a while now but two things, trying to be oneself out of being told to be so is complicated cause a times it feels like acting a way you think you'd like to be perceived which may not necessarily be you. Then I think just being yourself alone ain't enough to ensure one can be alright, one needs the good favor of the gods/God. I just find it hard to believe one can do almost everything right and get insignificant reward for it with more pain than smiles without the influence of a puppet master

You are always enough but I understand this so well, I often found that I allowed everyone to just come in and shape who I am.

 

[okidoke]

Wish I wasnt so terrified of dogs lol im deffo a cat girl.

Oh. Cat park? lol, nah they're all so aloof.

 

[collins johnathan]

Wish I wasnt so terrified of dogs lol im deffo a cat girl.


You are always enough but I understand this so well, I often found that I allowed everyone to just come in and shape who I am.

Thanks

 

[Kar]

Wish I wasnt so terrified of dogs lol im deffo a cat girl.

This place is for you. https://crumbsandwhiskers.com/cat-cafe-losangeles

 

[CenotaphGirl]

This place is for you. https://crumbsandwhiskers.com/cat-cafe-losangeles

Ooh lala and heres me thinking places like this only existed in Japan