Relationship In Betweens and Things That Could Be Worked On

[Abstamyous]

What are things, that come up in relationships, that may make you uncomfortable, but you believe you could work on? This thread is for the things that you are on the fence about.

For myself:

I have a hard time accepting gifts, or even feeling like I deserve them. In general, it brings up a lot of guilt, in which I have felt since childhood.
Another side of the same coin, I have in the past, given too much and tried to win affection with material things. I don't always feel like enough, and the easy answer is to spend money.

I can be quite indecisive, especially if I am afraid of stepping on someone's toes.

In general, I am quiet. Sometimes, I am lost in thought, and it shows on my face. My face can attract a lot "Are you okay?" "Why do you look miserable?" "Don't you know it's okay to smile?" My reply of "Can't you go **** yourself?" typically doesn't go over well, either.

 

[Autumntranspire]

I have had a lot of people comment on my RBF so I know how you feel Amy! X)

A little personal but I've always struggled with my partner hiding the fact they watch p0rn. It's not the act but just the hiding it part that has always sort of irritated me when I wanted to be more intimately connected with my partner. Personally it killed the fire in the romance for me in an already struggling marriage, and I worked on it quite a bit to get to the source of why it bothered me so much but ultimately I found this person wasn't for me and we couldn't connect like that at all. Some people just ain't receptive to your kind of loving. *shrug*

A more in depth issue than the last, I struggle with most connections in general. ~
I struggle to verbally articulate words at times and I find I talk in circles a lot and struggle to maintain a clear point. My mind jumps around so much it's very hard to slow it down and in past relationships it has caused a lot of problems. Not being able to understand someone is detrimental when you are trying to love them as well.
I believe I have worked on this by taking the time to breathe and slow down my thoughts, understand myself a little better before I expect anybody else to do it and to be completely honest.. be more selective about who I share my thoughts with. <3

 

[Abstamyous]

A little personal but I've always struggled with my partner hiding the fact they watch p0rn. It's not the act but just the hiding it part that has always sort of irritated me when I wanted to be more intimately connected with my partner. Personally it killed the fire in the romance for me in an already struggling marriage, and I worked on it quite a bit to get to the source of why it bothered me so much but ultimately I found this person wasn't for me and we couldn't connect like that at all. Some people just ain't receptive to your kind of loving. *shrug*

I can relate to this. One of my exes hid that he watched ****, as well as smoked weed, because he felt I would feel jealous or upset over it. It turned out he was hiding A LOT in the end. I would personally rather a person test me by being completely honest with me, than assume my feelings and hide things completely.

 

[Autumntranspire]

A little personal but I've always struggled with my partner hiding the fact they watch p0rn. It's not the act but just the hiding it part that has always sort of irritated me when I wanted to be more intimately connected with my partner. Personally it killed the fire in the romance for me in an already struggling marriage, and I worked on it quite a bit to get to the source of why it bothered me so much but ultimately I found this person wasn't for me and we couldn't connect like that at all. Some people just ain't receptive to your kind of loving. *shrug*

I can relate to this. One of my exes hid that he watched ****, as well as smoked weed, because he felt I would feel jealous or upset over it. It turned out he was hiding A LOT in the end. I would personally rather a person test me by being completely honest with me, than assume my feelings and hide things completely.

Absolutely Amy, everything up front man

 

[Abstamyous]

I could be less insensitive, when it comes to how other feels about situations. Sometimes, I feel so strongly, that I forget that other people are feeling differently. Their feelings are just as valid as mine. And deserve to be recognized, from a heartfelt place.

 

[Finished]

I'm a fixer. When things are going great I ignore them and focus on trying to repair things that aren't. That comes across as not appreciating the good things and being negative.


Wait..... hold on......... what? Did someone say ****........... Don't you mess with my **** collection! But, yes, I have a couple videos.... and we can share them. Make sure they don't get mixed up though. I have them just the way I want them. Also don't go into the closet. Ha! Ha!

 

[Abstamyous]

I'm a fixer. When things are going great I ignore them and focus on trying to repair things that aren't. That comes across as not appreciating the good things and being negative.

Do you find it comes from a place of feeling unsettled? I certainly try to fix things when I am feeling unsettled. I think it's often an avoidance of feeling what's inside, and thinking that the environment around me will improve it.

 

[Autumntranspire]

I'm a fixer. When things are going great I ignore them and focus on trying to repair things that aren't. That comes across as not appreciating the good things and being negative.


Wait..... hold on......... what? Did someone say ****........... Don't you mess with my **** collection! But, yes, I have a couple videos.... and we can share them. Make sure they don't get mixed up though. I have them just the way I want them. Also don't go into the closet. Ha! Ha!

Well of course it's different when you share.. sharing is caring. 

 

[Finished]

I'm a fixer. When things are going great I ignore them and focus on trying to repair things that aren't. That comes across as not appreciating the good things and being negative.

Do you find it comes from a place of feeling unsettled? I certainly try to fix things when I am feeling unsettled. I think it's often an avoidance of feeling what's inside, and thinking that the environment around me will improve it.

Maybe. I am a person that always needs to be moving and doing stuff. Whenever I see something broken or not functioning well I have to make it better. It doesn't matter what it is. It's the same for physical objects or people. It just bugs me and I have to fix it.

 

[mgill]

i have a huge problem accepting complements-not that i have ever received many. they always make me extremely uncomfortable and i never believe the person is being genuine. of course, this is never an issue for me from women so i am speaking in the platonic sense.

 

[Abstamyous]

i have a huge problem accepting complements-not that i have ever received many.  they always make me extremely uncomfortable and i never believe the person is being genuine.  of course, this is never an issue for me from women so i am speaking in the platonic sense.

Sometimes, compliments sound like curses coming from some people.

 

[mgill]

i have a huge problem accepting complements-not that i have ever received many.  they always make me extremely uncomfortable and i never believe the person is being genuine.  of course, this is never an issue for me from women so i am speaking in the platonic sense.

Sometimes, compliments sound like curses coming from some people.

very true but i can take curses & criticism with no problem.  i consider it a good thing that i very rarely receive the other end of the spectrum.

 

[4No1]

I feel uncomfortable with getting presents/complements/help
I can be gloomy even if I don't mean it - just for a case
And I don't like discussing feelnings a lot, I prefer to leave than to say somebody has hurt me and sometimes people don't meant to be rude just express their thoughts not in a best way.

 

[Sunless Sky]

I also feel slighlty uncomfortable getting compliments

I feel the need to fix things as well, it is as if i only thrive with unhealthy people where i feel needed all the time.

With healthy people however, i get intimidated as i feel like i have no purpose in the relationship.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'll join the uncomfortable getting compliments club.

 

[Just Games]

I people please too much.I don't like confrontation or arguments. I tend to go quiet or walk away just plain give in for a quiet life or joke about if the **** starts to hit the fan.I think I should stand up for myself more.But when i do like for an experiment people react in shock because although I'm talkative I'm mostly quiet.

 

[Nicolelt]

I am not inbetween relationships, and I really hope I never am again. But I really need to work on communicating what I mean, not what sounds right. Being more specific.

 

[Abstamyous]

I am not inbetween relationships, and I really hope I never am again. But I really need to work on communicating what I mean, not what sounds right. Being more specific.

I meant the "in-between" as in between deal breakers and deal makers. I couldn't think of a better word.

 

[Nicolelt]

I am not inbetween relationships, and I really hope I never am again. But I really need to work on communicating what I mean, not what sounds right. Being more specific.

I meant the "in-between" as in between deal breakers and deal makers. I couldn't think of a better word.

Ohhhhhhh! I gotcha. I have lots of stuff to work on

 

[Fay F]

I could be less insensitive, when it comes to how other feels about situations. Sometimes, I feel so strongly, that I forget that other people are feeling differently. Their feelings are just as valid as mine. And deserve to be recognized, from a heartfelt place.

I can see myself having this problem too. I wasn't always like this though, just lately. My husband is very insensitive and has hurt me a lot in the past few years. I have always tried to be warm and receiving with him when he has issues etc...but lately I'm finding myself impatient and annoyed by him.

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I people please too much.I don't like confrontation or arguments. I tend to go quiet or walk away just plain give in for a quiet life or joke about if the **** starts to hit the fan.I think I should stand up for myself more.But when i do like for an experiment people react in shock because although I'm talkative I'm mostly quiet.

People pleasing is a sickness I have too. And for that exact reason, to avoid confrontation and argument, to avoid feeling uncomfortable and rejected, unloved. I've become a master at fake apologies just to keep the peace. It's humiliating and builds resentment, but at least there is no more drama to deal with. Standing up is hard because there is always that fear that we will be challenged, debated or dismissed. I'm working on a self-esteem workshop currently, because of my people pleasing, I haven't stood up to my husband who is kind of making me miserable. I need to set and keep boundaries, put myself first and find self-respect. It's a challenge and hard work. Scary too.