Releasing My Insecurities

[TheSkaFish]

I've had working class jobs. I also have a degree. I'd work in a Supermarket job again if I had to, but I've managed to do otherwise.

How have you managed to do otherwise? What do you do instead?

He's looking.

No one is suggesting that he stop looking for a better job, just that get something easier to obtain in the meantime.

Just today I applied for a temp job as an accounting clerk. It is certainly not a high-ranking job with a lot of salary and prestige. I am indeed looking for things that are easier to obtain by looking at temp agencies. It's not full time but I wouldn't feel as bad about it. I feel like it's at least a step in the right direction.

 

[Paraiyar]

I've had working class jobs. I also have a degree. I'd work in a Supermarket job again if I had to, but I've managed to do otherwise.

How have you managed to do otherwise? What do you do instead?

He's looking.

No one is suggesting that he stop looking for a better job, just that get something easier to obtain in the meantime.

Just today I applied for a temp job as an accounting clerk. It is certainly not a high-ranking job with a lot of salary and prestige. I am indeed looking for things that are easier to obtain by looking at temp agencies. It's not full time but I wouldn't feel as bad about it. I feel like it's at least a step in the right direction.

I've generally used recruitment agencies to get most of my roles altough before that I landed a role in a government department after three months of post-university unemployment. I live in New Zealand though so not sure how well this process translates to the U.S.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Can you look yourself in the mirror right now by NOT having a job?

Yes, because it could change.

I'm sorry, but are you under the impression that a job is permanent? A job can change too....

By still living with your parents?

Yes, because I live at home for other reasons besides the financial reason. That is one reason, but it's also that even if I had a job I don't have anyone to ask for a roommate, and also, I like it. I get along reasonably well with my family. The location is good. My friends that still live in the state are close-ish.

What about the stigma of living at home with your parents because you refuse to get a job? Get a job and you might not need a roommate. Move somewhere where the cost of living isn't so high. I don't need a roommate and I take care of THREE people. I simply don't understand how being almost 30 years old and still being unemployed and living with your parents is a good thing in your mind.

You have to start somewhere and it's likely not going to be where you want to be.

Okay, I never contested this.

You have, if only because of the fact that you have no job.

I'm not sure how you haven't realized this yet.

I have. I understand that I am not going to get something great right away. But that doesn't mean I can only get something terrible either. There are not just two jobs in the world, CEOs and people who work at fast food restaurants. There's a spectrum. I imagine I'm somewhere in the middle, probably on the lower end, sure. But not at the very bottom, not where I was before I even finished high school. That would suggest I've gone backwards, like I am somehow less capable than I was before.

Your mind is going backwards here, I'm sorry, but you need a job, you need to start living in the real world and paying for yourself instead of forcing your parents to do it. You aren't in high school anymore, it's time to grow up and join the real world instead of staying hidden away in your parents house.

You can't get a job like you want if you don't have a damn thing to put on your resume.

I have things to put on my resume, not a lot of things, but some things nonetheless.

What things do you have to put on your resume? Are they within the last 3-5 years? Because employers don't really give a **** about anything before that. They will see a huge *** gap in your employment history and NOT want to hire you because you are nearing 30 and haven't had steady work. They see no work ethic, no desire to try, no anything.

You have nothing,

Wrong, I have a college degree. And a separate certificate, while we're at it.

A college degree and separate certificate from how long ago? And what have you done in that field in the meantime to show that it's all still relevant?

so how do you expect to get your entitled job?

The same way everyone else did. They worked bad jobs before they had their degree, graduated, and got something better.

Lol, except YOU don't have a job, you don't have better. You have nothing but free room and board at your parents house because of your entitled behavior. Seriously, where has it gotten you?

It is a lot more than "an extra piece of paper saying you read some books". I never said I deserved more than you, but I would say that I would deserve more than someone comparable to me without a degree. There are lots of jobs that won't even consider you without one, regardless of your experience.

I hate to break this one to you, but nearly all jobs want you to have SOME kind of experience. Not just a degree you received years ago and have done nothing with.

What do you do then?

What I do isn't important and because of the NDA I signed, I couldn't tell you much anyway. I work at home, online. No I don't sell anything, call anyone, no one calls me and I don't make things.

Do I want to go to college? Of course I do, but I wouldn't expect to get any job I wanted in the field I would go into with no experience to show for it.

If it's just "an extra piece of paper saying you read some books" why go?

Here's a shocker. I like learning about things I enjoy. Sure, I could just read books or take courseware, but I'd like to have the college experience as well.

My ex makes up to $50/hour right now and he never went to college. He was technically a high school dropout making $20 an hour.

Doing what?

Again, why is it important? He also got a job offer to make between 250K-500K a year, but he turned it down.
The point is that he has a very well paying job and does what he needs to do to live in the real world.

I was told all my life that there is a difference between having a degree and not, and that was why it was so important to get one. And I believe it is true. This isn't, and has never been to say I believe in some kind of caste system like Victorian times. I'm saying, there was a reason to get a degree, it has some kind of value, it gives you some kind of an advantage otherwise it's a waste of time. The idea was that getting a degree would enable me, or anyone who gets one, the ability to get a better job than you could have before.

Okay, fine, you believe it's true....yet you've done nothing with it, so is it really all that important? You aren't using it, you refuse to get a job, you refuse to do anything because of this excuse or that excuse or you thinking you are entitled to have what you want, exactly the way you want it.
You can't have a "better" job until you have experience. So suck it up, get a job, ANY job, until one that you want comes along and hires you, quit the job that is so damn beneath you and start paying your own way instead of mooching off your parents for the rest of your life because you can't be a CEO right off the damn bat.

 

[Xpendable]

- Says you should take whatever ****** job you get.
- Works from home.

 

[VanillaCreme]

- Says you should take whatever ****** job you get.
- Works from home.

Her job, or anyone's job, has nothing to do with him. So you can stop your sarcastic, derisive comments.

 

[TheRealCallie]

- Says you should take whatever ****** job you get.
- Works from home.

What the **** are you talking about? Something wrong with my jobs? I worked damn hard to get my jobs and get my promotion and to keep these jobs. Do you think it's so ******* easy to work at home? Being a single mother with two kids. Being the one who has to pay for everything for herself and her kids? I got jobs at home so I wouldn't abandon my kids like their father did by getting a job outside the home.
Yeah, you know, my jobs might not be deemed as "real" to some and as easy as **** to others, but it is real and it's not easy. Honestly, it's harder than having a job outside the house because of the way independent contractors work.
I had to submit resumes and take tests to show that I could do the jobs competently.

So please, tell me how the fact that I work at home has any bearing on this thread or any ******* thing else that concerns you...who knows absolutely nothing about what I do?

 

[TheSkaFish]

What about the stigma of living at home with your parents because you refuse to get a job? Get a job and you might not need a roommate. Move somewhere where the cost of living isn't so high. I don't need a roommate and I take care of THREE people. I simply don't understand how being almost 30 years old and still being unemployed and living with your parents is a good thing in your mind.

Because people live at home for a variety of reasons that I've already explained. And I will still need roommates unless I have a very well-paying job. The cost of living is that high.

A college degree and separate certificate from how long ago? And what have you done in that field in the meantime to show that it's all still relevant?

These things aren't licenses that expire or can be taken away. You can't be demoted from having it. Once you have it, you're further along than where you were before. They say you are capable of thinking, getting concepts, and performing tasks at a higher level than a high school student. That counts for something.

Doing what?

Again, why is it important? He also got a job offer to make between 250K-500K a year, but he turned it down.
The point is that he has a very well paying job and does what he needs to do to live in the real world.

It's important because if it's such a good idea that it makes all this money, then what he does is absolutely the point. Unless you just wanted to brag about it.

So suck it up, get a job, ANY job, until one that you want comes along and hires you, quit the job that is so damn beneath you and start paying your own way instead of mooching off your parents for the rest of your life because you can't be a CEO right off the damn bat.

The thing I keep saying is, that doesn't happen. If you're in retail or fast food or something like that, you don't get hired into anything else because you don't learn anything transferable. I remember when I was in those jobs and the only people who ever left to do something better were students. The rest seemed stuck. Like Xpendable said, no one is going to promote you to a smarter position if you are really good at washing dishes.

I never said I thought I could be a CEO or a manager of something right out of school. And yes, I do believe there are things that are beneath me. I know I am more capable than that and certainly haven't gotten any less capable. And if you don't believe and assert that being treated certain ways is beneath you, then you let people walk all over you like I described in my first post. You let them break you, let them take away your pride, dignity, self-esteem, your power. The very thing I've been looking to reclaim, that I've been failing without. I'm not going to get my power back in an environment where everyone is frustrated and cowed and no one believes in themselves, no one aspires to anything.

There must be another way. Some people believe I still have a chance.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I've generally used recruitment agencies to get most of my roles altough before that I landed a role in a government department after three months of post-university unemployment. I live in New Zealand though so not sure how well this process translates to the U.S.

We have those here, although I don't know if the process is the same. I've just started to try them again.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I just noticed there are 130 replies to this thread - that must be some kind of record, at least considering how slow the forum has been lately lol.

I applaud your openness on the forum with your inner thoughts. Most of us here on the forum, unfortunately, prefer to keep things about as deep as the shallow end of a kid's pool and that is a shame. It might be easy pile onto someone who's showing vulnerability and come up with snap answers and trite solutions but I have a feeling that is not going to be helpful for you. Although I agree with most of the commenters here who are showing a sincere interest in you as a person.

"For every complex problem, there is an answer that is clear, simple and wrong" - HL Mencken

-Teresa

I just don't have anywhere else to say them but I don't want to keep bottling it up. It's half venting, half trying to figure things out to get on my feet in a make-it, take-it world. The trite solutions are indeed not helpful, because they say that I should submit to my old story, they say I should just submit to knowing my place. I hope you don't feel that I'm being elitist and I can understand how it can be good to be humble, but I do believe that when you say something is beneath you, you are standing up for yourself and refusing to let others treat you badly. It's hard to feel good about oneself in a bad job, because you're surrounded by reminders that you're limited in ability, that you're a failure. No one seemed to have any dreams or aspirations there. There's no place for confidence to take hold.

I remember everyone around me in those jobs was always moaning about how hard everything was, or doing something easy like smoke weed instead of doing something hard but which could expand one's identity, probably because they thought they couldn't do it - the very attitudes that kept me believing it's wishful thinking for me to try to learn things because I have no talent and acting in ways that make me fail in dating. I know I need to learn to be a stronger person but I don't see how I can by resigning myself to doing something that makes me feel meek, since it's what got me in this mess. What I've been doing doesn't work. The trite answers won't work either.

I think all these things are all connected. Success in one area heightens my chance in success at the rest. But so would failure diminish it.

I want to keep this thread open in case I make progress to report, or in case someone else is dealing with the same problems. But for now I just don't think there's more to say without it devolving into an argument. It's getting way off-topic already. I kept trying to steer it away from jobs and towards insecurities and self-esteem, which is what I intended this to be about.

Thank you for listening, in any case.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What he does for his job is irrelevant. And dishwashers get promoted all the time. People have to start from somewhere. At the very bottom for most. I don't know what you don't understand about that.

 

[TheRealCallie]

What he does for his job is irrelevant. And dishwashers get promoted all the time. People have to start from somewhere. At the very bottom for most. I don't know what you don't understand about that.

Indeed they do. I have a friend who started as a dishwasher and rose to head chef.
If people are making you feel like a failure or if a job is making you feel like a failure, that's not on the job or other people, that's on YOU for feeling that way.

Also, I believe I said MOVE to where the CoL is cheaper....you'd be surprised how much cheaper it is to live even just 30 miles away from a big city. ANY job is going to have people bitching and moaning about it. Sorry, but that's just life and NO job is perfect, there will ALWAYS be drama and suckiness no matter if you are a CEO or a dishwasher.

If you think it doesn't matter how long ago you got your degree, you are living in a delusion. It DOES matter, because regardless of whether you think you still know everything or not, THEY will see that you've done nothing with your degree and have no good excuse for not working all these years and won't want to hire you.
Seriously, what world are you living in, because it sure as hell isn't this one....

 

[TheSkaFish]

Indeed they do. I have a friend who started as a dishwasher and rose to head chef.
If people are making you feel like a failure or if a job is making you feel like a failure, that's not on the job or other people, that's on YOU for feeling that way.

Also, I believe I said MOVE to where the CoL is cheaper....you'd be surprised how much cheaper it is to live even just 30 miles away from a big city. ANY job is going to have people bitching and moaning about it. Sorry, but that's just life and NO job is perfect, there will ALWAYS be drama and suckiness no matter if you are a CEO or a dishwasher.

If you think it doesn't matter how long ago you got your degree, you are living in a delusion. It DOES matter, because regardless of whether you think you still know everything or not, THEY will see that you've done nothing with your degree and have no good excuse for not working all these years and won't want to hire you.
Seriously, what world are you living in, because it sure as hell isn't this one....

I live over 30 miles away from a big city and it is still expensive. Beyond this point it is still expensive for a long way. And of course, the further you move away from the city the more you need a car, which is expensive to own and maintain regardless of make or model. And the further you get from the better job opportunities.

As for jobs making people feel like failures, it's not just me. It's culture. It's even like this in other countries.

I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't participate in my threads anymore. If you don't like them that's fine, but I don't write them for entertainment. I write them to deal with frustration and uncertainty and whatever else I'm feeling. It's obvious we don't get along, and I don't like how you seem happy when things don't work out for me. I don't like how you seem to want me to accept that I'm just not someone who is going to get what they want and resign myself to the same insecurities, self-doubts, and low self-image I've been talking about wanting to escape in this thread. You say in your disclaimer that you mean no disrespect but I really don't feel that way. There's nothing else to say about it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Members can freely participate in any thread that's opened to the public. Don't like someone or what they say? Ignore it. You started this thread. Don't be so childish as to believe that there wouldn't be things said that you wouldn't agree with.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Indeed they do. I have a friend who started as a dishwasher and rose to head chef.
If people are making you feel like a failure or if a job is making you feel like a failure, that's not on the job or other people, that's on YOU for feeling that way.

Also, I believe I said MOVE to where the CoL is cheaper....you'd be surprised how much cheaper it is to live even just 30 miles away from a big city. ANY job is going to have people bitching and moaning about it. Sorry, but that's just life and NO job is perfect, there will ALWAYS be drama and suckiness no matter if you are a CEO or a dishwasher.

If you think it doesn't matter how long ago you got your degree, you are living in a delusion. It DOES matter, because regardless of whether you think you still know everything or not, THEY will see that you've done nothing with your degree and have no good excuse for not working all these years and won't want to hire you.
Seriously, what world are you living in, because it sure as hell isn't this one....

I live over 30 miles away from a big city and it is still expensive. Beyond this point it is still expensive for a long way. And of course, the further you move away from the city the more you need a car, which is expensive to own and maintain regardless of make or model. And the further you get from the better job opportunities.

As for jobs making people feel like failures, it's not just me. It's culture. It's even like this in other countries.

I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't participate in my threads anymore. If you don't like them that's fine, but I don't write them for entertainment. I write them to deal with frustration and uncertainty and whatever else I'm feeling. It's obvious we don't get along, and I don't like how you seem happy when things don't work out for me. I don't like how you seem to want me to accept that I'm just not someone who is going to get what they want and resign myself to the same insecurities, self-doubts, and low self-image I've been talking about wanting to escape in this thread. You say in your disclaimer that you mean no disrespect but I really don't feel that way. There's nothing else to say about it.

First, I post where I want, m'kay?

And no, YOU don't get along with me, not the other way around. You don't like me because I tell you everything you don't want to hear. Sorry, I don't coddle people and tell them they are awesome just because that's what they want to hear.
And you have no idea what makes me happy or doesn't make me happy, so don't even go there. It amazes me how people think they know me so well. And just because you don't like what I say doesn't mean that I'm being disrespectful. How is it respectful for you to come in and tell everyone how entitled and better than others you are and how horrible people with tattoos and who do drugs are? You don't know them, so you don't have any idea who they are. Sure, some of them are, but there are just as many "good" guys that are worse than your supposed "bad" guys. You discriminate against anyone you feel is lesser than you...which seems to be pretty much everyone.
You ARE living a delusion if you think you are going to get any job that you think you are entitled to based on NO job experience in or out of the field you want to be in.
What I want you to accept is real life. How much of a ***** it is, how you won't always get what you want and sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do to get ahead in life.

 

[Rainbows]

lol this thread smh

 

[Paraiyar]

Respectfully Ska, I do think Callie is actually trying to do a favour for you with her advice.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Respectfully Ska, I do think Callie is actually trying to do a favour for you with her advice.

That may be so, but it does not change how it makes me feel. Favors, disservices, respect and disrespect are in the eye of the recipient as well as the one giving it. I disagree, and this is not the first time that I have disagreed with her or asked her to please leave me in peace.

I appreciate that your suggestion was made with respect and I hope you don't feel I've treated you badly and that we are on bad terms. Because although we disagreed on this thread we have managed to do so politely. Honestly one of my friends says the same thing as you were saying about taking any job but he also puts it in a polite, respectful way that I can take or leave, as opposed to trying to browbeat me into it after I have politely declined.

---

Separately (just addressing the thread in general here, not any one person), the other things are one, I am somewhat picky about where I work but not ABSOLUTELY picky. I am applying to temp offices and office clerk jobs, far from high-paying or prestigious, some of which don't even require a degree though they prefer it. Some of the jobs I apply for are temporary and don't even have benefits, so I wouldn't even really be making money but I'm applying to get experience. The only way in which I am picky is that I say that I don't want to go back to how it was before, high school student stuff. That's my only standard.

Two, the purpose of this thread is not and never was asking for career advice. It was about how childhood bullying, being ostracized, and social stratification in my school years influenced me to have a low self-image and if that old story is still subconsciously screwing me up today. That's it. Every time it's turned into a jobs thread I have tried to get it back on course but it's been hijacked multiple times now.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I stopped replying at the start of the thread because right away you went into this "if you don't like someone, don't reply to their threads" moment. I have been following the thread the entire time. There are many people here who genuinely want to see your life get better. Everyone in their own way is trying to provide an insight or suggestions for direction that perhaps you haven't pushed hard at because of your insecurity.

I can tell that you are absolutely exhausted with your feelings and want something better. And I think I can speak for many members here when I say that we want that for you, too. Keep your head up. Get on your feet. Allow yourself some freedom between thoughts and actions. You really don't need to wear a badge of honor to feel accomplished.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

First, I post where I want, m'kay?

And no, YOU don't get along with me, not the other way around. You don't like me because I tell you everything you don't want to hear. Sorry, I don't coddle people and tell them they are awesome just because that's what they want to hear.
And you have no idea what makes me happy or doesn't make me happy, so don't even go there. It amazes me how people think they know me so well. And just because you don't like what I say doesn't mean that I'm being disrespectful. How is it respectful for you to come in and tell everyone how entitled and better than others you are and how horrible people with tattoos and who do drugs are? You don't know them, so you don't have any idea who they are. Sure, some of them are, but there are just as many "good" guys that are worse than your supposed "bad" guys. You discriminate against anyone you feel is lesser than you...which seems to be pretty much everyone.
You ARE living a delusion if you think you are going to get any job that you think you are entitled to based on NO job experience in or out of the field you want to be in.
What I want you to accept is real life. How much of a ***** it is, how you won't always get what you want and sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do to get ahead in life.

Seems to me Ska knows plenty about the hardships of life, even if he has high standards about employment. And, y'know, the more times I read this post, I've realized you display some of these behaviors too. *You* look down upon anyone who disagrees with your regressive and bizarre attempts at Nietzschean philosophy. *You* gleefully misjudge and generalize anyone who shows vulnerability or sensitivity, despite crying that people always misunderstand you. And just because you didn't intend to cause offense doesn't mean you always did. Helpful hint: it's not always on the offended person.

Members can freely participate in any thread that's opened to the public. Don't like someone or what they say? Ignore it. You started this thread. Don't be so childish as to believe that there wouldn't be things said that you wouldn't agree with.

Politely asking someone who you don't get along with to avoid you is the opposite of childish, but okay. Consistently hounding him and antagonizing him despite those requests, however, is very childish.

 

[Paraiyar]

- Says you should take whatever ****** job you get.
- Works from home.

**** it dude, I'm just going to say it. You're alone because you've allowed yourself to become a pathetic, miserable human being who would prefer to shoot down others and see everyone else fail which is why you always try and stop others from taking advice on self-improvement in these threads. Really hope you snap out of this sooner rather than later because you'll be happier.

If I get a ban for this then so be it...