Rob and I…

[CenotaphGirl]

No need to reply if you know.. you dont have anything to add just my inner ramblings…

So theres this guy… called Rob and omg… he is this unicorn man you guys keep telling me about.

He is Christian! He wants a family, a wife, he doesn't lie to me, has failed none of my tests… guys I genuinely think… he’s the one omfg

He can afford the princess, has my appetite for travelling.. took me to the most amazing place i’ve ever step foot in on our first date omg in short!! he is who I wanted my whole life…

1 issue… we have a massive age gap like massive like oceans apart. He has never mentioned it but my friends are hitting me with “daddy issues” this and that comments but I just want to be happy. Well slight issue 2 he said one thing so far that made me think… maybe he isnt… as confident as i’d like? But idk probably over thinking…

But all this has me wondering, is happiness limited to age? Should it be? Cant I just have this… one moment of happiness?

 

[okidoke]

Of course you can. If you’re both happy, who else matters? Just know that his time will most likely be less than yours, but that can happen in any relationship really. Enjoy life as much as you can. Live it. Make each other happy.

 

[TheRealCallie]

How big is the age difference? I don't really see why it would matter. You never know what type of person everything you dreamed of will come in, which is why I preach so much about giving others a chance, because quite frankly, you don't freaking know.

My grandparents were 18 years apart in age. I know people in relationship where the guy is 27 years older and they have been together for a long time and seem to be very happy...most of the time. lol (everyone fights, right?) But yeah, you likely will get the "daddy issues" crap from people. If this is what you want, just ignore them. It's YOUR life, not theirs.

 

[user 139760]

No need to reply if you know.. you dont have anything to add just my inner ramblings…

So theres this guy… called Rob and omg… he is this unicorn man you guys keep telling me about.

He is Christian! He wants a family, a wife, he doesn't lie to me, has failed none of my tests… guys I genuinely think… he’s the one omfg

He can afford the princess, has my appetite for travelling.. took me to the most amazing place i’ve ever step foot in on our first date omg in short!! he is who I wanted my whole life…

1 issue… we have a massive age gap like massive like oceans apart. He has never mentioned it but my friends are hitting me with “daddy issues” this and that comments but I just want to be happy. Well slight issue 2 he said one thing so far that made me think… maybe he isnt… as confident as i’d like? But idk probably over thinking…

But all this has me wondering, is happiness limited to age? Should it be? Cant I just have this… one moment of happiness?

I concur, age is just a number, it really doesn't matter. If you're happy, you're happy. Just ignore the mockery.
As for confidence, well, no one is always 100% confident. It's a real hard thing to gauge and it depends on exactly what you mean. I mean, I consider myself a rather confident guy. Do I have moments if doubt, of semi soul crushing depression where I think I'm a useless idiot who does everything wrong? You bet. A couple of laughs and things going right later, I feel a bit better about myself. Vulnerability in a man...I heard that's not always attractive, innit? But it happens lol. We're all humans. There's a margin between supreme confidence, which I think is a show most if the time anyway and supremely undecicive.
But, how long have you been seeing each other? I'd give it some time, too. Don't go off soubding the church bells until you've known each other some amount of time. But good on you if you found someone decent.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Of course you can. If you’re both happy, who else matters? Just know that his time will most likely be less than yours, but that can happen in any relationship really. Enjoy life as much as you can. Live it. Make each other happy.

I like think thats an issue, my mum has told me she 100% disapproves if him on multiple counts, but she deffo thinks the age gap is too far. He demanded to meet her anyway so thats on the calendar fml I think im afraid of throwing caution to the wind and getting hurt by death or illness or something.

How big is the age difference? I don't really see why it would matter. You never know what type of person everything you dreamed of will come in, which is why I preach so much about giving others a chance, because quite frankly, you don't freaking know.

My grandparents were 18 years apart in age. I know people in relationship where the guy is 27 years older and they have been together for a long time and seem to be very happy...most of the time. lol (everyone fights, right?) But yeah, you likely will get the "daddy issues" crap from people. If this is what you want, just ignore them. It's YOUR life, not theirs.

Ugh getting so many daddy issues comments which im extremely sensitive to lol and its starting to feel… so… tacky.. but the gap is huge over 15 years and idk I feel like it’s strange he’s never even mentioned it.

I concur, age is just a number, it really doesn't matter. If you're happy, you're happy. Just ignore the mockery.
As for confidence, well, no one is always 100% confident. It's a real hard thing to gauge and it depends on exactly what you mean. I mean, I consider myself a rather confident guy. Do I have moments if doubt, of semi soul crushing depression where I think I'm a useless idiot who does everything wrong? You bet. A couple of laughs and things going right later, I feel a bit better about myself. Vulnerability in a man...I heard that's not always attractive, innit? But it happens lol. We're all humans. There's a margin between supreme confidence, which I think is a show most if the time anyway and supremely undecicive.
But, how long have you been seeing each other? I'd give it some time, too. Don't go off soubding the church bells until you've known each other some amount of time. But good on you if you found someone decent.

Yeah its like idk, it prickled me but didnt totally alarm me, but I was like oh… i thought he was like mature mysterious confident then I was like, maybe he’s not.. but maybe its human to feel a little less than sometimes. I just thought men were built like brick walls but maybe they arent, or can only be like that sometimes

 

[okidoke]

Well it’s only natural that your mum would disapprove I guess. Rob “demanded” meeting your mum? Really? Hmmm.

 

[ardour]

You won't like this, but from your background, the recent loss of your father, "daddy issues" might be part of this, at least in the form of a strong desire for stability.

Let's assume he's in his late 30s at the youngest. It means you will probably end up being his nurse at some point. There's also potential problems around fertility with older guys. Older men can continue to have children but they have to be in good health, and that's a very big 'if.' There's a higher likelihood of not being able to have children or it taking much longer.

And to be blunt, a much older "Christian" guy looking for a young wife, that sounds like he's looking for a compliant stay-at-home wife and you're still young and don't really know whether this is what you want.

I'd be the first to admit to selfishly preferring a much younger woman but if I were your mother I'd be concerned.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well it’s only natural that your mum would disapprove I guess. Rob “demanded” meeting your mum? Really? Hmmm.

Yeps said its his rule, and thus the meeting shall happen. I think my mum is only meeting him to say something rude to him but who knows maybe she can be a normal human for a night

 

[okidoke]

Yeps said its his rule, and thus the meeting shall happen. I think my mum is only meeting him to say something rude to him but who knows maybe she can be a normal human for a night

Hmmm I hope he doesn’t impose too many rules and demands on you. I think @ardour makes a good point.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You won't like this, but from your background, the recent loss of your father, "daddy issues" might be part of this, at least in the form of a strong desire for stability found with a much older man. But you might find yourself stuck in this situation later.

Let's assume he's in his late 30s at the youngest. It means you will probably end up being his nurse at some point. There's also potential problems around fertility with older guys. Older men can continue to have children but they have to be in good health, and that's a very big 'if.' There's a higher likelihood of not being able to have children or it taking much longer.

And to be blunt, a much older "Christian" guy looking for a young wife, that sounds like he's looking for a compliant stay-at-home tradwife and you're still young, you don't really know who you are or whether this is actually what you want.

Honestly I just wanna be happy Ardour I have been so unhappy for such a long time. I have no daddy issues, I have real issues that not many people are mature enough to handle.

I just wanna be a wife, get pregnant and go shopping and travel and be loved by someone. This guy likes me, wants to deal with my 50 shades of crazy… I like him…. Almost too much I dont like liking anyone this much but it feels so correct like I should have just met this guy first

 

[ardour]

NM

 

[user 139760]

Yeah its like idk, it prickled me but didnt totally alarm me, but I was like oh… i thought he was like mature mysterious confident then I was like, maybe he’s not.. but maybe its human to feel a little less than sometimes. I just thought men were built like brick walls but maybe they arent, or can only be like that sometimes

Um, nope lol. Nobody is a brick wall. Some have more fortitude than others, but everyone at some point feels down, it's only human. To me, that's fine, too. Even Superman cries sometimes, kid I don't think he'd BE Superman if he didn't.

 

[ardour]

Honestly I just wanna be happy Ardour I have been so unhappy for such a long time. I have no daddy issues, I have real issues that not many people are mature enough to handle.

I just wanna be a wife, get pregnant and go shopping and travel and be loved by someone. This guy likes me, wants to deal with my 50 shades of crazy… I like him…. Almost too much I dont like liking anyone this much but it feels so correct like I should have just met this guy first

I'm the last one to be judging, because if a 22 year old wanted to date me, I'd probably just go ahead, but... there's a good chance your issues are the reason he's interested. It gives him leverage.

The couples I know of where the guy was 15 + years older the women were stable, probably weren't exclusively into much older men.

 

[user 139760]

... there's a good chance your issues are the reason he's interested. It gives him leverage.

I'd like to argue this. Why thought? As an older man myself, personally (no offense to you, Ceno lol) I wouldn't THINK I'd bevable to date someone 15+ years younger, namely because I got daughters around her age, but I certainly would not date someone BECAUSE they have issues, to use as leverage...in what way exactly?
I mean, someone who couldn't handle her issues would be aggravation I specifically wouldn't want. To me a relationship is supposed to be pleasant, so, someone who, I dunno, would throw fits all the time would definitely put me off and make me not want a relationship with her altogether. So I don't see the correlation.
I think you can date someone that has issues, as long as they can handle them. It's part of who they are and if you're serious about the person, you take the good AND the bad. But I don't see the leverage part...?

 

[user 135671]

I don't think 15+ years is a huge deal, Take a deep breath and just enjoy the moment Princess.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'd like to argue this. Why thought? As an older man myself, personally (no offense to you, Ceno lol) I wouldn't THINK I'd bevable to date someone 15+ years younger, namely because I got daughters around her age, but I certainly would not date someone BECAUSE they have issues, to use as leverage...in what way exactly?
I mean, someone who couldn't handle her issues would be aggravation I specifically wouldn't want. To me a relationship is supposed to be pleasant, so, someone who, I dunno, would throw fits all the time would definitely put me off and make me not want a relationship with her altogether. So I don't see the correlation.
I think you can date someone that has issues, as long as they can handle them. It's part of who they are and if you're serious about the person, you take the good AND the bad. But I don't see the leverage part...?

Yeah I mean its not easy most people with mental health issues and mental disabilities stay single forever because even when someone can look over it, others accuse them of wanting to take advantage and so on.

Some people do dont get me wrong but for the most part this guy seems like he’s able to handle what I have going on

I don't think 15+ years is a huge deal, Take a deep breath and just enjoy the moment Princess.

Awh thanks Randomguy its like exciting more than anything but my relationship ocd has me poking holes in everything as usual lol I just hope im able to handle it

 

[TheRealCallie]

That's not that huge of an age gap. Happens in America quite often. So yeah, stop worrying so much about the future and just be happy living with what you have today.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That's not that huge of an age gap. Happens in America quite often. So yeah, stop worrying so much about the future and just be happy living with what you have today.

Yeahh im just trying to live in the moment and let myself be happy for once im not comfortable putting the exact gap but its over 15 years which has always been around my mental cut off point.. my mum keeps saying men his age are on their last hoorah whatever that means but wont let her talk me out of happiness anymore.. heres too being in the moment

 

[ringwood]

A 15 year gap (or more) is nothing. I used to go out with a man who was 22 years older than I. While the relationship didn’t work out, he’s still one of my best friends in the world (and the reasons behind the mutual end of the union wasn’t age-related at all).

Just be careful, take it slowly and don’t jump into anything rash. New relationships can be so shiny and new and appealing that it sometimes makes you blind to anything alarming. Trust your instincts.

 

[Kar]

Is he within the rules of 1/2 his age + 7? So if he's 42, half his age is 21 + 7 = not a problem if he's 42 and you are 28. My cousin was dating someone 30 years old when he was 46. I didn't think much of it but a lot of the women in the family had issues with it. Ultimately, it doesn't really matter if the connection is genuine. It's just another hurdle. If that's the only one, you are probably really lucky.