Romantic Tension

[Callie]

Increase the romantic (Edit - I mean sexual) tension. Ask her out!

Do, or do not, there is no try.

Yoda here is correct...IMO

 

[Kat]

I agree with LostInTheSupermarket...please ask her out already lol.

 

[ajdass1]

We were sat together again today (working this time). I'm not sure how to read her body language, really.

For like an hour I was thinking "Should I just cuddle up to her a bit?", but I just couldn't really bring myself to do it because I'm never sure she'd like that attention.

She was sort of glancing over at my leg every now and then, she also shifted in her seat seemingly towards me a little bit, so perhaps she did want that kind of attention? I got really nervous though.

Weird thing is, if she cuddles up first I can reciprocate without feeling worried at all. It's when I have to take the initiative that I feel like I'm being too forward.

Anyway, when we were talking today (with some of our friends), she said "If I ever have a partner...I'd like to do *activities here*".

I'm guessing this is kind of a hint that she wishes I'd do something, presuming she means me - she was looking at me when she said it.

I think perhaps if I can get a bit more comfortable with being flirty with her life'd be much more comfortable. Do you think it's alright to be a little bit risque (verbally) with her? I just fear causing offence.

Thanks for the advice, by the way

Listen dude. **** flirting. **** IT RIGHT UP THE ****. (Edited because I'm not sure if that level of profanity is allowed on the forum)

Listen she said... "if I ever have a partner... I'd like to do *activities here*." Beautiful. You have a ready-made activity for a first date. (Also she's telegraphing that she's single)

You can say, "Listen, I like you. I think you're pretty. You mentioned you'd like to go *activity here*. Let's go do that. I'm free on Saturday, let's go then." It's beautiful. In fact it's perfect.

Of course, when you say it, you (like me) will probably be all stuttery and possibly sweating profusely, particularly from the armpits. But, you know what? It's ******* hard asking a girl out. It's ok to be nervous. In fact if you weren't nervous I'd be seriously worried about you. You'd probably jump into the lion pen for snuggle time or something.

I'm totally cheering you on. I've got my pom poms and everything.

 

[kamya]

Seriously dood. You have tons of people here for you on this one. Go for it.

 

[putter65]

Seriously dood. You have tons of people here for you on this one. Go for it.

the tension is killing me

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Lol, thank you everyone for the support

I had a good chat with her again today. She keeps apologising to me lately for some reason, about the most minor things, really strange.

While I didn't ask her out, I feel like I made a little more headway in getting involved with her more fully: we talked for a while about stuff she likes to do.

I will try to take the next step when it feels like it's the right moment

 

[Ak5]

Lol, feels like I'm watching a soap opera!

 

[putter65]

Lol, feels like I'm watching a soap opera!

lol, i hope we have an happy ending to this

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Well, I really don't believe this, but I'm faced with a pretty ******** choice right now. Figured I'd post for some advice because I could certainly use it

I've been hanging out more with the girl. We share similar humour, we like the same sort of activities and I enjoy talking to her. I also find her highly attractive physically.

Recently we sort of proper snuggled up together - she seems very pleased when I give her that kind of attention, so I just relaxed a bit about it all. It was very pleasant.

Then the big problem. I was hanging out with her friend, also an all-around nice person generally. I started hearing her discussing drugs with this other guy there - and pretty serious drugs at that too.

Anyway, she seemed to mention that the girl I like is possibly into that too, or is thinking about getting involved in it.

I knew that she did weed in the past, but she seems embarrassed when her friends mention that stuff (especially when I'm around). I figured I could tolerate that - but this new revelation, not so much...

So my choice now? I figure I can try to have a heart-to-heart with the girl and tell her I think she's making a stupid mistake, or I can just sit back and do nothing.

Even just knowing the situation is making me uncomfortable, yet I don't have any right to say anything to her because she's not even my girlfriend yet!

I seriously wish I could just get on well with a girl without any crap like this going on. Not once have I managed to get involved with a nice girl without something like this coming up, and I'm so sick of it

What do you think I should do, guys? Is there even anything I can do?

 

[Ak5]

Well, does she know your stance on drugs? If she doesn't, and she seems embarrassed when her friends mentioned her doing drugs before, then it seems like she doesn't believe in doing drugs again. And yes, since you guys aren't dating, you can't talk about your personal beliefs and principles with her, just yet.

Here's what I would do: Wait it out, doing jump to conclusions. Once you guys start going out, and when you guys alone, inconspicuously talk about drugs, a subliminal message, so to say.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Well, does she know your stance on drugs? If she doesn't, and she seems embarrassed when her friends mentioned her doing drugs before, then it seems like she doesn't believe in doing drugs again. And yes, since you guys aren't dating, you can't talk about your personal beliefs and principles with her, just yet.

Here's what I would do: Wait it out, doing jump to conclusions. Once you guys start going out, and when you guys alone, inconspicuously talk about drugs, a subliminal message, so to say.

This is the thing though, let's just say that I've heard enough from both her and her friend to know that she's at the very least seriously contemplating doing this particular drug.

Unlike virtually every other issue, drugs is the one area I can think of that could trash any relationship before it even got going.

I don't want to go out with this girl, develop even more feelings for her, then realise that I can't resolve a disagreement over this sort of thing, you know? :\

I can't see the point in going out with her only to end up dumping her almost immediately over such an issue.

 

[Ak5]

Concrete evidence that she is contemplating starting again? Not just you're own thoughts and conclusions?

If so, then talk to her, definitely. You wouldn't want to harbor this sort of relationship, and it would be a burden for you. Talk to her, tell her you like her, but drugs make you feel uncomfortable. Something like that.

Good luck dude.

 

[fuzzybutt]

The Solitary Man....I'm not sure but this situation of yours sounds so similar to mine that I got into near the end of last year and it ended a bit ugly at the start of April. There was weed too!

I may have even asked you to close my thread at one point. Or Sci-Fi...

http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-i-went-the-right-direction-but-i-m-stuck-again

You don't live in Florida right? lol

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Do you ever read about some of the stuff I write pretaining to this very subject?
How drugs and alcohol abuse can destroy lives. It gets progressive.
How I love Sassy so much and the many, many attemps we tried to make our
relationship works and it all turns ugly. As if Sassy has a grip on my soul.

But the women that Ive also gotten envolved with. How the women will do
good for years and years. Even almost decades then they freaken snapp
and the cycle of addictions ***** everything up.

And the freaken stages of me being single.
Then I'll go through the process of dating. Filtering out women and all the that good
****...

Anyway..From what Ive learned. In my own experince and many many other people's
experinces, And tons of literature avaliable about addictions and drugs usage.
It's progressive.
There's not a damn thing you can do to stop her from using..if that's what she wants to do.
And the addict always thinks they can out smart addictions as thier lives gets *******
and *******. And all the fucken heartaches and destructions they cuased to themselve
and thier loves one keeps them in the cycle of using more and more.

I can pray to fucken god everyday and Ive done plenty of that cause Ive
done everything I could and than some.
There's not a freaken thing you can do to stop anyone from using.

As strangers or people on forum. You dont really know how
I feel. How devistating for me to ACCEPT certain things in life.

Of course like most people I have that fucken hope of her getting well or getting help
or do whatever the **** it is she needs to do to get clean and sober...
So we can live the fucken idea of whatever the **** it is to have a loving relationship,
home and life.

So I move on with my life. I might get involve with other women...
But theres alway a part of me...a very very big part that loves her.
Trying to hide that is about a fucken mind wRAP.
I feel as if I'm lying to myself or living a lie becuASE I love Sassy.
I get all mother fucken confused about the meaning of love.
I get all mother fucken gunshy about getting emotionally envolve with another woman.
Then i come off sound like or looking like a heartless prick.

Anyway, Sassy is a good looking woman. There's pelenty of dudes that's attracted to her.

 

[Kat]

Ask her casually how she feels about using them.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Thanks for the advice guys

It didn't come up in conversation today and I felt more relaxed as a result! I think I'm simply going to keep quiet on it unless the issue appears again, at which point I'll definitely have an upfront talk to her.

Similarly, if we get any more than just friendly I will also have "the chat" to save any potential heartache.

I feel a bit embarrassed, I sort of ran away from her a bit today. When she flirts with me more overtly, I always feel a bit out of my depth.

I think she assumes I've had girls involved with me in the past, because she makes some rather sexual comments sometimes and I expect she's probably confused as to why I'm hesitant to pick up on such flirtiness.

I'm not sure if I should mention my inexperience or not. I just don't want to rush into anything, while most people (especially guys) my age don't seem to think twice about getting serious with someone else, I just feel the opposite and get a bit freaked out by that sort of suggestion.

If you were getting more friendly with someone more experienced than you, would you explain to them early on that you have a lack of knowledge on relationships and so on? Or is that a super dorky thing to admit?

Thanks again everyone, you really helped me think about this with your replies

 

[Kat]

I dunno, if you feel like it's necessary for her to know who you are. You could just say it casually. It's not really that big of an issue. I'm sure you'll date various people and figure out what works and what doesn't.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I dunno, if you feel like it's necessary for her to know who you are. You could just say it casually. It's not really that big of an issue. I'm sure you'll date various people and figure out what works and what doesn't.

Thanks Kat

I wish it wasn't a big issue, but it's hard to sum up how massively such a lack of confidence messes with me all through my life. Example: last time I talked to this girl, she started talking to me about sexual attraction (more specifically, her feelings of it) and I still don't know if she was flirting with me or just making friendly conversation.

I really wanted to give her a hug for some reason after she said that stuff, but I couldn't bring myself to do it in the end

Worse, I'm really conflicted about this girl because I feel like I'm just caving in to my loneliness by liking her.I feel bad for finding her attractive because there are holes in how things would work in the longer term.

This has been going on about 5 months now, it's just sad really. I guess she must be a pretty special girl to still be "flirting" with me, I'm just sorry that she picked a kind of lousy indecisive guy like me.

(Bonus note: I only just told people I know that it was my birthday recently. I then heard a girl whispering "So he's 21 and he's never had sex?" without me even telling her, then the others all "hushed" her. Didn't exactly reinforce my faith in how girls see me, especially with that kind of supernatural virgin-sense!)

 

[passage]

I dunno, if you feel like it's necessary for her to know who you are. You could just say it casually. It's not really that big of an issue. I'm sure you'll date various people and figure out what works and what doesn't.

Thanks Kat

I wish it wasn't a big issue, but it's hard to sum up how massively such a lack of confidence messes with me all through my life. Example: last time I talked to this girl, she started talking to me about sexual attraction (more specifically, her feelings of it) and I still don't know if she was flirting with me or just making friendly conversation.

I really wanted to give her a hug for some reason after she said that stuff, but I couldn't bring myself to do it in the end

Worse, I'm really conflicted about this girl because I feel like I'm just caving in to my loneliness by liking her.I feel bad for finding her attractive because there are holes in how things would work in the longer term.

This has been going on about 5 months now, it's just sad really. I guess she must be a pretty special girl to still be "flirting" with me, I'm just sorry that she picked a kind of lousy indecisive guy like me.

(Bonus note: I only just told people I know that it was my birthday recently. I then heard a girl whispering "So he's 21 and he's never had sex?" without me even telling her, then the others all "hushed" her. Didn't exactly reinforce my faith in how girls see me, especially with that kind of supernatural virgin-sense!)

If your house is "sex friendly" just have sex with her and you'll see its not such a big deal, which I think is a big deal for you since you're a virgin (no offence). She's clearly flirting with you. Stop thinking so much and enjoy.

I mean, unless you are religious or something, you'll see that sex isn't such a big deal (and doesn't feel all that great physically)

 

[ShybutHi]

Well let’s look at this from her point of view for a second. She’s been talking to a nice lad (you) for a couple of months now, complimenting him, telling her friends about him, describing him as the sort of man she likes, trying to get physically closer to him etc. but what signals is he sending her? What is he telling her? Why isn’t he making the move as men are usually expected to do? Does this mean he doesn’t like her? Perhaps she should invite other people to downplay her own expectations?

I think it’s time to stop all of this guessing brother and just ask her out, I tell you that as someone who wants the best for you, this delaying will end up doing more harm than good so just sit her down and tell her how you feel. Even though it sounds like she really likes you not a lot of women are prepared to make the first move, you can be waiting forever and a day for that, social expectations aside she could just be shy herself and I’m afraid one of you is going to have to take the plunge in this case.

Relationships are all about compromise; consider this one your first. You can do it, otherwise I’m coming over there and asking her myself

This is annoying because this girl may very well like him but basically you are assuming the guy should be the one to step up. I hate this romantic stereotype... It annoys the hell out of me because all humans are equal, male or female.

So a woman wont make a move on someone she likes? Unfortunate for her if she likes the shy type of guy. Maybe she just doesnt like him enough to make a move... seems that way for most women. Do not get me wrong it is the same for some guys in this way but I really think this kind of thing should not be left on the guy's shoulders all the time.