Romantic Tension

[TheSolitaryMan]

I think I'll just give up, I don't know what she thinks of me really

Yesterday she was smoking weed with her friends and they offered me some. I politely declined and they were fine with that. But I just don't think I should really go out with someone that seems so different from me in that respect.

Also, I find it difficult to bring up new subjects for conversation. I guess this means we probably don't have too much in common in our lives right now.

I think she certainly finds me sexually attractive to some degree, and frankly I would pretty much fight to the death for a kiss, but what's the point if it's not with someone I'd enjoy it with?

So I suppose I'll resign myself to being single for a few more years. To be honest, I'm not sure I have what it takes to have a girlfriend anyway.

Thank you for the help everyone, it's been very very useful

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I just dont get ya....
You put so much energy into this chick, but you never swang.
Now you're gonna go back into your self defeating behaviors.

Im no relationship experts and might have some relationship challenges.
When I put that much energy into something...Im getting PAID.
My heart might had gotten broken or I might even got hurted...
but I got PAID. It eases my pain and I dont feel or think Im such a worthless looser.
Like they say sometimes it's not the end results. Its the journey.
I got PAID alot during the journey.

Sometimes i dont even put in that much effort and i still got PAID.

If you gotta fight for a kiss...that's too much work and there's definitely something not right.
I dont believe it's just me. Women are going to like me or they are not.
All it's gonna take is a LITTLE effort on my part to get into it with her.
Becuase when things gose with the flow...I shouldnt have to struggle so god damn much.

This is the pattern in my life or why relationships falls apart on me. (now that I think about it)
I'll either put in NO EFFECT or TOO MUCH effort.

 

[fuzzybutt]

Don't put yourself down man. On the bright side at least you know you have what it takes to befriend women. It doesn't matter if romantic relationships start off as friendships or not.

I think the next step is to slowly distance yourself from her. How far you distance yourself is up to you. Take care of your feelings first.

 

[putter65]

I think I'll just give up, I don't know what she thinks of me really

Yesterday she was smoking weed with her friends and they offered me some. I politely declined and they were fine with that. But I just don't think I should really go out with someone that seems so different from me in that respect.

Also, I find it difficult to bring up new subjects for conversation. I guess this means we probably don't have too much in common in our lives right now.

I think she certainly finds me sexually attractive to some degree, and frankly I would pretty much fight to the death for a kiss, but what's the point if it's not with someone I'd enjoy it with?

So I suppose I'll resign myself to being single for a few more years. To be honest, I'm not sure I have what it takes to have a girlfriend anyway.

Thank you for the help everyone, it's been very very useful

i would run a mile from a woman who takes drugs

 

[nerdygirl]

Ugh, drugs. Yea, I was over here thinking, "DO IT" until I read that. Stay away... far, far away.

 

[Ak5]

NEVER GIVE UP!

She does drugs, then stop seeing her. Not all girls do drugs. Take a short hiatus and relax. Then take it up again, and continue working hard at it!

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

NEVER GIVE UP!

She does drugs, then stop seeing her. Not all girls do drugs. Take a short hiatus and relax. Then take it up again, and continue working hard at it!

Thanks AK

Ugh, drugs. Yea, I was over here thinking, "DO IT" until I read that. Stay away... far, far away.

Unfortunately, I tend to develop pretty strong emotional attachment to people who treat me kindly quite quickly.

She's certainly kind to me and I also think she's very pretty. It hurts to think of cutting her off, since no other girl has ever tried to have me involved in their life so much

One thing I didn't add: I'm in a crappy position socially right now. My schedule is so busy that I virtually have no chance of meeting other girls for a long time, so losing this girl means I will be single for another year at least.

Not that I'm saying I like her out of desperation. It's just such a shame that she does drugs...

One of the most maddening things is that when I'm working on campus sometimes I notice girls smiling at me, but I can hardly walk across a study room and start talking to them randomly.

So now I just try to enjoy those glances as some kind of romantic sustenance. It's pretty sad.

 

[putter65]

NEVER GIVE UP!

She does drugs, then stop seeing her. Not all girls do drugs. Take a short hiatus and relax. Then take it up again, and continue working hard at it!

Thanks AK

Ugh, drugs. Yea, I was over here thinking, "DO IT" until I read that. Stay away... far, far away.

Unfortunately, I tend to develop pretty strong emotional attachment to people who treat me kindly quite quickly.

She's certainly kind to me and I also think she's very pretty. It hurts to think of cutting her off, since no other girl has ever tried to have me involved in their life so much

One thing I didn't add: I'm in a crappy position socially right now. My schedule is so busy that I virtually have no chance of meeting other girls for a long time, so losing this girl means I will be single for another year at least.

Not that I'm saying I like her out of desperation. It's just such a shame that she does drugs...

One of the most maddening things is that when I'm working on campus sometimes I notice girls smiling at me, but I can hardly walk across a study room and start talking to them randomly.

So now I just try to enjoy those glances as some kind of romantic sustenance. It's pretty sad.

I would definately try and talk to these women who smile at you. Just find any reason. It can't hurt

 

[Kat]

If you can find an excuse to talk to one of them do it. You can turn a little small talk into a conversation depending on how the girl responds and introduce yourself. If you go to the same college I'm sure there's some common ground there.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I love Sassy more than anything in this world.
I dont love her out of deperations. Ive left serveral women to be with her.
It hurts really really bad to walk away from her.
More pains than I can bare at times.
All i can remember is Sassy screaming and crying her heart out, as always.
Probably the hardest thing I ve had to do in my life.
Acceptence is a son of a bitch..
Life seem rather retarded at the moment becuase Im totally blinded by love.
Maybe someday God will truley know whats in my heart.
I know she loves but things just get in the way, as always.
Until then,....Breathe. Sometimes all you can do is just breathe.

Thats some really deep stuff...man
If i get in too god damn deep..i might put a bullet in my head....

Thank god for fucken duct tape
Im so mother fucken shallow.lmao

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

If you can find an excuse to talk to one of them do it. You can turn a little small talk into a conversation depending on how the girl responds and introduce yourself. If you go to the same college I'm sure there's some common ground there.

On Valentine's Day (the last one) this pretty girl walked into a room I was working in, smiled at me, then started working behind me.

After a while she came over and suddenly asked for a pencil. I let her borrow one, then I just went totally shy and kind of stared at the desk until she was done. I think she was quite obviously trying to strike up a conversation, which was really sweet, but I couldn't reciprocate because I seem to just go blank in those kinds of situations

The thought of me actually going over to some random girl is really daunting, I'd probably feel like a creep! But perhaps I should try

---

Today the current girl just came over to me out of the blue and abruptly gave me a hug, which was rather unexpected, but also quite touching. She also made a point of going out of her way to talk to me.

Now that I think about it, she apologised over and over again after the "drug session" even though I never said anything about it to her. I just thought she was being polite at the time. I wonder if she feels a bit guilty about it?

When she's with me on her own, she's very pleasant and seems to be the sort of girl I could really like. She often sits really close to me, looks into my eyes and talks to me about all sorts of things in her life. Unpleasant topics like drugs never come up.

Then her friends come along and she talks to them about very different (usually coarser) material, kind of like she perhaps feels a pressure to be like that? She always seems embarrassed afterwards.

Sorry for the long post, I just find this situation unusual!

 

[Okiedokes]

Like she's trying to fit in? It's very well possible. The difference is if she is actually doing drugs, or just "talking" like she does. Actually I just went back and read your other post saying she does. It's good that she doesn't hide it, or be fake ya know? But I understand not wanting to be with someone who does drugs. Have you tried to sort of hint that you don't like girls who do drugs or some general statement about it? Like, "you'd never be with someone who does that".

I think if you have any doubts, as you do..there's good reason for it. I wonder if you told her, just said it upfront ya know.. that you really like her, but you can't be with someone who does drugs. It is a make or break situation... but it would end all this confusion and whatnot. You shouldn't have to settle for less when it comes to finding the right person.

 

[DiscoSpider]

Oh wow... this sounds like... an incredibly familiar situation. Perhaps I will private message you about it sometime, TheSolitaryMan.

It's extremely difficult... she could be genuinely interested in you and enjoys your company, but at the same time she could be scared of the idea of a relationship. Why? She could perhaps be a "commitaphob" and simply afraid of a commitment like that, or she may think if you two become an item and involved... things might get weird and if you ever broke up, the friendship wouldn't be what it used to be.

It's funny how between a male and a female, a friendship can be so strong and the bond can be so powerful that it will just naturally develop romantic tension and feelings, but neither side may act on it because of the reasons above (mainly the latter).

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Have to say, I feel a bit held to ransom now. It sucks to be honest.

If I show interest in any other girls I find attractive (such as the ones that smile at me every now and then) I feel like I'm being an insensitive jerk because this girl likes me.

If on the other hand I try to stick with this girl, I'm going to get this gnawing feeling every time she starts smoking dubious "cigarettes".

The current situation is weird in another way too - if I have a day where I'm quiet or busy or whatever, the girl always seems to come over to chat with me or cuddle up a bit.

Other times I'll spend time around her and she talks to her friends almost exclusively, which makes me feel like a bit of an idiot.

I hate being in this "friends-but-still-something-else" zone, it drives me crazy but seems to happen to me constantly. It's like being in a relationship without any of the positive stuff

 

[fuzzybutt]

I think you just need to tell your friend that you are uncomfortable around her. You're not exactly sure what to feel when she cuddles with you. I think you stated already that her smoking is a turn off for you.

You can continue being a good friend if you listen to her but she has to do the same for you. Don't feel bad because you want to get to know other girls and your friend doesn't want to go any further with you.

 

[Glowgirl]

Solitary Man! You're worried about her saying no basically, aren't you? Unfortunately there's no insurance against that. So you can carry on doing what you're doing and not knowing where you really stand, until she gets another boyfriend. Or you can come straight out and tell her that you're interested in her, and see how it goes. It's up to you which one you choose, but sometimes either you chase what you want in life, or it will chase you.

That's what I think anyway.

 

[ajdass1]

NEVER GIVE UP!

She does drugs, then stop seeing her. Not all girls do drugs. Take a short hiatus and relax. Then take it up again, and continue working hard at it!

Thanks AK

Ugh, drugs. Yea, I was over here thinking, "DO IT" until I read that. Stay away... far, far away.

Unfortunately, I tend to develop pretty strong emotional attachment to people who treat me kindly quite quickly.

She's certainly kind to me and I also think she's very pretty. It hurts to think of cutting her off, since no other girl has ever tried to have me involved in their life so much

One thing I didn't add: I'm in a crappy position socially right now. My schedule is so busy that I virtually have no chance of meeting other girls for a long time, so losing this girl means I will be single for another year at least.

Not that I'm saying I like her out of desperation. It's just such a shame that she does drugs...

One of the most maddening things is that when I'm working on campus sometimes I notice girls smiling at me, but I can hardly walk across a study room and start talking to them randomly.

So now I just try to enjoy those glances as some kind of romantic sustenance. It's pretty sad.

A girl smiling at you from across the room? There's no better excuse to go over and talk to them! Maybe just start by smiling back and waving or something?

It's good that you're talking about this on the forum and trying to work through it. One day you'll break through and when that day comes it will feel totally ******* amazing.