Hi. I don't really know here to start other than say that I am lonely. I never used to be, I used to have it all, but now, at the age of 41, I am really quite alone.
It all went wrong 11 years ago when I discovered my wife was a serial cheat. I'd never been so happy in life until that day. I had a successful little business, had just bought a house, was popular, had many friends, was part of her very large family and thought I was about to start my own family. Then it all disappeared.
During the divorce she told some very damaging lies about me. She did so to keep people away from me so that they wouldn't hear of her behavior. She also left me massively in debt and with her pets to care for. Her family and most friends dropped me like a stone. All of a sudden the only people in my life were my parents. As the years went on and people discovered the truth they came out the closet to apologise for believing her. I didn't want to know them anymore, they weren't friends, not real friends.
It took me years to clear the debt and during that time I worked near every daylight hour. They were hard years as I worked alone back then. Day after day, week after week, month after month of solitude, broken only by the occasional visit to see my parents. Once that debt was cleared I set about building a new social life. I joined a sports club and volunteered at a youth club. They kept me going for a long time. I was always out, always active, always busy, always doing something and I began to find some happiness again.
Over the last 4 years all that has changed. All those new friends have moved away or got married and both clubs have closed due the bad economy. I find myself lost again. Wrong side of 40 and the only people in my life are my parents. Well, they are the only people I can trust or call a true friend but they are old now, they won't be around much longer and I will then be utterly alone.
I have to start again, again. I will join another club and try to build a new social life. Problem is, they will only be occasional people. It is very hard to meet someone you actually bond with and form a proper friendship with when older. Everyone has their own lives, friends and families. Not many are looking for anything more than someone fun to socialise with. They don't want to know during any bad times, most don't even want to know if times are anything less than fun.
I'm a tough cookie, I don't think many could have fought their way back from what my ex did in the manner I did, but I'm also tired. I'm at an age where I no longer have the energy of youth. I'm also an introvert. I never used to be but my all those betrayals changed me. Those years of solitude changed me. 11 years of living alone and 11 years of barely any nights out because of pets has changed me. I'm slow to trust, I'm slow to let anyone in, and as I said earlier, I'm tired. Tired of trying to build a life, tired of fighting, tired of trying to find just one person who can be a constant, a confident and a trusted, reliable part of my life.
I have no past, no history, not in terms of people. Just my aging parents. It would be nice to have some roots, you know?
It all went wrong 11 years ago when I discovered my wife was a serial cheat. I'd never been so happy in life until that day. I had a successful little business, had just bought a house, was popular, had many friends, was part of her very large family and thought I was about to start my own family. Then it all disappeared.
During the divorce she told some very damaging lies about me. She did so to keep people away from me so that they wouldn't hear of her behavior. She also left me massively in debt and with her pets to care for. Her family and most friends dropped me like a stone. All of a sudden the only people in my life were my parents. As the years went on and people discovered the truth they came out the closet to apologise for believing her. I didn't want to know them anymore, they weren't friends, not real friends.
It took me years to clear the debt and during that time I worked near every daylight hour. They were hard years as I worked alone back then. Day after day, week after week, month after month of solitude, broken only by the occasional visit to see my parents. Once that debt was cleared I set about building a new social life. I joined a sports club and volunteered at a youth club. They kept me going for a long time. I was always out, always active, always busy, always doing something and I began to find some happiness again.
Over the last 4 years all that has changed. All those new friends have moved away or got married and both clubs have closed due the bad economy. I find myself lost again. Wrong side of 40 and the only people in my life are my parents. Well, they are the only people I can trust or call a true friend but they are old now, they won't be around much longer and I will then be utterly alone.
I have to start again, again. I will join another club and try to build a new social life. Problem is, they will only be occasional people. It is very hard to meet someone you actually bond with and form a proper friendship with when older. Everyone has their own lives, friends and families. Not many are looking for anything more than someone fun to socialise with. They don't want to know during any bad times, most don't even want to know if times are anything less than fun.
I'm a tough cookie, I don't think many could have fought their way back from what my ex did in the manner I did, but I'm also tired. I'm at an age where I no longer have the energy of youth. I'm also an introvert. I never used to be but my all those betrayals changed me. Those years of solitude changed me. 11 years of living alone and 11 years of barely any nights out because of pets has changed me. I'm slow to trust, I'm slow to let anyone in, and as I said earlier, I'm tired. Tired of trying to build a life, tired of fighting, tired of trying to find just one person who can be a constant, a confident and a trusted, reliable part of my life.
I have no past, no history, not in terms of people. Just my aging parents. It would be nice to have some roots, you know?
