Scared of losing boyfriend because weight.

[angel_in_view]

Hi everyone. I wanted to jump on here to see what you all thought about this subject.

While at work today, a co-worker and I were talking about her bf. She's been w/him for almost a year. In this midst of us talking, she made a comment about this weekend. Her bf is a truck driver & will be home. She hasn't seen him in about 3 wks. She said he should be pleased w/how she looks this time around. (?????) I asked what she meant by that, bc it sounded really strange. She went on to explain that the last time she saw him, he commented about her weight....saying it looked as if she'd lost since he'd been gone. I guess she saw the confused look on my face, bc she went on to say, "oh sorry girl....you don't know...he likes "fatties." I said, "FATTIES?!? That's not a very nice sounding thing to say." She laughed and told me that she doesn't take it the wrong way at all. He's always only dated big girls. They have to at least be in the upper 200's, and he doesn't like it when they get under 250.

I guess that would be ok if she was comfortable w/being a big girl...but she's not. I know she's not. She's said for years that she's unhappy and wants to lose weight. She's tried but always gains it back. She wants to have surgery, but after going to a seminar to learn about it, she came back saying she is way too lazy to do the things needed in order to have the surgery or do the aftercare properly. She's always talking about how she's miserable and hates seeing her reflection when she walks by store windows bc she knows she looks a mess. When I asked her about her feelings on the subject, she said its so hard to find someone these days and she's glad she found someone who didn't care if she was big. She said she doesn't see herself losing weight anytime in the near furture anyway so its a win-win. (okaaaaaaaaay) :club:

I thought about her off and on for the rest of the day. I just couldn't believe what she said. To me, it was kind of sad bc it makes her look like she's so desperate for a man that she'll "eat her way" back up to an "acceptable look" for him in order to keep him.

 

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

If I were her I'd double up on the Oreos STAT. Not to make him happy, but because..well... Oreos ******* rock

 

[edamame721]

I just think it's wrong to dictate what your loved one's weight should be. If she really wants to lose weight for herself (for her health, her own happiness) then I would hope she could bring it up to her bf for support. I know a married couple. The woman was severely overweight/obese and one day she sat down with her spouse and told him she needed support, because she was afraid she was eating herself into an early grave and she wanted to spend a long time alive with him. They both started eating healthier and exercising. The most important thing wasn't that she lost weight, but that they both seemed happier.

 

[cicerolion]

I don't think being with someone who wants to see you as something you don't want to be is conducive to being happy. What makes them like you, and what makes you happy, should not be an inverse relationship. But, its also possible that she wouldn't be able to lose the weight regardless. In that case, it could be argued that their conflicting feelings on the matter are a pointless distinction anyways. Really, I can't say one way or the other how she "should" proceed. I guess it really depends on whether she cares about simply being in a relationship or her drive for self improvement. Also, I would be interested to know why this guy prefers "big" women? Its pretty common to prefer girls with "a little meat", but 250 (considering the average height of women) is obese. Is it just a fetish/ imprinting thing, or is he rationalizing that its easier for him to trust/keep a big girl who would have less options? If that is the case, then I think I would suggest that she leave this guy, because that is a very demoralizing perspective to have about the person you are with.

 

[ardour]

He's always only dated big girls. They have to at least be in the upper 200's, and he doesn't like it when they get under 250.

The boyfriend has an objectifying fixation / fetish for big women, or he's a controlling narcissist who prefers overweight women because he thinks they have low self-esteem.

The best thing she can do is leave him.

 

[Locke]

Sounds like a form of emotional blackmail. Telling someone that you only want to be with them if they look a certain way is just wrong. If he wants a big girl, there is nothing wrong with that, but he should find someone who wants to be big.

She shouldn't settle for a guy who is holding the relationship hostage and dictating what she should look like. The guy sounds like a manipulative scumbag, and she should dump him. Overweight or not, she can do better.

 

[cicerolion]

Sounds like a form of emotional blackmail. Telling someone that you only want to be with them if they look a certain way is just wrong. If he wants a big girl, there is nothing wrong with that, but he should find someone who wants to be big.

She shouldn't settle for a guy who is holding the relationship hostage and dictating what she should look like. The guy sounds like a manipulative scumbag, and she should dump him. Overweight or not, she can do better.

I agree, but come on, how much of that impression is also due to him being a trucker?

 

[Locke]

Sounds like a form of emotional blackmail. Telling someone that you only want to be with them if they look a certain way is just wrong. If he wants a big girl, there is nothing wrong with that, but he should find someone who wants to be big.

She shouldn't settle for a guy who is holding the relationship hostage and dictating what she should look like. The guy sounds like a manipulative scumbag, and she should dump him. Overweight or not, she can do better.

I agree, but come on, how much of that impression is also due to him being a trucker?

Absolutely none of it. I don't know very much about truckers, I'm not sure if I have ever met one. I don't usually judge people on what they do for a living. If he were a crack dealer or pimp, that might change my impression of him. But as far as I know, truck drivers are as honest and hardworking as anyone else.


Do you have something against truckers?

 

[Shipster0958]

Wow, when I first opened this, I thought I was going to read about how she wasn't skinny enough.

All I have to say is I dare my husband to make a comment about my weight. I triple dog dare him. >:|

 

[VanillaCreme]

A significant other should love you regardless of weight, size, shape, or whatever else. I understand some guys have a thing - or a fetish - for big girls, and I'm a big girl myself, but love and care needs not to depend on that alone.

 

[Okiedokes]

Goodness... that isn't right in that fact that he "checks up on her weight". That's such bs and sounds controlling. If he loves her, he will accept her for how she is no matter what.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Wow, when I first opened this, I thought I was going to read about how she wasn't skinny enough.

All I have to say is I dare my husband to make a comment about my weight. I triple dog dare him. >:|

You fierce lady.

A significant other should love you regardless of weight, size, shape, or whatever else. I understand some guys have a thing - or a fetish - for big girls, and I'm a big girl myself, but love and care needs not to depend on that alone.

Yeah, gotta agree with Nilla.. and all other posts as well. Although....

or he's a controlling narcissist who prefers overweight women because he thinks they have low self-esteem.

..this was an interesting thought.

 

[VanillaCreme]

or he's a controlling narcissist who prefers overweight women because he thinks they have low self-esteem.

..this was an interesting thought.

That is an interesting thought indeed. I know it's true of either weight side, be it big or skinny. And I know fierce ladies (and males) in both categories. If he does think that, then I suggest he double think that, because there are guys who just love bigger women. I don't understand the idea myself, but that's only because I don't look at weight or looks in general. I have a friend, known him for several years now, who admits that he will never date a smaller girl, and from what I know, he hasn't. He just likes 'em big.

 

[angel_in_view]

Some of you have asked about my co-worker's bf and the post from "ladyforsaken" helps sum up how he is. He's always liked big girls/women. He's a big guy (6'3" 300) himself and said he wouldn't feel right w/a thin girl. His ex. wife was 300 lbs.

I'm just surprised that she's w/him at all. She's always been interested in thin/athletic men bc she felt as if 2 big people together just wouldn't work for her. But, she said she really likes this guy, so she let go of that rule. Go figure.