Self-Haters Club

[SophiaGrace]

Great, now I'm wondering if self-hatred could give my life meaning. It sounds so paradoxical but here I am thinking about it.

Don't go there. Seriously. Don't.

Okay. I hadn't quite mustered up the thinking power to actually think about it yet. So, since you say not to, I won't (hopefully).

 

[EveWasFramed]

I think a certain amount of self-loathing on occasion is likely normal for most people.
I have to wonder though, what is the tipping point where it goes from a little self-loathing to full blown self-hate.

 

[Erevetot]

Great, now I'm wondering if self-hatred could give my life meaning. It sounds so paradoxical but here I am thinking about it.

i hate me since I was 13. Until i was 18, i lived with it, i transformed that hate for me into hate for others, and it kept me going. then it just hit me, i realized how unfair and wrong i was, how i should be the one getting the hate and, well, hated me almost to death.
Here i am, 3 years later, starting to try to change it. it's impossible




please, dont go down that road.
i dont know you personaly, but from the bit i've seen you on your posts, you seem to got what most of us lack, positivity, hope. Use that

 

[Sci-Fi]

Because the hobby of self loathing is enough to make an empty and worthless life something rather than nothing. Without obsessive compulsive thoughts about self hatred, there would be nothing to do and nothing to even think about. I have academic leanings. Musings in my head about the fact I hate myself and reasons why I do keep me entertained enough to stop from getting the trusty razors at my wrists.

I was looking at the scars from my first half assed suicide attempt when I was 14/15. After 20 years it is too late to change those neural connections. The brain retains plasticity, but not that much.

I get this, I actually get this. Makes perfect sense to me.

 

[SophiaGrace]

i transformed that hate for me into hate for others, and it kept me going. then it just hit me, i realized how unfair and wrong i was, how i should be the one getting the hate and, well, hated me almost to death.
Here i am, 3 years later, starting to try to change it. it's impossible

I'm still stuck on how it could possibly keep anyone going to hate others. For me, bitterness about how others are is not motivating in the slightest. Do you possibly mean trying to prove others wrong when they have a negative opinion of you being motivating?

 

[user 115627]

I'm still stuck on how it could possibly keep anyone going to hate others. For me, bitterness about how others are is not motivating in the slightest. Do you possibly mean trying to prove others wrong when they have a negative opinion of you being motivating?

Some people say that love and hate are two of the strongest emotions...and they're closer to each other than one might like to admit. "Hell hath no fury like a lover scorned." (purposely altered to not conjure up a pointless debate...). So just as much as love keeps people going, so does hate. You hate because somebody's better than you at something, pretends he's better for obscure reasons or simply because you don't agree with his lifestyle...there are no limits - just like there are with love.

If any of this is reasonable...well that's a different kind of argument altogether.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Something tells me I should stay away from this thread and stop thinking about this topic for my own self-protection.

I hope you understand, Rodent.

*leaves thread*

 

[Erevetot]

i transformed that hate for me into hate for others, and it kept me going. then it just hit me, i realized how unfair and wrong i was, how i should be the one getting the hate and, well, hated me almost to death.
Here i am, 3 years later, starting to try to change it. it's impossible

I'm still stuck on how it could possibly keep anyone going to hate others. For me, bitterness about how others are is not motivating in the slightest. Do you possibly mean trying to prove others wrong when they have a negative opinion of you being motivating?

i dont mean hate others literaly, but in a "**** everything" way. instead of blaming me i blamed others for everything, parents, teachers, friends, "the system", everything. I kept going against everyone and everything, while inside I knew i shouldnt, that i had no reason to. but it was the only thing i could do. i couldnt love, i couldnt care, nothing interested me. nothing, but that.
its like, being hated kept me going, i hated myself so much, that i made others hate me

i couldnt really explain it then, i cant explain it now.

 

[lifestream]

Hey there, cumulus.james.

I'm sorry if it seemed like I was being wilfully obtuse earlier. I was genuinely trying to understand why you could hate yourself so much. After I did some digging through your posting history, your reasons became obvious.

I won't try to console you about your past. I have my own and I know that damage is damage. What happened to you was unfortunate, even tragic, but you survived it. The fact that you can talk about it so frankly is an accomplishment itself. I'm not sure I could face it with such courage.

Your first sexual experiences and the subsequent effects they had on your life were so traumatic, it's little wonder why you have so effectively walled yourself into your own self-hatred. However, you can accept what happened to you. You can learn from it. You can move beyond it.

There are some things that we will just never get over, but we find ways to keep going.

 

[Batman55]

For the OP, why be like this given your academic success and substantial ambition?

I've read about some of your problems here but I would think you've found a good counterbalance, a way to cement your self-worth.

 

[Tiina63]

I hate myself as well. Sometimes I can push it away for while, but then sometimes it takes over and I feel like I am being beaten up from the inside. OP- I can definitely relate to your feelings.

 

[cumulus.james]

Personally for me I don't think self-hate really gives me purpose. It is the antithesis of purpose for me. It is the boring bit of myself that has taken over and sucks me dry so I can't be interesting to be around. It robs me of being multifaceted. Instead, I am just depressed and self-loathing. I constantly wonder if I am nothing but my depression.

It doesn't give me a sense of A) being resilient, or B) Many emotions, or C) ability to enjoy life.

Being negative is a negative for me.

If a homeless person is happy, and feels life has meaning then they have everything. If a rich person is unhappy, and has no meaning in life, then they have nothing.

Thats' truely how I feel.

Rich people are generally psychopaths, you need a fair amount of ruthlessness and arrogance to be rich in the western world. How people like Branson and Murdoch sleep at night is beyond me.

---

i transformed that hate for me into hate for others, and it kept me going. then it just hit me, i realized how unfair and wrong i was, how i should be the one getting the hate and, well, hated me almost to death.
Here i am, 3 years later, starting to try to change it. it's impossible

I'm still stuck on how it could possibly keep anyone going to hate others. For me, bitterness about how others are is not motivating in the slightest. Do you possibly mean trying to prove others wrong when they have a negative opinion of you being motivating?

i dont mean hate others literaly, but in a "**** everything" way. instead of blaming me i blamed others for everything, parents, teachers, friends, "the system", everything. I kept going against everyone and everything, while inside I knew i shouldnt, that i had no reason to. but it was the only thing i could do. i couldnt love, i couldnt care, nothing interested me. nothing, but that.
its like, being hated kept me going, i hated myself so much, that i made others hate me

i couldnt really explain it then, i cant explain it now.

I can't explain it either, but I identify with it completely.

---

I hate myself as well. Sometimes I can push it away for while, but then sometimes it takes over and I feel like I am being beaten up from the inside. OP- I can definitely relate to your feelings.

Thanks, I knew there were others like me.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't hate myself but I often disappoint myself. I do get angry at myself sometimes.

 

[cumulus.james]

Well if you do not hate yourself then there was no point in your responce. I do not mean to be disingenuous, but it is self haters club for self haters. If you are a sel-confirmed non-self hater then you have nothing to say on this particular thread.

That does not mean that I mean you any offence, neither does it mean that I would not happily, kindly and willingly engage with you on any other thread.

but this is SELF HATERS club.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Oh I think you've forgotten that I can post wherever I like.

 

[TheRealCallie]

(I don't hate myself either, but I used to )

 

[cumulus.james]

Oh I think you've forgotten that I can post wherever I like.

I thought you might come back with a defensive statement lol. i was trying to be diplomatic.

 

[kamya]

No grills allowed please.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Oh I think you've forgotten that I can post wherever I like.

I thought you might come back with a defensive statement lol. i was trying to be diplomatic.

Diplomacy is telling someone where they can and cannot post on an open forum?

 

[EveWasFramed]

I know you were trying to be, you're better off just ignoring comments you don't like.