Should a person put their kids before their partner?

[Cavey]

What about when the children are adults? Should they still always come ahead of their parent's partner? I once had a relationship with a man who had two adult children in their thirties and he always put them first to the extent that my needs were completely neglected and overlooked. I finished with him after a very painful and lonely time. While I can understand and agree that young children should always come first, I feel that when it comes to adult children that the partner should be treated equally as well as they are.

no. My whole reasoning is that children need assistance to live. One that is an adult should have his own way.

I feel the same way. I was thinking of children as dependants, not fully grown adults. Once your children are independent, free-thinking adults, then I'd say that everyone's feelings need to be taken into consideration, but ultimately you have to do what you think is right for you.

 

[Edward W]

I think naturally any parent will do whatever they can for their child, protect them, sacrifice for them.

As Eve has said, (a couple of times), it is about balance, finding the best path for the entire family.

Hopefully most loving parents will always consider a child's needs, even above their own sometimes.

 

[Bones]

For some reason, almost no one understand my philosophy on this. I believe the SOs should give 100% to each other. If you do this, by default, the needs of everyone in the "family unit" are met and the love flows from top to bottom.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Edward and Bones...lol, finally someone who gets it!
Neglecting self and the relationship between partners isn't putting the needs of a child first - its not fully considering all aspects of the child's needs in some ways.
Happy partners make wonderful parents....it does (like Bones said) trickle down.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Edward and Bones...lol, finally someone who gets it!
Neglecting self and the relationship between partners isn't putting the needs of a child first - its not fully considering all aspects of the child's needs in some ways.
Happy partners make wonderful parents....it does (like Bones said) trickle down.

I think some people neglect themselves and their relationship with the wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend. what have you... Because they might think that if they don't put the children first, then they're neglecting the kids. I'd put mine first simply because I saw it growing up. I would hope I wouldn't begin to neglect myself or my guy.

 

[perfanoff]

I think naturally any parent will do whatever they can for their child, protect them, sacrifice for them.

As Eve has said, (a couple of times), it is about balance, finding the best path for the entire family.

Hopefully most loving parents will always consider a child's needs, even above their own sometimes.

Sometimes parents sacrifice too much, not only from themselves, but also from the people they are supposedly trying to help.

Balance is very important.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I think naturally any parent will do whatever they can for their child, protect them, sacrifice for them.

As Eve has said, (a couple of times), it is about balance, finding the best path for the entire family.

Hopefully most loving parents will always consider a child's needs, even above their own sometimes.

Sometimes parents sacrifice too much, not only from themselves, but also from the people they are supposedly trying to help.

Balance is very important.

^^ This. When a parent or parents neglect THEMSELVES, I feel it makes them (at least at times) less efffective as parents.
I also feel it's especially true of one-parent households. A single parent is already doing the job of BOTH parents (a lot of the time) and the burden can sometimes be tremendous. Taking care of your child(ren) also means taking care of yourself.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Taking care of your child(ren) also means taking care of yourself.

I agree very much, especially seeing how sick my mom got, and I look back and wish she'd taken more care of herself.

 

[Evil_Genius]

Yes - Absolutely. You are responsible for them and their primary role model. I have seen too many kids left to fend for themselves and fight for any attention, especially bad attention, because mummy or daddy have a new F%*kbuddy.

Ive seen this as well and Im totally against it.
I still don't feel that balancing a child and your partner has to be a "choose one over the other" situation.

Normally I'd agree with you unconditionally.....However I am concerned for the masses (as opposed to individuals) as I have seen it as a rising trend around me and I think it's leaving the state and police to fulfill the role of parents. Normally a sensible person should be able to balance the two, and when this happens fine (but kids still take 1st place in the unlikely event it actually matters), but when parents are abrogating their responsibilities. That's when I'd say it's an issue.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Yes - Absolutely. You are responsible for them and their primary role model. I have seen too many kids left to fend for themselves and fight for any attention, especially bad attention, because mummy or daddy have a new F%*kbuddy.

Ive seen this as well and Im totally against it.
I still don't feel that balancing a child and your partner has to be a "choose one over the other" situation.

Normally I'd agree with you unconditionally.....However I am concerned for the masses (as opposed to individuals) as I have seen it as a rising trend around me and I think it's leaving the state and police to fulfill the role of parents. Normally a sensible person should be able to balance the two, and when this happens fine (but kids still take 1st place in the unlikely event it actually matters), but when parents are abrogating their responsibilities. That's when I'd say it's an issue.

This we definitely agree on. My child is MY responsibility. I gave birth to her and she depends on me for EVERYTHING. And though the role is very difficult at times, now that Im pretty much alone in it, it's one I will NEVER shirk.
LOL, I can't wait til she gets home from school now...Im gonna hug her to bits and smother her with kisses.

 

[Evil_Genius]

I've dated people with kids, and almost always knew I was 2nd in the relationship. This stems form the fact that at one point I even had to call off a relationship because the daughter was being utterly sidelined in my favor. Now had a been just that little bit younger, I'd have probably not realized how truly selfish I'd have been and carried on, damaging that girls relationship with her mother beyond repair. I don't know what the outcome was, but I do know I didn't kill their bond.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I've dated people with kids, and almost always knew I was 2nd in the relationship. This stems form the fact that at one point I even had to call off a relationship because the daughter was being utterly sidelined in my favor. Now had a been just that little bit younger, I'd have probably not realized how truly selfish I'd have been and carried on, damaging that girls relationship with her mother beyond repair. I don't know what the outcome was, but I do know I didn't kill their bond.

+1 for values.

 

[Edward W]

Just my final take on this topic, and just a piece of advice I have. Do not have kids unless you are prepared to care for them and change your life for them.

I've mentioned it before so it's no secret, my daughter is adopted, and without giving away her story let's just say her biological parents didn't change at all or make the effort required, the story is complicated, but she was never put first.

I can testify to the effects that has on a child, so if you are planning to have kids, keep that in mind, if you are having sex, be responsible if you aren't ready.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yes they should. A partner can break up with you, but a child is there forever.

I would have no issue with this, but this is why i wouldnt date a single mom
I've got enough problems by myself, don't need to add the kids.

 

[Sibobe]

i'm a single mom and have had to end rl because I could not see them work with my kids. Some guys got jealous of my kids , some tried to push themself into my little family with little to no concern what the kids need. I can't ever see myself choosing a rl over my kids. I've just giving up on the idea of bringing a man into my lil family...at least for now. Your children needs should always come first...after all rl come and go..but your kids will remain in your life.

 

[perfanoff]

itchy fingers

 

[EveWasFramed]

itchy fingers

LOL!!! Need me to put some cream of some sort on that itch, Perfies?

 

[perfanoff]

I just got a blue Nivea!

 

[EveWasFramed]

Pass some this way.... my elbows are dry.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I wouldn't be opposed to dating a single mom, but I don't have the time to take care of someone else's kids. I've got enough to worry about.