Shyness has ruined my life

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Unfortunately a lot of women think shy = something to hide, as if the lack of confidence were based on self-knowledge of inadequacies.

It's perverted form of "watch out for the quiet ones."
 
Heh, I kinda wish I was back in high school. I had so much interest from girls back then, even the ******* who treated other guys like crap. I'm not really sure what's changed. I guess as girls reach adulthood they become more self aware and stop offering themselves so easily. As a shy man I literally don't know how to put myself in a position to meet nice young women.
 
ive been clubing in the past and one time got chatted up by a german girl who said she liked shy guys. i wasnt shy, i was just sad cause i was recently single. this was years ago and before then i was quite introverted but i became an extrovert over a number of years. u just gotta put urself out there and its also.a mentality thing too. uve gotta want to engage with people rather than feel required or pressured so finding the rite people is important
 
What you focus on is always what you get more of..in ur case its shyness..

I know its silly but try talk to ur self in the mirror or use any object to tell how u want to be...just a littel trick to help you.

Just dont think on shyness anymore..from here on its a tabo word ;)

gl
 
I think if you see a girl you like, as a shy guy, if you try to hide the fact you are shy it makes you behave in ways that are difficult to interpret and it is unattractive. If you let yourself be shy and don't try to be something you're not, allow yourself to go red in the face and become physically awkward and just smile through it. Eye contact is key. I think if she can see that you are comfortable with who you are then she will be more likely to find you attractive than if she thinks you're doing a poor job of trying to hide something about yourself. I think shyness can be cute and attractive to women but not if you try to hide your shyness from her.
 
RB46 said:
If you let yourself be shy and don't try to be something you're not, allow yourself to go red in the face and become physically awkward and just smile through it. Eye contact is key. I think if she can see that you are comfortable with who you are then she will be more likely to find you attractive...

Yeah being relaxed is the best us shy guys can do. You may not be what they want, but at least it can put others at ease.
 
I think what shy guys need to understand is that being shy doesn't mean that they're thrown to the sidelines and unable to find women.

And being shy doesn't excuse you from DOING YOUR OWN PART in finding love.

Shy or not, you still have to get off your ass and work for it. Meet people. Talk to them. Network. Go visit stores. Chat with strangers. Being shy is only a roadblock -- it's not a dead-end.

The truth is that EVERYONE has to put forth effort to find love. It doesn't just magically fall into your lap.

Sure, it might be hard... but wouldn't that make you all the stronger for having overcome shyness itself in order to find love in the end?

...just something to think about.
 
Badjedidude said:
Shy or not, you still have to get off your ass and work for it. Meet people. Talk to them. Network. Go visit stores. Chat with strangers. Being shy is only a roadblock -- it's not a dead-end.

The truth is that EVERYONE has to put forth effort to find love. It doesn't just magically fall into your lap.

Sure, it might be hard... but wouldn't that make you all the stronger for having overcome shyness itself in order to find love in the end?

I agree with this.
 
So Badjedidude - you're in a relationship? If not why? Get you're butt out there and start approaching women!...

It's easy to hand out advice like that, but people shouldn't have to do a 180 change on their personalities (not easy...)

If that's not how you roll, how you're happy, then what is the point. Even if you meet people, eventually the mask will fall away and the shy person underneath revealed.

Shyness is an impediment that needs to be worked around as best can. But not a weakness to overcome unless it's a reaction to past negative experiences.

(and it seems I'm following you around these forums now)
 
LonelyInAtl said:
perfanoff said:
Come on guys. There's someone for everyone out there.

That's not necessarily true. There are lots of people out there who are incel.

Well done Lonely In Atlanta! Incel (involuntary celibacy) is a phrase I'd never heard or read before: you made me research! So you get a point for increasing my word power, but lose a point for being melodramatic.

What Perfanoff says IS necessarily true. The 'incels' are being lazy. There IS someone out there for everyone, but it might involve (omg!) taking a reality check and dropping your unrealistic standards, speaking to that unattractive but otherwise delightful dude/dudette, hey presto! Love is in the air!

No more incels.
 
welcome , try to practice a martial art like karate it helped me to build my self esteem because you will feel like you know something that most other people dont know :)
 
rdor said:
So Badjedidude - you're in a relationship? If not why? Get you're butt out there and start approaching women!...

It's easy to hand out advice like that, but people shouldn't have to do a 180 change on their personalities (not easy...)

If that's not how you roll, how you're happy, then what is the point. Even if you meet people, eventually the mask will fall away and the shy person underneath revealed.

Shyness is an impediment that needs to be worked around as best can. But not a weakness to overcome unless it's a reaction to past negative experiences.

(and it seems I'm following you around these forums now)

I'm not currently in a relationship, no... but that's by choice. I've dated several woman, a few for quite long periods of time. On a related note, I'm wondering why these sorts of discussions always fall back to the "LOL BUT ARE YOU SINGLE LOL TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE HAHAHAHA" sort of thing -- joke or not.

I never said that people need to change their personalities. You may have inferred that from what I said, but I never once indicated that shyness was something that could be cast off once and for all. It's something that a shy person may always live with and have to deal with... but that doesn't mean that it has to become a crippling shyness.

My point was that EVERYONE has to put in the work to find love -- no one is excused from it.

I guess it all comes down to how much one really wants to find love. Because I gaurantee you, if a shy guy wants love badly enough, he'll get out and search for it despite his shyness.
 
I don't believe you can deliberately increase your chances of finding love. Deciding to stay in one night at the last minute because you don't feel up to that party you said you would go to, might mean that you meet someone the next day, in an everyday situation, and you will be clear headed and bright and able to cope. If you had been to the party you might well be hung over and not meet that girl or meet her and not make a good impression because you feel like s*** because you went to a party last night and didn't enjoy it and felt stressed and so got drunk.
It's not all about "putting yourself out there", as I hear people often say. I think all you can do is try to keep yourself interested in life and try not to feel bitterness towards others. Just be yourself and then when you do meet someone, they will be able to recognise who you are and what you are about?
How can anyone control when they will meet someone and fall in love? I do not think it is possible. I hear lots of people (mostly people in their 20's) saying that they want to do this that and the other at whatever respective ages... Ahem... Yeah... Good luck with that!
 
leilee55 said:
welcome , try to practice a martial art like karate it helped me to build my self esteem because you will feel like you know something that most other people dont know :)

I used to do karate when I was a kid, I shouldn't have stopped. I lift weights now which has become somewhat of a hobby.

I wouldn't wish this life on the broke **** dog.
 
I hate how shy people are considered stuck up.

I'm probably one of the most humble people out there, but of course I'm shy, so people think I'm better than they are. Ugh!
 
As far as dating is concerned, I guess im not giving myself a chance. I don't go out, at all. Now school is over for summer I spend all my time at home, or I go out with my parents or family. It's sad being this way in your mid twenties. If I do go out on my own, it's either for a solitary walk or a trip to the tennis courts.

My priority in life right now is my school work and building a future, but I have absolutely no life at all outside of this.
 
disintigration said:
As far as dating is concerned, I guess im not giving myself a chance. I don't go out, at all. Now school is over for summer I spend all my time at home, or I go out with my parents or family. It's sad being this way in your mid twenties. If I do go out on my own, it's either for a solitary walk or a trip to the tennis courts.

My priority in life right now is my school work and building a future, but I have absolutely no life at all outside of this.

For the first twenty five years of my life, i was absolutely crippled by shyness. I literally could not speak to people i didn't know - my mouth would refuse to open, i'd be able to maybe mumble a response, all the while turning red as a beetroot - it was so bad i had to get friends to go to a counter at a shop to ask for stuff.

It left me isolated during school and university, with only a small group of friends. And absolutely no chance at a love life.

What got me out of it was getting a job at Woolworths, a sort of department store in the UK for the colonials among you, and my manager, a woman named Helen Bailey that i cannot thank enough.

She forced me to work with customers, forced me to push myself, even though i felt utterly uncomfortable to begin with. And it worked. Being given no choice but to talk to people helped me to gradually overcome my problem.

I went from being unable to ask for popcorn at a cinema, to giving presentations to a room full of people without flinching. Something i never, ever believed i could do.

My point i guess is this: You can overcome your shyness. It won't be easy, it won't be pleasant, but you can do it. You have to push yourself outside your comfort zone. Make yourself talk to someone you don't know, even if it's just asking for the time. Each time you do it you will find it easier. The worst thing you can do is give up and accept your shyness.
 
Spiderpope said:
My point i guess is this: You can overcome your shyness. It won't be easy, it won't be pleasant, but you can do it. You have to push yourself outside your comfort zone. Make yourself talk to someone you don't know, even if it's just asking for the time. Each time you do it you will find it easier. The worst thing you can do is give up and accept your shyness.

This, my thoughts exactly. It's what I went through too, for my shyness.
 
Spiderpope said:
disintigration said:
As far as dating is concerned, I guess im not giving myself a chance. I don't go out, at all. Now school is over for summer I spend all my time at home, or I go out with my parents or family. It's sad being this way in your mid twenties. If I do go out on my own, it's either for a solitary walk or a trip to the tennis courts.

My priority in life right now is my school work and building a future, but I have absolutely no life at all outside of this.

For the first twenty five years of my life, i was absolutely crippled by shyness. I literally could not speak to people i didn't know - my mouth would refuse to open, i'd be able to maybe mumble a response, all the while turning red as a beetroot - it was so bad i had to get friends to go to a counter at a shop to ask for stuff.

It left me isolated during school and university, with only a small group of friends. And absolutely no chance at a love life.

What got me out of it was getting a job at Woolworths, a sort of department store in the UK for the colonials among you, and my manager, a woman named Helen Bailey that i cannot thank enough.

She forced me to work with customers, forced me to push myself, even though i felt utterly uncomfortable to begin with. And it worked. Being given no choice but to talk to people helped me to gradually overcome my problem.

I went from being unable to ask for popcorn at a cinema, to giving presentations to a room full of people without flinching. Something i never, ever believed i could do.

My point i guess is this: You can overcome your shyness. It won't be easy, it won't be pleasant, but you can do it. You have to push yourself outside your comfort zone. Make yourself talk to someone you don't know, even if it's just asking for the time. Each time you do it you will find it easier. The worst thing you can do is give up and accept your shyness.

I'm from England too.

I've long been thinking of getting a part time job, but ive been knocked back each time I tried. Getting a job in the uk as a young person with little experience is almost impossible.
 

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