Silly little things

A new life · Jan 20, 2011

Name three stupid things that:

push your buttons

you should just let go of

but they stick to you like crazy glue

I'll go first:

1) DING I just DING put my DING key in the DING ignition and I DING haven't yet fasDINGtened my STUPID SEATBELT but this thing just keeps DING DING DINGING away! Who was the sadistic ******* that mandated that I be dinged to death? I'll fasten my seat belt when I'm damn good and DING ready.
I should just fasten my seat belt first and avoid all this aggravation. But in all the years I've been bitching about it. I still haven't changed

2) How are you?
I hate it when people respond to my "Hello" or "Hi" or "Good morning"
with "How are you?"
Knowing full well that they really aren't asking me how I am.
Knowing full well that quite often people couldn't care less.
Why don't they just say "Hi" or "Hey" or "Hello"
I keep trying to come with some clever and off the wall answer to this stupid question "How are you?"

3) Trendy business jargon.
A few years ago the term that was all the rage was "paradigm shift"
You just weren't anybody if you couldn't work this into a sentence a few times a day.
Lately everything has to be "leveraged"
My boss never fires anybody she "manages them out"
I'm a non-corporate guy stuck in the movie Office Space
With Bill Lumbergh walking towards me this very minute!

OK, now your turn

Brian · Jan 20, 2011

Name .... stupid things that push your buttons but really shouldn't

You're inviting me to...complain? About all the little things that bother me? And to top it off you want me to pick just three that top the list?

Do you really want me to start down this road, my friend?

Brian · Jan 20, 2011

Oh, why not. It's turning out to be one of those days.

1. When you can tell people have a set of pre-determined responses to various situations, and their brain functions at such a low level that they will always pick one of them as opposed to thinking.

Example: My acquaintance, also named Brian. He will ALWAYS greet you with "Hey trouble". And when he asks what you've been up to, he always responds with "Fun fun fun...". It makes me want to KILLLLL him I swear I will end you and it will be the darkest day of your low-brow, knuckle-dragging existence you sub-simian simulacrum dammit you made me type a run-on sentence with your idiocy why do I even talk to you.

2. Reality Television shows, and Celebrities.

I seriously do not care. I care so little that my careometer is below zero, and the needle has bent in it's attempt to seek a negative number to point to. WHO CARES ABOUT THIS CRAP? Who finds it important to know if Tom Cruise is getting married? They're technically not even useful people and everything you hear about them is a construct to keep people with quasi-human brain activity staring at the television and clapping like a thrice-damned trained seal.

3. Ebonics, txtspeak, and other half-attempts at communication from the filthy lobotomized hordes that utilize them

DEATH IN FIRE, EXTERMINATUS.
[youtube]d5jRCFnFsBY[/youtube]

A new life · Jan 21, 2011

Brian,
#1 was FUN FUN FUNNY!
(sorry, I couldn't resist)

If I end up on the jury when you strangle this guy, I'll vote NOT GUILTY!

lol404 · Jul 30, 2011

My kids being raised in a society that's so different from mine- I wish I could let go of holding a grudge - I would like to invite people into my house but for some reason I don't.

StoneDeadAlready · Jul 31, 2011

1.when you're walking on the sidewalk and you awkwardly pass by a person or a group of people,or even worsehaving to walk slightly faster/slower than them because you're going the same way.and waiting at crosswalks with people.and crossing with them.

2.when annoying people on the bus/at bus stops talk to each other LOUDLY and/or about the most annoying idiotic **** so it just makes you wanna jam knives in your ears to make it stop.

3.annoying people who throw up random statistics they either made up or heard somewhere (regardless of the credibility and logic behind them) to make themselves feel like better and/or smarter people.example:85%of americans/wherever they live are idiots.1 in 2 american women will be raped.5 in 6 african american males will rob a bank between the ages of 5 and 6.100,000 of 126,000 deaths are caused by flying ghost demons each year and other stupid crap like that.