So it seems I have to become a jerk, but........

[ThatOneDude]

....this topic is pretty much why I hate people.

 

[freedom]

yes, unfortunately that's the way that it is. people eat **** and love it. nonetheless, there are better ways to attract the opposite sex. girls, worth it or not, will never settle for the "nice guy". they say that they want a nice guy, and a gentleman, and someone who will never hurt them but that's all a bunch of (you guessed it!) BS. i'm not saying you should become an insufferable a-hole, either. the trick is to strike the right balance between nice and jerk. be good to her, be confident when you're talking to her, but don't be her slave that will do anything she wants when she wants.

it's like what we men want. we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed, and that's just the way it is. this is the USA 2011. too many people are still living in who-knows-what decade when chivalry still existed. it's time to wake up and realize what's happening around us.

 

[Brian]

The real frustration comes when you actually start dating a girl, and then realize you kind of miss being alone all the time, and it's not as great a proposition as you thought it would be. And she's all over you, but sometimes all you can think about is nice ways to break it off with her even though she's great and super good looking. And then you find that for some reason, the girl taking your order at Arby's is kind of flirty, and you're not sure if maybe you'd be happier with them or if you'd just feel the same things. And it's like, "What the ****, mate?"

Yeah, just hope you don't draw THAT card from the deck. Confusing ********. Women, man.

 

[Mary Mary]

yes, unfortunately that's the way that it is. people eat **** and love it. nonetheless, there are better ways to attract the opposite sex. girls, worth it or not, will never settle for the "nice guy". they say that they want a nice guy, and a gentleman, and someone who will never hurt them but that's all a bunch of (you guessed it!) BS. i'm not saying you should become an insufferable a-hole, either. the trick is to strike the right balance between nice and jerk. be good to her, be confident when you're talking to her, but don't be her slave that will do anything she wants when she wants.

it's like what we men want. we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed, and that's just the way it is. this is the USA 2011. too many people are still living in who-knows-what decade when chivalry still existed. it's time to wake up and realize what's happening around us.

Let me tell you a story about the last guy that I dated. He was a computer nerd with a good job. He was very geeky. Not too sexy, but he seemed very nice; so I wanted to give me a chance. On our first date, I focused on the things that were good about him. He was a little chubby but still had a nice-looking face. He was kind; and although he wasn't a great conversationalist, we still had a few laughs. That primal part of my brain that developed over tens of thousands of years of evolution that makes me attracted to alpha males (jerks) wasn't too excited, but the evolved part of my brain wanted to like the guy.

We dated, and I had hoped that our time together would help me bond to him. However, after a serious of assaults on the primal part of my brain, it finally rebelled. When we met, he wore a button-down shirt and khakis. He looked nice; yet when we went hiking, he wore bell-bottom pants. Dorky, but I chose to ignore it. When the weather got chilly, he showed up at a date wearing the one kind of hat that I HATE--a scally cap. When we went hiking again, instead of breaking out a fleece cap, lo and behold! His scally cap had flaps! He looked like a raging dork.

My primal self started to go from not too excited to 'we don't like this'. I told myself to just relax. It's no big deal. It's just clothes.

Then he stopped talking. I don't mean like he became the brooding, silent type. I had to keep every conversation going. Women bond through talking; so this was making my bonding to him difficult. The other way women bond to men is through sex, which after four months, he still showed NO interest in. NONE. Women appreciate it when you don't rush them for sex, but you CANNOT act neutered. You still need to behave sexually toward her. Flirt, comment on how hot she looks, rub her neck, make out with her, etc.

Then we went to the casino where there's a mall. The entire time we shopped, he hovered around me. I don't mean he followed me around looking at stuff with me while we talked and laughed. It's like he was really nervous and had to be next to me the whole time. In short, going shopping with him was a terrible experience.

At this point, I was feeling hostility towards him. Why? He did nothing to act like a jerk. So why the hostility? Because he was acting like the antithesis of an alpha male, and that primal part of my brain didn't like it one bit. I knew at this point, I needed to give up. That cave woman part of me isn't the best at making decisions on how to pick men, but it's a real part of every woman.

The reason why I'm telling you this story is because I agree with the essence of what your saying about walking that line. Even though you want a woman who's enlightened enough to appreciate when a man is nice to her, that looks are only skin deep, and kindness should triumph over aggression, you still have to help the girl out dealing with the primal part of her brain by making her not to have to fight so much of it.

Even though the guy I told you about did nothing wrong, how much of it could he have done differently to help me fool my brain into thinking he was an alpha male? Not wear dorky clothes. Act more sexually virile. Loose some of the chubbiness. Act more confident.

Who do you think of when you think of chivalry? A knight in shining armor. A soldier that wears armor because he goes into battle where he kills other big, strong men. He does all this to keep his damsel safe, for whom he also opens the door. That sounds like a guy who walks the line between being a jerk and a nice guy.

The knife cuts both ways. Sure, men should be enlightened enough to know that beauty is only skin deep, but being attracted to looks is part of men's genetic make-up. We women should help you out in keeping that part of your brain happy where we can. We shouldn't allow ourselves to get fat. We should stay in shape. Shop at Victoria's Secret instead of Grannys R Us. Keep our hair long and wear it down every how and then.

Players and attention whores are the masters at keeping the primal part of a person's brain very happy. It's something we could all learn from. We just don't need to misuse it like they do.

 

[Code S.O.L]

I'm sorry, Socrates. But I refuse to believe that the Jersey Shore standard is the one and only standard we must all aspire to. Have you taken into account different demographics? With so many different opinions, interests, and wants in the world, surely there has to be other standards I'm better off acheiving. Other demographics I'm better off appealing to based on my personality and interests etc etc........

I know I need to better myself somehow, but I still dread the thought of becoming......him

 

[Cathedral]

I have a new word for most women: Assjock prizes.

Dating is a competition, and only assjocks win.

 

[Mr. Sir]

I'm sorry, Socrates. But I refuse to believe that the Jersey Shore standard is the one and only standard we must all aspire to. Have you taken into account different demographics? With so many different opinions, interests, and wants in the world, surely there has to be other standards I'm better off acheiving. Other demographics I'm better off appealing to based on my personality and interests etc etc........

I know I need to better myself somehow, but I still dread the thought of becoming......him

This is true about different demographics.

Here are the Ideal Males for Various Demographics:

For East Coast White Suburban Girls:
IdealEastCoast

For West Coast White Suburban Girls:
IdealWestCoast

For White Girls in Rural Areas:
IdealRural

For Urban African-American Girls:
IdealBlack

For Hispanic Girls:
IdealHispanic

For Northeastern Urban Italian Girls:
IdealItalian

For Liberal Jewish Yuppie Girls:
IdealYuppie

For Japanese Girls:
IdealJapanese

 

[EveWasFramed]

Oh ffs, this has become one of the most absurd threads I've ever seen here.

 

[Bluebird]

We all have opinions, so here's mine. I cannot stand guys that act like d!cks. Seriously, it disgusts me. If you are looking for a shallow woman to have a good time with, then by all means that is the best way to go. But please do NOT generalize all of us women in the same category.

Just because society glorifies being "ripped" and "an a$$hole" does not mean that it works for everyone. I think men that are confident in themselves because they are happy with themselves (NOT because they are trying to conform to anyone else's standards) are most attractive. And personally, I DON'T prefer very muscley (for lack of a better word - and I know that is not a word) guys. Hygiene, though, is another story. Dirty is a no.

 

[suckaG]

^^^ the hipster and the bro would get their ***** kicked by all the other stereotypes.

---

When the weather got chilly, he showed up at a date wearing the one kind of hat that I HATE--a scally cap.

those hats are killer!

but other than that, your former friend does seem all sorts of clingy and nervous from your description. I'm guessing those are not the most desirable of characteristics to display while trying to win a woman's affection lol.

 

[Brian]

I've seen a few people rock the scally cap, but it is not a topping for all ice creams.

On another note...


>Mouse over the links in Socrates' post
>Read the URL
>Know what each one looks like without clicking
>Giggle a little
>Facepalm

 

[Okonkwo]

The bottom line is that women are attracted to men who have status and to men who can protect them. If you can't show, somehow, that you have these two things, then science itself forbids any women from ever finding you attractive. Humans are naturally polygamous. Therefore, a woman would rather be the eighteenth runner up to a body builder with high status who treats her like complete crap than a monogamous partner to a geeky loser who treats her like a princess. She would still be able to attach herself to the body builder with high status and benefit from the relationship. What would she gain from being with the geeky loser? Nothing. What would the geeky loser do if someone groped her at a bar? Even if the geeky loser stood up for her, he would just end up getting hurt or even killed. Why would any woman want that? In order to attract a woman, it is necessary to have both an attractive physical appearance and social capital (this can be in the form of money).

It may not be fair, and you may have years of catching up to do in order to be able to attract a woman, but the sooner you start the better. The easiest thing to do is to get stronger. Lifting weights is pretty straight forward unless you're training for some sort of competition. Gaining the necessary social capital will be the trickiest part. Keep in mind that geeky hobbies are unnatural, having only been invented less than a hundred years ago. This makes them unattractive right off the bat. It is imperative that you find more socially acceptable things to do with your time. That is the first thing you can do to gain more social capital. Remember, when a woman considers whether or not she wants a relationship with you, she considers what you have to offer to her. You need to be able to offer protection and a leisurely lifestyle in order for her to find you attractive.

 

[Brian]

See I disagree with that, at least to the point that there are exceptions.

I've seen some fair looking girls with some pretty bottom-of-the-barrel guys and they aren't exactly specimens of brawn and muscle, nor do they even necessarily have jobs at all. Hell, my sister -who was beautiful- married this scrawny nerdling who couldn't beat his way out of a wet paper bag and was too whiny to be called confident. And he's demonstrated he can't even keep a job bagging groceries. He's a steaming pile and she's still with him.

Gaining the necessary social capital will be the trickiest part. Keep in mind that geeky hobbies are unnatural, having only been invented less than a hundred years ago. This makes them unattractive right off the bat. It is imperative that you find more socially acceptable things to do with your time.

Eh, I'm middle-ground on this. When I was a kid it was definitely true. Video games made you a pariah. But looking at things now, it's like...unusual not to play them, even for a number of females. I have witnessed some women even in the farthest reaches of Geek Culture, and not all of them are bad looking either.

But I do think it's healthy to have a broad range of interests and hobbies. There's a lot to be said about being a Renaissance Man. If you can be that, you've actually not only enriched your life, but you've made significant progress toward being attractive to a range of females and interesting to a lot of people socially. It's like being a superhero compared to a normal human. Add a workout routine to being a Renaissance Man, and the self-surety you'll have from the combination, and you're miles above both Bro's and Geeks because you are the best of both and the worst of neither. This is my goal in life.

 

[Code S.O.L]

Eh, I'm middle-ground on this. When I was a kid it was definitely true. Video games made you a pariah. But looking at things now, it's like...unusual not to play them, even for a number of females. I have witnessed some women even in the farthest reaches of Geek Culture, and not all of them are bad looking either.

Well, this is kinda what I meant by demographics. Pop cultures and the like, not necessarily racial/ethnic backgrounds.

your Renaissance theory intrigues me.....

 

[Mr. Sir]

I'm a Renaissance man.

And if one can't understand the hyperbole in the thread with the ideal males, then he/she is extremely low intelligence.