So what are we going to do about it...

[Peaches]

So seems like we need to find
- people who are like us..
- in a situation were we can't just up and leave at the slighest thing..
- for a long enough term that we can get to know them

Is there like a boarding school for lonely people?

I know! Years ago I moved to live in a community, that was basically a boarding school great times

 

[Dexter]

You should search the internet for support groups in your area, especially groups for loneliness or something in that direction.

But people can leave a support group at any time? So that doesn't advance the ball.. that would be like a meet up.

So, you are looking for a situation or a place where people are forced or encouraged to visit regularly, because this way you would meet the same people every time you go there?

Do you have a job? Because I think that a working place would be such a place, you could try to get to know your colleagues better.
Or you could maybe do some charity activites (I am sure that there would be regulars who you would meet everytime there)

 

[LadyDaria]

Do you have a job? Because I think that a working place would be such a place, you could try to get to know your colleagues better.

been there 10 years. i am pretty sure they were all married off right before working there. ;0 and so far, drat, no divorces. btw, you know what happens to me at work when i put the slightest friendly vibe... married men.

again on the volunteering... too flaky. lately it seems that people run at the slightest thing so unless people are sort of forced to be there... it is hard to get to know them.

 

[Peaches]

Do you have a job? Because I think that a working place would be such a place, you could try to get to know your colleagues better.

been there 10 years. i am pretty sure they were all married off right before working there. ;0 and so far, drat, no divorces. btw, you know what happens to me at work when i put the slightest friendly vibe... married men.

again on the volunteering... too flaky. lately it seems that people run at the slightest thing so unless people are sort of forced to be there... it is hard to get to know them.

Daria, I know so much what you mean, some time ago I was realizing that most people (all far away) I am still friends with I shared a house with, and that without a kitchen and people being unable to avoid me friendship just doesn't happen for me. Why do you think is that? Is it people or is it… (gasp!) us?
Some others give their best in five minutes and we are like, slow release?

---

Love the secret society concept. Very cool !

Like fight club... first rule of loner club.. you don't talk about loner club..

second rule of loner club... you don't talk about loner club

lol

 

[Case]

Love the secret society concept. Very cool !

Like fight club... first rule of loner club.. you don't talk about loner club..

second rule of loner club... you don't talk about loner club

Third rule of loner club is if this is your first time, you have to curl into a ball in that corner over there and not socialize.

 

[LadyDaria]

Why do you think is that? Is it people or is it… (gasp!) us?
Some others give their best in five minutes and we are like, slow release?

both? there was a another thread on here about the tyranny of snap judgments that I think is true. today i think there are a lot of crazy / inappropriate people. So if in your initial conversation the person says anything that gives you pause, better to run than get stuck.

with me, I think that a lot of times, i tend to be a contrarian and say things that are unusual... and people run from that. Just because it is like a sign that says, this person can't be trusted. But I can be. It is just my way not to walk to the beat of everyone else.

also, I may have what is known as "***** face" where your face looks grumpy. I just got a work review were apparently coworkers called me 'stuck up' but clearly anyone who knows me, knows i am not. So people don't find out who i am until they are around me for a bit.

 

[beautiful loser]

Get a dog...provided you don't already own one. Most people love dogs. Take your dog to the dog park and meet people. Take your dog for walks around your neighborhood and meet people. Take your dog into a grocery store, get yelled at by management and meet people. Drive him/her around town and at stop lights, meet people. You see where I'm going with this?

Yeah, yeah, you are allergic to dogs Hey I tried

 

[ardour]

I often thought about starting an intentional community for lonely people or people who for one reason or other find themselves alone and fear that they will always be alone, but wish to have the support of people/community. Like why should we always be sick and no one to bring us tea? Why do we have to think about growing old and no one to care for us. Why eat dinner alone if you don't want to. In a community, we could have a choice of eating with others or lone. Spending time alone or being with others, say in the evenings. It wouldn't be a life time commitment, stay or go as you please but its a place that would always be there for people when ever they felt lonely.

Problem is I don't know where to begin, doing something like that would take organizational skills and money, both of which I don't have.

I suspect many lonely people would still be intolerant and cliquish if given the chance....

Here's my advice; pretend to

1. Get religious. either good old fashioned evangelical Christian or something new-agey

2. Get political (vegan feminist eco-warrior ftw.)

3. Get racist (no explanation required)

There you are, automatic group of friends and you can bond over a shared contempt for anyone who isn't like you.

 

[SofiasMami]

Start saying "yes" more and "no", "can't", "won't" less.
I used to volunteer a lot. There were some volunteer jobs and groups that were duds and some where I made friends. But I didn't quit after trying one or two, I kept going. Your social life is in your hands. Don't wait around for someone else to make it happen.

-Teresa

 

[Grackle]

It can also be something positive like ecovillages, coops, good old fashion communes. Doesn't have to involve hate.

 

[LadyDaria]

It can also be something positive like ecovillages, coops, good old fashion communes. Doesn't have to involve hate.

How did we get off on hate? Um no, no need for that. The only thing I don't know about the general get out more advice is that I have done that before and it turned out to be a tremendous waste of time. And I feel like I don't want to spend that much of my life looking. Or rather I would like to be more efficient about it. In my early 30s I started a few local groups. The first one went on for a year.. but then everyone just drifted away. A couple of years ago I went to a diet class, in part, because I wanted to make friends... but, everyone seemed to bring a friend or were otherwise not interested.

Most of the time I find when I go anyplace... most have kids / jobs / parents and thus, are not looking for friends. I cannot waste my time anymore just randomly looking. Surely there must be better ways to insure reasonable chance at friendship rather than this kind of "lets hope" I get a good friend.

 

[Grackle]

It can also be something positive like ecovillages, coops, good old fashion communes. Doesn't have to involve hate.

How did we get off on hate?

I was replying to ardours comment a couple posts back. Hate might have been too strong a word.

 

[ardour]

um... I was just being an ***** there (facetious)

 

[sk66rc]

If you wanna meet people, try dance class... I've mentioned this to few other people... I've taken Argentine Tango since I was a kid... When I moved to U.S., after few month of trial & error, finally found few classes & went... It was great way of meeting people... Also the nature of the dance is very intimate... So if you're uncomfortable with intimacy right off the gate, you might wanna look into other forms of ballroom dancing...

 

[LadyDaria]

If you wanna meet people, try dance class... I've mentioned this to few other people... I've taken Argentine Tango since I was a kid... When I moved to U.S., after few month of trial & error, finally found few classes & went... It was great way of meeting people... Also the nature of the dance is very intimate... So if you're uncomfortable with intimacy right off the gate, you might wanna look into other forms of ballroom dancing...

That actually sounds like a good idea, ... but for.. from a girl's point of view.. am I going to have to deal with a whole bunch of old letches trying to cop a feel?

Young hot guys trying to cop a feel... well

 

[Batman55]

Young hot guys trying to cop a feel... well

..is not something you should be complaining about, IMHO!

 

[jaguarundi]

It can also be something positive like ecovillages, coops, good old fashion communes. .

One of my closest friends helped set this cohousing venture up. They also run courses about doing so yourself (in the UK I'm afraid for those of you not there). It took time and patience and stick-to-it-ness to get it going and still takes patience, good will and ability to compromise and respectfully listen to everyone who lives there if there are disputes. But it works.


http://www.thresholdcentre.org.uk/

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

Ok I have taken my fill of complaining about being lonely and now I kind of feel like doing something about it... but of course.. have no clue what exactly to do.

I was wondering if anyone had some concrete - well thought out-- ideas.

I admit, I don't.

But I throw it out to you.

I will continue to complain, until I have succeeded in doing the following:

1. Fixed my broken teeth.
2. Maintained a constant cash flow.
3. Become a club regular.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread. I'll read it later when I have time but I have something to say about the subject.

There is one thing that I have decided to do for me. And I say for me because I understand this isn't for everyone because people have different believes and I want to respect everyone in regards to their beliefs.

I have often felt that if I believed in God I would go to church because they get social benefits that I cannot take advantage of because I don't believe in God and it would be dishonest for me to go to church on Sundays pretending to believe something I don't for the social benefits.

Well, last Sunday I went to the Earth Fair and visited the atheist booth and found out about these Sunday Assembly meetings that they have every fourth Sunday of each month. We get to listen to a long talk, it could be about science, evolution, anything related to the subject, sing pop songs and talk about community service projects and how to make the most of the one life we know we have. It's a Godless community so that we atheists can get the same kind of benefits as belonging to a church without having to believe in any gods or supernatural things. It's free to attend but they do ask for donations. This is for me so I'm going to attend each month. Church for atheists, I never knew there was such a thing. If this isn't enough for me then I will continue on my path of exploration to find out what I can do to find fulfillment in my life and make connections with people. I just have to rely on my brain and my willingness to explore.

 

[Peaches]

lol, atheist church, brilliant