Social networks are making us less social

[TheRealCallie]

I'm sorry, are construction workers not allowed to have feelings?  You claim to have hurt his feelings by being "blunt."  Are you sure you didn't pass over blunt and go straight into offensive as hell?

Could be both, I have admitted my ability to get along with people isn't one of my strengths. This guy was the same age as me, actually the foreman of the team working in my building.  There was a project he was running in multiple buildings, and I had some things to do in that office that day.  There was a two week hiatus where they were elsewhere, and I made it clear to him way ahead of time, I needed that day.  So that very day, they were all there and in the way.  So, naturally I was mad, and maybe I could have said things differently than I did, but I didn't.  

Sure, they're allowed to have feelings, I tend to think working in the construction environment that people are alot rougher around the edges than say, an office workplace.  I was in the army in the 80's, and we soldiers swore at each other, told each other to f off all the time, and were able to move on without broken hearts. I've worked construction, it's a similar environment. So I've chalked it up to society becoming so thinned skinned where we (myself not included) become offended at stupid little things we should be able to let roll off our backs.

I know a lot of construction workers.  Both my brothers and my ex to name just a few, so you know I know them pretty damn well.   Most **** they do let roll off their backs, but not everything.  So yeah, it sounds like you probably crossed a line.  And if you've worked construction before, you should know that you don't always get to decide where you work and when.  **** needs done, they have deadlines too.  Perhaps they meant to be somewhere else and things went wrong and they had to work there because it was either that or not get paid for that day. 
Stop assuming you know everything and stop judging someone based on how YOU feel they should behave. And also, just because he went and told someone doesn't mean you hurt his feelings, it could have simply been he knew you stepped over a line and someone had to know.  You don't just get to say whatever you want and think nothing is going to happen.  That's not how this world works, not then, not now.  Learn how to control yourself, instead of insulting people because they didn't do what you wanted them to do.

And aside from all that, you know damn well people today are a lot more offended than they used to be, so either stay out of society or adapt to it.  Those are really your only options.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Not that I'm taking anyone's side over the other or condemning anyone, but the ideas that people were tougher before, and people are too sensitive/offended today, is something I've thought about and I just don't know if it's really true.

It reminds me of hearing things like, "there's more autism now", or "more people are gay now", or something like that. I don't think that's necessarily the case. I feel like there was probably always a similar proportion of the overall population that had these conditions/orientations/whatever the case may be, but they either buried it inside out of conforming to social pressure/lacking an outlet, or they were misdiagnosed, or undiagnosed altogether.

In the case of "people were tougher then/people get too offended now", I feel like people might have given the APPEARANCE that they were tougher then, again, out of conforming to the social standards and expectations of the day. But that doesn't mean they weren't offended or were less sensitive. Some may have been genuinely not offended, just like some people today might not be offended. But some people back then may have bottled it up inside, like a bank of anger and shame, and every time there was an incident, the interest built up even more until there was some kind of explosion. Maybe what happened was, "**** rolled downhill". The boss humiliates you at work, you shrug it off and "take it like a man". But then maybe you fight some guy at the bar, bully some guy on the street, maybe you drink and drive, maybe you vandalize some property. Maybe you take it out on the wife and kids and pets, either physically, or by exploding at them over the smallest mistakes or things that aren't done your way.

Maybe today, people just feel more empowered to speak up about things that a lot of people were never really OK with, but they just thought they couldn't speak up before.

Of course, I wasn't there "back in the day" so I don't know for a fact what really happened. And like many big issues, it isn't just one thing all the time - some people are tougher, some people aren't, some people don't get offended easily and some people do get too offended or look for offense where there really isn't any. And I don't think simple disagreement is the same thing as offense. This is just me guessing, that's all.

 

[Finished]

Well, it all depends on what definition of tougher everybody is using. Sometimes it is tougher to speak out while other times it's tougher to keep it to yourself. But, IMO, people are more encouraged to bring forth their problems and concerns nowadays. So people are speaking and acting out a lot more. Maybe too much.

 

[morrowrd]

I'm sorry, are construction workers not allowed to have feelings?  You claim to have hurt his feelings by being "blunt."  Are you sure you didn't pass over blunt and go straight into offensive as hell?

Could be both, I have admitted my ability to get along with people isn't one of my strengths. This guy was the same age as me, actually the foreman of the team working in my building.  There was a project he was running in multiple buildings, and I had some things to do in that office that day.  There was a two week hiatus where they were elsewhere, and I made it clear to him way ahead of time, I needed that day.  So that very day, they were all there and in the way.  So, naturally I was mad, and maybe I could have said things differently than I did, but I didn't.  

Sure, they're allowed to have feelings, I tend to think working in the construction environment that people are alot rougher around the edges than say, an office workplace.  I was in the army in the 80's, and we soldiers swore at each other, told each other to f off all the time, and were able to move on without broken hearts. I've worked construction, it's a similar environment. So I've chalked it up to society becoming so thinned skinned where we (myself not included) become offended at stupid little things we should be able to let roll off our backs.

I know a lot of construction workers.  Both my brothers and my ex to name just a few, so you know I know them pretty damn well.   Most **** they do let roll off their backs, but not everything.  So yeah, it sounds like you probably crossed a line.  And if you've worked construction before, you should know that you don't always get to decide where you work and when.  **** needs done, they have deadlines too.  Perhaps they meant to be somewhere else and things went wrong and they had to work there because it was either that or not get paid for that day. 
Stop assuming you know everything and stop judging someone based on how YOU feel they should behave. And also, just because he went and told someone doesn't mean you hurt his feelings, it could have simply been he knew you stepped over a line and someone had to know.  You don't just get to say whatever you want and think nothing is going to happen.  That's not how this world works, not then, not now.  Learn how to control yourself, instead of insulting people because they didn't do what you wanted them to do.

And aside from all that, you know damn well people today are a lot more offended than they used to be, so either stay out of society or adapt to it.  Those are really your only options.

Keep your lecture to the more deserving.  **** needs to be done on my job too, and when there's disrespect, I'm not going to turn the other cheek when these guys could have come there on another day, they had notice. I've been on this job for 30 years and I know whats the right way and the wrong way to do things. My boss likes me, and this wasn't some write up. I told them to get their **** out of my way and shoved the ladders and tools to the side. He took me aside and said he would have liked it if I handled it differently, and I agreed.  Your dripping self righteous attitude isn't anything I can take feedback from. You're no authority Callie, just because you had an fn boyfriend and a brother in construction.

Stick to the story here, it's about social networking and it's effect on people's social life. MY conversation with you is over.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Anyway, my thoughts on social media:

And you, are you on social media? Which one? Do you feel overwhelmed by all that fear of missing out and the fake lifestyle of your "Facebook friends"?

Have you taken some steps to reduce the anxiety of social media on your life? Have you been thinking to delete your accounts? What is stopping you from doing it?

I'm on it, I use a few sites, not a lot of them though. I like them because they let me keep in touch with people that I don't see all the time and/or live far away. It also helps me keep in touch with people I find interesting that I would never have crossed paths with, if I didn't have social media. I like to keep my friends list small, down to people I am at least OK with and open to talking to again. I don't like to add every single person I've ever gone to school with or ever met. I certainly don't add people that I don't like. If we are not friends in real life, we are not friends on social media. Also, I like to use social media to keep up with bands or other interests, or to look at cool pictures.

Unfortunately, when I see some of the competition on other profiles (not on my friends list), I get anxiety that I can't compete with them, I can't live a "cool" enough lifestyle to impress and interest women. I don't know how I can keep up with guys that do extreme sports all the time, soldier/biker/gun guys, "witty banter" ********, hardcore drinking/weed types, people that have money, and people that are actually really good at hobbies.

How do I reduce anxiety about it? I don't know, I guess I just try not to think about it. I haven't thought of deleting my account though. It's still useful.

One thing I don't like about social media though, is that I think it blows up some people's egos. It makes some people into mini-celebrities, and they go from being approachable people, to being "too good" to talk to you. It creates a new kind of "cool kids", who might not know a lot of people offline but are popular online, and get the same cold, "popular" mentality.

It also gives some people, who in my opinion aren't that great and don't have anything that worthwhile to say, a platform for ego validation. Like I was saying recently, I don't like most of meme culture, and all of "shitposting" culture. It's just a sarcasm/facetiousness/cynicism/criticism circle jerk, so the people who do it can seem cooler by comparison than whatever/whoever it is they are mocking, and so they can compete with each other for and endless "who is the wittiest" competition. They think they are smarter, deeper, more imaginative, or have better taste than most people, but most of the time, they're not even saying anything that clever or meaningful - it's just them being cynical, critical, casually disdainful and mean-spirited, and full of themselves, thinking that makes them "cool", while patting themselves on the back for it, as if acting scornful and dismissive of everything and everyone, is all it takes to make you an intellectual, which is itself ironic, because they seem like the *****'s version of smart people. They remind me of what I don't like about hipsters. It's the same obnoxious, pretentious pissing contest, "ha ha, I'm better than you, you suck". Honestly these "witty banter"/"shitposter" types might as well be bros, it's the same hierarchical social competition mentality. No matter what form they take, I've never liked that kind of person and I never will.

 

[morrowrd]

Not that I'm taking anyone's side over the other or condemning anyone, but the ideas that people were tougher before, and people are too sensitive/offended today, is something I've thought about and I just don't know if it's really true. 

It reminds me of hearing things like, "there's more autism now", or "more people are gay now", or something like that.  I don't think that's necessarily the case.  I feel like there was probably always a similar proportion of the overall population that had these conditions/orientations/whatever the case may be, but they either buried it inside out of conforming to social pressure/lacking an outlet, or they were misdiagnosed, or undiagnosed altogether. 

In the case of "people were tougher then/people get too offended now", I feel like people might have given the APPEARANCE that they were tougher then, again, out of conforming to the social standards and expectations of the day.  But that doesn't mean they weren't offended or were less sensitive.  Some may have been genuinely not offended, just like some people today might not be offended.  But some people back then may have bottled it up inside, like a bank of anger and shame, and every time there was an incident, the interest built up even more until there was some kind of explosion.  Maybe what happened was, "**** rolled downhill".  The boss humiliates you at work, you shrug it off and "take it like a man".  But then maybe you fight some guy at the bar, bully some guy on the street, maybe you drink and drive, maybe you vandalize some property.  Maybe you take it out on the wife and kids and pets, either physically, or by exploding at them over the smallest mistakes or things that aren't done your way. 

Maybe today, people just feel more empowered to speak up about things that a lot of people were never really OK with, but they just thought they couldn't speak up before. 

Of course, I wasn't there "back in the day" so I don't know for a fact what really happened.  And like many big issues, it isn't just one thing all the time - some people are tougher, some people aren't, some people don't get offended easily and some people do get too offended or look for offense where there really isn't any.  And I don't think simple disagreement is the same thing as offense.  This is just me guessing, that's all.

I agree with most of this.  There were definitely alot of things swept under the rug in the old days.

 

[TheRealCallie]

lol, it's cute how you think "shoving" (which I assume is probably a nice way of putting it) is an okay thing to do in ANY generation. Pretty sure that is called vandalism and THAT is where the damn disrespect is.

I'm self righteous? Oh, no. I have nothing on you.

---

Unfortunately, when I see some of the competition on other profiles (not on my friends list), I get anxiety that I can't compete with them, I can't live a "cool" enough lifestyle to impress and interest women.  I don't know how I can keep up with guys that do extreme sports all the time, soldier/biker/gun guys, "witty banter" ********, hardcore drinking/weed types, people that have money, and people that are actually really good at hobbies.

See, this is what I've always thought concerning you.  You are so focused on thinking you have  to compete that you basically ruin any chance you might have.  At getting girls, at getting a job, at getting any happiness out of life. 

If you want your anxiety to lessen or go away, you HAVE to start focusing on yourself more than you do others.  Focus on what YOU want to do, what you enjoy.  Who cares if others think it's "cool."  Cool is subjective just like everything else.  There are women out there who would accept you for your hobbies and your interests, but you have to accept them yourself first.

 

[Myra]

So I've chalked it up to society becoming so thinned skinned where we (myself not included) become offended at stupid little things we should be able to let roll off our backs.

Yourself not included? I bet the other guy has already forgotten about it a long time ago, while you are, years later, still complaining about the situation to strangers on the internet. You seem to be unable to let things roll off your back. A lot of the other stuff you wrote was similarly hypocritical.

 

[ewomack]

I prefer forums. I stay off of social media.

 

[sadphoenix]

I could write an entire book about this topic.

I despise social media and I believe it's greatly cheapened interpersonal relationships. I remember the world before the social media explosion around 2005 or so and people talked to each other way more. I was still lonely, but I at least had a few close acquaintances. People actually called each other up to have a chat, would go over to each other's houses and have real, one-on-one, face-to-face conversations.

The great irony is that social media platforms like facebook were supposedly created so that people were more connected, but all it's done is made people pathologically incapable of connecting with real people and having real relationships in real life. People are so much more concerned with their virtual "life" than they are with their real one. They're more concerned about saying something online than talking to the person sitting next to them.

I remember when teenagers wanted to date someone, they would have to ask for a phone number and plan to meet somewhere for a date. Now, everyone under the age of 50 just asks for someone's instagram so they can stalk them and stare at pictures of them and hardly ever talk to them, let alone ask them out and date them.

 

[youcouldnevertell]

They're all the same. I get told over and over again during fights regarding my loneliness that I should use them 'you might meet others with common interests'. I never do. Either I am ignored or run into drama. Plus I'm too old. I've had 3 Instagram accounts, two Twitter accounts, five Tumblr accounts, quite a few Dreamwidth accounts-all deleted because I still end up alone, don't fit in or had some sort of drama.

 

[WanderingInTheWoods]

I have a Facebook and an Instagram account, but I rarely use either one. I just have them to keep in contact with family and friends. Rarely ever use it. People will add me, but I check it once a week if that or longer. Most of the time, I will check it just to see if anyone has contacted me. I'm rarely on it anymore. Would delete it, but I have family members and friends on there that I keep in contact with. Plus I think people use it way too much and consume their life on it, which isn't good or healthy to do. This is why I decided to not use it as much.

 

[theablekingathelstan]

i believe it's how one uses. it's fine if it's an extension of one's social life.

 

[Efbee]

I don't think it's social media that made us less social.
What made us less social is that cacamimi thing of Politically Correct crap which has pit everyone against everyone in a mad dash to gain a semblance of moral superiority and point the finger at everyone else in a bid to appear better than the next person.

I don't have "social media" on my phone, I only have a few apps to keep in contact with my children and family. Facebook, Telegram and Instagram. I don't use them as "social media", I only use them for the single purpose of staying in contact with my children and siblings.
I only use the Messenger from Facebook because it's expensive to call international.
I only use Instagram to see all the artwork my daughter is making.
I only use Telegram for my sister.
That's it.
I'm not hooked on them, I hardly ever post anything and it's usually a music video and couldn't give a rat's arse who likes or doesn't.
I have 10 friends on Facebook ( not even friends but family )
I have 10 followers on Instagram ( not even "followers" but family )
I do use Twitter once in a while: I follow my children, EVE Online and Elon Musk, that's it. I hardly ever post anything on that either.

 

[Finished]

^ Are you the ******* that helped give birth to Elon Musk the maker of the exploding fire bombs on wheels?

 

[Efbee]

^ Are you the ******* that helped give birth to Elon Musk the maker of the exploding fire bombs on wheels?

Nope, I'm not a midwife 

 

[ardour]

What made us less social is that cacamimi thing of Politically Correct crap which has pit everyone against everyone in a mad dash to gain a semblance of moral superiority and point the finger at everyone else in a bid to appear better than the next person.

There's got to be a psychology term for that.

 

[Efbee]

What made us less social is that cacamimi thing of Politically Correct crap which has pit everyone against everyone in a mad dash to gain a semblance of moral superiority and point the finger at everyone else in a bid to appear better than the next person.

There's got to be a psychology term for that.

There is, it's called '********'.