Something More

[WeirdFatKid]

No, I mean myspace and facebook makes people like us feel much worst.

Actually, it depends on how you use these websites. The idea of adding complete strangers and becoming friends with them never really made sense to me. I mean what's the point. The chances of meeting them in person are highly unlikely. Who's to know if they were who they said they were and if they are indeed as nice as they seem?..so basically why call them friends in the first place? Oh and many people who claim to have over 5000 friends on their myspace can still feel all alone in real life. I have facebook and the only people in my list are previous/current classmates, mates from back home, mates over here, family..that's about it. That should be the purpose of it in my opinion. The more strangers in your list the more horrible you end up feeling when you switch off your computer.

 

[Bluey]

Yep I have just cleaned my Facebook out,, am not using that any moor,, its a complete wast of time. It makes me feel bad every time I go on it.

 

[lloyd]

I don't use these sites for two reasons

-I don't have any friends in real life so i couldn't "add" anyone on my list
-I don't like the idea of putting all my personal details on the internet.

 

[Qui]

All of us on LoneyLife should make a group on MySpace.

 

[TalosNB]

Why dont we all add each other , i have about 100 friends on myspace of which about 80 are bands the main reason i joined

http://www.myspace.com/hooded_scythe

thats mine for anyone that wants to add me

 

[Interlude]

Myspace & Facebook are just the illusion of being popular. I have 22 friends on myspace, 0 on facebook. My friends have hundreds, and even thousands of friends on their accounts, but you know what? They probably only know about 150 of those "friends". most of them have added comedians, bands, actors, clothing brands, etc...
it's a game of who can pretend to have the most friends, and who can appear the coolest on the internet. I just use mine to talk to my childhood friends. It was a good way to rebuild lost friendships. I have to admit, i did have a good time decorating my page.

Exactly. I joined MySpace about a year ago, in the hopes of keeping up with my high school friends. It didn't really work. But, hey, it was an attempt. And at least I DO know some of what is going on with them, even if our friendships faded regardless.

The thing is, MySpace (I don't know a lot about the other networking sites) makes it easy to do what most people are already doing. People seem to want to make as many "friends" as they can. (Generalized. Many people are NOT like this.) They want the attention. They want the feeling of knowing all these people. It makes them feel better about themselves.

They aren't really making friends. They are making acquaintances. And this can actually hinder the ability to create deeper bonds with a select few.

MySpace just makes it easier to set up the illusion. You can add hundreds of people. And it feels good. You get the views. You get the sense that you're "popular," well-liked, etc. It isn't real, but you can pretend it is.

I find it sad, actually. When I see people with hundreds of friends on MySpace-- I wonder what kind of life this person has. How lonely this person must feel. Because, to me, if they feel the need to add so many people, and we know they don't personally know each and every one of them, they must be trying to fill some void.

I think most people are lonely. We just all have our own ways of coping.

I have twenty friends on MySpace. And there are a few I want to delete. Because if they aren't actually friends, or have some relevant meaning to me, I don't see the point of having them on there. I've either been personal friends with all of these people or added them because they were my (ex)boyfriend's friends. (Except one. I added him because he's my a friend of a "friend." And was kind of bothering her, so I wanted to keep tabs on him, at the time. Ha...)

But, yes. It isn't just something being done on the Internet. The more people I'm around, the more I see it every day. My boyfriend was like that, just in general. Making new friends was his top priority. It wasn't about working on current relationships-- it was meeting new people that was important. His father is in the military, and he has had to move around his whole life. Lack of a stable emotional environment. To him, it's better to make as many "friends" as possible, in order to avoid having no friends at all. I suppose in the hopes that at least a few will last. But, if they don't, there will always be the casual friend to hang out with.

It bothers me. MySpace bothers me, the way some people treat it. (I used to think it was evil. It might not be-- but it still isn't always a good thing.) And it seems like this problem, and I do think it's a problem, isn't going to go away. Casual friendships, apparently, are easier than special connections. Especially so in today's world. We're creating a society that is lonelier, more depressed, and more stressed.

So. Technology has its ups and downs. But the fact that it's making it so that personal contact with others is avoided/unnecessary, is definitely a bad thing.

But this was about MySpace/Facebook. I went off-topic...sightly... The point is, people want to feel better about themselves. And they think that having as many "friends," even fake friends, as possible will help that. It doesn't.

It shouldn't make people feel bad, when they don't have lots of friends on their lists. Or when they aren't meeting new people. These are mostly shallow. Again, I feel sorry for the people that DO have a lot. At least those of us that don't are being more realistic about what we DO have. And if we're lonely, we're not trying to hide behind an exaggerated list to avoid admitting it to ourselves and others.

...The end. I have the feeling that I'm going to end up apologizing for every post I make. I should just throw it into a signature, at some point, so I don't have to write it out.

Sorry if this was too long! ^^''

 

[Brodie]

ACTUALLY, I can't sit here and let everyone bash myspace.com and facebook.com COMPLETELY. My best friend of 8 years, who recently came out of the closet, was suicidal because he felt like he would never meet anyone that would complete him, and by random chance he met a guy on myspace who lives in LA, and they talked for about a year, and fell in love, and he eventually flew out to meet him and spent 2 weeks with the guy, and now they are the most amazing couple I have ever seen. Of course it was a one in a million chance that he would meet another person that was pretty much his soul mate (as cheesey as it sounds) but it still happened and wouldn't have had it not been for myspace.com's existence and his participation in it.

 

[diamond-dancer]

So. Technology has its ups and downs. But the fact that it's making it so that personal contact with others is avoided/unnecessary, is definitely a bad thing.

This is one of the reasons why I got rid of my Facebook... People would leave messages on there instead of pick up the phone and talk to me, and I felt like they were checking me off a list of people to get back to. Now they have no choice but to contact me directly. >=)

...The end. I have the feeling that I'm going to end up apologizing for every post I make. I should just throw it into a signature, at some point, so I don't have to write it out.

Sorry if this was too long! ^^''

You needn't apologise for having an opinion!

 

[Interlude]

ACTUALLY, I can't sit here and let everyone bash myspace.com and facebook.com COMPLETELY. My best friend of 8 years, who recently came out of the closet, was suicidal because he felt like he would never meet anyone that would complete him, and by random chance he met a guy on myspace who lives in LA, and they talked for about a year, and fell in love, and he eventually flew out to meet him and spent 2 weeks with the guy, and now they are the most amazing couple I have ever seen. Of course it was a one in a million chance that he would meet another person that was pretty much his soul mate (as cheesey as it sounds) but it still happened and wouldn't have had it not been for myspace.com's existence and his participation in it.

Fair enough. I think people mostly have a problem with MySpace when people are using it as a way to feel loved, rather than as a simple networking site. If that makes sense.

Like, when people add hundreds of "friends" in order to make themselves feel better-- and make that something that's very important in their lives... That's a problem. And it's a problem offline, too. Because the number of friends you have should NOT correlate to how you judge your worth.

However, when people use it to keep in touch with friends, or to actually try to get to KNOW people, that's different. My best friend met her boyfriend on MySpace. It does happen. And that's fine.

When it's about the personal contact, I think it can be a good thing. It can help connections grow, and it's great as a way to keep in contact with family or friends, as they move away.

I just think way too many people put too much value on the number of friends/views/comments/etc. they have. And THAT'S when it takes away from friendship/deeper bonds. Because people start to focus on that, and just want the attention/illusion of friendship, rather than putting in the effort of actually forming those bonds.

But, yeah. There are problems with it, but I wouldn't want to come right out and bash MySpace/Facebook. I log on to MySpace every day. Repeatedly. It's fun. I like to make my layouts, and I like adding music. I like thinking, hey, maybe one of my "friends" posted something today!

Point: I shouldn't bash MySpace because I'm as much an addict as any MySpace user. If not more so. Since I have no life, and that gives me something to do. xD

And good for your friend. Coming out is hard. A lot of people can't do it. So, that's hard enough, without also feeling lonely. I'm glad he has one of the "met on MySpace" success stories.

 

[diamond-dancer]

ACTUALLY, I can't sit here and let everyone bash myspace.com and facebook.com COMPLETELY. My best friend of 8 years, who recently came out of the closet, was suicidal because he felt like he would never meet anyone that would complete him, and by random chance he met a guy on myspace who lives in LA, and they talked for about a year, and fell in love, and he eventually flew out to meet him and spent 2 weeks with the guy, and now they are the most amazing couple I have ever seen. Of course it was a one in a million chance that he would meet another person that was pretty much his soul mate (as cheesey as it sounds) but it still happened and wouldn't have had it not been for myspace.com's existence and his participation in it.

I've made 2 friends through MySpace without specifically looking for them, (although they were the ones who "found" me), so it does happen. I think the main thing is that those sites are only what you make of them.... and you don't have to participate in anything you don't want to.

 

[Brodie]

I agree with you totally on the subject of people trying to be the center of attention and making themselves feel better by having hundreds of "friends." It is pretty shallow, and it does cross the boundary of "online" and "reality" because I've seen countless people do it. It's actually one of the reasons I ended my relationship with my recent girlfriend. She's one of those "flirty" types that goes around hugging EVERY guy she meets, and she tries to juggle 15 guy's emotions at once, and all of the guys get attached to her, and want to date her, but she never actually says "no" and just keeps giving them signals with her flirtatious ********. I don't even know how I actually got in there and dated her, go figure. But she still did that flirtatious crap when I was dating her, and it made me feel very, very unimportant, because if every time she hugged another guy, it made the ones she gave me seem that much less valuable. One time, I broke down and decided to go to church with her to satisfy her (I'm an atheist) and one of her "guy friends" was there, and the whole time she wouldn't hold hands with me, or show me ANY affection. It was supposedly because she didn't want to "make him feel uncomfortable" but to me that was a load of crap, and I never forgave her for it. It was just her usual "I'm gonna juggle the emotions of 8 guys at once, so that I'll feel special" attention whore crap. And whenever I brought it up with her, she would just turn it around on me to make ME feel like the guilty villain. She would also lie to me all the time, and whenever I accused her of it, she would come up with the most amazing excuses that were indisputable, which always showed me that she was adept at it. She was so transparent. She would keep secrets and only give out as much information as was needed to fulfill her purpose, so that she could remain "mysterious" and "intriguing." She wasn't fooling anyone, especially me. Yet I still stupidly let myself have feelings for her, and she really proved everything when I broke up with her. She showed me that I was nothing but a plaything to her, a toy, a TOOL by not being upset ONE bit when I ended the relationship. Here I was, all strung up and left out to dry and emotionally drained, and she wasn't even phased, she just moved on like, "oh well, we didn't have anything together, it was all just a lie and I was just manipulating you the entire time for the sole purpose of feeding my over-inflated ego." **** that bitch, I hope she chokes and dies. I left myself open to her like a book, and all she did was rip out my pages and burn them.

Wow sorry about my rant, I just went WAY off topic......

 

[Interlude]

I agree with you totally on the subject of people trying to be the center of attention and making themselves feel better by having hundreds of "friends." It is pretty shallow, and it does cross the boundary of "online" and "reality" because I've seen countless people do it. It's actually one of the reasons I ended my relationship with my recent girlfriend. She's one of those "flirty" types that goes around hugging EVERY guy she meets, and she tries to juggle 15 guy's emotions at once, and all of the guys get attached to her, and want to date her, but she never actually says "no" and just keeps giving them signals with her flirtatious ********. I don't even know how I actually got in there and dated her, go figure. But she still did that flirtatious crap when I was dating her, and it made me feel very, very unimportant, because if every time she hugged another guy, it made the ones she gave me seem that much less valuable. One time, I broke down and decided to go to church with her to satisfy her (I'm an atheist) and one of her "guy friends" was there, and the whole time she wouldn't hold hands with me, or show me ANY affection. It was supposedly because she didn't want to "make him feel uncomfortable" but to me that was a load of crap, and I never forgave her for it. It was just her usual "I'm gonna juggle the emotions of 8 guys at once, so that I'll feel special" attention whore crap. And whenever I brought it up with her, she would just turn it around on me to make ME feel like the guilty villain. She would also lie to me all the time, and whenever I accused her of it, she would come up with the most amazing excuses that were indisputable, which always showed me that she was adept at it. She was so transparent. She would keep secrets and only give out as much information as was needed to fulfill her purpose, so that she could remain "mysterious" and "intriguing." She wasn't fooling anyone, especially me. Yet I still stupidly let myself have feelings for her, and she really proved everything when I broke up with her. She showed me that I was nothing but a plaything to her, a toy, a TOOL by not being upset ONE bit when I ended the relationship. Here I was, all strung up and left out to dry and emotionally drained, and she wasn't even phased, she just moved on like, "oh well, we didn't have anything together, it was all just a lie and I was just manipulating you the entire time for the sole purpose of feeding my over-inflated ego." **** that bitch, I hope she chokes and dies. I left myself open to her like a book, and all she did was rip out my pages and burn them.

Wow sorry about my rant, I just went WAY off topic......

It was kind of relevant. With what I was saying. Which was kind of off-topic. So, your off-topic-ness...is on topic to my off-topic-ness.

And I kind of understand how you feel. Like, not that badly. I wasn't hugely manipulated or anything. But, like, my boyfriend knew that he was moving in four months, and he didn't tell me until Thanksgiving. I was letting myself really become attached to this guy, and all of a sudden-- no. He's moving. He's breaking up with me. And I think he did feel upset, but he was able to just do it so quickly... He asked his mom for advice. He asked his friends for advice. But my input was not necessary. And the way he did that made me feel really hurt and somewhat used. Like, I'm glad you liked me and wanted to go out, but what exactly was I to you?

And, seriously. He said he wasn't flirting, but like... We work together. And it drove me crazy how he would just chat it up with every female employee our age. He has mostly female friends. Single female friends. And the girls we work with-- he acted the same with them, as he did with me before we started going out. And then he couldn't understand why I felt jealous? It was like there was nothing to distinguish our relationship apart from any of his casual things, except for what we did privately. One time, we were closing the same night, and he never came to say hi. He hung out and talked with another girl, one whom I had told him I was feeling a bit insecure about his interaction with. And, okay, it's fine to make new friends. But it shouldn't be THE most important thing. And that's what his priority was. (I decided to believe he wasn't FLIRTING with her. But, it's almost the same, in the end. Putting other people ahead because you want to have as many friends as possible, and putting other people ahead because you want to keep romantically interested in you. It's still putting others ahead. Still hurts. And I still think that if you're going after mostly females for this "friend" thing...it's coming across as at least a LITTLE flirty.)

So, yeah. He didn't understand. And then I wrote him a letter about it. And other things. I am mad at myself for giving it to him. Because HE got mad. And it was like, so if I'm jealous of that girl, it's pretty much over between us? Yeah. Wow. Okay. The day after the letter, he broke up with me. (Thanksgiving. Who does that?) And it's like... Okay. He told me later that it wasn't just that he was moving, that made him break up with me. (Duh.) It was that I didn't trust him, as well. But, dude. Why would I? You were hiding the fact that you were moving THE WHOLE TIME. And you treat every other girl the way you did me, when we first met. Why wouldn't I think more could come of it? Especially when I know that your first priority is making new friends. (That was his actual explanation, by the way. "The thing I love doing most is making new friends.) Why wouldn't I be suspicious, if I could feel you were hiding something, but didn't know what?

The sad part is, I would go back out with him. I feel upset, but I still think he's a nice guy. And he is. But I think he was inconsiderate with me. And I'd go right back out with him. Even though he's moving. Even though he really hurt me, the way he went about this.

Bleh. I don't blame you for not being able to get over the church thing. Unless she just wasn't comfortable holding hands in church, but I don't know why she wouldn't. That was definitely a bad situation. Much worse than mine, so I shouldn't really be complaining.

It's really sad that people feel the need to live like that, though. I mean... She must have a very low self-image. I really think that when people act like that, they have something wrong with them, emotionally. Or mentally.

And the thing is, a lot of people are like that. Maybe not with the guy juggling. (Or maybe so.) But just life in general. They feel bad about themselves, and they try to cover it up with shallow things. Which ties back in to MySpace (we're still on-topic...), and the way people use shallow connections THERE to make up for their own feelings of worthlessness.

I have one friend who goes on there. She's a wonderful person. But she doesn't feel good about herself. She feels overweight. She posts a lot of pictures and a lot of bulletins, etc. Some of the pictures have been a bit risque. She shouldn't have to do this to feel like a beautiful person-- but I believe that's why she does it. To feel "sexy" and attractive.

It's a temporary fix. It doesn't take care of the problem-- your own insecurities. But it's easier to do. And most of us would rather just not think what's really bothering us.

So.

Oh, and diamond-dancer is right... Those sites ARE what you make of them. They can be a lot of fun and actually a good thing. The problem isn't MySpace. It's that people feel more free to do things on the Internet, so it amplifies behaviors that would have already been present in real life.

Some people make it into something that is not healthy.

I might be one of those, really. I'm not trying for a lot of attention from random people-- but it would sure be nice to get it from the people I'm supposed to consider my friends. And it does work, a little. They notice me more than if I didn't have one. But, just a comment makes me feel like I am being recognized by them. And that's not really what it is. It's them being bored and leaving me something. Because if they really wanted to keep in touch, they would try to get together with me. Or respond when I try to get together with them.

So, I'm letting MySpace be unhealthy for me. It gets my hopes up. And I become stalker-ish. I go to my ex-boyfriend's page almost every time I sign on. I want to see what's going on. I'm letting some things keep me hanging on-- like the fact that I'm still his number one or that he hasn't changed his relationship status. Maybe he's reluctant to change it? Maybe he still wants to be with me, too? (Stupid relationship stuff. I know better. But it doesn't matter. Emotions cannot always grasp reality. Or logic.)

Yeah... And another half an hour has passed. I need to stop posting. I'm getting a lot of loneliness/Myspace issues out, though. So, hey. No sleep, but a lot of venting. A fair enough trade. As long as no one minds that the venting was not entirely related to MySpace/Facebook. ^^''

- Interlude

 

[Brodie]

Once again, your situation completely mimics mine. I did the EXACT SAME THING and got the EXACT SAME RESPONSE. I wrote her a letter telling her how I was upset over the jealousness. I *assumed* that me being upset would make her feel bad because she was my girlfriend and was supposed to be genuinely concerned about my feelings like I was about hers. But no, instead she got mad at me. Really mad. And stopped talking to me. So that letter basically made us break up. I basically told her that if she really cared about me, she would communicate with me, because COMMUNICATION is more important than anything else in the entire world for a relationship to work. But I got the same response: If I'm jealous of other guys, I'm being a "jerk" supposedly and so we had to end it. I agreed and we broke off all ties. But then 2 weeks later, she started dating one of the guys she was juggling. Nice to see that I meant something to her. Nice to see that all of my paranoid suspicions were just me being "possessive" and a control freak. That's how she twisted what I said, she would tell me that I was inventing things because I was like my father and I was possessive and controlling. Now that I'm out of the relationship, I can look back and see that she is full of ****.

On a second note though, it's like you said. I think she is a good person deep down, and that the reason she acts this way is because of her having low-self esteem or some kind of mental problem. If it is a mental problem, I know what caused it: Her mother. Her mother is a complete control freak and bitch who puts weird ideas in her daughter's head, and probably made her end up rebelling and doing stuff that hurts her and other people in the end. But I feel pathetic, because to be honest, if she wanted to talk to me again, and have anything to do with, I probably would go back to her, and I am extremely mad at myself too for feeling that way. So don't feel alone.

Man talking about this has made me feel so much better. I haven't talked to anyone about any of this, and it's been eating me up for a while.

So, yeah. He didn't understand. And then I wrote him a letter about it. And other things. I am mad at myself for giving it to him. Because HE got mad. And it was like, so if I'm jealous of that girl, it's pretty much over between us? Yeah. Wow. Okay. The day after the letter, he broke up with me. (Thanksgiving. Who does that?) And it's like... Okay. He told me later that it wasn't just that he was moving, that made him break up with me. (Duh.) It was that I didn't trust him, as well. But, dude. Why would I? You were hiding the fact that you were moving THE WHOLE TIME. And you treat every other girl the way you did me, when we first met. Why wouldn't I think more could come of it? Especially when I know that your first priority is making new friends. (That was his actual explanation, by the way. "The thing I love doing most is making new friends.) Why wouldn't I be suspicious, if I could feel you were hiding something, but didn't know what?

The sad part is, I would go back out with him. I feel upset, but I still think he's a nice guy. And he is. But I think he was inconsiderate with me. And I'd go right back out with him. Even though he's moving. Even though he really hurt me, the way he went about this.

 

[Interlude]

Once again, your situation completely mimics mine. I did the EXACT SAME THING and got the EXACT SAME RESPONSE. I wrote her a letter telling her how I was upset over the jealousness. I *assumed* that me being upset would make her feel bad because she was my girlfriend and was supposed to be genuinely concerned about my feelings like I was about hers. But no, instead she got mad at me. Really mad. And stopped talking to me. So that letter basically made us break up.

Oh my words! I can't believe someone else actually did that. Well, I can. But that I've bumped into someone that's admitting to it. AND that that person is a guy.

It makes me feel a little...relieved? Haha.

But, yeah. I thought the same thing. Like, he acted like he wanted me to be honest. He TOLD me to be honest. But when I was, what happened? He was my boyfriend, and I thought that that meant that he would make an effort to reassure me. I wasn't asking him to stop talking to other girls. I just wanted to feel like a priority. At the very least, I wanted to feel like I was more important to him than the people (girls) he was just meeting. Relationships are about compromise and sacrifice, just as much as they are about anything else. If your significant other knows that you're feeling jealous, they can try to tone it down. It's just a matter of being a little more careful in your actions.

It doesn't make you a jerk for feeling jealous. It just means you're human. And a boyfriend/girlfriend should take that into consideration. Part of being in a relationship means you can't go around acting the same way you did before-- that's why a lot of people choose to be single. They would rather date around than commit to one person. When you enter into a relationship, that's something you are giving up. And you have another person's feelings that need to be taken into consideration.

And, yeah. In your case, whatever suspicions you had definitely seem to have been valid. That's the kind of thing I'm afraid of, really. It's been just a little over a week, and I'm afraid that I'm going to see him off dating someone else. I don't know if I could handle that, while we're still working together. So, hopefully it ISN'T that he wants to date someone else. Maybe he just wanted to be able to keep up the casual relationships with others that he thought I would be hindering, due to jealousy/insecurity. Or his moving in a few months really had a lot to do with it, with my "lack of trust" playing a minor role.

It's funny the things we start to see once we're out of the relationship, though. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. But it seems like there's always something that hits you, once you are no longer right in the middle of it. I guess that's how it is with most things in life, though. You can't really see all things for what they are, until you have enough distance between yourself and that situation/time period.

And, yeah. It can actually be fairly easy to try to figure some people out. Parenting can hugely affect a person's behavior, and I'm sure there were other key issues that made her feel this need to "juggle."

My boyfriend has had to move his whole life-- his father is in the military. He's never been able to live in one place and know that he will be there indefinitely. There's always been a time limit. To him, it makes more sense to create as many friendships/relationships as possible-- because he is afraid of not having friends, first of all, but also because he never knows which ones he might actually be able to keep around. There is a constant need for new people in his life because that is a survival mechanism for him.

I'm also starting to think that maybe, even if just slightly, his parents might be a bit overbearing. He just turned nineteen, but his parents monitor his bank account, JUST gave him a curfew-- and other things. I wanted to get together with him, a few days after we broke up, so that we could talk things out. I believed him when he said he wanted to be friends, and I thought we should work on that. Or, at the very least, clear the air between us before we had the same shift that Friday. But his mom told him no-- and it's like... Either he's using her as an excuse, or she really feels the need to control the actions of her adult son. With that kind of behavior, he isn't going to mature at all. It's already bad enough that he hasn't been able to develop emotionally, because of the moving around-- but if he is sheltered and dominated like that, he will basically never grow up. Like, where they're moving to, they will only be there for three and a half years. And I think, at this point, he believes he will be moving with them when they move again. But he'll be in his twenties-- and I think he should at least begin to think about settling down somewhere on his own. He can't keep moving with them forever. He has to grow up.

Note: I still live at home, and I'm about to turn twenty. I've been sheltered. I'm not trying to be mean or judge him just based on that. But I AM putting thought into moving out. I realize that I've been immature in several areas of my life, and I want to improve on that. So.

Yes. Talking about it really does make one feel better. I'm glad you were able to say something. Keeping things like this to yourself is not good for the mental health. ^^''

 

[Brodie]

I live with my parents as well. I have been sheltered for a long time, and I would like to move out, but financially it's just not feasible. I have moved out one time, that was back in 2006 when I went to live with my sister in New York City for about 5 months. That was quite the experience, but it is definitely hard to live on your own. I feel no shame in living with my parents. To me, it's the most *intelligent* choice I can make at this point. I can either live with my parents, and save up money until I am at a stable point in my life, or I can be rash, and move out, and be poor, and not have anything to eat, and be completely miserable. I used to be pretty immature as well, but that little 5 month stint in New York City really helped me grow a lot, especially since I was working at the Four Seasons Restaurant and I got to see what people are really like, especially the rich and powerful elite of our society. I feel like I've grown up more in the past year of my life than I have in my entire life combined.

You know, some people might find this rather amusing, but even though I am an Atheist, I have read the bible, and I believe that the Sermon on the Mount is the best guide line one could ever follow for their life. I recently been forming a secular philosophy based off of those commentaries, and trying to mold my life's actions to it. It's been hard, but in the end, I believe that if everyone followed those teachings, and were sincere about it, the world would truly be a "heavenly" place.

A basic summary of the Sermon is that:

Always be truthful, never lie.

Never judge others, because we are all hypocrites and we are all flawed.

Never hate anyone, even your "enemies."

Love everyone.

Always forgive others. But, you have to forgive yourself before you can forgive others. People project themselves on others as a defense mechanism, and if you hate yourself, how can you love anyone? You'll just project your hate onto them.

There is more too it, but those are the five basic principles that I feel are the most important. An example of how I've been trying to apply this to my life is that I have been trying to forgive my ex-girlfriend for how she treated me. I know that she has low self-esteem and was projecting that into her life and how she treats others, and that is a weakness of hers. Even though she hurt me, I've been trying to look past that and realize that it's not really her fault.

After all, no one CHOOSES how they were born, or what kind of environment they were raised in. So in the end, it's not really her fault.

P.S. I'm sorry about whining about my ex so much and using her as an example for everything. But eh, if it fits the situation and helps me get my point across, I'm gonna use it.

 

[lonelyloser]

After all, no one CHOOSES how they were born, or what kind of environment they were raised in. So in the end, it's not really her fault.

Exactly! If someone were born under the same circumstances I was, then they would be no different from me. The happy/cliquey people seem to not understand that...they look down upon me as if it as all my fault and treat me badly. What ignorant fools. This will probably bite them in the ass some day. There are very popular people who have treated me well and they are much more at peace with themselves. They have a solid understanding of life and do not judge others.

 

[jales]

This is exactly what i think

hence there is no such thing as free will.. out will is heavily influence.. by everything

After all, no one CHOOSES how they were born, or what kind of environment they were raised in. So in the end, it's not really her fault.

Exactly! If someone were born under the same circumstances I was, then they would be no different from me. The happy/cliquey people seem to not understand that...they look down upon me as if it as all my fault and treat me badly. What ignorant fools. This will probably bite them in the ass some day. There are very popular people who have treated me well and they are much more at peace with themselves. They have a solid understanding of life and do not judge others.

 

[Interlude]

I live with my parents as well. I have been sheltered for a long time, and I would like to move out, but financially it's just not feasible. I have moved out one time, that was back in 2006 when I went to live with my sister in New York City for about 5 months. That was quite the experience, but it is definitely hard to live on your own. I feel no shame in living with my parents. To me, it's the most *intelligent* choice I can make at this point. I can either live with my parents, and save up money until I am at a stable point in my life, or I can be rash, and move out, and be poor, and not have anything to eat, and be completely miserable.

That does make sense. Like, I do feel a little odd still living with my parents, but most of my friends still do-- or would, if they weren't away at college. I live in Northern Virginia, and the prices are way too high for me to go out on my own.

When I was saying that about thinking about moving, I just meant knowing that that was going to happen. And start planning for it. Like, you might not be able to yet, but you have to start thinking about it, at some point.

Yeah.

And, I don't know. Although I agree that no one can choose how they were born (genetics) or how they were raised (environment), I still believe people can control their behaviors. We all have to do it, in order to function in society. Like, people prone to depression can't change that, and they can't help but behavior in certain ways because of it-- but there are certain things that can be avoided. Or, to use my boyfriend example-- even though his background explains much of his behavior, he is still able to change and control what he actually does.

This may be a bit simplistic. There are always extenuating circumstances. I don't know whether there is such a thing as free will or not. It's just that, while behaviors have explanations, people still have to take responsibility for what they do.

And, yeah. The Bible definitely contains many useful lessons. You don't have to be religious to take meaning from it. It's neat that people are doing that.

"Always forgive others. But, you have to forgive yourself before you can forgive others. People project themselves on others as a defense mechanism, and if you hate yourself, how can you love anyone? You'll just project your hate onto them."

I like the wording of that.

And it makes sense. We tend to see ourself in others. The things we dislike about other people are the things we dislike about ourselves.

So, like... The "happy/cliquey" probably aren't all that happy. They're treating others badly as a cover for their own insecurities. While the ones who treat you well are most likely more stable and secure in themselves.

I really feel like I'm replying to random bits of information. And in a way that isn't very clear. I'm posting this, before I say anything too stupid/nonsensical. xD

 

[jales]

I live with my parents as well. I have been sheltered for a long time, and I would like to move out, but financially it's just not feasible. I have moved out one time, that was back in 2006 when I went to live with my sister in New York City for about 5 months. That was quite the experience, but it is definitely hard to live on your own. I feel no shame in living with my parents. To me, it's the most *intelligent* choice I can make at this point. I can either live with my parents, and save up money until I am at a stable point in my life, or I can be rash, and move out, and be poor, and not have anything to eat, and be completely miserable.

That does make sense. Like, I do feel a little odd still living with my parents, but most of my friends still do-- or would, if they weren't away at college. I live in Northern Virginia, and the prices are way too high for me to go out on my own.

When I was saying that about thinking about moving, I just meant knowing that that was going to happen. And start planning for it. Like, you might not be able to yet, but you have to start thinking about it, at some point.

Yeah.

And, I don't know. Although I agree that no one can choose how they were born (genetics) or how they were raised (environment), I still believe people can control their behaviors. We all have to do it, in order to function in society. Like, people prone to depression can't change that, and they can't help but behavior in certain ways because of it-- but there are certain things that can be avoided. Or, to use my boyfriend example-- even though his background explains much of his behavior, he is still able to change and control what he actually does.

This may be a bit simplistic. There are always extenuating circumstances. I don't know whether there is such a thing as free will or not. It's just that, while behaviors have explanations, people still have to take responsibility for what they do.

And, yeah. The Bible definitely contains many useful lessons. You don't have to be religious to take meaning from it. It's neat that people are doing that.

"Always forgive others. But, you have to forgive yourself before you can forgive others. People project themselves on others as a defense mechanism, and if you hate yourself, how can you love anyone? You'll just project your hate onto them."

I like the wording of that.

And it makes sense. We tend to see ourself in others. The things we dislike about other people are the things we dislike about ourselves.

So, like... The "happy/cliquey" probably aren't all that happy. They're treating others badly as a cover for their own insecurities. While the ones who treat you well are most likely more stable and secure in themselves.

I really feel like I'm replying to random bits of information. And in a way that isn't very clear. I'm posting this, before I say anything too stupid/nonsensical. xD

everything said was kool.. if your bf is able to change and control what he does... how does he do this? also who is he?

remember if you define self by things such as ..'i am a girl from the Caribbean, I was born with a brain that functions like so, i went to an Anglican school' then self becomes very externally driven

thus even if you 'control' since you aren't actually you (but rather a combination of expreriences, genes etc) then we are still back at ..

no control.. no free will.. no justice in blaming

I know you didnt say that you believed in free with though. And you also said something which i totally agree with.. we DO have to accept responsibility for out actions; with or with out free-will! Responsibility is different from justice though.

 

[Brodie]

I believe that there is no such thing as free will. We are slaves to our environments.