sometimes I want to cry

[Guest]

but the tears wont come. After 12 years of marriage, she died. No chance for goodbye, just gone. Now I am alone, and bitterly lonely. She was my world, I cared for her the whole time she was sick, I helped her become adjusted to being paralyzed, but now she is gone. And I think I would be better off the same way...

 

[kazman32]

I'm so sorry! What I'm about say may seem a bit offensive to you and if so I am truly sorry, but at least you lost your love while she still loved you, My ex fell out of love met someone else and is now re-married and dosn't give me a second thought, honestly I would have rather lost her while she still loved me, knowing that I had finally found someone who would stay until the end(of my or thier lives). Now I'm lefting doubting that love will ever be real for me, hating myself for the mistakes I made to drive her away. It's hell let me tell you it hurts over 2 years she still haunts my dreams, "Ill never know if love's a lie" at least you found out it wasn't for you it was real.

 

[Elaeagnus]

Kazman32-
Well, I don't know if the guest finds what you said offensive, but I certainly did.  It is always hard when relationships end, and I'm sure you were hurt a lot Kazman, but saying you would rather she had died than left you demonstrates a very selfish sort of love.  You make it sound like your love for her revolved only around her being with you and what she could do for you, rather than loving her in a way that meant you wanted her to be happy with her life, even if she didn't spend her life with you.  Relationships end.  People grow and change and sometimes those changes take them away from other people.  In my opinion, the healthiest sort of love is a love that allows you to wish the best for someone, even as their life leads them away from you.

Guest, I'm very sorry that you lost your wife.  Is it a very recent loss?  I hope you can find a circle of friends and relatives or people on this site to support you through this.

 

[Elaeagnus]

Also guest, sometimes people who have gone through a traumatic experience like losing a loved one are in such a state of shock that they cannot cry.  I think eventually, when the tears come, you will feel a little bit better to be able to let it all out.

Sort of on an unrelated note, do you know the famous poem Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep?  It's been read at every funeral I've ever attended, and it never fails to move me.  Perhaps you will find some solace in it.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

 

[kazman32]

Kazman32-
Well, I don't know if the guest finds what you said offensive, but I certainly did.  It is always hard when relationships end, and I'm sure you were hurt a lot Kazman, but saying you would rather she had died than left you demonstrates a very selfish sort of love.  You make it sound like your love for her revolved only around her being with you and what she could do for you, rather than loving her in a way that meant you wanted her to be happy with her life, even if she didn't spend her life with you.  Relationships end.  People grow and change and sometimes those changes take them away from other people.  In my opinion, the healthiest sort of love is a love that allows you to wish the best for someone, even as their life leads them away from you.

Guest, I'm very sorry that you lost your wife.  Is it a very recent loss?  I hope you can find a circle of friends and relatives or people on this site to support you through this.

Well I guess it boils down to I'm not happy with myself, If I hadn't done the things I did would she still be with me...I'm guess perhaps I'm being selfsih to me how I lost her is more painful than losing her to death, I guess that is what I'm trying to say, it would have been less painful to ME, to lose her to death than lose her to another man, it is a very hard thing to live with, if you cannot understand that I am sorry.Also it was the first time in my life I felt love I had an abusive childhood so you if you will forgive me I am finding it hard to let go, I spoke honestly and from the heart, I did not try and sugar coat my feelings, you are not me you are not in my shoes. Sometimes people's opnion's differ due to life experiences. Again if you cannot put yourself in my shoes, then perhaps you shouldn't be so critical.

 

[Robin]

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

The best poem i've ever read. I tend to find poems too long and unspecific, regardless if they're beautiful or not. This one however was perfect from beginning to end and has makes the most sense.

 

[Lost_N_Alone]

but the tears wont come.  After 12 years of marriage, she died.  No chance for goodbye, just gone.  Now I am alone, and bitterly lonely.  She was my world, I cared for her the whole time she was sick, I helped her become adjusted to being paralyzed, but now she is gone.  And I think I would be better off the same way...

I know the horrible pain of losing someone you loved.  Please try to hold on as best you can.  You will not be better off the same way.  You may not think so now, but one day you will feel a little better.  I'm not saying you'll ever forget your wife.  When we lose someone we love we lose part of ourselves that we can never get back.  But the rest of us goes on living.  I know your wife would want you to keep on living.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Eleagnus thanks for sharing that poem.  I have been to many funerals but never heard it.  It is truly heartfelt and very moving.

 

[Guest]

Hi, my name is Claire, and i know that's not the same, but loss is loss and i did loose my mum and brother in a car accident recently. Ever since i have experienced a lot of numbness, and i know how its like not been able to cry and wanting to. I feel very lonely, i didn't get the chance to say goodbye either, i was a horrible daughter ans sister, but i miss them, and aprecciate them more than i did in life. You just wish for an alternative world where you can get them back, right?, you miss everything about them, even the fights and bad moments, you wish you could have done more or at least remembering something about them, i'm afraid i didn't know much about them. Like i said, we are probably in different situations, i don't know... but we both feel lonely