Spiraling, Spiraling

[Estreen]

I can't take this anymore. I want so much more out of life. I want ******* people; friends! I have them (a few) but I'm barely able to see them and I just feel like I'm drifting farther, and farther apart.

My best guy friend from my teen years doesn't even respond to me 90% of the time, and he's only 10 minutes away from me....so I think I'm about ready to give up on that.

His sister who is one of my bestest friends has moved away to DC so that's one less outlet. My other friends work and/or go to school so I'm lucky if I see them once a month.

I see all these other peers and people, doing so many things...god I just wanna be with them, be able to get out there and do stuff, but it just isn't happening! >.<

I'm at my freaking rope. A coma, or worse, is really starting to look good. I'm feeling more hopeless and hopeless despite all the positive sayings in the book either being thrown at me or what I say to myself.

My feelings are crippling me, something's wrong, and I just can't take it. I gotta get away.

 

[Jesse]

I can relate. In high school I had a few good friends, but after we graduated most of them went away to college or the military. I've got one good friend now though that I hang out with so I'm thankful for that, but for a long time I didn't have anyone except the inside of my head.

I've even tried to figure out if I could self-induce a coma..or worse, but I am glad those things didn't happen now. I feel life could turn around for me soon and that's what you have to keep going for!

 

[Estreen]

I wish I could be positive, but I'm barely hanging on right now. I'm both looking forward to, and scared of, my appointment today with my new therapist. This is the second time I'm meeting her.

I really need help. I'm in bad shape and can barely even smile. It hurts to do so. Everything either hurts or is numb.

God, what am I gonna do?

 

[Jesse]

Estreen, if you feel you're having an emergency, I would consider going to the hospital. We can all offer words of encouragement to try and help but it can only do so much. You have to keep going, you've gotta persevere. Do you have any meds for quick relief?

 

[stella]

 

[Divinitywolf]

Feeling really down means what I say most likely wont make a different.
Words of consolation don't really work in these circumstances so heres some advice.

Plan out your day. It may be depressing but just think what you're going to do tomorrow, dont look at the future. Deal with each day as it comes and its should help you to keep going. Strive to get through tomorrow and the future will take care of itself.

To boost your confidence just try to make yourself believe that this time next month, you'll be past the difficulties. This should give you something to strive for. Prove yourself right.

Its guaranteed that things will change in future...whether for good or bad is up to fate but things will change and its worth sticking around to find out what will change, how things will change and what you can do with the change because things will not always be how they are now...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It takes time Estreen. It dosn't happen over night. You didn't get this way over night.

Maybe you can take a little drive to a differnent part of town, out to the country or
a part that you had never been to. This will help your brain or mind get a different
perspective, making changes, or a break in your routine.

I'm fortunate to live in a small city that I'm able to drive out into the country away
from society for a while. I love being out in nature. Out in open space. It helps
clears my mind. Nature helps me becuase of the beauty. In nature I learn how
to just BE. No rights, no wrongs. I don't have to do this or that. I don't have to do anything.
I don't have to beliving in anything...It's peaceful
It helps me to clear my mind and stop compairing myself to other people.

I did that for almost an entire year in the first year of my recovery.
It help me establish my recovery foundation. Being in nature I allow myself
to just be me..It was okay to just BE me.

It help me break the habits of comparing myself to others.
If I compair myself to others...it makes me feels like **** and more depressed.
Poeple have what I don't have and my current life situations didn't have a quick
salutions or actions that I can take to resolve that. I had to break the habits
of comparing myself with others. Happiness is an inside job.

Within this past year I started attending my support group for group theropy.
For the first 90 days it was still on emotional roller coaster ride.
Being able to share opeing in meetings helped release the stress and tension.
It also helped me to get out of my isolations. Plus somtimes people will hug me.
I was also breaking habits. My sponsor had to walk me through it...becuase
I was vunable and getting ready to have break down at any giving moment.

That's why he told me jokes all the time...so I can laugh..So that I get into
the habit of luaghing. Laughter is healing and also a form of release.
He told me to just keep positive..those where the only instructions I had.
It had to kept simple...I took it upon myself to where a rubber band around
my wrist for a couple of months. When my mind gose on auto pilot into
negative thinking...I'd snap the rubber band to snap myself out of it.
I'd snap it if I catch myself compairing myself to others also.

He also spent many, many hours with me...when I broke down.
He also take me out to lunch, dinner or just hang out with me..
He's a very, very weatlhy man..so sometimes we'll go eat in fancy resturants.
I was never made to feel less than or less deserving. It was okay to be me.

I alos made changes with my living enviorment. I moved furniture, sleep
in a different position. I start jogging or taking walks everyday.
Excersize also helps release my stress and depression. Puls it got me
out of my house...breaking routines and making changes in my life.

Later on as I healed a litle bit and started thinking clearer.
I came across programs such as Sedona, Ultimate Confidence Brain Sync..etc
Also many other audio software, positive affirminations, lecttures.
These things helps me heal and also break my thinking patterns

I also had to work the 12 steps again...even though I had a hard time
with a HP...I started wirtting ...taking an inventory of my life.
Share to people about my assets and flaws...removing layers of pains.

People from my support groups helps me very much...I have a support system.
They're more than just freinds. They don't really want anything from me...
They're just helping me get well. My sponsors and recovery people will
either call me or visit me to help stay in check or plug into the program.
It dosn't happen over nite or by itself...It takes work.
A part of me will want to revert back into my old ways of living and thinking.

Anyway..speaking of a meeting...it's time for me to attend one..

 

[Spare]

This is some of the soundest anti-suicide advice I've ever heard.

 

[stella]

This is some of the soundest anti-suicide advice I've ever heard.

I was feeling really low recently and found that video, and was blown away by it. It made me want to change the way i live my life and control my thoughts better. Glad you liked it

 

[Spare]

This is some of the soundest anti-suicide advice I've ever heard.

I was feeling really low recently and found that video, and was blown away by it. It made me want to change the way i live my life and control my thoughts better. Glad you liked it

Well, I'm glad you found it!

 

[Estreen]

That was a pretty good video. Thanks Stella.

I think I'm finally slowly recovering from my deep dip in depression. I'm hoping it continues to go up and not dip back down. It's helping that I have some of my friends around me and that I'm finally not alone.

 

[Spare]

That was a pretty good video. Thanks Stella.

I think I'm finally slowly recovering from my deep dip in depression. I'm hoping it continues to go up and not dip back down. It's helping that I have some of my friends around me and that I'm finally not alone.

I'm very glad to hear it Estreen!

 

[evanescencefan91]

life, people

*sighs*

i dono

but happyness,

what are some things that you like, try to get out and do some things you like

go for a bike ride, pet a kitty, go swimming

take a nap

excersie and endorphins is a great way to fight depression


just know that we care for you and our thoughts are with you

*hugs*

 

[Estreen]

Thanks Evfan. =] *hugs back*

 

[WishIWereA]

I'm at my freaking rope. A coma, or worse, is really starting to look good. I'm feeling more hopeless and hopeless despite all the positive sayings in the book either being thrown at me or what I say to myself.

Also for me a coma is very welcome right now.

 

[Estreen]

*hugs Takumi*

 

[Catori]

huggies

 

[Estreen]

HUGS ALL AROUND, I SAY!

 

[epileptic]

This is some of the soundest anti-suicide advice I've ever heard.

I was feeling really low recently and found that video, and was blown away by it. It made me want to change the way i live my life and control my thoughts better. Glad you liked it

Nice video. I liked how they changed around the musicwhen expressing certain emotions...

In the process of enhancing your life, that video is step 1. Step 2 is this video:[youtube]Lc9PUAwU45M[/youtube]

 

[Estreen]

That lady talks reeeaallly fasttt. >.>