STILL searching...

[VanillaCreme]

By the same token, some people come across as if they have the magic answers to the lonely and unattached folks.

It's one thing to lament woe is me 24/7. I do not do that. I am unhappy that I'm still single after some damaging failures. I'm working toward getting back up off the mat, but it takes a lot more effort the older you become.

You cannot "flip a switch" and make yourself happy if you do not feel that way most of the time. It takes a LOT of work. Most berhavior is formed in childhood, before the age of 5. How we deal with things as life goes on can often be traced to upbringing.

Rejection can be stifling and paralyzing. We all can't be happy being alone. Nor should we be if that is not one's choice.
And, despite what you might think, Monks included, it is unnatural for the majority of human beings to not "pair up".

Formed in childhood, perhaps yes. But that doesn't mean behaviors and thoughts can't change. I don't agree with the notion most people go by, "I was raised this way... " Sure, we were raised certain ways, but at a certain point, it's our choice to keep those ways. We can change. It may be easy or it may be hard, but it's not completely impossible.

 

[Cucuboth]

I'm getting the impression that everyone has a different opinion on what happiness is, and what we need to achieve that in our lives, and no amount of arguing about it is ever going to get anyone to change their mind. There simply is no universal 'one size fits all' answer to it. If someone feels that they need a relationship to feel happy, well, so be it. If someone else feels happy enough being on their own, good on them then.

All I think is that everyone deserves a fair chance to find the happiness that they seek. Whichever way that is. That, to me, is just being human ....

Oh, forgot to say that nobody ... NOBODY ... is ever in a relationship for completely selfless reasons. It just doesn't exist.

 

[Despicable Me]

I mean it's basic math.
Unhappy + negative = unappealing
Happy + positive = appealing

Hm, I don't remember learning that in math class.

You know what I mean.
'Common Sense' or 'Logic' I guess are the right words.

'Math' was just an expression to express something which is both common sense and logical.

It's one thing to lament woe is me 24/7. I do not do that. I am unhappy that I'm still single after some damaging failures. I'm working toward getting back up off the mat, but it takes a lot more effort the older you become.

That's good.
Picking yourself up every time you fall is the best way. Even when it becomes harder.

You cannot "flip a switch" and make yourself happy if you do not feel that way most of the time. It takes a LOT of work.

A lot of work for an even more valuable reward. Some things are just worth it.
It is always easier to just give up and not do hard work, but when do we ever get rewarded for that? Life does not ever reward people who give up.

In life, what is valuable that isn't hard work to get? If such a thing exists then I'd love to know what it is. I've never heard of such a thing before.

 

[loadedgun]

It's a constant war within myself - between feeling like I'm way too good a guy for this crap and that I deserve so much better and feeling like I get exactly what I deserve so clearly this is how things are supposed to be for me.

This definitely hit home for me. I feel like this daily. I am constantly torn between feeling like my time will come-that it will all be worth the wait then getting frustrated and starting to believe that I deserve to be alone.

Ill spare you the "Good things come to those who wait! Just focus on you! It will happen when you least expect it! Stop thinking about it and it will happen!" because I know how infuriating those lines can be.

I hope that your situation improves soon.