Strange thing I did today

[putter65]

I was working today, a normal wednesday morning shift. One of my co workers had a birthday a few days ago so alot of the staff were going for a drink in the local pub in the afternoon.

One of the staff asked me if I wanted to join them. I said I was working, couldn't go, so she said 'come after work' - I said 'no' but when I walk past the pub on my way home I will wave. (She said they will be drinking outside !)

So I finish my shift, start walking home. I get within 100 yards of the pub and then I stop. I see from a distance all of them sat outside drinking. So what I did was change my route, walk across these fields so they couldn't see me. It added about 5 minutes walking time to me getting home.

I don't know why I did it. I like all these people, they are friends of mine. I get on great with them. But I didn't like the thought of walking past them, they notice me and they call out or wave or whatever. I just didn't want the attention. It's groups of people I can't seem to get to grips with. I enjoy talking one to one and groups of two or three is okay but larger groups I don't like. Even though it's people I like. That's why I never accept invites to nights out. And I do get invited sometimes. I don't think any of them will understand and I have a reputation of not going anywhere. At work we only have 5 or 6 working at one time. I enjoy that but when there is more people there for whatever reason, the less I like it and the quieter I get.

 

[allanh]

there is a phobia where one hates being in a large group of people.

Also, sometimes a big group of people get rowdy and perhaps you just don't like that. I personally don't like large groupies either.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I'm the same way, I don't mind small gatherings but groups...eep. I probably would have done the same thing you did.

 

[Luna]

I'm not a fan of large groups either.
I would gladly accept an invitation if it were say 1 person inviting me out to go to the art museum or coffee.
I would have done the same thing as you.
I would be afraid that if they did see me, that they'd ask me to join and everyone would turn their attention to me.

For me, it's an underlying fear of having to experience rejection, people not liking me, and assuming people do not like me while struggling with my self-esteem issues ("I'm not likable/ Not attractive enough/ Boring" etc. @_@ (FML)

I am uncomfortable with large groups also because I tend to be overshadowed over the louder, fun, social types which leaves me feeling left out/ unnoticed. Even when I speak, people sometimes tend to talk over me because they didn't hear me or what I am saying doesn't interest them.
I'm not the "life of the party", drinking, dancing type of person.
I'd rather read a book in the park.
However, I am trying to step out of my shell to go out to the pub with a group of people from an online meetup site in July.

Do you just not like groups because of the groups itself? If so, not to worry. Some people are just built that way.
If you have some underlying fear like I do...it doesn't hurt to try to challenge it.

 

[jjam]

Do you think it's paranoia about being ranked? That they'll make you feel like you're near-bottom of the list of fun/interesting/wanted people in the group? That the more people you're dealing with, the easier it will be for you to be shunned (which doesn't make anyone who's trying to get along with a group feel good)?

 

[freedom]

it sounds to me like you're a perfectly healthy and active introvert. i'm one, and i'm just like you.

i'm great in small groups of three, maybe four peeps. anything larger than that and i suddenly turn into an anti-social cave creature that kim kardashian herself couldn't lure out of his cave. it's fine, bro.

 

[putter65]

it sounds to me like you're a perfectly healthy and active introvert. i'm one, and i'm just like you.

i'm great in small groups of three, maybe four peeps. anything larger than that and i suddenly turn into an anti-social cave creature that kim kardashian herself couldn't lure out of his cave. it's fine, bro.

One of them mentioned it the next day. Asked if I had gone a different route on purpose to avoid them. I admitted I did but joked about it, said 'I didn't alot of drunken women showing me up'

It wasn't the people there, I like them.

When I was younger and started socializing, people used to ignore me , turn their backs on me. I think this has always kept with me. If I'm with one person then they are going to talk to me and not somebody else. And in groups people tend to show off and try to be the loudest etc and I hate that.

I also think in large groups there is always one person who starts taking a pop at me. Really noticed this when I played in football teams. There was always one arsehole / bully type who took a dislike to me.

 

[kingsfade]

I agree w Freedom. Happy Introvert here. Also with the one person whose an jerk in large groups it happens all you can do is ignore it but perphaps you shouldn't generalize large groups sure some large group gatherings really suck but others are pretty ok.

 

[putter65]

Even at work I don't like large groups. Normally about 6 people are working at one time. If for some reason more people are working, I feel less confident and talkative.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I volunteer the thought that if you are here on this site you are NOT a happy introvert, because the theme of this site is loneliness.

Also, you should not turn down an invite (remember, you're lonely and thus need to feel more connected to others)

I feel as though you just thwarted yourself out of fulfilling one of your emotional needs...

When someone invites me somewhere. I go, because I am rarely invited places and I know I need to change. Even if people do talk over me, it is me giving myself a chance t meet someone, it is me breaking out of my shell, it gives me an opportunity, whereas declining the invite, I have no opportunity at all.

 

[putter65]

I volunteer the thought that if you are here on this site you are NOT a happy introvert, because the theme of this site is loneliness.

Also, you should not turn down an invite (remember, you're lonely and thus need to feel more connected to others)

I feel as though you just thwarted yourself out of fulfilling one of your emotional needs...

When someone invites me somewhere. I go, because I am rarely invited places and I know I need to change. Even if people do talk over me, it is me giving myself a chance t meet someone, it is me breaking out of my shell, it gives me an opportunity, whereas declining the invite, I have no opportunity at all.

I know I shouldn't complain because when I do get invited anywhere I usually say 'no' - last week I said 'no', a quiz night a few weeks ago I said 'no'.

The xmas night out was the last time I went anywhere. And it was only because this woman I like asked me. Didn't really enjoy it either because it turned from ' a few of us' to about 12 people going. I tried my best to socialize but after 3 hours I got fed up, made my excuses and left. And then for the next 24 hours felt so depressed and horrible; it's put me off going to anything similar.

 

[SophiaGrace]

If you keep saying no then people will stop inviting you and if they stop inviting you then you will be the one that has to make the initiative to invite people places which will be harder than just going somewhere you are invited.

 

[putter65]

If you keep saying no then people will stop inviting you and if they stop inviting you then you will be the one that has to make the initiative to invite people places which will be harder than just going somewhere you are invited.

Oh I know. They sometimes ask me why I won't go and I say 'I'm not into drinking / socializing / parties. The thing is if one person asked me, I would always go, wouldn't matter who asked and what it was.

 

[rosebud]

Probably I would have done the same thing. There is nothing wrong with that. Introverted people don't do well in large groups. After a night out with a lot of people I feel drained for a week. I guess you took the different look because you didn't wanted to look weird by passing them without joining. Maybe you were concerned what they will think of this. I've learned that the best way to answer if someone asks you why didn't you go somewhere is to say that you didn't feel like going. Every other response/lie seems fake and may leave the impression you just don't like the person.

 

[Rolo]

I was working today, a normal wednesday morning shift. One of my co workers had a birthday a few days ago so alot of the staff were going for a drink in the local pub in the afternoon.

One of the staff asked me if I wanted to join them. I said I was working, couldn't go, so she said 'come after work' - I said 'no' but when I walk past the pub on my way home I will wave. (She said they will be drinking outside !)

So I finish my shift, start walking home. I get within 100 yards of the pub and then I stop. I see from a distance all of them sat outside drinking. So what I did was change my route, walk across these fields so they couldn't see me. It added about 5 minutes walking time to me getting home.

I don't know why I did it. I like all these people, they are friends of mine. I get on great with them. But I didn't like the thought of walking past them, they notice me and they call out or wave or whatever. I just didn't want the attention. It's groups of people I can't seem to get to grips with. I enjoy talking one to one and groups of two or three is okay but larger groups I don't like. Even though it's people I like. That's why I never accept invites to nights out. And I do get invited sometimes. I don't think any of them will understand and I have a reputation of not going anywhere. At work we only have 5 or 6 working at one time. I enjoy that but when there is more people there for whatever reason, the less I like it and the quieter I get.

Im like this as well. Although i recognise that I hate groups of people. Another reason I always turn thing down is i hate alcohol, i just have an inate hatred of the stuff. So Im a bit stuffed really- people my age are in clubs most the time (excuse my sweeping generalisation, it feels that way though!) Like when I start uni freshers week is all about getting pissed and all that really. Im doubly screwed- i hate groups of people + hate alcohol- thats what a frigging night club is basically! Im sure that will hinder my chances of making friends and all that. Where i work is the same, even the reputation Its like a never ending cycle of being an outcast. want to make friends, cant make friends because of myself, it continues......

 

[putter65]

I was working today, a normal wednesday morning shift. One of my co workers had a birthday a few days ago so alot of the staff were going for a drink in the local pub in the afternoon.

One of the staff asked me if I wanted to join them. I said I was working, couldn't go, so she said 'come after work' - I said 'no' but when I walk past the pub on my way home I will wave. (She said they will be drinking outside !)

So I finish my shift, start walking home. I get within 100 yards of the pub and then I stop. I see from a distance all of them sat outside drinking. So what I did was change my route, walk across these fields so they couldn't see me. It added about 5 minutes walking time to me getting home.

I don't know why I did it. I like all these people, they are friends of mine. I get on great with them. But I didn't like the thought of walking past them, they notice me and they call out or wave or whatever. I just didn't want the attention. It's groups of people I can't seem to get to grips with. I enjoy talking one to one and groups of two or three is okay but larger groups I don't like. Even though it's people I like. That's why I never accept invites to nights out. And I do get invited sometimes. I don't think any of them will understand and I have a reputation of not going anywhere. At work we only have 5 or 6 working at one time. I enjoy that but when there is more people there for whatever reason, the less I like it and the quieter I get.

Im like this as well. Although i recognise that I hate groups of people. Another reason I always turn thing down is i hate alcohol, i just have an inate hatred of the stuff. So Im a bit stuffed really- people my age are in clubs most the time (excuse my sweeping generalisation, it feels that way though!) Like when I start uni freshers week is all about getting pissed and all that really. Im doubly screwed- i hate groups of people + hate alcohol- thats what a frigging night club is basically! Im sure that will hinder my chances of making friends and all that. Where i work is the same, even the reputation Its like a never ending cycle of being an outcast. want to make friends, cant make friends because of myself, it continues......

Yes, I'm like you. I've never been interested in drinking. Never !

I go years without having a drink. I just hate been drunk because I like to be in control of what I do and what I say.

Everybody else though, it's all they do. It's a major part of their life. They probably get pissed 4 or 5 times a week. All their facebook comments are about drinking. They boost about it like it's something to be proud about. And this is people in their 40's.

I think that's the main reason why I don't mix. And I have tried going out and drinking soft drinks and it doesn't work.

Everybody tells me I should drink. They don't respect my choice. Even my Dad tells me I should drink. (And he doesn't !)

It's my choice and I'm not going to change my mind just to be like everybody else.

 

[Rolo]

I was working today, a normal wednesday morning shift. One of my co workers had a birthday a few days ago so alot of the staff were going for a drink in the local pub in the afternoon.

One of the staff asked me if I wanted to join them. I said I was working, couldn't go, so she said 'come after work' - I said 'no' but when I walk past the pub on my way home I will wave. (She said they will be drinking outside !)

So I finish my shift, start walking home. I get within 100 yards of the pub and then I stop. I see from a distance all of them sat outside drinking. So what I did was change my route, walk across these fields so they couldn't see me. It added about 5 minutes walking time to me getting home.

I don't know why I did it. I like all these people, they are friends of mine. I get on great with them. But I didn't like the thought of walking past them, they notice me and they call out or wave or whatever. I just didn't want the attention. It's groups of people I can't seem to get to grips with. I enjoy talking one to one and groups of two or three is okay but larger groups I don't like. Even though it's people I like. That's why I never accept invites to nights out. And I do get invited sometimes. I don't think any of them will understand and I have a reputation of not going anywhere. At work we only have 5 or 6 working at one time. I enjoy that but when there is more people there for whatever reason, the less I like it and the quieter I get.

Im like this as well. Although i recognise that I hate groups of people. Another reason I always turn thing down is i hate alcohol, i just have an inate hatred of the stuff. So Im a bit stuffed really- people my age are in clubs most the time (excuse my sweeping generalisation, it feels that way though!) Like when I start uni freshers week is all about getting pissed and all that really. Im doubly screwed- i hate groups of people + hate alcohol- thats what a frigging night club is basically! Im sure that will hinder my chances of making friends and all that. Where i work is the same, even the reputation Its like a never ending cycle of being an outcast. want to make friends, cant make friends because of myself, it continues......

Yes, I'm like you. I've never been interested in drinking. Never !

I go years without having a drink. I just hate been drunk because I like to be in control of what I do and what I say.

Everybody else though, it's all they do. It's a major part of their life. They probably get pissed 4 or 5 times a week. All their facebook comments are about drinking. They boost about it like it's something to be proud about. And this is people in their 40's.

I think that's the main reason why I don't mix. And I have tried going out and drinking soft drinks and it doesn't work.

Everybody tells me I should drink. They don't respect my choice. Even my Dad tells me I should drink. (And he doesn't !)

It's my choice and I'm not going to change my mind just to be like everybody else.

I know what you mean. Its mad- I dont understand why people judge a night out by how much they cant remember the next day and how bad they feel. People say "You can go out and have fun without alcohol", for me, I cant. Ive tried it, was horrible-watching other people get off their head then getting violent or doing stupid stuff. Weirdly, the only people that have said taht i can still have fun without booze are drinkers and have never gone out for the night sober!

Problem with not drinking is you remember how drunk and unattractive the other people are, where as the ones with hangovers do not have to live with them scarring memories! Im never going to change my mind about drinking, i like my liver

 

[putter65]

I was working today, a normal wednesday morning shift. One of my co workers had a birthday a few days ago so alot of the staff were going for a drink in the local pub in the afternoon.

One of the staff asked me if I wanted to join them. I said I was working, couldn't go, so she said 'come after work' - I said 'no' but when I walk past the pub on my way home I will wave. (She said they will be drinking outside !)

So I finish my shift, start walking home. I get within 100 yards of the pub and then I stop. I see from a distance all of them sat outside drinking. So what I did was change my route, walk across these fields so they couldn't see me. It added about 5 minutes walking time to me getting home.

I don't know why I did it. I like all these people, they are friends of mine. I get on great with them. But I didn't like the thought of walking past them, they notice me and they call out or wave or whatever. I just didn't want the attention. It's groups of people I can't seem to get to grips with. I enjoy talking one to one and groups of two or three is okay but larger groups I don't like. Even though it's people I like. That's why I never accept invites to nights out. And I do get invited sometimes. I don't think any of them will understand and I have a reputation of not going anywhere. At work we only have 5 or 6 working at one time. I enjoy that but when there is more people there for whatever reason, the less I like it and the quieter I get.

Im like this as well. Although i recognise that I hate groups of people. Another reason I always turn thing down is i hate alcohol, i just have an inate hatred of the stuff. So Im a bit stuffed really- people my age are in clubs most the time (excuse my sweeping generalisation, it feels that way though!) Like when I start uni freshers week is all about getting pissed and all that really. Im doubly screwed- i hate groups of people + hate alcohol- thats what a frigging night club is basically! Im sure that will hinder my chances of making friends and all that. Where i work is the same, even the reputation Its like a never ending cycle of being an outcast. want to make friends, cant make friends because of myself, it continues......

Yes, I'm like you. I've never been interested in drinking. Never !

I go years without having a drink. I just hate been drunk because I like to be in control of what I do and what I say.

Everybody else though, it's all they do. It's a major part of their life. They probably get pissed 4 or 5 times a week. All their facebook comments are about drinking. They boost about it like it's something to be proud about. And this is people in their 40's.

I think that's the main reason why I don't mix. And I have tried going out and drinking soft drinks and it doesn't work.

Everybody tells me I should drink. They don't respect my choice. Even my Dad tells me I should drink. (And he doesn't !)

It's my choice and I'm not going to change my mind just to be like everybody else.

I know what you mean. Its mad- I dont understand why people judge a night out by how much they cant remember the next day and how bad they feel. People say "You can go out and have fun without alcohol", for me, I cant. Ive tried it, was horrible-watching other people get off their head then getting violent or doing stupid stuff. Weirdly, the only people that have said taht i can still have fun without booze are drinkers and have never gone out for the night sober!

Problem with not drinking is you remember how drunk and unattractive the other people are, where as the ones with hangovers do not have to live with them scarring memories! Im never going to change my mind about drinking, i like my liver

I work in a shop and you get these drunks walk in at eight in the morning for their cheap cider. They all look like death warmed up. None of them look happy.

Women seem to be worse than men, what with their vodka and there 7 hour drinking sessions. I sometimes come across people who say they don't drink, or don't drink much. Most of them lie, they all drink. I used to go out with the football team years ago and drink orange juice. They all used to laugh at me. Or I would drink but at a slow pace and they would laugh at that.

I've been falling down, been sick drunk about 5 times in my life and it's horrible. Hate it.

I'm glad for you and you want to stick to your guns. Don't just go with the crowd and drink because everybody else does. Everybody loves to be 'in the crowd' and drinking makes them think they are popular. Not drinking makes you into a bit of an outcast. It's probably one of the reasons why I have so few friends.

 

[allanh]

I used to hate drinking (still do now). However, when I am in bad mood or just want a "high", I go on several glasses of wine (I have poor alcohol tolerance) and get tipsy. I generally become disinhibited and say things that I normally don't say.

Yeah, so alcohol is a good artificial way to lift one's mood but the after effects are terrible.......

 

[Rolo]

probably why i dont have many friends either. I would rather go bowling or whatever than drink, but most people my age dont share the same idea haha You cant really win- its seen as important to drink noadays. (i sound so old saying that).

Women certainly have caught up to men with drinking- most drunken fights and property damage round here involve women that have had a few to many. Also in some places, juice or coke or similar stuff is more expensive than alcohol- nothing like trying to force you to drink!

A lot of my family has ended up like the people you described going in the shop. I even found one after he had drank himself to death- another bit of fuel to my not drinking fire!