Strong feelings for a girl i train with

[pad79]

Next time realize how little they bring to the table before asking. Then you get to feel all superior and look down on them instead of the other way around.

I just have to keep telling myself that i think. Just again makes the whole thing easier.

Like vanilla said. Could have told her I liked her and she then says no.

Even worse after that. Then goes telling everyone. Then i become a laughing stock of the gym.

Best i just keep my mouth shut from now on i think as red_wedding said!

 

[Xpendable]

The escalation of rejection is not something most women can relate to. For men, there's a great number of possibilities in which things can get worse. I know this because they rarely ask the man out, so is normal to deduce their rejections are far less. Then taking into account the entire population, we can determine who's more used to reject and who's more used to get rejected and understand the different practices both sexes make when experiencing this. A girl like the one OP is talking about is so used to get approached that has the option to treat it a nuisance, telling other people to feel superior and joking about it. Imagine, as a man, you got directly approached for a different woman every week. He would probably reject some of them too. Now imagine as a woman you get approached once every 5 years at maximum, and I mean any type of approach; not necessarily a straightforward date. Could you reject that man so easily and joke about it?

 

[ardour]

Where did i say she was a stupid *****? Nowhere, she isnt. So dont start putting words into my mouth. There was no need for her to react that way, I certainly would not have done that if it was the other way round. You wasnt there.

And second of all, im not arrogant. I just dont think that gives her the right to look down on me like im some sort of ******** as if shes superior to me. Ive seen this behaviour so many times its unreal. If thats what people think then they should make it clear to begin with.

Never said you said she was a stupid *****.  It's called paraphrasing, which is essentially what the guys you are agreeing with are implying. Because anyone who dares reject someone is, of course, a stupid *****.
You aren't arrogant, but you know EXACTLY what her "look" meant?  Somehow I doubt that you did.  You are assuming that she thinks she's better than you and now here you are coming in implying that you are better than her.  Stop assuming, stop judging. You do not know.  You aren't her, so unless you ASK HER, you will never know.  

Callie deliberately misrepresenting others' words again. What a surprise.

OP DO NOT ASK THIS. You're likely to have an accusation thrown at you if you do.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Oh for ****'s sake.....now this is just asinine.

 

[kamya]

Oh for ****'s sake.....now this is just asinine.

Now remember! Just because you THINK they were implying that she's a stupid *****, doesn't mean it's what they REALLY think. Only THEY know what THEY were trying to say. You shouldn't interpret any of their words as anything more than what THEY said because you don't KNOW what THEY were thinking when THEY said them.

 

[ardour]

Yup it's only possible to tell what people are thinking if they explicitly state it in unambiguous terms.

OP, by all means ask her directly what the problem is. She'll appreciate it I'm sure and you're certain to get an honest answer as well!

 

[Juni]

This thread... devolved very quickly from the last time I was on...
I don't really understand why it formed into an argument, but I suppose I can make a couple simple points.
I don't really understand why Pad got very defensive on behalf of the girl supposedly rejecting him. With the way you asked her, if you asked me the same words with the same tone and same face, I would just assume you wanna hangout and nothing more. I am almost positive she didn't understand if the conversation went exactly as you typed.
What you have does not make you better than someone who has less, also.
I highly doubt she would make you a laughing stock for you liking her. I would be flattered if a friend was interested in me, even if I didn't like them back. Certainly, if you ARE friends, she wouldn't berate you like that.

As I've said before, I really think just honestly asking her what she thinks is the best course of action. She says no, then move on. She says yes, go from there. Either way, nobody knows what anyone is thinking without asking. Nobody.

And Callie, for what it's worth, I agree with you. Ask her. It's how you make friends, it's how you make lovers, it's just how you know what people think.


tl;dr
You're probably over the whole situation by now, but if you're not, just ask her how she feels.

 

[pad79]

As I've said before, I really think just honestly asking her what she thinks is the best course of action. She says no, then move on. She says yes, go from there. Either way, nobody knows what anyone is thinking without asking. Nobody.

And Callie, for what it's worth, I agree with you. Ask her. It's how you make friends, it's how you make lovers, it's just how you know what people think.

I would have no problem asking her. I would have just asked her straight a long time ago.

What you have to remember, is this is someone i have to stand no more than 10ft away from 4 days a week. This is a program. There is no possibility of attending on different days. There is no possibility of attending at different times. There is no avoiding her. There is no avoiding them.

Even if I left the gym. I still come to work and leave work and see these people coming and going on a daily basis. There would still be no avoiding her.

I asked a girl out a year ago and got rejected again I work in the same block as. That was fine. Because she works in a totally different part of the building and i see her once every few weeks. There is avoiding her if i have to. I know her routine (In a no stalking way)

Im not bothered if this girl rejects me. That i can live with. What i cant live with is if she rejects me... and i still have to live in 10ft space of her 4 days a week.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you have that much of an issue with it, why go after co workers at all?

 

[pad79]

If you have that much of an issue with it, why go after co workers at all?

Let me guess. You have a partner and are really happy with him/her arent you?

Callie deliberately misrepresenting others' words again. What a surprise. 

OP DO NOT ASK THIS. You're likely to have an accusation thrown at you if you do.

Probably for the best. I wouldnt take it personally what Callie says. Its always easy for people to shoot down the errors of everyone else and correct every mans mistakes on the entire forum when they have everything in life they want!

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you have that much of an issue with it, why go after co workers at all?

Let me guess. You have a partner and are really happy with him/her arent you?

Callie deliberately misrepresenting others' words again. What a surprise. 

OP DO NOT ASK THIS. You're likely to have an accusation thrown at you if you do.

Probably for the best. I wouldnt take it personally what Callie says. Its always easy for people to shoot down the errors of everyone else and correct every mans mistakes on the entire forum when they have everything in life they want!

WOW!  The assumptions you make. 

Yeah, I have a husband.  He lives with his girlfriend.  Before that, he lived with the previous girlfriend.  Before that, he lived with the girlfriend he had before he left me. 
BEFORE he left me, he abused me, physically and emotionally.  That was 9 years ago.

I have two kids that are only good enough for him when it's convenient because the girlfriend's kids are always "better" because they are "normal" and don't have issues.  So I'm a single mother working TWO jobs with two kids, one of whom is autistic.  I don't get breaks, I don't get time for myself, which means I don't get time to go to a gym or go out to do things I like or any of that ****. 
Am I "happy"?  No, but I am content with my life because I've worked DAMN hard to get where I am.

Do I have a fancy car or my own business or any of the other **** you seem to think makes you better?  No, but I AM successful, simply because of how much I've accomplished. 

So I will repeat what I told you earlier in this thread....STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW!

 

[pad79]

If you have that much of an issue with it, why go after co workers at all?

Let me guess. You have a partner and are really happy with him/her arent you?

Callie deliberately misrepresenting others' words again. What a surprise. 

OP DO NOT ASK THIS. You're likely to have an accusation thrown at you if you do.

Probably for the best. I wouldnt take it personally what Callie says. Its always easy for people to shoot down the errors of everyone else and correct every mans mistakes on the entire forum when they have everything in life they want!

WOW!  The assumptions you make. 

Yeah, I have a husband.  He lives with his girlfriend.  Before that, he lived with the previous girlfriend.  Before that, he lived with the girlfriend he had before he left me. 
BEFORE he left me, he abused me, physically and emotionally.  That was 9 years ago.

I have two kids that are only good enough for him when it's convenient because the girlfriend's kids are always "better" because they are "normal" and don't have issues.  So I'm a single mother working TWO jobs with two kids, one of whom is autistic.  I don't get breaks, I don't get time for myself, which means I don't get time to go to a gym or go out to do things I like or any of that ****. 
Am I "happy"?  No, but I am content with my life because I've worked DAMN hard to get where I am.

Do I have a fancy car or my own business or any of the other **** you seem to think makes you better?  No, but I AM successful, simply because of how much I've accomplished. 

So I will repeat what I told you earlier in this thread....STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW!

So you married the wrong man, had kids to the wrong man and now think you can judge and tell me who i should go after, think and feel?

Hardly makes you an expert at all does it as you try to make out. Think ive heard enough for now! Well from you anyway. 

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Oh for ****'s sake.....now this is just asinine.

You seem to have a knack for bringing out the 'best' in this forum.

 

[TheRealCallie]

More assumptions. Lovely, you are just on a roll, aren't you?

I never said he was the wrong man, love just isn't always enough.

Please show me where I said who you should and should not go after? I asked you a damn question, if you are SO embarrassed to be around people you work with after they reject you, WHY do you go after them in the first place? It's a legit question.

This entire thread is based on how MEN think women are. What MEN think women do. What MEN think women feel. Assumptions up the damn *** and the majority of them are not even logical. Men don't have all the answers, they don't know what women think, they don't know what "looks" mean. Do you know who does know? The individual person giving the responses, giving the "looks," having the thoughts. But hey, another "men are victims, women are horrible" thread on ALL...not really a huge surprise.

 

[kamya]

Don't mind Callie. She assumes the OP is always holding back the real truth rather than just working with what information is given. In her eyes you are too socially incompetent to accurately interpret obvious body language.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Don't mind Callie. She assumes the OP is always holding back the real truth rather than just working with what information is given. In her eyes you are too socially incompetent to accurately interpret obvious body language.

That could be said for 66% of this board in particular.

But going on the subject of the meaning of 'looks' and 'responses', I think most of us would agree that us guys are pretty **** at deciphering their meanings, even socially competent guys. I can't speak for all guys, but I assume the worst out of a 'look', or a 'response' purely through self preservation. I COULD try and persist for the sake of clarity, but there's that fear in the back of my head that doing so would only make things even worst beyond my assumed worst case scenario. So I save face, assume the worst, and fall back. I'm pretty sure most guys who've found this forum can vouch for this.

Well, I'd call it self preservation atleast. Someone like Callie would call it cowardice.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why don't you guys just go ahead and make a thread all about what I really think and do and all that ****, since you seem to know better than I?  

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

The mods would class that as harassment potentially.

 

[pad79]

Fair enough Callie. I guess you have some valid points. I dont think shes a ***** and i dont hate her in any way at all and i dont think all women are evil or bad. I guess im just trying to think and find ways and faults with her to put me off her as it makes it all easier.

"men are victims, women are horrible" thread on ALL...not really a huge surprise.

So anyway. Moving on from selective reading.... ^^


Very much appreciate most of the replies. Im glad ive come across other guys who understand my situation. I think ive got the answer im after and think its time to accept that at 37 times truly run out. Besides, I've never ever known what love is or ever found anyone ive ever wanted to be with. I think the answer speaks for itself. So it was very silly for me to try and pursue any of this anyway. If its never happened now. Its never going to.
I will just carry on as i was just making her laugh out loud all the time and friends is the best i am ever going to hope for. I dont think there was ever anything in it from her side anyway. 

 

[Juni]

Even if she rejects you, can't you still be friends? I just don't understand. You're both adults.
Well, I can't help you if you're too scared to take a chance. I'm sorry.

Also, I still can't understand why we can't be civil about this. I wanted to help, I did, but this thread just... devolved fast.
I'm probably not gonna post here after this. I don't need the negativity.