Struggling to approach women?

[Unsigned]

Now fellas, you kidnapped my thread yes yes you like younger women but I cant imagine how hard it is to read some of the things you say for our mature women in the audience who are lonely too. Keep it to your threads about these things, you have your preferences but to keep going on about it in unrelated threads is a little mean. Feels a little like bullying. They cant change their age anymore than you can change your height. Let’s be kind my dad passed and my mum is looking again and she’d be horrified on this site for rife ageist comments flippantly thrown around

Sorry, just saw this post.
I'll try not to take this thread or any others off topic going forward.
I was asked a couple of questions & I answered them, but yes I get your point.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Thanks Skafishy, your maturity just makes me wanna sing like a Disney princess...

Glad I could be of inspiration, lol

So let me ask you this... if you met a girl that was extremely attractive, would you be too intimidated to approach? Is this a thing? Somewhere, in the land of Youtube university it was explained that men are extremely intimidated by highly attractive women, is this true? Is there a preconception that they are all vain and mean... ?

I mean, maybe a little. I think it is a thing, or at least it can be.
But at the same time, I'm not going to approach a woman knowing nothing else about her other than her looks, though.
I don't think that works, and I'm kinda over it. I think the whole "go for the hot girl" thing is a fantasy pushed by the media, society, and other guys, and a lot of guys don't question it. Now I approach mainly based on if I find them interesting/if we have something to talk about, and if they give me warm feelings and I like them as a person and if I could see myself caring about them. I think we talked about "waiting for a unicorn" in another thread, and at some point I realized that's what I was doing, and I got tired of it, because while I was waiting for a unicorn, life was passing me by.

I'm not saying ALL "hot women" are mean. But I have seen it, and that's grounds for failing my "like them as a person"/"care about them" requirement.

These days I'm more intimidated when I know she's an interesting person and I know I'm not, or at least, I know I have a lot of catching up to do before I can impress and interest her. My main worry is not having enough to talk about, and not being "cool enough" to give her good feelings about me.

 

[ardour]

Glad I could be of inspiration, lol



I mean, maybe a little. I think it is a thing, or at least it can be.
But at the same time, I'm not going to approach a woman knowing nothing else about her other than her looks, though.
I don't think that works, and I'm kinda over it. I think the whole "go for the hot girl" thing is a fantasy pushed by the media, society, and other guys, and a lot of guys don't question it. Now I approach mainly based on if I find them interesting/if we have something to talk about, and if they give me warm feelings and I like them as a person and if I could see myself caring about them. I think we talked about "waiting for a unicorn" in another thread, and at some point I realized that's what I was doing, and I got tired of it, because while I was waiting for a unicorn, life was passing me by.

I'm not saying ALL "hot women" are mean. But I have seen it, and that's grounds for failing my "like them as a person"/"care about them" requirement.

These days I'm more intimidated when I know she's an interesting person and I know I'm not, or at least, I know I have a lot of catching up to do before I can impress and interest her. My main worry is not having enough to talk about, and not being "cool enough" to give her good feelings about me.

Approaching a stranger with no shared context and nothing in common to connect over is the last thing I would want to do. That implies an interest in looks only. She is likely to judge you for this, which isn't the best way to kick things off.

Even if you were primarily drawn to someone for their looks, being obvious about that seems shameful. Unless of course you're in some pick up situation, like a singles bar, I guess. (Do they exist?)

 

[TheSkaFish]

Approaching a stranger with no shared context or nothing in common to connect over is the last thing I would want to do. That implies an interest in looks only. She is likely to judge you for this, which isn't the best way to kick things off.

Even if you were primarily drawn to someone for their looks, being obvious about it shameful. Unless of course you're in some pick up situation, like a singles bar, I guess. (Do they exist?)

Well, maybe she would like you for your "pluckiness", that you have the gumption to start a conversation.

But, then you'd have to think on your feet, and that isn't my strong suit. And it seems you have to rely on being sarcastic and teasing, and my mind just doesn't think like that, I just don't do it, I don't view things that way, don't like it or feel an instinctive drive to do it, etc.

Plus I'd rather not approach someone I know nothing about, and risk a conversation with someone that I have nothing in common with. I've tried conversations before with women where my interest in them was solely based on looks, and it really wasn't that good of a time. It was one thing that kind of got me over it, actually.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Sorry, just saw this post.
I'll try not to take this thread or any others off topic going forward.
I was asked a couple of questions & I answered them, but yes I get your point.

How chivalrous No need to say sorry kind sir, was ranting at the usual suspects not you and making an observation, nice of you to see where I was coming from.

Glad I could be of inspiration, lol



I mean, maybe a little. I think it is a thing, or at least it can be.
But at the same time, I'm not going to approach a woman knowing nothing else about her other than her looks, though.
I don't think that works, and I'm kinda over it. I think the whole "go for the hot girl" thing is a fantasy pushed by the media, society, and other guys, and a lot of guys don't question it. Now I approach mainly based on if I find them interesting/if we have something to talk about, and if they give me warm feelings and I like them as a person and if I could see myself caring about them. I think we talked about "waiting for a unicorn" in another thread, and at some point I realized that's what I was doing, and I got tired of it, because while I was waiting for a unicorn, life was passing me by.

I'm not saying ALL "hot women" are mean. But I have seen it, and that's grounds for failing my "like them as a person"/"care about them" requirement.

These days I'm more intimidated when I know she's an interesting person and I know I'm not, or at least, I know I have a lot of catching up to do before I can impress and interest her. My main worry is not having enough to talk about, and not being "cool enough" to give her good feelings about me.

Yeah you know what, I think you are super right here. I think its sad that you worry about not being cool enough though, I often worry about my mental health, like not being "sane enough" then the voices say... of course you are... okay okay rubbish joke, but thats an actual fear of mine, explaining everything wrong with me and being like so.... ready to jump on this rollercoaster? lmao You are super into music though ska so I feel like you deffo have a good starting point there!

Truthfully I think people just care more if the hot girl is mean... I know girls that are extremely on the low end who have vile personalities, but no one cares because no one wanted her anyway.... frankly... you know?

So I think thats a better way to be, thinking about what you look for in a person, I noticed though that opposites attract too

Do you think you worry about being interesting because you are content with your looks or because, you dont want looks to be a barrier to love?

 

[Ima Lone]

Try song lyrics!​

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

So let me ask you this... if you met a girl that was extremely attractive, would you be too intimidated to approach? Is this a thing? Somewhere, in the land of Youtube university it was explained that men are extremely intimidated by highly attractive women, is this true? Is there a preconception that they are all vain and mean... ?

When I was younger, yes, highly attractive women were difficult for me to approach because I'm not really a social person. As I got older and I learned how to talk to people more, gradually learned how to talk to women more, now I don't really think about it beyond the initial point of attraction. When a man is old enough and has enough experience with women eventually that'll change. These days I'm less concerned with how attractive she is, and more concerned with where she's at in her life, what her future trajectory is, and so on and so forth. Just because someone is attractive does not mean that they are a good person, is the thing. Plenty of men and women both are equally highly attractive but also equally ****** people.

 

[Rohini]

ust because someone is attractive does not mean that they are a good person, is the thing. Plenty of men and women both are equally highly attractive but also equally ****** people.

This
10/10 words of wisdom. Simple..but sooo true

 

[CenotaphGirl]

When I was younger, yes, highly attractive women were difficult for me to approach because I'm not really a social person. As I got older and I learned how to talk to people more, gradually learned how to talk to women more, now I don't really think about it beyond the initial point of attraction. When a man is old enough and has enough experience with women eventually that'll change. These days I'm less concerned with how attractive she is, and more concerned with where she's at in her life, what her future trajectory is, and so on and so forth. Just because someone is attractive does not mean that they are a good person, is the thing. Plenty of men and women both are equally highly attractive but also equally ****** people.

Yeah thats sooo true but my issue is, being ugly also doesn't mean you’re nice… why do you think people never mention that?

This
10/10 words of wisdom. Simple..but sooo true

Oooh hey Rohini fancy seeing you here question for the ladies… whens the best time for a guy to make his approach?

 

[Rohini]

hiya

make his approach? hmm well I think everything happens at the right time, for each of us. It may not seem so at the time, but hindsight is 20/20... Chances are if a girl is eyeballing the guy - he *should* approach her, make it seem nonchalant of course.. and strike up a convo.. I think most men know when not to approach a woman just by their energy.. even if they think she's hottest thing ever - chances are he won't do a thing if she's giving the "leave-me-the-f-alone' type of energy.. know-what-I mean, jellybean?

 

[ardour]

I think most men know when not to approach a woman just by their energy.. even if they think she's hottest thing ever - chances are he won't do a thing if she's giving the "leave-me-the-f-alone' type of energy.. know-what-I mean, jellybean?

Oh, we know that energy. Very, very, well acquainted with that.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

hiya

make his approach? hmm well I think everything happens at the right time, for each of us. It may not seem so at the time, but hindsight is 20/20... Chances are if a girl is eyeballing the guy - he *should* approach her, make it seem nonchalant of course.. and strike up a convo.. I think most men know when not to approach a woman just by their energy.. even if they think she's hottest thing ever - chances are he won't do a thing if she's giving the "leave-me-the-f-alone' type of energy.. know-what-I mean, jellybean?

I feel like I have a permanent leave me alone vibe lool but all I really want is cuddles under the stars. But its interesting, last side and kinda unrelated question... should a man propose in private? (Youtube has led me here lol)

Oh, we know that energy. Very, very, well acquainted with that.

What kind of energy do you think you give off... ?

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Yeah thats sooo true but my issue is, being ugly also doesn't mean you’re nice… why do you think people never mention that?

Because Truth is painful.
I think you're missing the subtextual point of it.
The point is that it's easy to be attracted to things that are not good for you. Sugar is a great example, I love chocolate, it tastes delicious, and vanilla. But I mean, if all I ever do is binge entire tubs of ice cream than well, everybody knows where that goes. Love and relationship dynamics are no different than that: Mostly only experiencing unhealthy relationships will eventually make an individual an unhealthy relationship option. That's the point of it.

 

[ardour]

What kind of energy do you think you give off... ?

Negative, awkward, creepy.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Negative, awkward, creepy.

Sounds rather welcoming

 

[ardour]

Sounds rather welcoming

The opposite of The Dark Triad.

 

[user 164061]

Negative, awkward, creepy.

Maybe a young 20 something will find this alluring

 

[Kar]

I like the attitude of take chance. Better to try and fail than not try at all. I need to remember that more often in my life.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I like the attitude of take chance. Better to try and fail than not try at all. I need to remember that more often in my life.

I think being someone who has unshakable self worth is admirable

 

[ardour]

Yeah, anything that makes a woman laugh is usually golden, in my experience.

You know your intentions, sure but women can't read minds any better than men. Add to that the fact that they were 30 years younger than you and your friend, to them, you likely seemed at least a little creepy. No offense intended but in America, especially major cities like NYC, in a trendy place, a lot of young women go to be seen but not necessarily up close and personally so.

I wouldn't feel too badly, if I were you but maybe try chatting up women a few years closer to your own age than 30 years younger. Their fathers may not even be 30 years older than them.

And don't forget, less attractive women like attention too. Many of them have attractive friends as well. I've often seen attractive women accompanied by less attractive ones. If you were playing the wingman that night, it wouldn't have hurt for you to "take one for the team" and lower your standards, just for the evening. You say you weren't looking for action anyway so what would it have mattered? It might have made the difference in getting rejected or in meeting someone interesting. Still, a better pick up line might have also helped too.

30 years is crazy, but the problem for inexperienced men is that often our psychology remains "stuck" in our 20s and we *can't* see someone more age appropriate as an option. I've been to dating meetups with women who were the same or only a few years older and it felt like I was talking to one of my aunt's friends or a much older coworker. Tbh they looked a lot older than me as well. Clearly we were at different stages of life.