The Nice Guy Curse

[theraab]

I usually ask the girl to pay when I take them to dinner - I say something like, "I don't want you to feel pressured to put out just because I bought you dinner, so you can pay if you want" - I just believe my women should have options. It's tough being a nice guy.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I usually ask the girl to pay when I take them to dinner - I say something like, "I don't want you to feel pressured to put out just because I bought you dinner, so you can pay if you want" - I just believe my women should have options. It's tough being a nice guy.

No, that's rude.

You don't ask someone, ANYONE to pay.

Ugh. I"m so disgusted.

I'm going to leave this forum No one ever listens to anything here that women say. I'm done.

 

[theraab]

Just to be clear, I was joking about that - I wouldn't ask someone to pay, nor would I put that kind of pressure on someone.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Even I recognized that as sarcasm, Soph. Don't leave.

 

[blackdot]

When I take someone out, I get up and demand everyone else in the restaurant to pay.

 

[EveWasFramed]

When I take someone out, I get up and demand everyone else in the restaurant to pay.

That's AWESOME! lol

 

[duff]

When I take someone out, I get up and demand everyone else in the restaurant to pay.

at least your getting dates which is more than most of us !

 

[blackdot]

I don't really consider last dates to be that big of a deal.

 

[hye345]

When I take someone out, I get up and demand everyone else in the restaurant to pay.

Nicely done! After my dates, I usually bust out the short-term loan documents with a fat juicy interest rate

In all seriousness though, most of the women I've gone out with have been appreciative of me paying. Granted, on future dates I might have been more insisting that I pay, but lesson learned

I'd say that the default position (especially on first dates) is that the guy pays, unless the woman insists. I also agree that if a guy asks out a girl, then he should offer to pay (unless they are going out just as friends). If a girl asks out a guy (yes, it happens ), it gets more complicated. In these cases, I ask myself three questions: do I enjoy her company, do I find her physically attractive, and do I see a sexual relationship somewhere on the horizon? Some people might take offense to the 3rd question, but if you leave a physical relationship completely out of it, then the 'relationship' is just reduced to a friendship (or maybe a crush). Nothing wrong with this per se, but then it's no longer a date, so who pays is not really a complicated question anymore.

 

[Fustar]

I never thought about if a woman asked the guy out. tricky situation. Plus depending on the man, this could be a turn off, it could feel as if she were playing the so called "man role". I wouldn't be bothered by it, I would see it as a win. Plus I have never been asked out by a woman, I'm always the one asking so I think it would be refreshing for once. That and I wouldn't have to wonder if she liked me or not.

 

[blackdot]

I don't have to worry about if a woman asks me out.
Because they don't ask me out.

 

[ardour]

The likely reason they don't want you to pay is because they're uncomfortable with you. If they're not attracted to you, they don't want to feel like they owe you anything (another date, any further contact)

If they were interested it would probably be a different story.

 

[blackdot]

You'd think that if they didn't find me attractive, they wouldn't have wanted to go out in the first place.

 

[redraider1101]

Keep preaching Fustar Even if you only influence one person it's worth it

Oh I will, Its kinda something I can't help but do.

Then there's the fashion industry. Marilyn Monroe, arguably one of the most beautiful women of her generation, wore a size 12 dress and would be considered overweight by today's standards. Today they've set such an unrealistic expectation that a woman needs to look malnourished in order to be considered "thin."

I agree. It's a shame that so many women associate being beautiful with being skeleton thin. I love it when women have curves! Haha

I think we need to get back to being people, everyone is different. Putting labels on what is beautiful and whats not isn't for society to do. I would rather women look like they take care of their body, and not just starve themselves. Also men are under a lot of pressure to be ripped and that takes a lot of gym time, time most of us don't have. Don't let famous people dictate what you do with your body, be the way you want to be. Don't let trends sway your health.

I totally agree, everyone is different. I endure plenty of teasing for being naturally thin just like anyone else endures teasing. I get enough "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES!" nonsense on Facebook and from the girls I know. Pretty sure I'm a real woman, no matter size I am...

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I never thought about if a woman asked the guy out. tricky situation. Plus depending on the man, this could be a turn off, it could feel as if she were playing the so called "man role". I wouldn't be bothered by it, I would see it as a win. Plus I have never been asked out by a woman, I'm always the one asking so I think it would be refreshing for once. That and I wouldn't have to wonder if she liked me or not.

I ask guys out all the time, I never thought about it being considered manly. Now that's definitely going to be on the backburner of my mind, but guys who are easily threatened by that probably aren't the ones I want anyway.

My rule is, if I offered to take them out, I pull out my card first. If he insists, I let him pay. I do like to keep it pretty even though. So if he paid for dinner, I get the movie, or I get the meal next time.

And if we are about to pay the bill and the guy asks what I want to do about it, I'm ALWAYS going to say I'll pay for my own/all of it even as I sort of resent the question. There's just no other tactful way to answer.