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darkwall

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Location
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ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS FROM REAL HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT ESSAYS:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.


2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one
those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the
East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but
a real duck that was actually lame - Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal
paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

29. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to
the wall.
 
Great collection :)
 
darkwall said:
ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS FROM REAL HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT ESSAYS:

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

29. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to
the wall.

I'm picturing these in my head, like a Poloroid that's been left in the sun too long and is beginning to bleach out and fade and was shoved in my ear and glued to the backs of my eye balls. And now the only way to get the image out of my head is to pop my eyes out with rusty spoons and grind the Poloroids from them with a bench grinder.
 
last post... ewwwww, nice use of imagery though

". It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to
the wall."

rofl man that is so stupid it is actually6 brilliant
 
ROFLMAO!

Ok, some people should be banned, for the sake of our sanity, from writing. A couple were actually witty though.. I laughed hardest at the terrible metaphors and similes.
 
Yeah ... I'm not sure if these are actually real, since I have read my fair share of bad writing and these seem too good to be true.
 
“For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.”

Grand prize winner of the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
 
^^LMAO!

"I, my dear, shall be a wealthy industrialist; whilst you shall take on the role of a Whitechapel strumpet of such eye-wateringly low virtue that you are liable to leave me as dry as a ship's biscuit!"

(courtesy Armstrong and Miller.)

Sorry, it just made me think of that.
 
I can see why :)
 
I remember reading a list like the OP posted, only slightly different.

one stuck with me, however...

"her eyes were like two circles with dots in them"

And the worst writer in the world is definatly this kid Eric from one of my creative writing classes.

Nothing he ever wrote made sense; people would do things for no reason, and they would know about things that happened even though they werent in that scene.

Once he asked, "What is the difference between Germany and Poland ?"

He seriously didnt know. We told him they were two different countries, and that made him even more confused.

I dont expect to see him on the best sellers list anytime soon.
 
^^Oh, I dunno. Given some of the dross that lines the bestseller racks, I'd say he has a lot of potential.
 

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